Hello everyone,
I don't know where my part is and what I should do. My kids dads dad(thier grandpa) had a heart attack the other day. I want to give my support but I don't know what I need to do. A little about my ex and I, We were together since I was 17 I was living with him and his parents. They treated me just like their own and gave me the world. I had two kids with their son and spent almost 8 years with him. We have been seperated for 8 months and then got back together 7 months and relized that it wasn't working so we seperated again. This last seperation was not as bad as the first one but the physical fighting before the seperation was almost worse. we both fight, it wasn't one sided. His sister wants to hurt me and I haven't talked to his parents since the split up this last time but they have always been there for me. I feel I should be there for them. Dad has had a heart attack before when I first moved in with them. I was there for that but more for his mom than him because he wanted his sister and not me so I had problems with that one as well. I told him that if he needed me to keep the kids I would or if he needed me to take the kids to him I would do that as well. He is in the hospital in a city about 2 hours away from here. Now would it be right for me to go see his dad in the hospital or should I stay away. My heart want to go see his dad. My ex- and I get along as friends we talk for a little while every time we we see each other and we normaly talk about the dates that he has been on and me and my boyfriend.
I want to think everyone for there advice it helped alot. His dad was able to go home yeterday and I wasn't able to make it up there. I did talk to my-ex about it am he had no problem with me going if I could make it but as me being the primary care taker of our children we as parents desited that it would be best not to take the kids out of school. So everytime there was a change my ex would call me so I could keep our kids up to date with what was going on, because of that it made it easier for me not to be there. Grandpa is doing good. I also had full suport from my boyfriend with whatever I needed to do in this case and that made it so much easier for me.
Just go to the hospital with the kids. :) You're not going there for anyone but to visit his dad because he is somewhat family to you. If any other family has qualms about you being there at least let his dad know you came by with the kids. That shows you care, he'll feel good about that. :)
If I was you I would ask your ex if it would be appropriate to visit. Otherwise a card and flowers is always thoughtful. When my dad was in the hospital for a heart attack and he was in the ICU only 2 people could be in the room and I was resentful when my sister-in-law wanted to accompany my brother into the room for hours at a time because it meant I could not be in there. My mother did not want me to bring my daughters to see their grandfather because she thought it would scare them. People can look shockingly weak and frail after a heart attack. I know you want to express your concern but I wouldn't rush to the hospital to pay a visit. I think there are better ways to convey your concern.
I would be open and honest with your ex and tell him that your heart goes out to his Dad. Tell him that you would like to go see him in the hospital and see what he thinks about it. I know that can be tricky when you are split up. My Mom communicates with my Ex and I hate it! But we had a horrible break up and a horrible court battle.
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A.
My suggestion would be to contact your exhusband and ask him does he think it would be ok for you to visit his father or would it cause more of an issue in the family, therefoe, causing the father (grandpa) to become upset. Then if it's ok could your exhusband either meet you there or assist in aranging a time so you and his sister would not run into each other. Or if that doesn't work what about contacting your mother-in-law and visiting her, at least you would be showing that you care and that you are there if she needs you.
I think you should go see him. He obviously means a lot to you, and you would regret it if you didn't see him in his time of need. Your relationship with your ex has nothing to do with you wanting to see a sick man in the hospital. Good luck, and I hope everything will work out.
Dear L.,
it sounds that you have very nice and warm heart.
it seems to me as well you are in good relationship with your EX and his parents .
first talk to your EX and find out when is the best time for you to go there while his sisters are not there . without saying anything about your feelings just make it as you do not want to make his dad upset if his sister ended up saying something bad to you .
if i am in your shoes i would do that .
i used to have a boyfriend for 5 years and i was in good relation with his family , and still until today after 12 years of being married to another guy i still call his parents and still go and visit them whenever i am in the area .
they know that when his wife over there i do not like to go so she would not start any problems .
so keep the peace for the sake of your kids and take them with you after you are sure that there is no sisters over there going to make any problems for you.
good luck for you :)
If you talk to your ex as friends, then you should call him and tell him how you are feeling. Ask him if it is going to cause problems for you to show up. You don't want to just show and the sister be there, that might cause drama, the last thing your ex's dad needs. Hope that helps.
This sounds bad, but sometimes doing nothing is best. Send a get-well card (it sounds like you love his parents or at least care for them) and offer assistance or ask to come for a visit in the card, then back off. Remember, this is a trying time for everyone. Just make sure you do it for the right reasons. Good luck and may peace be with you in your time of need.
L.,
Hi. My first response may not be one you really want, but, I think at this point anything that might cause your father-in-law any kind of stress would not be good. If you are feeling stressed about seeing him, he may be feeling the same.The fact that you haven't talked to them since the break up could make it uncomfortable. If there truley is no stress than it would be fine to see him.I wouldn't go when the sister is there, sounds like there is problems with her. My second and maybe the safest approach, "Just send some nice flowers or a really nice note".
G.
Hi L.
It sounds like you have an extended family even if you didnt have the children. But in my opinion you have an obligation to include yourself in grandpa's situation because your ex and his family will always be part of yours beacuse they are related through the children. Besides, even if you dont agree with that, sounds like you care about them and why cut people out of youe life you care about?
God Bless you and "grandpa"
C.
Your ex's parents will always be your children's grandparents. If you have a good relationship with them cultivate it. My brother broke-up with his girl-friend when his daughter was only 2yrs old. My mom and my niece's mom stayed in touch and ended up with a better relationship, than my mom has with my brother. My niece is 30yrs old now and we have a close bond with her and her mom, even though they do not speak to my brother, but thats a long story. I am only 7 years older than my niece, and her mom is like a sister to me. I don't really know my brother and when I do see him he is more like a stranger than a brother.
What I am saying is that if you feel close to your ex's parents and they like you than go to them with your support. When you had their grandchildren, that made you family and that does not change.
ALWAYS follow your heart L.. Good luck.
V.
Love is eternal and you will never regret extending love to another regardless of what anyone may think.You may be just a answer to prayer,Go and Love in a big way!!
