Experiences Needed on Kids Going to Different High Schools

Updated on February 16, 2016
K.C. asks from Tampa, FL
13 answers

My girls are 1 year apart in school and because we have so many choices in our area (trust me, not necessarily a good thing), we may end up sending our kids to different high schools. This is not my first choice, but I may get overrulled in the end. I am trying to get some input on both sides of the coin, those parents who have kids in the same school with 1 year apart and those who have them in separate schools. What have your experiences been? I have gotten 2 answers so far, thank you, but I am hoping for experiences. *another update based on questions from replies* I am concerned that they will grow further apart because they are competitive to a certain extent already and going to separate HS's then they will be more loyal to their HS than each other. I know it would be on hubby and myself to show them (which we have been doing, I hope fairly well) that sisters are 1st and nothing should come between that. I am from old school where everyone went to the same HS; basically your sister has your back if anything comes up.

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S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

there are a gazillion different answers.
they are not the same kid so their academic needs and desires are different, so perhaps different schools are just perfect for them.
it's too overwhelming for the family to navigate two different schools so it's not an option no matter the benefits.
if one school has a focus on an area that's a strength of one girl, then clearly it's best for her to go there. if it's just a matter of what they want because of friends or a nice cafeteria or something, not so much.
all things being equal, if different schools are best for them academically and it's do-able for the family, why not?
khairete
S.

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A.D.

answers from Minneapolis on

My older daughter goes to a small charter high school. It's a good fit for her. She tried a large traditional school. It was overwhelming and didn't work well for her. My youngest is in 8th grade in a large public middle school. She thrives there. She loves the peer group and her volleyball team. She will continue in the public neighborhood system into high school. I can't imagine either of my girls happy in the other's school.

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P.1.

answers from San Francisco on

I had my oldest two in different high schools at the same time. Those same two also attended high school in two different countries one year. The biggest deals for us were keeping track of two school schedules and getting to conferences at two schools if they were on the same night. They also started and ended their school year on different days and had different vacation days. Other than that, it really wasn't a big deal.

Last year, my two 18 year olds were in the same high school one grade apart and had been their whole high school "career." It was nice because they had some of the same teachers at the same time so that made conferences go faster (I had 4 kids in high school last year so anything to make conferences go faster is a good thing). Other than the occasional tattling on each other - which was mostly teasing in good fun as my 2 18 yr olds get along well, it was just fine having them in the same school.

I think this is really not a big deal either way - I've done both and neither experience was really any better or worse, just different.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

My third child went to a different high school, because they had better resources for her learning disability. It's been fine, no regrets at all.
What exactly are you concerned about? Simply getting them to/from two different schools or what?

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Well that's a really nice idea (your sister has your back) but you do realize that just being sisters doesn't automatically make them besties, right? My sister and I were forced to do everything together and it just made things worse in my opinion. My parents never respected us as individuals and it sucked.
As far as going to different schools this may actually be a good thing. I mean honestly, if they are already competitive and don't get along then give them some space.
Sorry but that just seems so obvious to me.
I would have LOVED going to a different school and I bet my sister would say the same thing. All those years we wasted fighting over boys, friends, honors, popularity...what a waste.

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E.B.

answers from Honolulu on

I grew up in a small town that did not have a high school. There was one smaller school in a neighboring town that took a very limited amount of students from my town (we had to apply, and grades and discipline records factored in), there were 2 or 3 religious high schools available, and one huge city school that accepted any students from our town who enrolled.

I was active in a church youth group, and even though most of us lived within walking distance of each other, we represented about 5 or 6 schools. It was fun competition, and it didn't interfere with our friendships. We were really loyal to our respective schools, but our interaction with each other reached far beyond school spirit and whose football team was better.

If you encourage and nurture good family relationships, family meal time, family activities, and a healthy and respectful attitude in the home (starting with your husband and yourself), then your girls will most likely keep their good relationship with each other. After all, in 4 short years they'll probably be going to different colleges, moving to different cities, etc. It's the solid foundation that you build within them that lasts and that is most important, not their alma maters.

Send them to the school that is best for each one of them. My neighbor had 3 kids in 3 high schools (she adopted them and they all had emotional or physical or intellectual needs that required things that different schools offered or excelled in) and yeah, she went a little nuts on parent-teacher days, but she kept a great organizational chart and she knew she was providing what her kids needed.

