Emotional Cesarean Section Recovery

I understand how you feel, too. I was depressed after my first baby was born via C-section. One thing that helped me was an organization that I found, and I don't remember the name of it. (That was 21 years ago!) Anyway, it may be the one that several here have suggested, so look at that and do an online search for cesarean support. (((HUGS)))

A. :)

Well, you did give birth, just not vaginally. I had a c-section with my first child and a vaginal with my second. What makes you think that you cannot have a vaginal delivery? I was disappointed when I had to have a csection, but I gave birth to a healthy baby girl 20 years ago and that was enough. After my 2nd child which was a vaginal birth, I wished I would had a repeat csection. The recovery was much easier with the csection. That boy ripped me from one end to the other. I couldn't sit for 2 weeks.

Hi C.,
I too had an unexpected c-section (and I had planned a homebirth). It is very hard, and I completely understand the difficulty of losing out on the birth experience you had hoped for.
There are a few things that I would suggest that could be helpful. First is to check out the ICAN website. ICAN is an organization geared toward c-section education, awareness, and healing.
The other thing is that, if you live in the Tulsa area, there is a new c-section and VBAC support group that has just started up. We meet on the third Saturday of the month at Helmerich Library. If you go to cafemom.com you can get more info about our group by searching for Tulsa C-Section and VBAC support. We'd love to have you in our group.
-S.

P.S. April, your post is most unhelpful. Many women out their hold value in giving birth the way our bodies were made to give birth, and many of us feel a great sense of loss when we can't or aren't allowed to do. C. obviously holds this value, and if you don't, then please just don't respond. An unwanted is an emotionally painful thing to deal with, and if you can't respect that then please just don't respond.

Cinday, I completely understand what you're going through. I've read some of your responses here and some I agree with and some I do not. I had my heart and mind set on having a natural childbirth 18 months ago with my daughter. However, for NO medically necessary reason my doctor convinced me to go ahead with the c-section. She used "scary" words and such and looking back on it I can see that it was just a convenience for her to get my baby delivered right then (it was a Friday night and she wasn't on call over the weekend so therefore had I come in over the weekend she would not have gotten the $$$ for the delivery). It's very hard for me to explain to people (my husband, family, friends) exactly how this feels. I honestly feel that I didn't deliver my baby but she was taken from me. Some people may not understand that and I know in my heart that no matter how a baby is delivered it is a wonderful and beautiful thing. It's very difficult for me to explain but I completely know how you're feeling. I have talked to a counselor about my feelings which has really helped. I never took any medication for this but I guess just over time I'm learning to deal with it and I've done a lot of research so that I can maybe have a natural birth next time (with a different doctor).

Also, in response to someone elses comments, doctors absolutely do c-sections now days for no medical reasons. They are quick, relatively easy, and they won't be called in to deliver a baby in the middle of the night. And, if they don't go straight for the c-section then they'll let a pregnant woman whose body is not ready to be induced which which raises the chance for a c-section considerably.

I hope that you'll consider talking with a counselor or at least finding other woman who share your feelings to talk to. I have found a friend that also went through the same experience and so it's always nice to talk to her and know that I'm not the only one that feels cheated. Good luck.

J.

I don't understand did you have a cesarean section birth or not?

My heart aches for you, C.. You are suffering from the affects of c-section that the medical people don't tell us about. You may find that the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN) is key in your recovery.
www.ican-online.org

Hi C.,

I have two c-sections under my belt. It was very hard to cope with not only emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. My first daughter was breech and my second was a failed attempt at a VBAC. And both times they left me with a feeling of "being less than womanly". I'm not a feminist, but I kept thinking that my purpose of being a woman was to bring a child into the world that way that God intended it...vaginally. But, thinking back about the way my births would have ended up, I realized that that WAS the way God intended me to bring them into the world. There is no way of knowing the outcome of either one if I would have refused a c-section and had them vaginally. I could have died, my children could have died, or we both could have died. I look at it as being one of the ultimate sacrifices that I have made as a mother. I know that you said not to stress that "at least you have a healthy baby", but that is what it amounts to in the end. I'm not one to sugar-coat and I have to admit that that drove me crazy when people would tell me the same thing. I used to think how could they possibly know how I feel. But, it is what it all boiled down to. I had c-sections to make sure that my children survived. I don't know what problem(s) you ran into to have a section, but you did what you had to do to make sure that your baby was born healthy. I know that c-sections are riskier than a vaginal delivery, but my children are okay and I'm sure your child is too. It is not easy to get over this. In fact, every time someone that I know has a baby vaginally, it still stings knowing that that should have been me (and my youngest is almost a year old). Give it time. I'm not completely over it and I don't know when I will be.

