Erratic Sleeping in 3 Month old...help!

Melissa- relax. He's way too little to understand routines. Leeting him cry until he goes to sleep isn't doing any good so let it go. Babies grow up too fast and before you know it he'll be sleeping all night and you'll miss the alone and quiet time. Forcing a nap is just going to make everyone including the little guy tense.
He needs to know that you are there to comfort him and letting him cry himself to sleep for a nap is just upsetting.

I don't think his change in sleeping habits has anything to do with the bedtime routine. I would continue to do it since it will help in the long run. But for now, just keep doing the routine and that's about all that you can do. Both my kids went through abrupt changes in their sleeping habits for no apparent reason at times, and they were always back to normal within 2 weeks. I think you're doing everything "right" in terms of trying to teach him good sleeping habits. Sometimes the little ones just don't feel like cooperating! Try not to stress about it too much...you're doing all you can and it will work itself out sooner or later! Best of luck :)
P.S. I agree with all the book recommendations...Weisbluth (sp?) is great.

You're starting too early to structure him. They won't succumb well to a schedule till after 4 months and sometimes a little later depending on maturity. Read Healthy sleep habits happy child for suggestions on how to get a schedule worked out. He clearly states not to start till 4 months. Up until four months its best to feed and sleep on demand. You and the baby will be happier.

i never read the other advice first, so i may be repeating what lots of others have said...

this is normal! you can be as anal as you have time to be and try to map it out (i actually had a color-coded excel spreadsheet to really see when my kiddo was eating (when she started/finished when she was nursed or how many oz from a bottle), when she started/ended a nap, when she went down for the night... i did this for over a month and it kind of helped me remain sane in a way. i had something to do, a way to keep track and try to be in control which i most clearly was not :)

while doing this, i started doing a little research online and found that most kids don't have a set routine till about 6 months and felt a lot better. my graph did help me SEE what, if any, patterns were developing and helped me to work to get her on HER own pattern. I also started to see that she was getting tired earlier and earlier and if i got her in bed for the night then, she did so much better. (she slept from 6pm-6am from around 5 months till she was 15 months or so, and is now more like 7-7 at 21 months w/ one 2 hour (or so) nap a day). her naps, however didn't fall into a routine till around 6 months and then it was like clockwork!

the funniest part of this is that when and if we ever have another child, that kid won't get the kind of respect for its routine that the first one did because, well, i'll have the first one around to chase after ;)

good luck and remember to breathe!!

My son is 7 1/2 months old and just recently fell into his own routine. Up til now, I let him nurse on demand and sleep when he needed to sleep. He now takes three really good naps (at least 1 1/2 hours each) and goes to bed around 10 pm. It works for us. I love the evening nap. It gives me time to get my older one to bed without having to worry about him. I'm guessing the evening nap will be gone in a few months and he'll start going to bed a little earlier. 12 weeks is really young for any sort of schedule. I'm not a fan of Weissbluth. I don't believe babies should cry alone in their cribs. You may have read the book, but he hasn't and doesn't know what he "should" be doing. If you go with a sleep training method, you need to teach him to fall asleep. He doesn't know what you want him to do by leaving him alone. He isn't going to learn anything by leaving him alone to cry. We don't put our kids in the bathroom alone to potty train. We teach them how to recognize the signals to use the potty. Give him some time and eventually they figure out that it's night time and it's time to sleep. It's a developmental thing, he's not trying to manipulate you. He may just need a nap at 7 and not actually be ready for bed for a few hours after that. Give it a try. Do what works. Good luck.

Babies seem to go through a major sleep transition around 4 months of age. My daughter went from 3 months of colicky, NO sleeping, to finally sleeping (thank heavens!) But most of my friends (who didn't have colic babies) saw the exact opposite -- their babies stopped sleeping in their pattern at 4 months. So things sound right on schedule, as your son is starting his 4th month!

I don't know if you are utilizing any particular sleep training method/book, but just hold your course and continue your bedtime routine and methods. It may take a week or so to start to straighten out into a new routine. I, too, am a personal fan of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby." It offers both the "cry-it-out" method, plus a second method for Moms who do not want to allow the baby to cry it out.

