Extra-ordinary Family Ties

You don't want to go to the party but you want to be invited? So you are going to confront him on the invite you will then decline.

How could this be the first time he saw his ex since their divorce? Wouldn't he have seen her at this child's 9th birthday? Other family gatherings?

It just doesn't seem like there is an upside to discussing this. Maybe focus on getting to know him better first.

The time to introduce yourself to this family as the girlfriend is NOT at the party - friction or no friction. I wouldn't send a birthday gift to the child because he won't know who you are and why you are doing it. You're not a complete stranger but you've not been in the "gift giving circle" up to this point, so don't use the child "Liking him through the stories" is not enough right now. It's not up to you to "make yourself known" unfortunately - I totally sympathize with your desire to be a part of his life since you are now together after being apart for so long. But even you admit there are some "adjustment bumps".

I think it's great that you support his relationship with his nephew and that he is not abandoning this child just because his marriage broke up. That's very admirable. I would continue to support that. And you seem to be sympathetic to the fact that he is going to have to run into his ex at various points throughout the year.

Give yourselves at least another few months to develop a relationship with this man, and to get used to doing things together and being together rather than just being email and Skype friends. That's a beautiful thing to encourage. Then, when you're both ready to meet his "family", you will have a really secure bond and the two of you will not be awkward in any way. You will project an aura of confidence and togetherness that will be evident to others, and they will be more likely to embrace you because the two of you will make it so comfortable for them to do so.

When I started dating my husband (divorced, 2 kids), we wound up renting a house together. Still, I moved out on weekends when he had his kids for a while - it was a huge hassle BUT it gave them time to be together in this house and for them to see him as a single father with a home (he had been living with his mother before that, so the kids only went to Grandma's house to see their dad, in their eyes.) After a month or so, I joined them one night for dinner at a restaurant with his mom and the kids. Another time I went to the park with them. I never went to any big family things or any "occasions" at first. It was a problem (inconvenience, my feeling left out in some ways) but I had an underlying confidence that things would work out for us. When we did start to do things together, people saw how happy he was (rather than him feeling awkward about any family drama). But we started out doing things on OUR terms and on neutral territory rather than "loaded" events like holidays and birthdays and so on.

If you are willing to be patient for another 3-6 months and start gradually, it might be better for you and it won't drive him away. But discuss the possibility and a sort of tiered "schedule" for being involved, and say things like "I can't wait to meet this child" without saying it has to be this coming weekend, you know? I don't mean to suggest in any way that you allow him to keep you in a closet and never do anything until he's good and ready. But you guys are not really "together" yet in terms of being used to each other. Get that part down first, and the rest will come.

Good luck!

You're not going to the party.
Why send a gift?
I'd drop it.
No need to "make them aware" of you or your relationship.
This party has nothing to do with you (this year anyway) other than your BF is attending it.

Do not send a gift. You do not need to "make yourself known." Your boyfriend will "make you known" when he is ready for his family to know that he is seeing you.

I think you should talk to him about it. Tell him how you are feeling, any insecurities you are having, and how you would like to be involved.

I'm with Heather: Why is it so hard for people to simply communicate? It makes EVERYTHING so much easier.

Please. Do NOT use a child's birthday party for adult stuff.

You'll get introduced to the family later.

If you've been dating this guy for over a year and his ex doesn't know-that's a red flag. I don't think you need to confront him, but put the matter on the table for discussion.
Don't send a present! Perhaps you can explain to him that you love his stories about the child and ask to go shopping for a present with him if he hasn't already done so.
Maybe this party is his opportunity to tell the family about you so that you can eventually be included in things.

Don't push. Especially since this is his first encounter seeing his ex since their breakup. (which by "breakup" I assume you mean "divorce"). Which I find odd, that they haven't bumped into each other at all in over a year and a half.
If you wouldn't be sending a gift to the boy if you weren't involved with this man, then don't send anything now. If you were to have been invited as a couple to the party, it would still only be one gift from the two of you together.

Something else to think about: You mentioned that you know this family also via mutual acquaintances, and you have been involved with this man for a year. Do they not know you are involved in a relationship with him? It seems that they have not invited you to the party, unless they DO know you are involved with him and assume that HE will invite you if he wants to. And so that is where it sits. IF he wants to have you there, HE will invite you. I wouldn't fish for an invitation.
If knowing he isn't inviting you is a problem for you, then you might consider discussing your relationship in general and where it is and is going. But I wouldn't make it "about" him taking you to this kid's party.

The child is 10. The party should mostly be for him and his friends. I think that if you have not yet met the child, then you can simply send BF on with your good wishes and not worry about it at this point.

If this is the first time he's seen his ex since they divorced, then all the more reason to just let him go to the party for the boy and not interject anything else. If you know of them but aren't friends with them, then let BF do the introducing. You say you've only recently been in the same geographic location, so I would give this more time and not feel slighted.

Nope, do not send a gift. It's a kids party and he is the Uncle. Tell him you will meet him for dinner after the party. Tell him to say hello to the child for you. That's about it.

What I am hearing is that you have no intentions of going to the party, but you would like an invitation.

It seems you already understand and have decided it is not a good idea for you to go.

As for my family ties...My sister (5 years older than me) married her X when I was in 6th grade. Prior to that I was always around and even went on dates with them. I didn't have any brothers, so this was my brother. I went to all family functions of theirs and know his entire family very well. I have even gone on road trips with them, stayed at the families house, helped cook, prepare for parties, helped drive on the road trips, you name it. Well, my BIL had a younger brother almost my age. Through junior high and high school he and I dated off and on. It was never a serious relationship, but the crush and hand holding were there. I have moved on and so has he.

My sister and her X had three children together, so of course I see them a couple times per year. Every time I see the younger brother, I get these awkward hugs from him where he thinks we are still crushing. I usually give him a hug and then slide my elbow between us and give him a jab to the chest. He seems oblivious to it. His girlfriend/baby-mamma and I are friends and she is a very nice person. It really pisses me off that he does that. I just can't get a "greeting" hug from him, it always has to be a very embracing hug.

As well, I have two aunts who married two brothers and two of my cousins who are sisters married two brothers. BTW, the brothers were not their siblings, so how is that for family ties.

First of all, you should not think in terms of "confronting" him. This does not have to be a battle, and if you go in with a battle on your mind, then you are setting yourself up for just that. Have a discussion. Seriously, just TALK. (Why is USING WORDS so underrated in relationships??) Ask him if he plans to attend the party and if he wants you to come along. Don't take it personally if he says no, but ask him about it. Don't make it like an inquisition; make it like a conversation. You two are still getting to know each other, and you can't learn to trust each other's motives and ideals if you don't talk about them. You should be able to tell him that this feels awkward to you because you're trying to figure out how you fit in with all the other important people in his life. Tell him that you'll follow his lead on this and hope that he'll welcome any questions that you might have. That puts him on notice that his behavior in this will influence yours. Give him room to figure it out, too, because he likely has not been in this place with anybody else. If you don't have a therapist, maybe you could stand to talk to someone periodically who can give you perspective on whatever you find yourself facing. It's not always as easy as it seems it should be when there are friendly exes and other family ties in place. Someone who sees this everyday and helps others to navigate these waters might be able to help you sort through this and figure out what to expect.