Also, I don't know if you chose to breastfeed, but that helped me out tremendously. It made me gain some outlook on the fact that I can succeed at being a woman. If you didn't, there are other ways. I see that you are a stay at home mom. That in itself is admirable. You are very lucky because there are many MANY moms out there that just can't stay home with their children. You are the best teacher your son will have and he will reap the benefits of you being home with him. So hang in there and I hope that you know that you are not alone. Millions of women out there feel the same way you do. I am one and if ever you need to talk, please message me. I could benefit from it too. God bless you and I hope that I helped.

By the way, I posted my response and then went back and read all of the other "responses" that you received. I just have to say shame on some of you out there. The one that said "I had all of my children naturally so I don't know what you're going through" and the one that said she couldn't believe that the words "guilt and fault" were used. I hope that you people understand that this is a real issue that some moms face. I for one am one of them and I take great offense to these responses. I know that this is a free country and you were asked advice and chose to give it, but there is a thing called sensitivity.

I have not had a c-section, but I can understand a little of your disappointment. I have had all my children (9)naturally, but in different locations...at birth centers, at hospitals and at home (the last is by far the best!!). One baby that I had planned to have at home, came early and I had to go to the hospital. I cried all the way there. I had to realize that the Lord is in control of all things, and birth is no exception. He knew what was best for my son and me. There was no medical emergencies and we went home 8 hours after the birth. Two of my daughters have given birth within the last two years and had hoped for natural births, but ended up having epidurals. I reassured them that it made them no less "mothers". We do the best that we can, while trusting the Lord to work out His will. If you believe that you were pressured into an unnecessary c-section, which is entirely possible, you will need to forgive yourself and the doctor for that. Use this experience to prepare yourself for your next baby. I hardily reccomend a midwife. They are extremely attentive and available throughout your pregnancy and delivery. They are usually very knowledgable about natural methods and remedies. Many treat all women, not just pregnant ones (like a gynocologist would)and may be able to help you now with this issue. You can also be a good friend to any pregnant friends, warning them to be prepared with the knowledge to make decisions about birth. Ask lots of questions...doctors are not gods, you, the patient should be informed and comfortable with all decisions (apply this to yuor relationship with your pediatrician,too). Love and bless this beautiful baby and take each new day as a gift.

C.,
First let me say that I'm sorry so many people have posted negative comments. What a lot of people don't seem to realize is that c-sections are often pushed by doctors or hospitals because they are more profitable and convenient. That is not to say that doctors are all bad or that they make decisions that aren't in your best interest. I believe most of the time they are wonderful and concerned for you.

I ended up having a c-sec after basically going through a full vaginal delivery. My baby had crowned and I pushed for 45 mins. He was facing the wrong way (not breech but facing forward instead of backward) and just got stuck. After a few more complications, I ended up having a c-sec. Maybe this is not the case for everyone, but I definitely thought the c-sec was much harder and less pleasant. I hated being stuck in a recovery room and not getting to see my baby right away.

My son is now 2 and I am just really starting to realize how much this has affected me emotionally. I get very frustrated because I was given pitocin the moment I walked in the door, which I believe caused him distress and to turn in the middle of labor (I felt and saw him turn and my belly distorted into a very strange shape). While I think in the end, a c-sec was the only way to get him out, I also think that the problem was at least in part caused by some of the hospital policies.

Don't let anyone tell you you are wrong for feeling disappointed! The way I am coping now is by researching possibilities for future births. I try to find objective articles and resources so I don't get worked up. I certainly wish my first birth had gone better, but I just have to accept it and move on. I try to take what I learned from the first time and apply it to the future.

