EXPERIENCED DOG OWNERS: Advice

Updated on April 08, 2012
J.B. asks from Katy, TX
33 answers

We got a dog from the SPCA two weeks ago. She is about 1.5 yrs old, Australian Shephard mix. She has had at least one litter and was probably a stray as opposed to being a surrender. When we picked her she wasn't the most affectionate but she wasn't cowering or timid by any means. She was letting us pet her, she stayed close to us etc.

After getting her home, whole different story. Since she has been here we have literally NOT been able to touch the dog. She will not come close to us AT ALL. She is eating and drinking. She uses the dog door and comes in the house at night or when we are gone. She had ZERO accidents in the house. But the second we go into the back yard to attempt to interact with her, she won't come within 20 feet of us.

After two weeks of coaching, my wife had at one point gotten her to eat dog snacks from her hand, but the other day my wife walked out the back door and startled the dog. In her effort to run away the dog accidentally fell into our pool. She got out ok, but ever since she has reverted back to her behavior of not coming anywhere near us.

Like I said she does not appear to have been abused, she isn't skittish, doesn't whimper or anything like that.
So how to we get this dog to warm up to us? Or is she an eternal stray?????

thanks

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H.M.

answers from Denver on

I just want to thank you for

1- adopting a stray/rescue/spca

2- not writing here to ask if you should get rid of her already cause she isn't "perfect"

I'm so happy you are taking the time to understand her and work with her...it will reward you in the end. :-)

5 moms found this helpful

J.S.

answers from Jacksonville on

First off, let her come to you. The more you try to force her the more she will back away.

We got a Shiba Inu from a puppy mill raid. He had never had real human contact, never been outside of his crate even. The first few weeks he hid behind everything he could find. Eventually he got used to us, but was, IS still shy around strangers.

We learned that we tried to track him down and MAKE him interact with us, he would revert. He came to us on his own terms and did much better. :)

4 moms found this helpful

G.T.

answers from Redding on

If she was a stray she is used to fending for herself and has no clue that someone wants to lover her.
It sounds like you guys are on the right path and it's just going to take some time.
I agree with leashing and walking her as much as possible and using the leash to keep her close to you so she gets used to the "touch" of humans.
She will come around if you keep it up.

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K.N.

answers from Boston on

Patience. It takes a long time to learn to trust again.

Just before meal time (so she'll be pretty hungry) try putting some snacks down (make it really tasty & hard to resist -- cheese is always a winner). Move away a few feet & sit down. Ignore her. Read a book or whatever. Stay there until she comes & eats what you left. While she eats speak softly but keep your body turned away from her & no eye contact.

Make it easy to be with you. Very low energy. Don't turn toward her (you are much more forceful if you face her). Soft voice -- not an excited, high energy, encouraging voice.

Aussies are very, very smart and become devoted & loyal over time. Give it time. Unfortunately, this needs to be on HER time, not yours. May take months but it is SO worth it. Find a trainer-- but make sure it's a patient one, not a person who feels a need to make dogs bend to their will. She will totally become yours -- but on her own and only when she feels safe and deems you trustworthy.

I wonder, was she attached to someone at the SPCA? Had she been here long?

Thanks for adopting a "rescue" animal (though, sometimes I think the animals rescue us!). Both of my dogs and my mule came from shelters. They certainly come with baggage but once they unpack it, they're yours forever. Hang in there!

6 moms found this helpful

C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

ooh J.!!! I'm sorry. this is hard and heart breaking.

Consistency. Just keep loving her. My girlfriend, Pam, adopted a dog last year that had been abused. The people kept him chained up outside 24 hours a day...NO SHELTER!!! he was emaciated and scared to death.

It's been 9 months now. Teddy - is a Teddy bear. At first he would not let you touch him. It took about 3 months for him to actually feel like he wasn't going to be stuck outside if he went outside to do his thing. They do have one other dog...a New Foundland/Black Lab mix...and Teddy, who we guesstimate is 5 years old, rules the roost. Even though Teddy is smaller and more timid than Buddy.

It took him a month to let me touch him. Now?! He wags his tail when he sees me!! yesterday!!! I was sooo excited!!! I was over picking up Grady and Teddy came to me while I was sitting down and nudged my hand to love him!! YAHOOO!!!!!

