My daughter has been somewhat of a challenge since birth. At age three she was diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction. She would freak out at certain sounds, would scream when I put her in her car seat, would scream if her socks didn't feel right, hated to wear underwear, certain types of shoes etc. She worked with an occupational therapist for 6 months and it did help and as she got older she seemed to grow out of a lot of these behaviors. The more she could do for herself, the better she got. Within the past year, however, some new behaviors have cropped up. She HAS to set her own place at the table, serve her own food, do her own hair, fold her own clothes, make her own bed, lay out her own schoolbooks, write up her daily schedule (we homeschool) etc. Now I know you are probably all thinking I am the one with the problem. My concern is, that if I forget and fold her socks for example, or set her place at the table her reactions are way over the top. She stomps around, throws the folded clothes out into the hallway, etc. Also, she does not handle changes in her routine well and will throw fits if we do something spontaneously as a family. Or do something she doesn't want to do.
My concern is how do I work with her? I try to let her make as many of her own decisions as possible but sometimes that is not possible. The rest of us can't be a slave to her compulsion for control. I have a brother who is obsessive-compulsive, another who has panic attacks, and I have anxiety issues as well. I don't want to exacerbate her issues. I'm terrified she is heading for obsessive compulsive disorder.
Thank you all for your thoughtful replies. We have scheduled an appt. with a child psychologist in town and I have ordered some workbooks online for her to use. I am hopeful! Thank you again.
This is way beyond friendly neighborhood advice. You need to see a professional and get the help she really needs instead of trying this and that to see what works.
Get her back in therapy if t was working maybe they can give you suggestions as to how to handle this.
C. B
S.,
Wow I can completely relate to everything you are saying. Our son was diagnosed at 3 with SID.. I read "the out of sync child" which was really helpful.
I remember when he was 7 and 8 a whole new set of issues started arrising for us too. We talked through things alot. I pointed out his behavior and explained that it wasn't acceptible. We recognized when we talked to him that we understand how he likes things done a certain way- but he was getting older and he needed to learn to accept things around him as well and not everything would always go his way. Through many talks he is now 11 almost 12 and things are starting to even out for home- he isn't as uptight about everything - he actually told me the other day I need to just learn to let some things go.
He continues to adapt really well- he has chores to do just like our other child- which is good because it takes away from himself and gives him responsibility.
Honestly if my child threw their folded clothes at me-I would throw them right back and tell them to fold them and put them away. If they didn't do it-they would lose a privelege. You can't allow that kind of behavior because you will become a hostage in your own home.
When he was younger I had to put a stop to the obsessivenes, our goal was to get him to the point where he is not depended upon us for everything.
We also put him in Karate and that really helped! He recently started back up too and loves it.
I suggest having her set the table. Give her some responsiblity- that will take focus off of herself. Slowly add chores- if you over do it- well you know what will happen.
We homeschool too and it just works best for us..
Hope I have helped- Hang in there you are doing great! Being a parent of a SID child is exhausting- but there are those really neat a ha moments too!
Hope that helps,
C.
www.AHomeCareer.com
i'll admit i don't know anything about SID, so my advice may not be appropriate, but i thought i'd give it a try. i do have OCD which i've found can be controlled pretty well by specific antidepressants, so you don't need to be terrified by the possibility of your daughter having it. it comes and goes for me, so when it feels like it's interfering in my life, i start taking the antidepressant for a few months (or years if necessary) until it feels under control again. there are methods of self talk and behavior changes that can be applied too, but not being a professional i don't know which a child could use. so if you ever feel that she is developing OCD, i think a child psychiatrist and/or psychologist could be very helpful. it may not solve all her problems, but taking away one can help her deal with the others.
Dear S.,
Sounds like that your daughter already has some OCD. I would check with her doctor to see if she needs to be on any medication. Her problem is in her brain. Her thoughts keep telling her that if she does not do the things she believes that she HAS to do, then something terrible will happen. It is like her brain is stuck on certain rituals and is scared to change. I would suggest reading Brain Lock by Jeffrey Schwartz. I am a clinical therapist with OCD myself. It is very difficult to get her to stop those compulsive behaviors. She doesn't mean to be a control freak. It is just that her anxiety level is too high. I would consult a pediatric psychiatrist or neurologist. Also look up about how some symptoms of childhood OCD can be exacerbated or even started by strep infections.
