Email Asking Us All to Send Checks to Pay Kid's Sports Costs

What a great idea! Can I have some money for my next trip to Fiji? Also, I'm sick of paying for my kids' swimming lessons, and Johnny has been bugging me for a new bike. Why haven't I thought of this before?

Deleting the email was the thing to do.
No need to feel concerned if she calls - just say 'No'.
Since when has 'No' been an impolite answer?
Fund raising / begging / panhandling has become pretty pervasive.
She does it because if she asks enough people a percentage of them will say 'yes' and that's what makes it worth asking.
Technically what ever money she receives from begging should be reported as 'other income' to the IRS.

I would also delete the email. If asked in person, I would say that I did not feel the need to support their child--especially if they can afford to do so themselves.

So wrong on so many levels.

While I don't enjoy the kids ringing my doorbell to sell stuff to support their organizations (schools, scouts, whatever), at least THE KID is doing the work, has a little spiel she has prepared, and has to keep some records to get my order back to me. I don't have a problem with the house ware sales "parties" and so on either - you know what the deal is, and you can go and make a purchase, or stay home. And I get SOMETHING for my money - wrapping paper, cookies, kitchen gadgets, whatever.

I also belong to a number of groups whose membership roster specifically states that it's only to be used for the purposes of the group (community chorus is only music related emails, for example) and not for solicitation.

In your case, the mother is doing the work and begging for extra cash, like you have some vested interest in them all traveling to play basketball. There is no benefit to you, and there is no benefit to a legitimate charity. This is even worse than the parent who takes the mixed nut sales sheet to the office so that their child can win the "top seller" prize.

I think you have many options, but none of them involves telling this mother you can't afford it or that your husband doesn't make as much as they think. DO NOT disclose any financial info at all, or feel you have to justify your decision. This just tells the person their request is legitimate and proper but that you are destitute. Which is NOT the message you want to convey.

You can a) delete the email; b) send it back saying "I think I received this by mistake. I have no idea why you would ask me to fund a basketball trip"; c) reply and say you are offended and don't wish to be contacted again; d) ignore it and wait to be reminded in some way, in which case you look at her quizzically, add in a long pause, and then ask a question for clarification which makes her justify her request: "I'm confused. What are you asking me to do?" Wait for answer. Then say, "I'm still confused. You want me to write a check so your child can play basketball? I don't understand." Usually the parent will throw up her hands, stammer a bit, say "Oh just forget it!" and walk away. At which point you say, "okay" and walk away. There's also e) "If your son wants to earn money for his trip, I may have some odd jobs for him. My yard needs raking twice a year, my toilets need scrubbing every week and my cat's litter box needs cleaning twice a week. Have him call me."

You could be a millionaire and you wouldn't pay for her son's basketball - you would donate to a legitimate charity which gives a very high percentage of its donations to services and people (vs. overhead and executive salaries). You have NO obligation to donate to this woman or to justify your decision. And you have the responsibility to be CIVIL but not super nice about this.

Wow! I would love to have the chutzpah to ask someone to fund my kid's Lego addiction!

But seriously-- I think this falls into the category of "now you know".... The only time we've ever even remotely suggested anyone 'pitch in' on something for Kiddo was when asked directly "what does he want for his birthday/Christmas" or something like that. That is when we (might) say "oh, he's saving up for such-and-such.... but he'd also love (small-ticket item or even an hour spent with them)..."

So, now you know that you are going to get requests from some people. No need to be appalled, just reply with a firm "no, thanks, we won't be doing that" and move on. I personally do not believe people should have more children than they are ready to care/provide for, which means that we have just one. Because WE wanted to know that WE could be responsible in caring for our child-- we don't expect the rest of the world to have to throw into the pot to make his hobbies or education happen. I don't care how well off others are-- we didn't factor that in when we decided on the size of our family. Only have the number of kids you can reasonably afford!

