Facebook Dilemma

Lots of creeps creeping facebook , public photos of children are a no no. Maybe if you can talk to them again explaining you would like only family to be able to view the kids. Mine are really private of my kids. I made it so only a few people can view them. Best to be safe. Good luck!

As a matter of fact, FB will yank the pictures if you report them, because people are under LEGAL obligation not to publish photos without the consent of the subject, particularly in the case of children. Just because YOU are the photographer doesn't give you the right to publish them without the consent of the subject or the subject's parents. Since subjects can sue, FB yanks photos that are reported to be published without permission.

The easiest way to report an image is to go to the profile, click on the picture, and near the comments bar on the bottom is a report button. When it asks you for the reason why, click on it being your intellectual property. If they contact you about it you simply say that you have not signed a waiver allowing the photo to be published.

YES there are security options:

- public : anyone can see anything, including google searches

- Friends of friends : this can get huge, even when the person has a "low" number of friends 50-100. AKA if they have 50 friends and all their friends have 50 friends (many people have more, 300, 400) 50 x 50 = 2500

- Friends only : this varies by the individual. Some people have hundreds of "friends", others only friend people they know in real life... and that changes per individual, again.

- Private : only you can see them

Just because some people don't care about their own or your privacy doesn't give them the right to disregard YOUR right to privacy.

ADDEF PER YOUR EDIT: It's not a misunderstanding. You CANNOT force her to change the privacy settings. The only "right" you have is to get the photo's pulled. Hence why people (myself included) are saying if she doesn't respect your wishes, to report them.

You can report the photos in question to Facebook and have them contact your sister to make them private or have them removed. It's definitely a violation of their privacy terms.

I would put my hand in front of my face or my kids face every time she used the camera to take a picture.

LOL, that is rude. And I am a user of facebook, but ALL of my pictures are private. Only my friends can see them, even pictures that people tag me in are only viewable to me and the friends that I choose.

Legally, you might be able to contact FB and ask them to be removed, but not sure???

She should make the pics private (I think at the most that would be only her friends can see them) so - still some people would have access to them (her friends). I don't think you are out of line at all. I have a FB account, I post pics, video's, etc.. but would never post a pic of someone else w/out them being made aware. Mine are also set to friends only AND I don't have random FB friends. I would have no problem removing any photo if someone asked. Check in to FB's guidelines - what she is doing might be illegal? It's possible that she needs to have permission before posting but I'm not sure. I'm going to go and look right now. If I find anything I'll post it here.
** Yep, she must have persmission! Here it is straight from FB (all you need to do now is find out how to report the photo's since you don't have a fb acct).
"Either a photo or non-photo piece of content (i.e., a video) that you that you uploaded to the site was removed per a report that it was unauthorized. You are required to have permission to post all content that you place on Facebook, including content that contains images of your friends and family."

***Someone emailed me and asked where I found the above info. I found it in the Help section under account. This morning I went to Help and typed in, "Do I need permission to post photo's" and came up with the actual form you need to report a photo of a child that is under the age of 13 that you don't want posted on FB. Here is a link to the form:
http://www.facebook.com/help/?search=do+i+need+permission...

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/help/contact.php?show_...

that is where you go to report the photo of your child that you didn't give permission to be up there.
She probably won't make them private by the sounds of it, so you need to take action.

I have been in this VERY predicament - except I have a facebook account. But it is mine and my husbands opinion that we are the only ones who should post pictures of our children, and we have all of our privacy settings very high. You never know what psycho is out there searching for pics of kids for who knows what reason.

My SIL posted some pictures of my kids on her page - which everyone can see. I asked her very nicely to take the pictures off and she had a fit as well. Sorry, they are not YOUR kids - when you have your own kids - then you can choose who posts pictures of them on the internet. I will choose for my kids - and btw - you do have a right to tell her that she cannot post pictures of your kids. You may have to make your own acct. on facebook to do so, but you can report the pictures and say that they are pictures of your kids and she does not have your permission to post them. You can also do that with pictures of yourself as well if you don't want those on there. My husband and I dont' really worry about pictures of us, just the kids. anyways, facebook will take them off if she refuses to do so. but you would have to keep checking her page and reporting it to them. Don't know if you want to go to all that trouble or not.....