I don't know about you, but I live in an area where the hospitals "ban" vbacs. It's mainly an insurance thing. Until recently, I thought this meant they were illegal- but they're NOT! You have the right to refuse a c-sec. Of course, I would discuss this with your doctor ahead of time and make sure they are supportive and there aren't any reasons with a current pregnancy that they would consider it unsafe. Most of the time in an uncomplicated preg, a vbac is very safe. Some people forget c-sections have risks too! The ican resource is a good one. I hope it gets easier!

Hi C..
I understand your current state of emotional upheaval - One author(Sheila Kitzinger) actually compares the emotional roller coaster we women who are forced into a sometimes unnecessary cesarean to post traumatic stress.
What is probably the most difficult is that most people surrounding you want you to "just be thankful for your healthy baby", as if you aren't!
When labor and delivery are different than you imagined they would be - it affects us, dramatically, sometimes.
My friend, Melissa Morrill, has a pregnancy and birth resource boutique (Natural Lullabies) on 81st & Harvard. They have a small library that you may find some reading to help you cope with this loss. It is a loss, the loss of your ability to deliver your baby the way you imagined.
If there are no books available, I know Melissa can recommend some reading for you.
Also, Mother Magazine has great articles concerning this very issue - with other women's stories, etc. YOu can even go to mothering.com to find some archives.
I am currently planning for a VBAC in late October/ early Nov. Please pray for my experience, too.
Kudos to you for reaching out on this website... after reading the many uneducated responses about childbirth, it is a clear reminder that women who choose to be informed (truly informed, not just the information their doctor gives them) should contiue to reach out to suppotr each other. Another great author on the topic is Ina May Gaskins. YOu can get her books at Amazon.com - I have The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth and I love it! It helps explain and give you the words you struggle for in everyday conversation with women who either don't understand the true risks associated with ceserean or don't care because they want to believe there was some "emergency" involved with what was most likely a doctor's convenience to induce.
I apologize, I just got a little rattled reading some of the insensitive responses.
Best of luck to you in your recovery. I am happy to listen anytime.
Sincerely,
V.

I'm trying to figure out what you are implying. Are you saying having a c-section is not "giving birth". I've had two c-sections and never concidered the way my babies were brought into this world nothing less than child birth.

I guess I just assumed as long as my babies made it here happy and healthy that was all that mattered. Not the WAY they made it here.

Doctors don't usually do C-sections unless the child is in danger. Emotionally and mentally -- look at toddler and be happy he is alive and you're alive!

I had a C-section because my son could not withstand the contractions of a birth on his head due to his prematurity. I've never questioned it.

Better a C-section than a hysterectomy (cancer, endometreosis, horrible bleeding) and never able to give birth again!

I wish I knew the answer to this. I had a "natural" birth with my son. I "" natural because it was vaginal but I was forced to get an epideral by the hospital staff (whole different story). I gave birth to my daughter on 11 Sep 08 (so a week ago) and I was fully prepared to birth naturally. I found a doctor and birthing center that would allow me to have her 100% natural with no IV or anything and what happens... she was breech. My husband and I went in circles with the doc about still trying to go natural but because of the way she was sitting he was afraid not to do c-section. Right before I came on the computer and saw your post I was just in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher with tears in my eyes thinking about it. I am sure part of it is hormones making me overly emotional about it. I was upset for a long time about my son's birth so I was really looking forward to having the chance to do it MY way this time. Now it is gone. I completely understand your stress over having to have a cesarean. I am going through it too. You are absolutely right in saying "at least you have a healthy baby" because you could have had a healthy baby if you were allowed to go natural too but we'll never know. I guess all we can do it take it one day at a time and try to find the positives in life to help us get over the not so great experience we have had.

Hi C.,

I've had all 3 of my children naturally so do not understand the emotions you may be going through. Was it medically related that you weren't allowed to go naturally?

I did a lookup on Google - maybe one of these sites will help:
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&ie=UT...