He is only 12 weeks..let him set the schedule

I'm not sure what other people's advice was, but I know my twins at 12 weeks were definetely not on a schedule yet. I think your baby is way too little to let him cry it out to get sleep. At 12 weeks I let them set their own schedule still. Actually, until I introduced solids at 6 months is when I finally got them on a routine schedule. I did start the bedtime routine with bathtime, pjs, & nursing at around 8 weeks of age too. My twins slept a ton for their first 4 weeks & then things were not consistent with patterns until around 6 months again. I think I nursed my guys 3-4 x/night at 12 weeks & they took about 3-4 naps a day still. It does get better. Babies patterns will change constantly for the first year. Good luck!

He's only 12 weeks. Give him time. All your sleeping books might be helpful when he's several months old.

Letting him cry and not responding to him is not what you want to do as you're establishing a relationship. He needs to know his mom is there for him. He needs your help going to sleep like he need help eating and staying warm.

It's real important to view the world from his perspective. He doesn't know anything and needs you to respond to his needs and love on him. He will spend YEARS sleeping through the night on a "schedule."

Try looking at the word routine different and just get rid of the word structure for another couple of years! Routines are the actions you take before and during an event. If you have a pattern instead of a routine then the child will be flexible with location and time. At this VERY YOUNG age the child and you are getting to know each other and developing personality and trying to find something that works. There are so many growth spirts and changes that make regularity at this stage very uncommon. FOLLOW YOUR CHILD is the best advice for all ages under 6 yrs. When you see it is time to rest, or you need your child to go to bed, start a pattern and do the same thing every time. Listen to and watch your baby instead of the clock. Feed, change, rock...bath...whatever is right for you the same why every time and that will be a "structure/routine" for baby. This will also help a caretaker have success if you are not able to do the routine with baby. Take care of yourself. Dr.Sears has GREAT books about babies! Good luck! Relax because your baby feels when you are worried or tense or think that they "should" be a certain way. And your gut will tell you...when you are still and listening...what to do. If you need a deep breath to hear it, just walk away and come back as if you haven't seen your baby all day...it works...they feel this difference and distraction.

Hi Melissa,

I have 4 children and they were all different, so I treated each situation different. My first slept through the night from the first night home from the hospital, the second didn't and I just went with what the baby wanted at the time. By 4 months he had his own schedule which was different then my first's. He stayed up until 9:30p but had his bath by 7p, PJ's on and final bottle/nursed by 8:30p. He would only sleep until 6a. He took one long nap from 11a til 2p. My first went to bed at 8p and woke at 9a. She had a shorter nap between 1p til 2 or 2:30p. It worked out because I was able to spend some alone time with each. My last two were very different also, but as long as you let them know "night time" they eventually "get it" some take longer than others to enjoy the long periods of sleep. Also, sometimes if you wait to long to put them down for naps, they fight it extremely hard. My last son had to be put down at the first sign that he was tired, for if I didn't he was a miserable beast until he went to bed for the night. Basically, just pay attention to your childs signs, tired = bed, hungry = fed, they just need a little guidance as to what equals what and believe it or not you'll get there faster then you think. You will still have some sleepless nights, but trying to sooth him at night is better than letting him cry it out at night. During the day sometimes crying it out is the only way and some days it was even easier to let them fall asleep in a pack-n-play or swing. I would let them play themselves to sleep. As time goes on and you have more children you will learn all the "tricks". Good Luck!!

This is very normal for a 3 mos old. I think you are jumping the gun as far as your expectations. In a month or two he will be ready for what you are trying now.

I always seem to be recommending this book, but it really helped me out: Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Wiesbluth (an MD at Northwestern). My dtr was not a consistent through the night sleeper till 5 months and also didn't have a real schedule till then either. It sounds like you are doing the right things though! Just be patient. Also for a new mom Baby 411 is an excellent book.