It takes time. Consistency. Love her. She will warm up. Just keep the food and water coming. Talking to her, even from a distance, in a nice loving voice and let her come to you. i'm sorry. I know you want it NOW. But after being most likely abandoned her whole life...she is VERY people-shy. Who knows what stupid people did to her....if after six months she is not warming up...she may end up being an eternal stray. I don't know.

Guess when I get to Texas again I'll have to come meet her! (and you too!)

4 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

How does she respond when she is on a leash? (You had to at least have had her on a leash to get her home, right?)

If she isn't petrified by it, do what Cesear (Dog Whisperer) does... use "the walk". Take her for walks and when the walk is over, praise and play. Don't overdo the play part right now, as she may not enjoy it. But you can offer her a treat (deli chicken never misses).
The walk does more than tire out the dog and give it healthy exercise. It helps the dog bond with you as its pack. You (the walker) become the pack leader in this way. It is one method people use to introduce dogs that don't get along well together---take them on walks together, (two people walking them at first) with the people in the middle and the dogs on the outside, but walking in the same direction. It distracts the dogs from each other yet teaches them that it is okay to be near each other. Over time, they can be walked by just one person. Walking also puts them in a "working" state of mind and they sort of tune out other distractions. Especially if the pace is not a leisurely one.... Cesar often uses rollerblades! ;)

If the dog freaks out about the leash, then I wouldn't force this method....but maybe contact a professional (tenderhearted) trainer.

They are beautiful dogs, and quite smart. Good luck.

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C.W.

answers from Santa Barbara on

It sounds like you are doing everything right, it just takes time and convincing her that you are safe.

We are going through something similar here as well. My daughter broke up a dog fight on the way to college a month ago, it would have been the tiny dog's last day for sure. Well, the little one was a mess so I met my daughter at the vet and after tons of treatment (including an eyeball removal and complete shave down from the entire body being completely matted). I brought him home and planned to find him a home (after ponying up $ 1,320 in vet services, oh well). This mess of a dog didn't even know how to drink water out of a bowl, walk on a leash, was frightened of men and very protective of his food...he was such a street dog. What was crazy though was when we left the house he would bark like a complete lunatic!! Separation anxiety in a street dog?? I would not name him, I wasn't going to keep him, just get him better and find him a home!! Well, "Scruffy" is sitting at my feet in the office here. He is doing so much better but still has some issues to work out.

Good luck!! In my experience these rescued/adopted dogs make the best pets and have the most personality!

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Amen MartyMomma

We've had strays that we tied to our ankles too. Some work out, some do not. Right now I have a shepherd who is sleeping with my daughter, tolerates us, but needs her space. She will run and hide if one of us puts our hands over our heads, and we've had her for 4 years. She still does not completely trust us and we never strike the dogs.

I would suggest maybe a different dog. I know you have chosen this one, but you have little ones at home. Aussies need a huge amount of execise and attention, they also need a job.

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J.T.

answers from College Station on

I think she just needs time. Go in the back yard and read, or eat, spend time out there around her. Lock the dog door so she can't go in the house to get away. Don't force it. Also, try to find a treat she really likes and use that to lure her in.

Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

M.A.

answers from Detroit on

Aussie's are sometimes reclusive (they were breed to herd and make great guardian dogs.)

It will take a long while for your aussie to warm up to you. Long walks will help; she will have to gain your trust (this will take a long time). Sit on the ground with her, play, just get to know one another. She has been through a lot, and you do not know a lot about her past owners and how they treated her. You have to remember everyday things are new to her, and she will have to adjust. Once she gains your trust, she will not leave your side, and will protect you and your family.

Hopefully you did your homework before adopting this gem, Aussie's are a handful.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Time, time, time.

Imagine your dog isn't a dog; pretend she's a kid who has had to be on his own since he was a child. He didn't have a leader (dogs are pack animals, remember - they need leadership) or anyone to be on his side, so he didn't develop trust in people. This is the sort of kid who gets lost in the system because it's necessary for everyone else to have so much patience with him, and everybody else is too busy. He's not acting the way a child is expected to act, but he can't do any better.