Well, here's how I feel about this kind of stuff…
My sister once pointed out to me that she resents being invited to "parties" - like pampered chef and thirty-one - because it's always a way her stay at home mom friends have found to make money. She stays home with her kids, too - she resents being asked to fund someone else's staying home when she's in the same boat.
That's how I feel about this situation and all other school fund raising. Why in the world should I fund your child's activities when I'm already funding my own?
I probably would have written back "please take me off your list," the response I give all solicitors.

We've been asked several times over the past 20 years to help fund various student activities, and if we know the families well, we may throw in a few bucks. These families have all lived on very skinny incomes, however, and the requests are generally for activities or opportunities that will better the individual and potentially also society at large (such as student exchanges, etc.). It seems this is a sort of crowd-funding approach; I'd never be able to ask, myself, but some folks don't have such inhibitions.

If I'm asked and don't want to do/give something, I've learned that a simple, polite, "No, that doesn't work for me," works very well. It's important NOT to act as if you're in the wrong. Just a confident statement, with NO apologies, reasons, or excuses. Those just open you up for further wheedling.

Good luck!

Wow. Beyond tacky, and they are teaching their kids basically that it's fine to beg. "Sponsorship" is a term usually associated with very serious athletes or artists or others clearly on a road to professional careers, and with money from companies or other supporters who identify the promising pre-professional and OFFER to help. When did it become the subject line on e-mails asking for cash from strangers?

If they have financial issues they should have talked with the coaches about it, not hit up people who are virtually strangers. Many organizations have arrangements to help those in real need so that all kids get the chance to participate; I wonder if they sought that kind of help and were turned down because they want more money so they can all travel? They need to teach their kids that not everyone gets to do everything all the time, and that includes going to "support" a sibling at a sport or any other activity. One parent can go as the kid's chaperone, if that's all they can afford.

If you can, I'd block their e-mails, period. If they persist or call, just do as you would do with any pesky telemarketer who calls -- A polite but firm,"Sorry, but we're not interested." And don't be afraid to then say, "I have to go now" and hang up.

I have to say that the post below that criticizes kids selling things to support their activities is not at all a good comparison to what you experienced with this mooching "give us something for nothing" e-mail. Nobody loves selling stuff like this but it does help, and we can freely say no. Those public school kids (yes, like mine) are at least offering an actual item in return for cash, and they and their families are not keeping that cash personally to use however they like -- it goes into a troop or team or band account and benefits the entire group, not the one kid at your door. Often, the fundraising is done not to benefit the child there at the door, but to help other families who are unable to afford even the child's most basic participation fee. But at least they are offering something in return for cash. The family who e-mailed in this example is simply saying, "Give us cash so our child can do what he wants."

I haven't encountered this yet. I do get emails from friends that are doing 5Ks and ask for sponsorship toward a charity, but not to support a personal goal. The charity ones I'm fine with. The hobby - especially for a college student - not so much. For the basketball tournament, I think my reaction would depend on how it was worded and what I knew of the family's financial situation. I'm not totally turned off by it in theory, but would be if it was worded poorly.

Anyway, you don't have to give a reason when you say no. Just say "I'm so sorry, but I can't give anything right now. I hope he does great in the tournament." If they persist, just keep giving the same answer. They'll get the hint that you're not going to give any specifics. Or, say "we've budgeted our money and are trying really hard not to stray from it this year."

WOW, how tacky. This one almost tops the list of tackiness!!

I would have responded to the email and to someone's face the same way......If you can't afford to sponsor your own activities, then maybe it is not a good time for you to be involved in that particular activity.

I've been approached on this site and via email from people who want to send their children on trips and they ask for sponsorships. I have the same reply... maybe _____ can go next year if you prepare for it financially. I only support my family endeavors.

My daughter was in cheer through high school and we spend thousands on training, competition, trips, etc and I would never, ever ask anyone for money to sponsor her. That's just beyond tacky.

I do see this differently than general fundraising for a school where you do get something in return, even if it is wrapping paper, etc. At least with fundraiser for the school, the school does get money.

Throughout my daughter's years in school, I never allowed her to sell anything to neighbors, friends, etc. I just gave a donation directly to the school. When the children come to my door now, I still write a check and give it to the school, however, those checks are much smaller since I have a bunch of neighbor children who come knocking on my door.

