Eci and Kids

I think she is just noticing other 'things' children who are developmentally average do that your son can not yet.

Also, you will be surprised to learn how much a child's gross motor skills play into their speech and language skills. My child qualified for two hours of speech and two hours of OT a week. As it was explained to me, the better his gross and fine motor skills became, the speech would follow.

She may be thinking how to get you OT services too. So, I would let her evaluate the whole child. It will be an important step in working with his severe speech delay.

As mothers, of course we often find ways to help our children and this can come across as a crutch. My husband often acused me of 'babying' our child that qualified for services. Some of it is just to get through the day and some of it is just a habit. I always figured that my son could only work on so many things at once so for us me dressing him until he was started first grade just made our lives smoother.

Good luck, you probably have a long road to travel but you can do this. There was a time I didn't think my son would ever speak and he is now above grade level in 2nd grade (and talking up a storm!). Keep strong!

I believe she is right to a degree. He obviously wouldn't have these tasks mastered (even my 3 and 5 year old don't have all of them mastered), but you can help him develop more independence in showing him how to dress and brush his teeth, because he needs to develop those skills of physically doing the tasks as well as wanting to do them. I think the term as you as a crutch sounds pretty right on.

Zero to Three is an excellent organization that helps parents see what milestones their child should be developing and when:
http://www.zerotothree.org/

Umm, my boys are 10 and 7 and we still struggle with "proper" hygiene. That is totally normal. Moms are tools until the child is confident enough to say "No Mommy, I can do it." I still have trouble with socks, they are not the easiest articles of clothing especially if you have fat feet or high arches. I would concentrate on his speech but it sounds to me like a normal almost 3 year old boy. If you think he is stubborn now, wait until the threes and you will be wishing for the easy days of the terrible twos. All kids grow and develop at their own rate. I would not get too uptight about it, good luck and keep your chin up.

i'm curious to see what otheres say. i do most of hte stuff that you are saying your son makes you do. should i not do it for my daughter? now i'm going to worry.

at 2 1/2 my son does none of those things. he doesn't bathe himself properly or brush his other than a few strokes yet. he can undress himself pretty good, but not quite to the point of dressing himself. i do not consider him delayed at all!
i understand the need for eci with his hearing & speech but honestly i think they get too overly involved and concerned sometimes.

When my ds was a year he had just come off an NG tube and we had some feeding therapy. This woman got all concerned about lots of things including speech, motor skills in addition to feeding. i stopped having the sessions. My child now repeats any word you tell him and uses them properly, eats everything under the sun and has some incredible fine motor skills in my opinion.

All kids work at a different pace. My guess is you will see him blossom before your eyes in the next year especially when you get some of the hearing/speech issues taken care of.

Dont let them stress you out!

Your son has to be under 3 if you are using ECI, therefore I wouldn't expect him to bath himself or brush his teeth by himself, but then again I may be a crutch to my children too then. My 4 year old does not bath by himself, I wash him. He can brush his teeth, but I usually assist a LOT, because he has already had 2 teeth pulled for being bad. He has caps on his back teeth, so I make sure he's getting them good. When he's older I'm sure he'll brush and bathe himself. As for now, I enjoy the little things that I can still do.

I don't think there is too much to worry about as a parent.

Can you give a little more detail?? What is his age, has he been diagnosed with anything specific? Why is ECI involved what lead to that??

Thanks for a little more info.

I would say just be mindful of encouraging him to do more on his own and don't over compensate or make excuses because he may not hear all instructions. You can get your point across in otherways than verbal. I think a lot of kids are a little lazy in some things and are still very much in the normal range especially if Mom willdo it for them. Tackle each task independently and see if you can make it a little more fun or silly, take more time if needed and don't jump in to help so quickly and see for yourself if he does more without the option of you HELPING (in my case I jump in and just do things because it can be quicker and easier.) Stop yourself and try to get a new perspective you will probably be able to figure out if you are a crutch on your own. Sometimes we have the very best intentions but still get in our own and our kids way.