Your new family member wanted to be friends with you, so she let you pet her. She picked you out! Now that she's out of the shelter, she still wants you. She just is terribly unsure what to expect. It will take time for her to learn how to trust. I bet she would love to be friendly. She may seem unfriendly, but actually she may be very frightened. Think about the kid (in the paragraph above), and compare that to one of your own children who has learned to be trusting from babyhood.

If she is staying around and going in and out the dog door, then, to her mind, she isn't a stray. She has adopted you.

She hasn't been threatening, right? She's just keeping away. Is she healthy? You may need to ask a vet what to do if she's sick.

I suggest that you accept her as she is right now. Smile at her. Talk to her in a friendly, loving way, as you would talk to your friends. Have your kids be friendly to her, but tell them that she's very shy and scared, and to let her alone.

Make it a point to sit outside with her. When she's inside, too, act friendly, trying not to startle her (!) and acting as if her behavior is just fine. Start with the dog snacks again (baby carrots are low calorie, if it helps you to know). Praise the dog whenever she comes in your direction, even when she looks at you or wags her tail. You can try some command words, but don't expect her to obey. She can't get that far. You're just making her familiar with the words, but mostly you're reinforcing the behavior you want her to develop.

If you need to, ask around your area for a reputable dog trainer and pick his or her brains.

This will take time!

It's not, perhaps, what you thought you'd be doing when you adopted a dog, but you may find a greater reward from this patience than if you'd come home with a "perfect pet." You may well end up with a dog whom you're so thankful to have in your family. And your children may learn some valuable life lessons.

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M.B.

answers from Austin on

We adopted a pup at about 4 months of age that had had virtually NO human contact.... they left food out in the yard for the dogs, and that was about it. They literally had to tackle him to catch him for us!

He wouldn't take any food from our hands.... if we picked him up he yelped as if he were being attacked..... he would cower and hide under the nearest object....

I was afraid to let him out in the backyard by himself, for fear that he would hide under the shed and we would never be able to connect with him. The only think we could do was to tie him in the backyard, in reach of shade and water. (He wasn't left out for long periods... don't worry.....) Inside, he had a crate in the utility room (off the kitchen), and the kitchen had a baby gate across it... that way he had to see the activities of the house.

So....this is what we did....... the only way he was able to get food was to actually take it from us... I would sit on the kitchen floor, not looking at him, but hold the dog dish at an arm's length. As he got more comfortable with that, I moved it closer and closer to me, until he was next to me. This took several days. At that point, I was able to hold onto his collar and stroke him some. It got much better after that.

As some have said, the direct eye contact can be somewhat threatening to an animal that is fearful.... it is seen as an aggressive act in the dog world.

After about 2-3 weeks, we didn't really have any problems with him. My son actually took him on a leash to see an elderly friend a few blocks away, and put him in her backyard.... he got out, and came straight home!

Now, about 6 years later, he is just fine around everyone. He comes to us for affection, and doesn't have any problems with strangers. He is still somewhat fearful in some situations, but there is no fear based aggression. He is a real sweet dog and put up with a toddler with no problems.

I think some way you need to get her in the house, and try to keep her there... maybe confine her to one area like we did..... take her outside on a leash for potty breaks.... make her see that human interaction isn't something to fear.

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❤.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

Good for you! I'm so glad you saved a dog's life & adopted from the SPCA.

Give her time.

She may not have been on her own. She may have been abused.

Having said that, I took in a friend's dog. I know for a fact she was not abused and it took her awhile to come around.

Well, let me tell you she is my & my baby's little protector.

That breed is a pretty good breed just give it time
I don't recommend a trainer. She is already scared. You can do it
yourself. My sister took her dog to a trainer and she's never been the
same since. I could not believe his tactics. The dog's sister never been
to a trainer......no issues or problems w/her.

Keep doing what you are doing.

Give her more time to gain your trust. She will!

Take her for walks if she lets you.

Crouch down on the ground so you are not towering & intimidating.
Let her come to you.
Let her smell your hand.
Don't lift your hand to pet her head.
Petting can come later.
You will gain her trust by feeding her & providing shelter.
Dogs know this by instinct. They are domestic animals.
Be happy she going out the doggie door to go pee outside.
It's only been two weeks. It takes a lot longer.
She is eating & drinking. She if thrilled to have regular food & water.
That alone will start to gain her trust.
She will come to love & trust you in time.
No, she will not be an eternal stray. I've taken in several.
Dogs are not like other animals. They are called Man's Best Friend for a reason. You will gain her trust & she will in turn love you, alerting you of any impending danger.
Give it some more time, hang in there & keep doing what you are doing.