I completely understand, my 6.5 year old is the same way. He too has SID and is also on the autism spectrum. I agree with everyone that you should look into Austism spectrum disorders (like aspergers) It could also be OCD, and I think at this moment the best thing you can do for your daughter is talk to her doctor about your concerns.
I also homeschool, and find it helps my sons situation a lot!! At least with being at home, I am able to control his environment better. I don't know how a school would be able to deal with him not wanting to wear shoes or socks (or clothes)and his obsession with washing his hands. He loves to have a place for everything and becomes very upset when even a toy is out of place. He also has major problems with smells and had a huge break down when I brought him to a Tea factory for a tour. It's hard to deal with all of his issues, especially when I have two younger kids to deal with.
Hang in there, I know it can be tough.
K.
To late mom, Either she already is wired with OCD, or she is a high functioning autistic. Run, do not walk to a pediatric psychiatrist or behavioral specialist, who can test and give you a firm diagnosis and options. The sooner you interevene with proven strategies, the greater the likelihood of a good outcome. She needs professional help and so does your family in how to address her issues and the ones created by her condition. Don't wait. This does not get better with time.
Been there!!
This sounds like my 8 yr. old to some degree. Here is a different suggestion. 'Raising Your Spirited Child' is a great book that helps with kids that are just over the top at EVERYTHING! read reviews on amazon. It gives you a new way to think of them, and appreciate them that will guide them. unless you feel it is something more serious, this could be something to check out. Good luck.
she sounds a little like my autistic daughter they have taught us with change in routine that there are breathing techniques and this definitely helps you cant do this in the middle of a "freak out" but start training her before they count to 5 verbally say ok and change activities but you have to start telling them that sometimes routines change and this helps them deal with unexpected also start warning of a change coming up in 20 min we will be doing this 10 min we will be doing this in 5 min until you actually change activity ,send to bed then their mind gets ready for the change
I hate to say this to you, but mental illness does run in families and unfortunately you can not halt it from happening. I do believe your daughter may be headed for a rough life of fighting this illness.
My best suggestion is to get her in to see a psychiatrist that specializes in children's psychiatry and to begin some therapy for her to help her deal with these feelings that she cannot control.
ALWAYS try to give her as much notice as possible to upcoming events and changes. Change is very hard for some of us and will cause extreme anxiety. Something as simple as changing the furniture around in a room can send a person over the edge. She is probably not even aware of all the things that cause her anxiety, but in time she will start to recognize her triggers and grow to handle them as well as she possibly can.
Please try to understand that she is not a bad child. This is beyond her control. Just try to help her in ways that you can and support her as much as possible. She is a victim of a disease that has no cure...simply treatments to help with the symptoms.
Good luck to you all.
I would recommend an evaluation for Asperger's Syndrome. My son has Aspergers and has also had therapy for SID. Your daughter may not be chosing to have these reactions and if there is a neurological reason, a behavioral response (ie, taking away a privilege) is not the answer. For my son, having things not be the way that he expected meant that he didn't know how to deal with it and melted down. He needed the schedule to know what to expect, although we've helped him adjust to change better. Spontaneity is hell for a child who needs to know what to expect, and it's hell to the family who doesn't understand it. As much as we had "helpful" friends and family say how they'd respond, we had to learn the cause of the issues and address them. Talk to your pediatrician, counselor, or occupational therapist about Aspergers.
While this book won't fix anything, it may give you some more tools to help your daughter: "A Mind at a Time" by Dr. Mel Levine. It's all about how kids' brains are wired and working with their strengths and weaknesses.
I have a son with the SID as part of his diagnosis of Aspergers. We have seen great improvement in his sensory areas since he has begun doing the Listening Program. Our OT has her patients do it. You could look into it. If you do it through your OT there is no cost.
The control thing sounds a lot like Aspergers. The thing we have done is to offer lots of choices about things and let him pick. That way he feels like he's in control, but we still set the parameters.
Best of luck!
Ah-ha, you said the key word! Terrified. That is controlling your decisions.
I, too, would have her evaluated for Asperger's Syndrome. Involve your doctor, the occupatoinal therapist you used before and get some help that way.
Get your sweet daughter some therapy! These sound like OCD type symptoms. Since she has already had some experience with challenges she may be prone to others. Don't try to handle this on your own get some professional help.
you're the mom. don't put up with it. discipline. if you think it's a problem where she needs special help, get her the help. either way, you're the one who should be in charge. you can always say, "if you don't like the way i did it, fine. but don't throw a fit about it. it won't change what's done or make me stop.