This woman is flat out begging.

Tell her that you are not interested in sponsoring him. End of discussion.

Delete, delete, delete.

Totally agree with you. Moochers! What is happening to this world?? Such entitlement- when do people actually take responsibility for themselves?

You did the right thing!

oh my word!! BEYOND Tacky...

I would NOT have deleted it! I would have sent it back saying - No. I'm sorry - we believe in earning our way and personal responsibility. We will not be contributing towards Jimmy's tournament.

Unless you know for a fact how much money they make - don't make assumptions.

If they call and ask. Tell them the truth. Don't pussy-foot around it. Tell them NO and WHY you are saying NO...just like you did with the comment about your husband having a full time job and going to college.

please do end relationships with them. They are moochers - the leeches on our society that have caused our downfall...they expect other people to care for them...sorry...personal responsibility!!

Wow. Just wow. I have the same problem with schools/sports teams/organizations in our area standing at traffic lights holding up cans & collecting for whatever trip/travel tournament they're going to. (actually, it's mostly the parents doing this, not the kids. Talk about entitled).

What ever happened to selling things or providing a service to raise money? My daughter is on a sports team at her HS and they bag groceries for tips at our local supermarket. At least they're interacting with the community in a positive way and providing a service. I don't like begging for $ as a way of fundraising - especially when I'm supporting what your kid wants to do as a hobby/activity/sport. My daughter used to like to have horseback riding lessons. Should I have stood on a corner with a can and begged for $$ so she could continue taking expensive lessons? PS - I will GLADLY give to a charity.

Horribly tacky...I just would not engage with this. If she is low-class enough to bring it up and ask you directly, then simply say that you are simply unable to contribute at this time. Repeat as needed.

This sounds like the person who went to England and had their purse stolen scam. I usually delete them.

It is nice that her son did well in the sport but it is not up to you to fund him and the family to the tournament. You could tell her that your are not able to help at this time and move on. Not your place to fund this or
any other request that is not on your budget.

Just because you work in the oil field does not justify you funding everyone else. Your money your move.

Learn how to say no.

the other S.

Asking someone to "sponsor" your child's hobby or education or tournament is just an attempt to put a legitimate name to a really, really, really enormously tacky and rude request for money.

If you can't afford to pay for your own stuff or the stuff you sign your children up for, then don't sign them up. If your child's hobby needs to be paid for make the college brat earn it by making him get a job to pay for it.

Can't afford? Can't have. Period, full stop.

EDIT: Funding someone else's hobbies and luxuries is completely different than fundraising for schools, sports teams, Girl Scouts, etc. When you're "fundraising" for yourself and someone is not throwing you a birthday party, bridal shower, baby shower, or bachelor party then you are money grubbing and it's not attractive.

They are the ones with the problem. Totally inappropriate.

I would also delete.

Hmm.. I have not been hit up in that fashion before. Sounds pretty entitled, doesn't it? I like your original answer... what's wrong with using it again. You know... lather, rinse, repeat.

"My hobby was a job."

Or I suppose for the homeschooling sports aficionado,
"That sounds like a nice trip. You should be sure to include that in your annual vacation budget for next year, so you don't have to worry about missing it."

I would do what you did--delete.
I guess of you throw enough sh!t at a wall, some will stick, kwim?
Who does this?
Fav movie quote:

Marie: "Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste."

Lol, Suz T--showers!

Well, as a homeschooler, i do sometimes get sick of all the school kids coming to my door and asking me to buy things to support their hobbies and/or school. This year I've spent at least $150 on neighborhood kid fundraisers. I do not get tax write offs for all of my homeschool supplies, so I'm technically paying a private school tuition on top of my very high public school taxes. I sometimes wish I could run a fundraiser for my kids sports. I wouldn't, of course, because it's tacky, but I don't 'think this is a homeschooler problem. This is that women's problem, and we don't really need to know that she homeschools.

