Enough Sleep

I had a spell where Dylan stopped sleeping through the night and am also not a fan of the cry it out method. Dylan would cry until he got himself sick. I read the book No Cry Sleep Solution and it really helped. It took us a couple of weeks to incorporate all the tips and to get him to sleep through the night again, but it worked (knock on wood... I don't want to jinx it!) It's available at the public library, or if you already have a library card, you can download it and read it at home. :)

http://maryland.lib.overdrive.com/F###-###-####-F56E-48CC...

Good luck!!

I am a believer of the cry it out method... however, my friend was/is not... I thought she had a good idea....

She let her daughter cry it out, but she was in bed with her... she did not nurse or hold her... she had he back to her, so that it was touching. Every 3 - 5 minutes, she would quietly remind her daughter that she was there and in bed...

Our both sons slept the same way at 10 months. They were up for a bottle 2 times a night and 2 (hour each)naps. We did CIO for other reasons(like not wanting to stay in the nursery at church), but with sleep I got up at night and gave them a bottle(since they were hungry......)I know people who's babies started sleeping through the night at 3 months(without using any methods), and some who used every method that there is and still no success.Now our boys are 3 y and 18 months and still wake up once a night, but put themselves to sleep right away.It does not bother us and they are happy during the day, so I guess they get enough.If your son is happy and has energy I would not worry.

Hi J.,

Kids are funny little creatures, aren't they? The fact is though, they're much more in-tune with themselves than we adults are. Because of that, you really can't over-feed a child, they'll just refuse to eat more when they're full & the same can be said for sleeping. So, chances are if he was exhausted, he would sleep more. You say you keep him pretty active during the day & if he's not just falling out at some point, he must be able to handle what to you seems like a lack of sleep. I know it stinks, but have you thought of giving him a decent sized snack before bed so he might sleep through the night & then going to bed earlier yourself? Not anything earth-shattering in the realm of advice, I know, but probably the best you're gonna get! Good luck!

Melissa

different children have different sleep needs. I would not worry too much about it. If he is not a great napper then he may be more tired at night and sleep better for you. I would enjoy your child and worry less about a schedule. If you want a good book on infant sleep try Sweet Dreams by Dr. Paul Fleiss. It is a very quick read but packed with real data on realistic sleep expectations for infants along with some practical suggestions. as a mother of six I have come to the conclusion that sleep is over rated.

I'd also check to make sure he's not having gas or bowel problems causing him to wake up. Can't remember when we added solids, or if your baby is already on solids, but he might be hungry for something a little heavier. If you're not already giving him cereal, talk with your pediatrician about his diet. Be advised that once you change a baby's diet, that also can cause sleep disruption. Then, if you are giving him solids, he might be having a little reflux. My son, now 9, was a lot like your son. He slept very little and took maybe one or two naps in the daytime, even at that age. Even now, he still hates going to sleep. And, he's always had problems with digestion, even as a baby. We used to have to press his legs to his abdomen to get him to move out bowels. Drs. weren't concerned and said some children have that problem. One friend gave her child digestive enzymes, as she's having a really hard time breaking down the nutrients in foods. Haven't tried it yet, but might consider it. Do not do that to babies, unless you discuss with Dr. Do try pushing back his sleep time to 8:30 and increase his daily activity. Then try setting him down for additional nap times. He might drift off to sleep, anyway. What I thought was active really wasn't for a boy. Once he went to daycare, he was busy taking walks, climbing on equipment, painting, dancing, and playing. Not sure what your son's typical day looks like but it might be time to adjust that also. Finally, if you've done all of these things and he's still not sleeping, you might have to let him cry it out. A few days of tears in the short-term might get you at least a few more months of rest in the long-term. With my son, I hated "cry-it-out." And he kept waking in the middle of night until he was 7! When my daughter came along and kept waking in the middle of the night, I knew I wouldn't survive with two of them disrupting my sleep. My husband and I let the baby cry and told our son, firmly, that he was not to wake up and get into bed with us. They both slept from then on. I, however, still wake in the middle of the night and probably will until they both graduate and move out.

One thing I found with my babies is that it always took me a while to adjust to them simply needing less sleep. You might want to look at this website, which has a general guideline for how much sleep your baby needs at different ages.

From a sleep study, it was determined that the average 9 month old takes 13.9 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. 50% of babies took between 12.8-15, while 96% o babies took between 10.5-17.4. The average 1 year old took about 13.9 hours of sleep in 24 hours. 50% of 1 year olds took between 13-14.8 hours, while 96% took between 11.4-16.5

If you're trying to make your baby sleep more than he needs to, you will lose the battle. Believe me-- I tried it many times.

This link might prove helpful.http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp

I feel for you!! My first two children kept me sleep deprived for 4 years. Does your son have ear infections? #2 had chronic fluid in her ears which made it very uncomfortable for her to lie down and sleep. She also didn't sleep through the night until we moved her to a big girl bed. I did have to let her cry it out.