~V~

I went through the same thing. I had a very healthy pregnancy with no problems. My blood pressure was fine, I went walking everyday, it was a great pregnancy. At the last minute, things went wrong and they had to cut me open. I know it's so hard on you when you go to sleep pregnant and wake up not knowing where your baby is. I just told myself that giving birth is only one little part of your life experience with your child. Your baby is here now and you have his/her whole life ahead of you. I was so disappointed in myself because I couldn't just go in and pop him out, but once those hormones start going away, it will be easier to deal with it. You just have to tell yourself that it had to be that way. It's not your fault and not something you had control over. Your baby was ready to come out and now he/she is here. That was just the path he/she had to take. You didn't do anything wrong. Now you have your baby. Enjoy him/her even though I'm sure you are in lots of physical pain. That was the hardest part for me once I got the idea of mind over matter and told myself that there was nothing wrong with the way I had to meet my son. That's the way it had to be.

I'm sorry you feel this way. Having a cesarean birth is just another means of making certain your baby is delivered alive. Many women used to die during child birth if a vaginal delivery was too difficult. If you are suffering from depression it is probably not because of the method of delivery but from post-partum depression which can be severe for some mothers. I have several children and have sisters who've had babies .. we didn't care if they came out of our noses, truely, if they were healthy and we were healthy and able to take care of them ... our lives are blessed. The outcome is the same. We should all strive every day to be in control of our moods and emotional well being (stressing WE control THEM) .. do not let your moods and emotions control you. There are definitely days we could get mad and let it ruin our day... life and time is too short to allow that to happen. We do have to shake ourselves sometimes and say STOP to our brains. Look around, it usually won't take long to find another family or even stranger that would be thankful to be in your situation instead of theres. Again, I'm sorry you feel this way, but please help yourself and stop. You carried that precious baby and gave birth, that is all that matters.

Hi C.,

Well, I'm one of a few women who have had both a vaginal delivery with my first baby and C-sections with my other two babies. Although not all women go through what you are going through right now, I assure you that thousands of women do and don't say anything and suffer alone. I agree with the previous women about seeking out a support group. I know it can be intimidating, but it really can help. Time is what truly helps you get through this. The more your bond grows with your baby, the more you will let go of the pain. I think that sometimes we like to think that every birth will be perfect, but sometimes that just isn't so. That doesn't mean we don't remember what was special about each one. I know I went through my own issues with each of my pregnancies (yes, even my vaginal delivery), but I just focus on what I hold to be special about each one. I hope this helps in some small way. Take care and know that you WILL get through this.

With my first son, there were many factors leading into the decision for a c-section. The biggest one was that he was measuring really big according to the ultrasound. My doctor was afraid that I'd be in labor for a long time and still not be able to have him naturally, and he didn't want to put me through that. So we scheduled it and I had him. I felt so terrible for a while that I wasn't able to have him naturally. Especially when I'd get around all my friends who'd start talking about their birth stories. But I learned to deal with it. My second child was born a couple months ago and we had already scheduled a c-section for 39 weeks when he decided to make his appearance at 38 weeks! My water broke and I actually got to experience contractions for a few hours while they waited for the surgical team to get to the hospital. It wasn't a completely natural birth, but it helped me so much to get to experience that much.

i guess to answer your question, I talked about it a lot with my husband and just focused on the present instead of looking at the past. It wasn't something I could help and I wasn't less of a woman or mom because I had a c-section.

I gave birth to my twin boys via c-section and I was very very proud of that and am extremely happy about it. Not that I had a choice back then, but even if I had one, I would have chosen c-section for my precious babies. I believe that a c-section is easier and more calming on the baby than a natural birth, because the baby does not have to squeeze through your tight canal. There is so much research about natural births negatively affecting their psychology at a sub-conscious level for the rest of their lives!

But it surely is not a calming matter for you. You probably had plans for a natural birth and when yours didn't work out, you are not a happy camper. Is it possible that you are experiencing some sort of depression? Maybe you are so fixated on the c-section issue, that you have blown that out of proportion! If this is your biggest problem in life, you should be happy that it is just that, and nothing else. Have you looked at some other children of natural birth whose mothers were on drugs and consumed alcohol during their pregnancies? Have you looked at children of natural births who do not have food to eat or a home to live in? Have you looked at children of natural births, who have been physically abused? Have you looked at children of natural births, who were never breastfed?