Adding more after your edit. We are in California so it is a different program. My son was in speech for articulation issues and some sensory sensitivity. He started at age 3 and has since graduated from the program. Your little guy is still VERY young. I did find our Child Development Therapist didn't have kids of her own so even though she had a lot of intelligence and book training plus an good amount of experience with a wide range of kids there was a little bit of common sense missing in some of her assesments. She had a tendancy to catagorize everything and not allow for personality and personal likes. Like I don't like the way peaches feel when I bite into them is that a sensory problem or just a personal preference. It is tough to really tell at 3. I would say do some trial and error on you own like I mentioned above and try to pull the good advice and toss what really doesn't apply. Good luck with the tubes. If your little one has had a lot of ear infections all his hearing and speech issues could clear up after the tubes.

My son is almost 3 and is just now trying to put his own pants on. We waited until he took the initiative. For bathing, he doesn't try to bathe himself, and we don't encourage it. He and his sister both have skin issues and have to be careful with soap, so we really limit actual washing except for hair. We don't do much scrubbing at all. I don't consider either my kids delayed, although my son is with ECI for speech because of his cleft palate. The ECI people never said anything about bathing or dressing.

Um no, my son is over than three and doesn't always do those things on his own. I am lucky to get him into the bathwater without screaming. Your his mother and what you think is right is right.

Also, mty son wasn't very talkative at 2 1/2 they told me that he might have speech trouble and to see someone. I chose not to do it and all of the sudden, I can't get him to shut up. So, just because he isn't what they call normal doesn't mean anything. Kids develop on their own timeframe.

What you describe sounds normal to me. I don't think you are being a crutch, honestly. Sure, a couple of these things might be "quirky" but kids ALL kids have their own quirks! I don't think you've got a developmental issues on your hands. Just keep focusing on the speech.

I know the world of eci and special education can be overwhelming....but, yes he is using you as a crutch. Read your post.....you continual say he only does things when he wants to. Well, he has to learn that everyday he must get dressed, bathe, brush teeth all the self help skills. Listen to your eci people, he is already two and a half and does have more than just a speech and hearing issue.

Best wishes,
DH

hi there, my son's in ECI, but hasn't been for very long. i called ECI for the same reason as you, well similar, due to his delayed speech. the ECI chic noticed delay in the same things you said, dressing/undressing, etc.
i didn't think that was a problem at all - lol. geez, i thought i was doing good. i definitely try to show him/help him, but i usually wind up doing it. not b/c he knows how & he's being lazy, but b/c he still doesn't know how yet! he's 2. he's at daycare all day, i have minimal time to work w/him anyway, so i really thought we were all fine in that area. but, to my chagrin, i've been working w/him on pulling pants up & kinda felt bad that i wasn't helping him excel before! :(
for me, the important thing to remember is that i am trying & doing the best i can. when she gave me the activities, i just took it in stride & started trying to work w/him on it. it does kinda bother me but i'm fully confident my little boy will go to kindergarten (or preschool, whatever) knowing how to do the tasks he needs to do to fit in and/or excel in school...y'know?! :)
i think our babies are fine. the ECI girls mean well, but it is hard to hear sometimes, especially when you didn't think you were holding them back in the first place! jmo...but i feel ya' mama! :)

When we worked with ECI they worked on MANY MANY things it did get overwhelming at one point and I simply asked to have ALL of our therepists there at one time and we decided as a group what our top 3 things were and from there branched out ways for Developmental, OT, speech and therepist to combine all of their skills to reach these same goals together. We needed him to play with toys properly so we got ideas from EACH person on how to get him to do this using something from each of them. When you have as many as I had things can get confusing so I made sure we ALL worked together to reach the same goals. They loved it and so did we! Prioritize and see how many things you can get them to work together on. We learned (playing with toys) from the OT WHY he played with that toy that way and we learned from the develpmental how we can alter it so he still gets a simmilar stimulation and develop correctly and then from the speech therepist how to add dialogue/sound effects and from the therepist what mental stimulation he gets ... it was GREAT and now when a new toy is brought in he tends to understand HOW to play with it correctly. There are many other examples but I can not think of them right now. Self help skills are still a struggle in my house but we still work on them, my son is 4 now and I praise the team I had and LOVE what we were able to accomplish from 2.5 to 3.

Hard to say without knowing his age.