Sorry you have such a pain in the @$$ SIL -

Wow- how incredibly immature on her part! We took forever to get on Facebook too, so don't feel bad about that. My sisters were both very respectful and asked us before posting anything... and gave us their passwords so we could look at the photos anytime.

Here's the thing... you can't force her to take them off the FB site, but you can repeatedly ask her to make the albums private. ALL of our pictures are set to "private", which means that ONLY "friends" can see them. This has nothing to do with FB, but is a reflection on her immaturity.

If she refuses to set them to "private", then you could do one of two things... get a FB account and "friend" her so you know what's being posted. OR don't allow her to photograph you or your children anymore. When your in-laws ask why, explain that you are not comfortable having your children's pictures on the internet without seeing them first. Until she agrees to work with you on this one... no more "family photos".

I agree she's acting like a baby. She should remove them or at the very least set her photos to "friends only" security.

I agree with riley, I'd report them to facebook. Maybe SHE is behind the times but there are predators yanking and copying pics of kids... it's disgusting. It doesn't matter that they're "her" pictures they are YOUR kids. Just like if she had a pic of one of them in the tub, they are still your kids. I'm on facebook and NEVER have my pics public, especially of my daughter. Tell her to make them private or you will have facebook yank them off. I disagree with posts below saying YOU are being disrespectful, HA. Your job to your kids is to protect them and that is protecting them, who cares if it is a digital age. Who cares if celebrities have no privacy... that was their choice for putting their family in that predicament. What you expect of your sister is reasonable. Be firm with her, tell her to make them private or you will have FB remove them (I know I said it earlier too). I honestly can't believe she is being so ridiculous about it, she must be a spoiled brat or something (no offense).

Everyone I know and myself included have our facebook security options set so that only "friends" can see our photos. Your SIL is extremely naive and behind the times. Any technologically adept person knows to do this. This may make her angry, but I suggest you print off everyone's answers and give them to her. She may not listen to you, but perhaps she will listen to others. Good luck. That is really frustrating.

In PA, you have to have parents' permission to publish pics of other people's children.

Facebook says before uploading pictures of any one you have to have their permission before you can upload them. She also can set her facebook to private like i have mine only my friends can see what i put on facebook. You could easily have a lawsuite if you wanted to but probably not since shes your SIL. But i would tell her its a invasion of your and your familys privacy.

oh- I would be good and mad!!!! Did you know that they have found pics of American children on BILLBOARDS in Europe??? If they can do that there is not telling what else can be done with children's photos and a good photoshop program. You need to insist that she take them down or at the very least make them private.

I would just take a bunch of pictures where she looks really bad, like with no makeup and cooking in the kitchen in her pj's with her hair all messed up and I would open a public facebook account just to post them for all the world to see. Then I would not let her take any more pictures of me or my family on any event that we go to.

I have somewhat of the same problem with my sister. She takes pictures of my kids, then posts them on her page. I do have a page of my own, so I had someone who was not her friend do a search. I am fortunate enough that my sister has her security settings high enough that these pictures are not public. But, I don't know most of her friends, so they might as well be public. I ask her to remove a couple that I wasn't happy with & make those pics available only to family. Her response wasn't as dramatic as yours. She told me that either she left up the pics of the kids or the pics of me, I couldn't have both. My response was that since I'm an adult, I didn't have much say. But, my kids were minors & I had say over them. She did take off most of the pictures. Even if she wasn't happy about it.
To answer your question, I did a little research. From what I can find-if your SIL took the pictures, technically they are hers to do with as she pleases. But, since they are of your kids, she should respect your wishes. I hope that there might be someone else on here who has better news. I was hoping to find that pictures of minors could only be posted with consent from the parent. My sister is the only person I know who wouldn't even think to ask for permisson.
Bottom line for me was that out of respect for the child & parent, the pictures should be taken down or at least only be visible to family.

Your SIL should respect your wishes and either take down or lock down the pictures.