Money-raising under the label of sponsorship seems to be a more and more common thing - in many venues. Don't blame home schooling. I experience it from a lot of directions. Of course, what some people do, other people will think it's OK to do.

Sometimes I'm delighted to help. A friend of mine, just out of college, is about to begin teaching music at a school in Africa for six months. It's a very good opportunity for her, but she needs to raise her own support (living expenses). It's a form of short-term mission trip, and I'm glad to contribute.

I've known couples in the midst of international adoption procedures who - along with strict saving, working hard, and selling things - are letting their friends know in case they would like to help. I might help, and I'm more likely to if I know the people well. It's my choice. As with many situations, I can certainly say no, but I might decide to say yes.

We used to have local school kids come to the front door - not so much now, with the current wariness about strangers - asking me to buy something to support their school activities. The best one was a high-school girl raising money for her drama club. She asked me to buy... a chicken egg. She took it out of a beautiful box as if it were made of gold, enumerated its capabilities and talents - mostly fictional - and asked me to examine it with a magnifying glass (which she supplied) to ascertain its health and happiness. By the time she was done with her spiel, I was laughing so hard that I was glad to give her a couple of bucks! (I told her to keep the egg.)

Within the family we jokingly call requests for money "donations," but we know what they really are. One thing my husband always appreciates for Christmas or birthdays is a "donation" to the football season-ticket fund. He wouldn't dare go outside the family with that request, though.

Most often, though, any sort of money request - from friend, relative, or stranger - must be answered by: "Thank you for asking me. This sort of financial assisting is something I don't do, but I hope your trip/game/team/hobby/honeymoon/party/house addition turns out well." I say it not apologetically but with smiling confidence, as if of course it was the best answer.

I don't mind being asked. If you mind even being asked, spread the word among the people you know that you consider all such requests to be unacceptable, and that your friends and neighbors had better take you off their lists even before they put you on them.

Tacky.

As a homeschooling parent I would NEVER do such a thing. The only time I would dream of asking people for money or help is if my children were going hungry (God forbid).

We were in private schools for a long time and the fundraisers would drive me nuts too. But at least people were arguably getting something in return (wrapping paper?). Even then I didn't put pressure on relatives or friends.

I had someone ask me for sponsorship of a college activity. When I mentioned that I was no longer working and pulling in income (because I was homeschooling) and therefore could not afford to contribute - I never heard from the person again. No "thanks anyway" - nothing. It was rude.

I completely agree with your stance. I would simply handle it in a nice but firm way.

That would tick me off too! Why would people think this is OK? Panhandling in the name of your children's hobbies is disgusting.

If she had offered his physical labor (mow the grass, take down christmas lights, clean the car, walk the dog, babysit the kids, etc) in exchange for donations, maybe not so bad. I think that would be a better lesson to her son than asking for handouts from practical strangers.

Wow...that's pretty balsy of your "friend" to ask for money!! Lord knows it's expensive to have my boys playing premiere soccer but I would never ask anyone for money.
BUT....about you ex-ing people out of your life because they asked for some help. I have to wonder if that is the ONLY reason you want them out of your life? I mean, if they are scraping by and having a hard time getting all of their bills paid isn't that what friends are for? I have had a girlfriend step in and help me pay a bill when our lights were going to get shut off. Because she was in a better place then we were and helped. Maybe they weren't trying to take advantage but thought that you would help them in their time of need.
L.

To ask so blatantly is rude. End of story. Especially if you don't know them that well. It's one thing to help out the odd family member but I find this appalling.
My polite reply would be that I would love to help out and that when they organise a bake sale to raise some of the funds I will gladly make a cake to help out. Chances are they if they are asking for cash, they can't be bothered to actually work hard and organise something to raise money. So they would probably never take you up on the offer anyway.