DD #3 is a terrific sleeper.....for the most part. We go through phases where she wants to get up or not go to sleep. I let her cry, go in and check on her, pat her back, leave.

I don't know if that helps any. You are not alone. Just don't doze off at a red light. I did that once.

Hey J.,

Your little one sounds so much like my 6 month old. She naps for 10 to 15 minutes 2 to 3 times a day. Slept through the night for quite sometime, till now she wakes up for 30 mins for feeding then drifts off till the early morning hours. I think it's quite normal, nothing to be too concerned about.

J. Z.
Independent Shaklee Distributor
www.shaklee.net/Z.

Hi J.. Working in a day care, I see lots of babies and just as many different sleeping patterns. I have heard parents talk about how their child is not sleeping at night and they do not understand why their child is not sleeping at the center either. One child in particular comes to mind that would fight nap time and if we could get her to sleep, she would only sleep 20 minutes to an hour. Her mother would tell me in the mornings that she would fight sleep at night and sometimes not go to sleep until 11 or 12 and occasionally 2 or 3. Maybe your little one is like that little girl and just does not need as much sleep as other children. Or possibly he is just "nosey" and is afraid he will miss something that is going on around him if he sleeps (thats what we say when the babies don't want to take a nap at the center). My son was still waking at least once a night at 3 years but it was more for comfort and to make sure that I had not left him.

These are just a few ideas. Good Luck!

You very well may have to resort to crying it out once or twice...I understand you're not big on the idea but if you're not getting adequate rest he may not be either. Sometimes breaking the cycle is all the change you need to put a bad sleeper on a good sleep schedule. Try not to think of it like you're torturing him, it's more like a short suffering period to make things better and easier for all. Kinda like the doctor's visits and shots...it hurts for a little bit but the benefits outweight the short-term pain...

Try an earlier bedtime (7pm?) - sleep begets sleep and all that. Really does work. I bet this will fix it.

Also try to feed a heavier meal later in the day, presuming he is eating a lot when he wakes at night.

Then try adjusting his naps earlier or later. Some people might say that he is ready for one afternoon (~12-2) nap per day. Personaly, I doubt it, I believe kids need as many naps as you can get for them. But there is a slim chance that he will sleep for 2-3 hours in the afternoon if you skip the monring nap. I wouldn't try to make it be totally on your schedule - just watch his cues - if he is tired (rubbing eyes, fussy) put him to bed. Maybe he even needs three short naps still.

So much is trial and error, I know it's frustrating, but if you watch his cues and try 30 minutes or an hour earlier or possibly later for sleeping, he may respond better.

hey J. i really think one of the problems is that your son DOES need more sleep- and that an 8pm bedtime is just too late. kids don't sleep well if they are overtired, and waking up every few hours is a classic sign of overtiredness, that he isn't able to settle himself to sleep. Sleep begets sleep, so the more opportunities he has to sleep the better he will be. a 10 month old can only stay awake about 3 hours at a time, maybe 4.
with that being said, you really do have to teach him to sleep. i know you said you don't agree in crying it out, but there is a big difference in letting a 4 month old cry (who doesn't understand where mom and dad went, why he is alone, etc), versus a 10 month old crying, who knows full well where you are and that by crying you will come back. it isn't manipulation so much as a learned response.
do you have a set nap schedule? ie: at 8am and 1pm, no matter what is going on, he goes down in his room for a nap (ideally following a meal). Put him to bed awake, soothe him to calm, and leave the room. if he falls asleep and wakes up crying, he is still tired. a baby who wakes up talking/babbling, is ready to get up. I think you might hate hearing this, and i understand it, because it was REALLY hard for me to do this as well, but my daughter was just not one of those kids who could settle herself without crying and working it out herself. i realize all kids are different, and i honestly tried every method, but letting her fuss and cry WORKED. and it only took about 7 or 8 days before she finally "got it". I'd put her down at the same time every day with the same routine, and if she cried i'd go in every 10 minutes, pick her up, calm her down, and put her back down. it was hard, but after the first few times, i realized she cried the hardest and was most upset because she KNEW i was leaving and would come back if she kept crying, so i just stopped going in. After a day or two of that, she got it. now she goes down without a fight or even a whimper, and is SO much happier. she is 11 months and sleeps 2 naps 2 hours each, and sleeps from 6pm to 6am every night without waking. It was a huge struggle emotionally and even physically, but i realized after stepping back that she really needed more sleep, and it was my job as her mother to teach her to do it. some lessons are hard learned, but i firmly believe that crying for 10 minutes for 10 days didn't cause her extreme distress and isn't going to ruin her. I think it actually made her a better baby, and i'm definitely a better mother to her.
It is a very hard thing to do, and i understand what you're going through, these decisions are very hard to make, but when you look at it from the long term, big picture, sometimes you have to try something you said you wouldnt, or do totally unconventional things- whatever works is what is right :) you also might want to look at health reasons- maybe he's really gassy or has reflux when he lies down. we put my daughter's mattress on an incline to help with the reflux and it worked like a charm. she also has a "lovey" that goes to bed with her every time, which helps comfort her. little tricks tend to help the most. is his room dark enough? maybe a sound machine? maybe he needs a bigger evening meal? Good luck!!!