I enjoy FB but that doesn't mean everyone else does! It matters not that you do not have an account or that your don't participate. What matters is that you are not comfortable with the pictures being there. To me, if there are no privacy controls then posting the pictures on FB would be the same as posting them on billboards; anyone has access to them. Since you did not give consent she should respect that.

Your BIL and DH are right - she should respect you or restrict access.

That's frustrating and not fair. She can definitely make the pictures private so that at minimum only her friends can see them but I wouldn't love the idea of someone else having a ton of pictures of me and my son on their facebook page.

I'd be furious at her. How old is she? Does she have kids? I think that is so ridiculous. My sister in Law has posted pictures of my kids and myself also, but she made them private. I still think it's weird that her friends ( whom I do not know ) can see pictures of my daughter in the hospital, my son playing on the playground, etc. I would definately ask her to take down the ones of your children, if she isnt going to listen to her brother then thats pretty crazy. Good luck to you, you have every right to be upset.

I would flat out demand that she remove the photos of your family and ask her to not post any other photos of your family going forward. Her profile is obviously not buttoned down w/ security measures. I think it's outrageous that she would refuse to do so. While she may have taken the photos herself, they are of YOU.

Did your husband ask her to delete them or set them to were only her friends can see them? Face book has 3 options for picture viewing, public, friends only, or friends and friends of friends. I set all my pictures to only friends. If hubby asked her to do this and she said no, that is wrong of her and I would keep pushing the issue. If he asked her to delete them and she said no, than maybe talk to her about changing the viewing profile to only friends.

This would bother me too. I like Facebook but have my privacy settings set pretty high and check them as they can change when Facebook makes changes. It would bother me because there are guidelines that I follow when I do post pictures of my daughter and I'd want to know if they were followed by other people. (I never post pictures of other children on Facebook) Anyway, hopefully this information will help you, it is a link about posting pictures of children on the Internet and some guidelines to make sure they are safe (example: No addresss info showing and no names)
http://www.brighthub.com/multimedia/photography/articles/...

She is not being very polite..

I would once again ask your husband to POLITELY ask his sister to "untag the photos". This way the photos are there, but no one will know who they are.. and they cannot be searched.. She could just say they are her "brothers family" but not have names on them..

If she refuses, I think you can contact FB and ask that they be removed.. But I have not done that myself..

She is choosing to make your family's privacy public. Facebook has privacy options where friends or family only can view the photos, but her settings as of now are open for anyone to see.

I would tell her that it doesn't matter if you are behind the times, but you do not approve of photos of you and your family being posted online for all to see, and to make them private, and if she can't do that then to delete them. She is being ridiculous and even those of us who *are* very internet and social networking savvy choose to have some privacy regarding our children as well.

My sis posts pics of us all the time as well and I ask her to stop. She will for a month or so, then she starts uploading them again. It makes me upset, and if she refuses, you can contact facebook to have them removed since she does not have your permission to post them.

I do agree with Krista, don't let her take pics of you all anymore, if she throws a fit, tell her she isn't responsible with what she does with your images.

Inappropriate. This is your family and your life; if you chose to broadcast it across the web it's one thing but she's making that decision for you. They may very well be her pictures but that is completely irrelevant here, she obviously has less discretion than you. It's your privacy and she needs to be respectful of that.

I think you should invite her over for tea and have a serious heart to heart; or if it must be a phone call try to make sure she's taking it seriously. Express how much this concerns / bothers you and explain why. Hopefully you'll be able to convey how important this is to you and she will remove the photos. She may just be proud of her family and want to share it with the world, so maybe you can compromise by approving the photos she does post. Good luck!

I would be extremely put off with this situation. I am on FB but I have my profile set to private, meaning that ONLY my friends can see what I post. However, there is little you can do to control what others post. You did the right thing to "request" that your SIL make YOUR family pictures private. She doesn't sound like a very nice woman since she reacted so harshly. You certainly cannot force her to make changes to her page, though.