C-section in today's society is a luxury, which ensures that some babies are born alive & healthy and that the mothers survive their delivery, despite many odds. So it is just your experiences or your lack of awareness that leads you to believe that c-section is a wrong way of giving birth to a baby. I wish you be soon blessed enough to believe otherwise.

Now that you have your son in your world, enjoy him. Don't question how he chose to come into your world. I believe in destiny and I believe that your son consulted with God before he made this choice. Obviously he did not take your expert advice on it, but don't get too worked up about that!

I can't believe people are using words like guilt and fault. After I had my 1st C-section, I requested the same thing be done with the next 2! Who in their right mind wants to squeeze a baby out of there if they don't have to? It's pretty rough on that poor little baby to be squeezed and roughed up during natural delivery and one of human-kind's most painful experiences. I would never want anything BUT a C-section. I got a bikini cut and show no scarring, and I recovered faster than both my sisters who did have old fashioned births, please tell me what there is to feel guilty about? I certainly carry no guilt for not having to get stitches on my hoo-hoo! (Gross!) Being a good mom period is what makes you a good mom, not whining and being depressed about which hole the baby comes out of. I am sorry to hear you don't take comfort in someone telling you how lucky you are to have a healthy baby.

C. I know exactly what you mean. I have had 2 c sections.

I went through some guilt, not actually giving birth, not having that experience, and feeling "less of a woman" if you will. It was worse with my first one, the guilt factor.

I just really ingrained in myself that the babies were fine and that's what counts. I know talking to moms that didn't have c -sections was worthless, they just didn't have a clue.

It's okay to feel like you do, just don't let it last long, and focus on the end result...your little boy is happy and healthy!

What helped me the most after my emergency c-section(24 hours of HARD labor, 8 of which I was 9 cm dilated), was this thought:
My baby girl and I would both be dead right now had I not had the c-section.
Of course, this thought didn't always alleviate my emotional upheavals, but it did help me focus on the positive aspect of the surgery- WE'RE ALIVE.

I planned to deliver naturally, but my son was born three weeks early by emergency C-section because I developed pre-eclampsia (pregnancy-induced hypertension and blood poisoning) and other complications. I didn't feel ready to have the baby yet, but for health reasons we needed to. I honestly didn't feel any sorrow or regret or inadequacy because I hadn't delivered vaginally - I still consider myself as having given birth. I wasn't allowed to give birth naturally because doing so might have killed myself and my son. I found the recovery aspects more difficult, because I had to stay in bed much of the time, my belly hurt for weeks, and I was largely confined to one floor of my house for 6 weeks because I was not to do stairs. (I still did, but I'd save up my downstairs errands for one grand trip a day, which got me up and moving but didn't overwork my recovering body.) I didn't realize just how serious pre-eclampsia is until I was recovering and my husband (an RN) explained why everyone was so concerned: I could have had a stroke or gone into a coma (or even died) if the blood pressure and blood poisoning weren't reversed, and the only cure for pre-eclampsia is delivery!

I personally have been very grateful for modern medicine and for surgeons who can not only deliver babies by C-section but also make the incisions smaller and lower so my belly is less unsightly. (Birthing scars - you either see them or you don't, but we all get them.) I don't feel I am less of a woman because I didn't utilize my vagina in the delivery. I carried my son to term, my body created and formed his body, and I fed him my own milk after delivery. I don't feel less of a mother because how you give birth is not nearly so important as simply having a baby to care for.

I also have a sister and a sister-in-law who do not have children and they dearly want some. I know they would not waste a moment's concern or angst on how the baby entered the world because they would be too joyful to simply have a baby of their own. Whether this is for you, or for a friend, I think some people invest too much emotion and importance in how they deliver, perhaps even tying their sense of self to it, and I think it is harmful to themselves and to those they seek to influence. I wanted to deliver naturally because of the benefits to mother and baby, but things didn't work out, so I am grateful for modern medicine and pain killers and I don't spare a moment's thought for "what I lost". Because I haven't lost anything!