Edit: It's only been 2 weeks. I've known habits to take longer & friendships to form that take longer. :) Two weeks in nothing. Hang in there.

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J.W.

answers from St. Louis on

My neighbors got a dog from a rescue group and kind of the same problems. They worked on it by walking the dog, every day. It took around six months but she has really come around.

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

Half of it is that she's an Aussie. Aussies have this thing about what we call 'Sheeple'.

Meaning she is ranking you with sheep, instead of as pack/masters/etc.

'Ew... The sheep TOUCHED me. Cringe.'

Even after a time when she DOES rank you above herself, most of your friends, kids friends, etc. will never gain a rank in her mind higher than sheeple.

Work with her. Set up obstacle course for her. Spend a lot of time with her. Laugh at her. SMILING dominance, and the occasional 'No!'/top down dominance and you'll gradually rank higher than sheep... But it will take awhile.

Look up Aussies. They are a quirky breed (strongly bred for work and smarts, they're as quirky as huskies). My son's uncles and on of my BILs both have Aussies (one border collie and one shepherd). LOVE those dogs (and where we first learned about Sheeple), and they're both typically quirky. The breed also needs a LOT of exercise and cpanionship or they get neurotic.

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A.P.

answers from Austin on

oh, please, please give this dog time. I rescued a similar mix dog 12 years ago. He would run out the dog door each time I moved (stand up from sitting, etc.). I had to hire someone to help me get a leash on him. He was a stray - he never knew a home. He never had an accident in the house either. It took time, lots of time, but he became the best dog/friend anyone could ask for. He was my protector and companion. And, when I had my kids, he became theirs. He just needed time to learn how to trust. Now, the hard part - after these 12 wonderful years with him, I just put him down on Tuesday. I miss him terribly and am so sad without him around. Please, please, give this girl time. You will not regret it.

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C.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

It's going to take months and lots of patience, but yes it sounds like she should come around. I would consult a trainer or someone who specializes in rescue dogs. I suspect they will tell you to back off and let her interact with you on her own schedule. I brought a trainer into my home for 4 sessions for some issues I was having with my poodle and it's made a world of difference. A local radio personality here adopted a puppy mill rescue about a year ago and gives us updates on the radio. It's been a slow process, but she's finally starting to act like a normal dog. (If only they could talk and tell us what they've been through.) Not that this is what you need to do or would want to do, but he adopted another rescue dog, a more outgoing one, and the 2nd dog has been helping the other dog come out of her shell. Good luck!

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F.B.

answers from New York on

Take her for walks. Long ones, daily. She'll appreciate them, and you.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

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D..

answers from Charlotte on

I would not keep the dog, J.. I'm sorry - I've just seen stuff like this morph into a dog that snarls and nips. Call SPCA and tell them that it isn't working out, and tell them why.

Your family deserves a dog that will accept your love.

So sorry.

1 mom found this helpful

I.G.

answers from Austin on

I agree that it takes time. One of my schnauzers was just like that. I suspected she came from a puppy mill although I can't be certain. When I adopted her, at age 3, she was very timid, shy, and did not and I mean did not like people near her. I got her spayed. She tolerated my other schnauzer, he's very out going and playful and at times probably got on her nerves but she tolerated him. She was terrified of humans. she would turn the other way if you tried to pet her.
I gave her space and time. I fed her, took care of her food and shelter wise, but as far as touching her and interacting that way-- I waited for her to come to me when she was ready. She needed to trust me first, I got that. Now???? I've had her 8 months now and the little stinker is ALL OVER ME. :)
Now she plays with my other dog, they carry on and rough house all over the place. Chasing each other....and she is no longer scared of us. She's my little snow ball, she's a white schnauzer.
Give it time. Thats pretty much the best thing you can do. The dog has to trust you first. Don't try too hard. Just let it be...........you don't have to convince a dog to love, but you have to convince a dog to trust.
Good luck, it will happen. :)

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A.M.

answers from Kansas City on

Keep doing what you were doing...it will take time. When my hubs adopted Abby she was the same way...he had her for about a year before I met him and he said it took almost 6 months before she completely trusted him.