Thats totally rude. I think that she should of at least told you that she put those pictures of you all up there just to make sure your okay with it seeings how you dont have a FB account.
Its nice and all that she wants people to see you on there in family pictures and what not but she should at least have the courtesy of putting them shown as "Friends only" privacy.
Thats what I do with all of my photos, because I dont want just anyone going on there and seeing my photos of my family, kinda weirds me out too.

Just ask her again nicely, and try to explain that you dont want them taken down necissarily, just made to be "private, friends only" photos, so the whole world cant view them. Not alot to ask I dont think. One click and done.

All you can do is not send her pictures or let her take any of you. I have some hideous pics of me on facebook that family thought was fun to put out there....argh. Not much you can do but let her know you dont like it and maybe she wont do it anymore, but it's pretty much the way things are these days unfortunately. Roll with the times or get run over trying to stand in the way is how I see it.
All you can do is ask her not to post without your permission.

There are security options on FB. I have mine set so that only my friends can see my photos, status, etc. Random people snooping around cannot, nor can friends of friends.

I've noticed that people can sometimes get automatically defensive when they receive what they perceive as a critical remark. I think this is what happened with your SIL and probably your BIL as well. When they heard your request, they took it as criticism even though that was not the intent. Hopefully they have had some time now to think this through and, hopefully, put their ego aside so that they can see your point of view.

I completely understand why you would not like photos of you and your family to be posted on FB without your knowledge or consent. Hopefully you can discuss this with your SIL and BIL sometime soon and hash out the security and privacy issues without it having to go into an immediate fight.

While a lot of people are on FB nowdays, you don't have to be. That's the beauty of this country. We all have freedom of choice on issues such as social networking sites.

Hope you are able to get this resolved as peacefully as possible very soon.

As others have said, report the photos to Facebook & let them know that you did not give her permission to post pictures of your kids publicly.

I do use FB but am far from a pro with it. Is it possible for you to report the photos to a FB Administrator? I am sure this would just make more waves in the family but what your SIL is doing is wrong on many levels.

You are completely in the right to ask her to remove them or make them private. Do as the other ladies said and report her to FB. She IS in violation of your rights according to the privacy rules. Hope you get it taken care of! And I'm sorry some of the others were rude to yyou about you being over reactive. Ridiculous!

That's a hard one. In my opinion, I think that before anyone decides to post pictures of other's children on Facebook or any other public site, they should get permission. I think what may be bothering you is how she extracted the pictures from a Facebook friend's site. In a situation like this, where family is concerned, try to look at it as she is proud of her family and wanted to share. Other than that, I'm clueless as to what to do here and would love to hear other's opinions on the subject.

She could at least just take them down. I am a FB finatic as well. Guilty pleasure. I had a friend last year private message me and ask me to take down some pics she was in because she thought she looked fat. I was like OK whatever (she totally did not look fat.) After that, I went in and took down ALL photos that were not of me, my kids or husband. My profile and pics are always private as well. But, even if someone is your friend, I think they can still copy your pic off your page.

Here in Missouri you can't publish pic's of someone elses child without written permission.. I would contact FB and see if they won't remove these pic's for you and let your sl know that in the future she can't post pics of your kids.

I think she should just remove the pictures. I don't believe you should post anyone's children unless you ask them. She should know the dangers of these particular social networking sites.

Hopefully, when everything smoothes over, she makes them private or take them down. It's a resonable request to me.

These pics are of you she needs to set the privacy settings. Make sure she doesn't get any new pics of any of you till she can respect your wishes.

If it bothers you, she needs to respect your wishes and make them private. They are your kids, not hers, and she should understand why you don't want their pictures broadcast to anyone in the world. If she doesn't understand, explain to her the dangers of having their photos up and clearly outline for her WHY it bothers you.

Good luck
K.
http://oc.citymommy.com - where moms connect!

I think your SIL should respect your wishes. I love facebook and put lots of photos of my family (MY FAMILY) on my FB page but I have my privacy settings so that only my FB friends can see these photos. Even with these privacy settings I still try not post photos of other peoples kids unless they say it is ok. I fully understnad why you would not want photos of your kids out there for anyone to see. I think if your SIL is unwilling to change her privacy settings then she needs to remove the photos of your kids, they may be her photos but they are not her kids and she is way out of line.