Hi C.,

I too had to "recover" from two c-sections so I know where you at at right now. At times I still feel cheated. But, for the most part I learned to deal with it by accepting that it was in the baby's best interest. It was more important that I had healthy babies than to experience natural childbirth. There wasn't anything physical that I did...it's a mental issue.

Good luck. Know that the feeling cheated aspect will decrease with time.

W.

Hi C.,
After spending 22 hours in labor, I was begging for a C-section. I guess everyone's different, but it just didn't bother me that much that I wasn't able to have my daughter the "regular" way. Mine was not planned, was considered an "emergency" because her heart rate dropped twice so severely they thought they were losing her. To me, that was more emotional than the C-section as the end result. The second time around I opted to have my son via C-section. I didn't want to take any chances. Maybe your doctor could give you some meds for depression? Just a thought.
C.

C., my first child was born at 26 weeks and I had to have a c-section. There was not much time to ponder the decision; my life and his were at stake.

The plan with my second was to have a natural delivery. I was so excited! I very much wanted to have the experience, and my doctor was happy to work with me. However, even though the second was a full-term pregnancy, at the last minute I had to have another c-section. For a few moments I was TERRIBLY disappointed. However, I changed my focus from my disappointment to the thrill of delivering a healthy baby.

Since he was born (he's 7 1/2 months old now), I have still sometimes felt the disappointment of not being able to deliver him naturally. I won't have any more children, so I won't ever have that experience. However, I choose to focus on the wonder of raising my children and not what might have been. You can make that choice too. You're no less a mother, no less a woman because you delivered via c-section. Focus on the truth--you are blessed, regardless of how your child came into the world!

God bless you with peace and joy!

I had my first daughter "naturally" and then my next two daughters I had to have a c sec with. The last one was two months ago and the anesthesiologists actually put me to sleep (without my consent, while begging him not to) so I was not even awake to hear her cry. I was so depressed the first week I cried a lot and had a hard time pretending to be happy. I talked to my doctor about it, (actually I had a complete sobbing meltdown) and he said something that actually helped me. He said that her birth was one moment. He told me to think about how many moments and memories that I have with my six year old (I have millions of them). He said to concentrate on making memories with her and to stop concentrating on the one moment that I don't have. He also said (and I love this) that I was too smart, and I needed to dumb it down a little because stupid people don't get depressed. Just having one huge meltdown actually helped and I felt happy and started to really enjoy my baby. Hope this helps.

I have had two Csection deliveries. With the first one I had some thoughts about how I was less of a mother because a didnt deliver myself. With my last one I went through a very emotionally and phisically demanding pregnancy. I lost a loved one, I was in a car wreck, was on bedrest most of the last trimester, only to develope preeclampsia. I did EVERYTHING I was supposed to and more for my son. Its the nine month pregnancy that matters not how you deliver. When you you have those thoughts just remember the nine months that you put into your baby.

Of course it is all individual in how you recover, so I am not sure that any one bit of advice is going to help.

Please don't think of a c-section astaking the easy way out, or that you didn't 'give birth' to your baby. I have had two c-sections, and they were both very necessary.

Think of it as ensuring that your baby was born healthy. There was an apparent real need for you to have your child via c-section, or the doctor wouldn't have performed the surgery, right? You did the thing you had to do to make things better for your child.

I know all too well how painful a c-section really is. 15 hours of labor versus several weeks of painful recovery doesn't even compare. Yes, I know natural childbirth is also painful, and that there is a recovery time, but you don't have a 10-inch incision made to your pelvic area and muscles, so yes, a C-section is more painful and takes longer to recover from, and you still have to deal with post-partum depression and all of that.

Just allow yourself time to recover your body and mind. It isn't an overnight thing. When you start to feel like you didn't 'give birth', remember everything you DID do in order to bring this child into the world. You can be proud that you put your baby's needs ahead of your own. You aren't alone in feeling like you failed to give the baby a natural childbirth, but you don't have to keep feeling that way. Just remember, if c-sections were never thought of, how many women and babies would have died during childbirth?

I am so thankful that I had a c-section with both children. My first, I was in labor for nearly 3 full days and was begging for a c-section. I honestly thought I was going to die if I didn't get one. I was so weak at that point that I couldn't even sit up.