Oh my, you must live in a very interesting area, with some very forward and tacky people, nothing like this has ever happened to me!
Well, except the high school football boosters always do a fundraising drive, and I have gotten a few letters from my nephew for that. We just contributed $25 and called it a day, no biggie.

why is it important to note that she's a homeschooler?
i get this sort of thing all the time from family and friends, and yes, often from people i barely know. i guess it works.
not on me, though. i just delete.
of course, i'm a curmudgeon. i look at most shower invitations as exactly the same thing.
:) khairete
S.

would you consider contacting the person in charge of the group that this woman gotyour email from and asking to be removed because you have been solicited by people using this list? I wouldn't say anything more than that, maybe guide her in how to do a blind email blast where others can't see the whole groups emails, I don't know how to do that but I think there is a way.

personally, I agree this woman asking for her kids/family's vacation was rude. mostly because she didn't really know you.

My joking response if she dared to ask face to face would be, "oh I was just going to ask if you would please stroke me a check for the trip to the Bahamas I want to take this march, $50 would be great and get me some super suveniors."

It does sound like you could have gotten over one rude person but to have several come at you lilke that must be frustrating.
Just curious have you had people help you before or have you always gone on your own. I only ask because my mom reminded me over Christmas that people had helped us when she was newly divorced. it was charity though, nothing asked for, but it did help her to give us a nicer Christmas. remembering that softened my heart a little.

I wouldn't have deleted, I would have responded and let her know you won't be giving.

"I wish him the best, but would prefer not to make a donation."

I think that you aren't obliged to give them anything to be honest. Even if they call, you can just say - unfortunately now's not really a good time and you don't have the cash to spare. I wouldn't give anything more than that - because you don't want to get into debates on how you allocate your resources. I too would never put my kid in a sport I couldn't afford....because I just don't like feeling like a moocher.

Well, it's definitely tacky.
But no more tacky than the school fund raisers all us other families do. My kids bring home so many fund raising packets between band, clubs, and school - we purchase what we can ourselves as gifts for others, but I refuse to ask other people to fund my children's activities. I think it's wrong.

That's very interesting, considering most schools (or organized sports teams...) have programs/scholarships to help people who can't afford to pay on their own... If the family didn't qualify for those, and the activity is so important they have to go begging off of others, then a few sacrifices can be made... the whole family doesn't have to go, they can decrease their cable/phone plans, less eating out, etc.

I'm they type who tries VERY hard not to judge others, especially when I don't know the whole situation... but for things like this, I tend to lose patience. These activities are nice, and it's great for the kid to participate, but they are NOT necessities for life, and should be started based on the family's ability to support it. I want so badly right now to put my DD into an activity like dance, gymnastics, or karate... but that's not going to happen until I can pay for it. I'm not going to go begging random people who I am barely connected to to pay for her!

Way to teach kids to go through life depending on others, instead of working to meet his goals through his own efforts. :/ Like Rachel said, a better alternative would be to have Kiddo earn the money himself. (ESPECIALLY if he is in college...) THIS is why the younger generations are thought to be "entitled"... I'm with you: moochers.

It's one thing to ask for help from family, but people should leave it at that.

Teams around here are always fundraising for sports so the team can travel to a special event. I probably would not have been offended.

While this woman may have been able to sign the check for her son, some team members may not have been. The way it works around here is that all fundraising goes in to a pool, in the child's name. They are requested to raise, or pay a certain amount of $$ per person.

So tacky.

I love your response already, go with that. Otherwise I might say "we don't believe in supporting other peoples extra curricular activities".

Honestly I have NEVER heard of such a thing. If another Mom called me asking for us to pay for her kid's activity or a "friend" asked me to pay one of their bills I wouldn't worry about being polite one bit.

I think I'm about to ramble on...forgive me. Well, I'm not sure ending relationships is the solution, they do come back and can haunt you. There are a couple of ways to handle this: a) just say no or b) we let people continue to think we are not available for their fund raising -we don't tell anyone about our finances and do not brag when get things (I am not saying you do that, I see lots of other people who think there is something great about belittling others by letting people know they make lots of money-that is in a different category). However, or in otherwords, we say no and do not give much reason for anyone to think we do have it available for handouts. We do when we can. I do believe food and clothing cover this more than sports. I am laughing about your hobby, it is a good one and a great answer. Maybe you can stick to that one. Ms. Manners would say- There's no need to get huffy puffy. Some people are users. I have/had what I thought was a friend who invited me to every party that requires buying something, sold me her wrapping papers, food things and sports cards for her children. I have truly learned my own lesson. We are not invited to her wedding as I mistakenly believed she was a friend but actually a user or as I call them PEOPLE COLLECTORS. So once identified no need to weed them out, they will simply not be there Good luck.