The only thing that I think you can do is get on FB yourself. You can take names off of someone's pictures (un tag them, although this is going to cause more controversy of course). I don't think that you can change the privacy options of someone else's pictures. I have the privacy of my pictures set to friends only, no public access. You can also report photos to FB, but I am not sure if they will take them down or not.
I understand not wanting public access (she may not know how to change the settings, although it sounds like she doesn't want to change them), but if she gave photos to your friend who showed them to her friend and she borrowed them to make the collage, would you have a problem with it?
Ask her to just change the privacy settings to friends only or friends of friends, maybe. Just say that you are uncomfortable with complete public access, especially if she tags them.

If she won't change her security settings to friends only (so weird that she wouldn't or would even have an issue doing so!) I'd just not send her pictures. How old is your sister? Younger generations don't yet understand that potential employers and even current employers can either not hire you or terminate employment from facebook pictures alone...FYI to your sister!

Hmmm....well, I am a not an advocate for FB, however, I am not sure that this is UNfair. I mean, this is your SIL's page and she is entitled to do what she wants with that page. I think that nowadays it is the risk that everyone takes in this digital world...think of every time you, say, attend a wedding or communion, and there is a professional photographer snapping pictures. Those pictures can end up on the internet as well, if the couple or family decides to post them.

It is certainly fair to ask that your SIL refrain from posting pictures of you and your family on her FB account. Perhaps a NYE party, with all the music, drinking, and socializing, was not the best place to have this conversation. However, I think you should be aware and accept the fact that she really is entitled to do what she wants, as these are her pictures, even if you are in them. Bring up the conversation again in a quieter, one on one setting, and see how she responds then.

I agree with you COMPLETELY. I have a few pics on my FB acct, but there are very few and NONE of them are "tagged" with names, etc. I rarely ever log on, but she should have NO problem with making those private. My girlfriend and our families when on vacation and she posted ONE pic of all of us...but it was so small and she never tagged anyone in the pic....and her secuirty settings are high. She is on there all of the time, but respects my wishes for privacy because she is RESPECTFUL. That's what it comes down to. It just goes to show you who she is as a person.

I would forbid her to take ANY pics fo you all. If she can't respect your privacy, then this is the only thing you have control over, right?

I have a friend who is constantly bitching about how she's not good enough to get my cell number. We have a pre-paid cell and we never use it. It's for OUR use to call our parents if they are watching the kids and we are out on a date, etc. She tells me I'm behind in the times, as well. I'm not sure why everyone thinks we need to be exactly the same????

Just take your privacy back in the only way you can - by forbidding any pics taken by her....since she can't respect your wishes in how they are distributed....which IS an easy fix on FB...and if she loved and respected you, would have NO problem doing so.

D.:

I know I'm a little late with this and haven't read other responses.

1. Facebook specifically asks if you have permission to post the pic. If she lied about it - then the site will take it down.

2. Asking her to make her profile PRIVATE to friends ONLY is TOTALLY acceptable. That's the way it should be - especially for pics of kids. The information garnered off of one photo (little league) can give one nut case a lead to your door (not trying to frighten you but unfortunately, there are nut cases out there).

Just because you are not on FB doesn't mean you are behind the times. Just that you like to keep your life - YOURS and not everyone else's.

If your SIL is a FB fanatic, she should know the rules about posting pics and movies, etc. You can request the photos of you to be taken down as they were posted without your permission or knowledge.

The best thing for your SIL to do is to respect you, her brother and his family (her family too!) by just making sure that FRIENDS ONLY can see her pics.

Your SIL obviously doesn't have kids of her own, since she is messingn around with pictures of your kids. The best thing to happen is for her to get pregnant and then she will post pics of her own child!! It is very strange that she is so obsessed with your kids!! That would bother me, too. What you can do now is create a FB account and start taking pictures of everyone in her family (her husband, her parents if you ever see them, her siblings, her grandparents, her friends, etc), post them on your FB page, send her a friend request (you can even write a message on her wall saying, "I took your advice and joined FB - I am not behind the times anymore!" and see how she likes it!!!!! I think she will get the hint then!!