He'll figure it out eventually, don't worry! Your little guy, like most babies, doesn't know the difference between night and day. He doesn't have a care in the world, and doesn't understand structure at 12 weeks!
If he's tired, put him down. If he wants to 'play', keep him stimulated in the bouncy while you do your thing...

Does he act sleepy? If not, then keep him up. When he is good and tired, he'll sleep, and hopefully for a longer period of time. You didn't mention naps. Maybe he needs an after lunch nap? It might just take a while for you to figure out all of his cues.

Just relax and enjoy him right now, Momma. Worry about structure in a few weeks/months. It will figure itself out.

If he's cranky at 7 then he may just be really tired, keeping him up to 8 to complete a routine may make him just overtired, or may be giving him a chance to get his "second wind".

What if you started your bedtime traditions at 6 before he's tired, so that at 7 you could just put him right down and let him sleep? He may still wake up once at night since he's transitioning to a longer bedtime, but you'd get some more evening time to yourself too :)

My first instinct says do the routine closer to his original bedtime (the one you thought was too late). Sleeping through the night is sooo important for everyone, if he was doing better w/ a later bedtime, continue w/ that. You could gradually make it earlier (20min. earlier for a few days, then 10 min. earlier the next, etc.). Possibly you made too big of a time change. My son (2 now) was a night owl. He went to bed at 10pm for the longest time, and that was precisely what was best for his body. All babies are different. Beware of the book some have mentioned, Healthy Sleep Habits.... It works for some, not others. According to this book, practically all babies need to go to bed at 7pm. There is NO WAY this would've worked for my son (not to mention we never did the "cry it out" method). My son now goes to bed at 9-9:30. He has always been a great napper & sleeper (though each child has their off nights). Like your son, he was sleeping through the night at 7 wks. old. One lesson I learned is to leave good enough alone. Once they stop sleeping through the night we quickly realize how much of a blessing it was when they were! Good luck!

I have two kids and I didn't try to get them on any type of routine until they were both 6-8 months old. I just went with what they needed at the time. They are now 5 and 2 and are fantastic sleepers. They both go down at 7 PM. The 5 year old sleeps until 7 with no nap and the 2 year old takes a 2 hour nap and gets up at around 6 AM. Personally I think you might be trying too hard to get your child on a routine at a VERY early age. At 12 weeks old they are growing so much and changing so much that they need a lot of sleep and a lot of food. I wouldn't deprive him of night time feedings. If it's absolutely necessary you might want to cluster feed during the day to try to get him through the night....my thought is that he's hungry and growing. Just go with it and let him dictate the schedule for a few days. It'll get back to normal soon enough (if there is a normal for infants). Good luck!

hi there..

have you tried " babywise" by Gary Izzo..& Robert Bucknam. M.D. it is a book that teaches you how to have a parent centered life. instead of the baby setting the schedule, Your the parent for a reason to set balance and order in their lives in a loving a nurturing way. I have 4 children ad my children were on the schedules and were much more happier and soo was I. It takes 3 days to set a schedule. so your baby may be a little fuzzy,, but by the third day....it works.! My sister in law has a 7 month old. and She just started it. and he is sleeping on a schedule all by himself no matter how noisy it can be... its all about setting his timer! Good luck.. you can find it on barnes and noble, as well.! you will love it.

Do you have him on an eating schedule as well? We used the "Baby Wise" method. Eating every 2.5 to 3 hours, making sure he doesn't fall asleep while eating. Wake/play time after that for about an hour, then nap time for an hour and a half or so. Repeat until bedtime. Our son used a pacifier to help him sleep. What about yours? I also played soft music and rocked him to sleep (which I know is a no-no, but whatever works!), and carefully layed him down. At 3 months, our son only used to sleep for 30-45 minutes at each nap during the day, then he gradually lengthened to two 1 hour naps. He also slept 11-12 hours a night. It took a lot of hard work to train his body to do that, though. Make sure you stick to whatever routine you decide to do, and if you are consistent, he will be trained. It took us 6 weeks to get our son to sleep through the night. Just be consistent. Good luck!