I might not have deleted. I might have replied and said "Sure!! I'll help fund your son's tournament, if you help fund his passion for LEGOs."

I don't like when kids come around asking for "donations" for things.

I'm sure she sees this and compares it the school fundraising and little league fund raising...now, these, I don't mind when they are selling stuff to help meet a goal - for the team - not personally. As it's for the team. Not just one child.

Our school sells candy and wrapping paper. I do NOT send my kids around the block asking for others to purchase. We talk to our neighbors and ask if they are interested helping the school or the team. If they say "no" - no big deal.

She may send it again, if she does, tell her the truth. No, we don't contribute for personal hobbies.

I am taking a bit of a different approach here. I can see asking for sponsorship for the child and 1 PARENT/Adult (if it is a requirement) but NOT the whole family.

Since this is for a tournament and not the regular season, I don't see the issue, especially if the kid/team earned the invite. I would suggest that that the child do things like chores for people ( walking dogs/pull weeds/etc...) and the team do group events like car washes.

Now I would also check to see if the league he is playing in is a Non-for-profit ( 501(c)3 ) and if so I would tell them I will send the check directly to the league with the child's name and tournament on the Memo line. I would do that so that I know the money would go directly as intended.

As for the woman who said her son was looking for sponsors for his hobby, I would have asked "Do you mean investors in something he is hoping to take from hobby to business?" Depending upon if I saw potential in it I may invest.

I am that type of person and don't try to see the negatives in everything or see people as trying to be rude/mooches/greedy/etc.

Ultimately if you don't want to give then don't and don't feel bad, just tell them it doesn't fit in the budget right now but you wish them well.

I would tell her sorry but I already donate to Shriners Hospital and Wounded Warriors charities or whatever your charities are.

Is it that they are aquaintances of yours is that why it is bothersome? I have 2 kids that play sports and have been selected to All-Stars on occasion. When all-stars comes around it is usually $500 due within a couple weeks. We havent always had the extra cash so we have asked family if they would like to sponsor this year. If they dont fine. I dont resent them. But at the same time when something comes up for their kid I would do the same thing. If 5 people in my family even did just $20 it is $100 I dont have to come up with in that week. But when their kid needs something similar I will pitch in (niece was learning to play the flute for a few years and they decided to buy one to save on rental costs once she knew she wanted to do it long term. I donated to her cause). But I dont peddle aquaintances or co workers so maybe that is how I am different. As a family we do support one another.
As far a a response I would say that I have other plans for my money. I really hate the excuse when people say they "cant afford" something when you really know they can (not for this topic per say just in general). Just tell me its not the opportunity for you now.

You said that you plan on having as little to do with them as possible. So, be honest. It's not as if you'll hurt your "friendship". Say point blank that you are not interested in funding people's hobbies. And then say goodbye.

It would be interesting to see how many people actually fall for that email...

At least with school fund raisers and sales parties the supporter gets something in return. This sounds like a pretty cheap fund raiser. If they called to ask why you haven't supported them I would suggest some better ways to raise funds.

Tacky & Rude! I was involved in sports in high school & college and we did fundraisers or just paid our own way. To the religious homeschooling mom, tell her you'll pray for him.

I've 'sponsored' two kids (children of very dear friends). They were both going on missions trips overseas. One was in medical school and it was a medical missions trip. He contacted me himself and I was honored to help. The other was in high school and also contacted me himself. Both of their parents donate to the AHA heart walks we do every year (in honor of my son).

Oh, and both times I wrote the check to an organization and it was a tax deduction.

Tell her to have him "hit up" the local civic clubs-you're tapped out and unable to contribute-let that circulate-she'll be doing you a favor.