You are well within your rights to ask her to remove or at least secure those photos. I do use Facebook and have photos of my son on my page, however I do have it set on private.

The timing may not have been ideal, but I would definitely bring it up again. If she gets defensive and sayd you are being a stick in the mudm tell her that you gave nothing against facebook, and are happy that your family has an opportunity to view your photosm but that you do not feel comfortable with people that YOU do not know viewing them. If she does not wish to make her profile private, then she needs to refrain from posting any photos of your family without your permission. While she may have taken the photos, she does not have the right to publicize them without your knowledge.

I find myself in a similar situation today. My daughter went to a social event with her high school last night. Her good friends father took pictures of her and his daughter and posted them to his facebook account. (My daughter is 16, still a minor) I emailed him this morning and said that I was upset that he had posted the pics of my daughter, and his response was that he asked their permission, and that they even chose the pics they wanted posted. I do NOT feel that he should have pics of my child on his page. I do not know what his security settings are, nor do I know who his friends are. He is not responding to my concerns, and even two of my close friends feel I am over reacting. Seriously? Why doesn't anyone think this is a big deal???
I agree that your SIL has no right to post pics of your kids, or you for that matter on her page. I cannot believe that there isn't a law regarding this yet!! What are we waiting for? Something bad to happen?

I would talk to the SIL again and let her know that you don't want pictures of you and your children on such a public forum. There are security options that let you limit who can see what on your FB page but it's like reading stereo instructions in a foreign language, FB has had a lot of problems with security. Tell her that while you might be "behind the times" that doesn't mean she has the right to post private pictures. If she doesn't respect your wishes you may have to take it up with FB itself and have her page yanked.

Ultimately the issue is your privacy and the safety of your family.

Anyone can post photos freely online, whether on Facebook or otherwise. She obviously doesn't agree with you that posting the photos are a big deal So, instead of trying to persuade her (it will never happen) I recommend creating a Facebook account in order to "untag" yourself. As a quick tutorial :), Facebook allows users to "tag" their friends in photos to make it easy to search and find people. The most you can do is "untag" yourself, so that at least your name is not affiliated with and ties to the photo.

Note: There is no law against posting a person's image or likeness in a public space. The internet is public space. The only thing that comes close is if the image is used for commercial gain.

Yes, she can make them private (only her friends can see, or only people she selects can see). For her to publically post photos of YOUR kids without YOUR permission is increibly irresponsible (and in some states, illegal).

I'm on FB and everything about my FB profile is private--for friends only! The majority of the pictures that I post are of me and my family and a few very close friends. No one except my FB friends can see these pics and if a friend or relative told me that she/he didn't wish to be on FB I would respect that person and take the pics of them down. If I were you I would be very offended by your SIL's reaction and attitude. Tell her again that you would like for her to make her FB privacy set to Friends Only. Tell her it's to protect your children. Get her husband involved if you have too. Oh and by the way I know plenty of people that are NOT on FB! Good luck!

I personally do post pictures of my daycare kids. But if a parent wanted me to take them down I certainly would and have. But in all the years I've kept a blog on another site, only one parent has asked me to remove them.

While it's your right to ask her to take them down and I think she should respect you, I don't think you are being very respectful of her to ask her to. I agree with the person below that said that we live in a digital world. We can't walk into a bank or store of any kind or even drive down the street without cameras on us.

This is the world we live in. Do you look at magazines? The rich and famous do not have ANY privacy. Newspapers are full of random pictures at fairs and other places people congregate.

You should avoid giving her the opportunity to take your photos and don't give her any of it's that important. But I honestly don't understand why it's important to you.

Well she can put certain pictures/photo albums on private so it's not like she has to put her whole page on private...maybe she knows this or not? Not sure how you and your husband brought it up but maybe you can ask her to put pictures of you guys and your children in one album and keep it private so that only "her friends" could see them. Explain that you don't have a Facebook and it's not for you to get one, you would rather not have your family's pictures on the internet. Maybe you could be the one to say something about it?

Just noticed what you added...haha well hope it all works out!