My second c-section was planned and I knew exactly when I would be having my baby. Thank goodness, too, since the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck 3 times, and the doctor said he would likely have died if I had done a vaginal birth, and then added that I probably would have bled to death, myself, since my uterus was exceptionally thin, and it probably would have burst. You see, there are reasons for everything - we just don't always know the reasons until later...

Give yourself some time, and try to only think about the positive aspects of having your boy by c-section. He won't care how you had him, he will only care that you loved him enough to make sure he came into the world.

Hi C.,
I know it can be difficult when you have a great vision of what your birth experience will be like and that does not happen. I went to 12 weeks of classes on the Bradley Method, had my birth plan written out that I had gone over with my doctor way before delivery time and had great expectations of what a wonderful birth experience I would have.
What actually happened was 21 hours of labor, my blood pressure going way up, having a fever and a severe headache and my son's blood pressure continually dropping. My doc was great and tried to respect my wishes for so long but when it came to a risk of safety, they finally took my son by c-section.
I have had to look at the fact that I tried to have the best birth possible for him, however, he had to get here a different way to stay safe. Keeping that in mind has helped me. It also helped when my mom (who had 3 kids all natural with no interventions on no labor longer than 3 hours) told me how brave she thought I was that I did such a great job for my son.
Know that you did what was best for him and he is here with you, healthy and happy.

Hi C.,
I went through the same thing only b/c of other complications I had to be put to SLEEP so I didn't even get to hold our daughter till she was about 5 hours old.
It was hard on me and I am still struggling with it (plus, I'm not able to have any More kids so I won't know what that's like either).
It really bothers me sometimes, but I try and focus on the fact of the important thing=our beautiful and sometimes wild girl is healthy, smart and happy and THAT'S what's important.
I hope this helps a little. I guess just try and not think about it.
You aren't alone.
C. G :-D

C.-- I want to let you know that I had a c-section with my son who is now 7 years old and I had a vaginal birth with my daughter who is 3 years old. I, like you, had a lot of emotional issues with my first child. I went through the whole natural child birth classes and when I was in labor for 8 hours, I dialated to 10 and then nothing else happened. I had to have a c-section after 9 hours of labor and I was an emotional and physicial basket case. I had gained 70 lbs on top of that (from 130 to 200 lbs) and I was a mess.

Here's the good news: I was able to breastfeed my son for 9 months successfully. I worked around the incision and found some fairly comfortable positions. I healed totally, even though I have that scar and sometimes I think that I feel it. I was blessed to be able to have my 2nd child vaginally, even though my doctor only gave me a 50% chance of doing that. Be encouraged because the most important thing really is that both you and your baby are healthy and strong. Motherhood is full of so many challenges, so do like my mom and eat the meat, but spit out the bones.

Be blessed and if you ever need to talk just reach out.

L.

C., I too have had two c-sections. With my first I thank God that my doctor was honest with me. I am very small and I had big kids. He said he would induce and I could try to go natural, but that he feared I would have to have a c-section anyway because my baby's head was cocked and he was not dropping properly. I CHOSE to have the c-section. I'm glad I did. I have now had two wonderful little boys. An advantage to a c-section is your baby comes out PERFECT. No brusing, no coned head and less stress on them. They are PERFECT and HEALTHY and that meant the world to me. Just like so many have said before me, look at he positives.

Another positive it gave me... I don't tolerate birth control pills well and between the two of us we now have five kids, so after my second son was born I chose to have my tubes tied while they had me on the table for the c-section. Now my husband doesn't have to put with me having to be on the pill.

I had to go through the same thing. I wanted to do it all naturally, without any drugs at all, but my baby never turned from the breech position so in the end, after I went all the way through labor and was fully dilated, they had to do a section. At first I was very frustrated that my dream birth wasn't going to happen but then once I saw him I was just glad that he was here. Also, I asked my Dr. about VBAC when we found out he was breech and he said he would allow it if my next preg is normal. That has helped me a lot--knowing that I will have more control in the next one and that it's an option.