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J.B.

answers from Boston on

My parents had 5 kids in 6 years so we were all 1 or 2 grades apart. I guess I don't really see what the issue is...if your kids want to go to school together and their school is a good fit for both, then they can go together. If one school is a much different fit for one child but not the other and the situation is equitable, then let each choose the one that's the best fit.

FWIW my older sister and I are two years apart and chose to go to the same Catholic, all-girl high school. My brother, a year younger, chose to go to a co-ed Catholic high school and then switched to public after his first year. The next brother, a year behind him, was in public school from first grade on so that he could have access to the special education services he needed and he stayed public through high school. My younger sister, a year behind him, went to the school my older sister and I went to for a year, hated it, went to public school with my brothers for a year, hated that, and for the final two years went to the co-ed Catholic school my brother had left and loved it.

I think you should just be open to hearing their ideas and reasons, consider their input seriously, and be flexible in case whatever they first decide doesn't work out. It's about each child choosing a path and environment that's the best fit for them - on paper, my older sister and I had the "best" education out of all of our siblings but that kind of rigorous education and high standards were what we wanted. My brothers benefited from a much less competitive, more supportive environment in public school and for my younger sister, a school in the middle of those extremes was a good fit.

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R.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I know a family whose kids attended different high schools and are still very close. Attending the same school is not the recipe for closeness. There is no guarantee that siblings will be close.

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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I had boys who were 15 months apart. So 1 year apart in school. They went to Catholic school from preschool thru 8th grade. Older son opted for marmion an all boys military Catholic prep school. The next son chose the public highschool. They went to separate colleges one a huge public the other a small private. They are both healthy productive men. Married and happy. And are very close. One lives in Illinois the other in New Jersey. They talk every day. Whether your girls are close will have nothing to do with being in the same school

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

My SD was more than a year behind her brother, but chose a school he had not attended. She was tired of his shadow, and blossomed in the new school. (Case in point - in 8th grade I was at the Back to School Night and one of her teachers was clearly more interested in discussing SS, who had long moved on, than SD.) I think if it's all the same to everyone, let the kids go to the school that fits them best. Here, the schools were mostly within a 5 mile radius and there was/is busing, so the only "problem" was how early they needed to catch a bus and how they got home from afterschool activities. I know families who have one kid in private school and one in public in completely different cities, because that's what their kids need.

The flip side is that here if the older sibling goes to school x, the younger is grandfathered in. One of SS's friends was forced to attend the same school as his brother, when really I think he would have done better at the school with the art magnet. It was just "easier" for his parents. The district didn't force them to be in the same school.

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D.N.

answers from Chicago on

In Chicago, there are a LOT of schools to choose from. I went to a high school different from my brothers and sisters and ended at a business high school. My nephews are 6 months apart so a year apart in school and went to different high schools. They are first year college now. They had no troubles. I didn't even go to high school with my friends so a new experience for me. My friends with siblings mostly went to different schools based on what they wanted-- more liberal arts, vocational, etc. I would give the kids the choice to be honest.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

More information would be helpful. I can tell you about my experience, but I'm not sure what your concerns are. Who would overrule you? Why would you want them in separate schools? Who's idea is this - yours, the girls, the teachers..?
We have this situation. It's no different than the kids with a greater age gap. They have their own friends. Some overlap. They can hang with either crowd.
Easier for carpooling. Dances, sports, activities after school. School trips.
Easier to get to know one set of teachers, school, principal.
Easier for one child to help the other with projects, etc. if they feel like it.
Our kids like taking bus together.
We've never had an issue. But I don't know what your concerns are - so not sure if this is what you are looking for.

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

My boys are in 1st & 3rd grade, and they go to different schools because my youngest has special needs. It's probably a bit easier at this age, but the schools have a few days off that are different, so we do need to stay on top of things.

I don't know what types of issues you will face - transportation, different calendars. stop and start times and dates. But I can tell you this, my youngest is happy at school for the first time, and he is doing well. Right now, for us, that is priceless.

You do have to balance the logistics, but you also want happy kids. Only you can decide what's feasible.

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