I'm not sure if you are doing this already, but I would recommend a consistent bedtime routine...like get into pjs, read a book, bottle and then lay down. Even the same words - every night when I put my older son down (who is now almost 2) I say "It's time for sleeping, I love you. See you in the morning." and then I leave.

Also, I would recommend reading about differnet sleep methods...when I first heard of crying it out, the way people described it, it sounded like you put your baby in bed and you just leave and don't come back no matter how much they cry. After I read about the different methods, I realized it wasn't like that...we ended up doing the CIO methid where the first night you put them to bed and then let them cry 5 minutes then go in and comfort them (but don't pick them up) then wait 10 minutes to go in if necessary, then wait 15 and you do every 15 minutes for as long as it takes for them to go to sleep. Then each night after that you lengthen the time you wait. We actually still do the 5/10/15 minutes thing and only once or twice in more than a year since we have been doing it has he cried for more than 15 minutes.

Anyway, sorry to ramble on, but I would try the routine thing. I good book if you definitely don't want any crying it out is "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. iVillage.com and BabyCenter.com both have a bunch of healpfull articles too. Good luck!

I'm in the same situation with my 12 1/2 month old. She is at daycare full time and seems to sleep fine there, but at home on the weekends, she barely takes naps. I'm lucky to have her down for an hour total all day. She still wakes at least once a night to breastfeed. Since she sleeps fine at daycare, I believe that I'm the problem. She knows she can manipulate me and she knows I'll breastfeed her. My husband and I are trying to have him take care of all the sleeping when possible. Maybe that's something you could try. They are more rotten for their mammas!

I feel your pain. I hate to tell you that my son woke at night up until the age of TWO-2 2 2!!! UGH. OK I wont lie, he still does it, but its not every night now. He turned 2 in June.
I felt the same way. How can this child be in bed from 930-730, wake up 2x during the night, and take 2--45min. naps and be getting enough sleep??? This cant be good. But apparently thats what worked for him. NOT ME, HIM!!!

When he turned 2 we took his bottle from him. ANd somehow magically he slept thru the night. Simply Amazing. But it was short lived. He still has nights that he wakes. I think he has night terrors sometimes. But our problem now is that he CLIMBS out of his crib and comes into MY bed. Not to mention my 3yr old joins us in our room around 2am. She sleeps on the floor. My son hasnt caught onto this yet.
When will it all end?

Sorry, Im not much help. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Perhaps he needs some wind down time for his naps. Alone, away from his sibling. But I'd be thankful for an hour. As for sleeping thru the night...dont pick him up or talk to him. We just patted. I usually did say shhh, its nightnight time, then patted. I cant NOT talk to my child, lol. But pat for a few and walk away. I couldnt do the cry it out either. I tried but after several attempts that lasted for a few days he never improved a single bit, he only got worse. I dont beleive all kids can CIO.
I hope some of my rambling helps you. Sorry and GL.

I haven't read the other responses, so this possibly could have been suggested already.
I noticed with my daughter that they get into the habits that we LET them get into. My daughter started sleeping longer during naps when I made a mandatory rule not to 'go get her' until she had been in there for at least 1 1/2 hours. That included both the morning and afternoon naps. I also stopped nursing her when she woke at night (especially after I realized that it wasn't hunger that was waking her, just habit). Not easy, and it nearly drove me crazy, but she began sleeping through the night after that. All this was when she was about 8-9 months old.
I think it's important to remember that, at this age: the more they sleep, the more they sleep. That seems backwards, but it has held true.

at 9 months babies should sleep approx 14 hours per day. this means you add night time sleep with the naps and you should get 13-15 hours. when kids don't sleep enough they have a harder time sleeping which is counterintiutive but true. my little girl is terrible at sleeping but what helped for me at your son's age was changing to one nap. 10 months is early for a lot of kids but they are all different so you can try and if that doesn't work than go back to 2. also they are growing so much at this age i noticed my baby was waking up hungry. i tried just giving her water but some nights she was hungry and milk did the trick. i wanted to stay away from actual food so she didn't get in the habit of midnight snacks but sometimes she just NEEDED the milk. it never actually became a habit when she stopped waking upo hungry she just would wake up and have some water. now at 2.5 she sleeps with a water cup nearby and sometimes wakes up at night and helps herself and goes back to sleep. i wake up thirsty in the middle of the night so why not babies? anyway good luck from the parent of one terrible sleeper to another!