Even if your dog wasn't physically abused she could have been somewhat mistreated. i.e. yelled at my humans, never given the ooey gooey lovie dovie from others.

ETA: My hubs watches all of Ceasar's shows...I will ask him later what he thinks. Plus hubs is like a dog whisperer too. I swear animals just love him and if I didn't know better I would think he's Dr. Doolittle.
Keep trying...she will come around.

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H.A.

answers from Burlington on

Thank you, thank you, thank you! to your and your family for becoming dog guardians :-)

I don't have much new to add to the excellent advice you've gotten from others here, but in case you want to hear it again: she WILL warm up to you and it WILL take time. How long it will take is unclear, but two weeks is not very long in the entire scheme of things.

I've adopted two dogs like this (and a cat) and eventually they all learned that their new family could be trusted. It sounds like you and your wife are doing all the right things. Hang in there!

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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

We had a dog much like this. After almost a year, he would let us pet him, but only my husband and myself. NO ONE else EVER touched that dog. It was the way he was until we had to have him put down. Some dogs are not people dogs!

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K.F.

answers from Salinas on

Riley is right it sounds breed specific. I would talk to someone with experience with Aussie's and Border Collies. I've known many and they are either really amazing, smart dogs or crazy as heck. Even the great ones have some behaviors that seem weird.
Exercise is key as lack of it tends to make them more quirky. Find a working dog expert and see what they say.

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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Just give her time. Let everything be on her terms and she'll come around my faster. Please be patient and don't give up.

M.B.

answers from Beaumont on

How in the world can you say the dog is not skittish? Good grief that is the most skittish dog I can imagine.
These dogs need alot of training and constant exercise. I would never attempt that breed unless I had a farm.

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

It's only been a few weeks, it will likely take some time.
Does the SPCA offer any support services, like a volunteer phone line or home visits?
It sounds like you're doing fine but I would contact them for some specific advice on transitioning a stray/rescue into a family home. I know they have lots of experienced and caring volunteers whom I'm sure would love to help.
Good luck and good for YOU for saving this dog!!!

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C.S.

answers from Las Vegas on

It's a matter of trust, which even with people, it takes time. If you have the time and patience to spare, she will eventually come around. She may never be a warm dog, but eventually she will trust you.

If you have little ones, I'm not sure I would keep the dog. Sometimes dogs have a different reaction to kids. Kids are face and eye level with the dog. With that said, I wouldn't sit on the floor around the dog. You should never squat to the dogs level...it is just asking for a face attack.

It is possible the dog was never socialized, however, she is still young. If you have the time, she may still come around. Just let her be and just talk to her. Forcing anything on her right now is just going to make things worse.

PS she may never warm up to your wife for making her fall in the pool (ha ha).

Best of luck.

R.W.

answers from San Antonio on

Maybe she needs to be fixed. Ask your vet.

C.P.

answers from Columbia on

I agree with many of the posters below: Take her for LONG walks. Wear her out. When she's a bit tired, give her treats and rub her ears and head as much as she'll allow. Stand next to her so she is leaning on you. Talk to her a LOT.

Just give her time. She's not "family" yet. She'll adopt you soon.

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Y.C.

answers from Washington DC on

I second the point about daily walks and affection on the leash. If you can get a harness on her, and just keep it on at all times, and let her drag a leash around in the house, and keep her with you when you are watching TV or reading - quiet activities at first like that help her know that you just want her to be part of your pack. Block the dog door when she comes in, so that she has to stay inside the house with you for a while, but just let her warm up slowly.

She definitely can come around. We just adopted a dog that did this for the first month, and is now really coming out of his shell. He just needed to know we really wanted him around. :)

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D.K.

answers from Columbus on

It sounds like you are doing a great job. If you have a behaviorist and/or great positive trainer in your area that may help too. Avoiding eye contact, approaching her from the side, at an angle and indirectly may help. Basically trying to use dog body language to show you are not a threat. Dropping treats or kibble that she likes near you and more if she comes to see. Dropping it takes some pressure off her to touch you. Walk around outside at a distance so she can approach as she wants, but ignore her while doing so.

Good luck and hope she comes around soon!

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