Hey, I understand exactly what your going through. I had an emergency c-section at 30 wks. My son is now almost a year old and I'm still trying to get over the fact that i never even went into labor. I agree that having a healthy baby is great but it doesn't help the emotions we're feeling. I don't know how to get over it, I'm hoping one day i'll just be able to accept it but i don't think that day is anytime soon. Best of luck to you and your little one.

I recently had the chance to be outside the delivery room as my best friend had her baby. I was able to hear everything. After she had the baby I was able to tell her how insanely jealous I was and how proud of her i was. After that i had kind of a peace about the c-section. Weird i know. I also know the chance to do that doesn't come often, if ever but if you can try it.

Atleast you have a healthy baby may not make you feel better unless you have had one that was not so healthy. I do not know the reason for the c-section and I do not understand the emotional feelings you are having. I also have had a c-sect. and will be eternally gratefull to my Dr. for bringing my child into the world breathing. I have never looked back and concentrate on the joys my children bring. If you really feel cheated and or able to get pregnant again - see a specialist that works with vaginal deliveries after sections. My prayers are with you and hope you come to realize you were not cheated at all but given a gift from God in your child and by giving the Dr. the ability to do what he felt right at the time.Enjoy your family.

Hi, C.!
I birthed both my children (now 26 and 24) by Cesarean. I have never had any regrets. Of course, I would have preferred to have had vaginal deliveries and even told my doctor that when I first became pregnant. But my precious firstborn son weighed 9 lb. 3 oz. and was 22 inches long. And I weighed 118 lb. I was in hard labor for 15 hours and he began to have fetal stress. SO I was more than happy to deliver him via Cesarean when the doctor told my husband that we needed to do an "emergency C-section for the sake of the baby". Then 23 months later I delivered my 6 lb. 9 1/2 oz. 20 1/2 inch daughter via C-section. I just feel so blessed that God gave us two healthy babies that I just never felt cheated that I didn't experience a vaginal birth. Sorry I can't offer any advice to you since I never experienced what you are feeling. I will pray that God will give you a peace about it and that when you look at your son you will be filled with joy that you birthed him regardless of the procedure. God bless! C. in MS

Many times a ceasarean birth is an easier recovery that a vaginal birth. Be happy that you didn't have both a c-section and an episiotomy!!! The difference for me is that my child survived because of a ceasarean birth. You are not lesser of a person because you did not deliver vaginally. I was in the total throws of a "normal" birth. What is a normal birth anyway?? Would you feel better that you suffered through a long labor?? It didn't work out that way for me. I felt no less of a woman or a person because of the type of delvery method that my wonderful son came into this world. You shouldn't feel badly. Since, it doesn't help that your child is healthy, maybe you should talk to a professional.(Your doctor, psycholiogist, etc..)There must have been a reason that your doctor chose a c-section. Most doctors are ethical and wouldn't decide on a c-section if it weren't necessary. Good luck!

The fact that both of my boys were delivered by c-section does not bother me at all, because I know that delivery via c-section was done to ensure their safety. I was in labor for 15 hours with my first son, and had only dialated to 4 1/2 centemeters. So they did my first c-section. My second c-section was done in the ER. I had a very bad car accident, and they chose to do a c-section to ensure that my second son would survive, because they honestly did not know if I was going to. Both of my boys are very healthy active children. If you still have issues with a c-section rather than a vaginal delivery, I would talk to a doctor, or Priest/ Pastor.

C.-You did give birth!! For whatever reason, you needed a Ceasarean. This ensured the health of your infant and probably your health also. I understand your disappointment- I have had 2 C-sections myself. Enjoy your baby.

If you're like I was on my first one. I went thru lamaze, the whole works and was told out of the twenty some odd couples there that one of us would be a cesarean. Well I ended up with the labor and the cesarean! I was scared as my first child. But bless my mom, she stayed with me during the time my husband was at work for recovery. One thing with cesarean too that people do not understand is the recovery time. Alot of people I talked to later looked at it "as the Easy way out" ha, don't know what planet they came from to tell the truth. I know what you are feeling, like you missed something... but... now's your chance to be the BEST mom you can be. To nurture a life and bring it up and teach it is the best gift you can get and give I know. My children are now grown but I can say, that no matter how they came into the world they are mine and I worked very hard to bring them here. God bless you on your journey