Facebook Request... My MIL!?!?

You don't actually have to block her completely. There is a way to make separate friends lists and you can choose who can see what. You can Google "Facebook custom friends list" - or PM me and I'll walk you through it. She will only be able to see what you want her to see.

Just ignore her request. If you neither decline nor accept, there's nothing she can do about it. She's just stuck in limbo forever. If she asks you about it, you can feign ignorance. "Oh, I didn't see it." How can she prove otherwise?

I have to admit my Facebook ceased being mine a long time ago. My "friends list" is riddled with so many in-laws and friends of in-laws I couldn't care less about.... I use private messages to communicate with my real friends and share photos and news of the children. <sigh> I think there are a lot of people on FB who overshare anyway.

Like a few people have suggested, accept her friend request then block her. You will have to be careful if you have a mutual friend and you comment on that friends post and they respond, she may figure something is up. You can then claim ignorance then as the privacy settings can be set pretty tight.

I could have posted this same question last year. I do love my MIL (in somewhat small doses). My 2 SILs are not what I could call nice and one is super sensitive and makes a mountain out of a mole hill. My MIL is aware that her daughters' behavior over the years has been less than nice towards me. I usually keep my mouth somewhat shut to avoid any drama - quite frankly, it's not worth it to me and (sorry, forgive me) but they're just not an important part of our daily lives. Sooooo. . . I had a brief conversation with my MIL that went something like this - "look, you know I love you. I've done my best to avoid conflict with your daughters because I like to try to keep the peace. If we're FB friends, anything I say can and will be used against me. I'd rather that my husband be "friends" with you and his sisters and I'll stay out of it" In all honesty, she knows her daughters are difficult. When my MIL needs support or anything done (as in making calls to inform family that my FIL had passed away, making funeral plans, greeting mourners and making introductions at the wake) she asks ME to help her because she knows her daughters are useless in this respect. My MIL completely understood why I didn't want to be friends with her on FB. Is it possible that your MIL might understand why you wouldn't want to stir the soup by being friends with her on FB. Try honesty first (with a little white lie thrown in). Tell her you've heard some horror stories about family drama on FB and YOU don't want to say anything that might upset ANY family members.

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I would be polite and tell her that it's NOT HER you don't NOT want to be friends with but the others....there is no easy way around it...

if you lie to her about having too many friends, once she gets FB savvy - you can lose her trust...best to be open and honest with her about it and tell her your concerns!!

I would not want to friend a MIL either.
Avoid it if you can.
It will only create problems if you do.
They will use it against you... and gee, I am sure you want your privacy.

And then gee, what if your BIL and SIL then want to 'friend' you on FB?

DO NOT friend her nor accept.
Think of any excuse you can.

Accept her and block her. Sorry.

:(

For the peace of your family you should accept her, but go to your privacy settings customize so she can't see most of your posts, pictures and profile ("limited profile") because I really don't see another way out of this without damaging your relationship with your inlaws.
Good luck!

It is possible to create securities in facebook that won't allow them to see anything you don't want them to. So you can set up the parameters, then friend your MIL and stick her in the special "restricted" group you just set up. That way you can accept her friend request and avoid the hurt feelings while still protecting your privacy.

Don't do what your sister suggested b/c it doesn't make sense. Is there really a maximum amount? If there really is (which I doubt), they will research what the maximum amount is and inform you that you have not reached it.

Over the past year or so, I have very fortunately mastered a skill that I never had (and, is the most important skill a person can have, in my opinion) - SAYING NO. You are a grown woman who does not answer to ANYBODY (except your spouse, but not in a parent-child way, a spouse/spouse kind of a way). A person's spouse is the only person that they ever have to "answer" to - no one else! Absolutely do NOT accept your MIL's friend request! If she confronts you about it, tell her that while you love her, it would be a little awkward for you to be FB friends with her. Continue by saying that the only reason you have a FB account is to keep in touch with your friends, especially your long distance friends, and to see pictures of thier children. And leave it at that! What I have learned as I go through life, not only don't you have to answer to anybody (except your spouse), you also do NOT owe anybody an explanation! However, you will be nice and give her an explanation anyway. But, don't ever give someone an explanation that you are not comfortable with! If, at some point in your life, all you say to someone is "just because," or "this was the best for us," that is fine too! Your explanations can be vague!!

You must not be weak w/ your MIL and stand your ground by not accepting her friend request! Good luck!

Do like Mallory P. said, and accept her then go into your privacy settings and make it so that she can only see certain things. :)

Just ignore the request - you don't have to answer it. If she has the nerve to ask just say soemthing like - oh I never see those thingees - where are they on the screen, mine must be set-up didfferently on my computer.... deflect, deflect, deflect.

well.....you could do what Sheryl Y. said and just say you haven't noticed the friend request because you rarely go on to your Facebook account. Just tell her next time you go on you will look at it. And then don't bring it up again.

I'm friends with all in-laws that have chosen to ask and vice-versa. (AHEM- ETIQUETTE?)

It is polite and courteous to accept and I would assume would cause many MORE problems if you don't accept. I just say: BE VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT YOU POST ON THERE! And that goes to everyone. Whether you are friends with In-laws or not! I make infrequent and "neutral" posts on facebook, and TOO MANY people do not carefully choose what they say on there... very un-wise.

I even... (GASP!)... have my MIL under "Family" as my "Mother" !!!!! (my mom isn't on facebook and MIL wanted to list me as family, and that was the closest option) . and I will add that we haven't always been chummy. BUT, we are family, and have been for almost 10 years. It is accepted and that's that, we move on!

There's no reason to continue a grudge with family especially. I don't approve with a lot about what some family members do, but a lot of that behavior is their own hole they are digging for themselves. You can disapprove of BIL and SIL, but that should not have a bearing on whether or not you are friends with MIL on facebook (MAYBE, she wanted to be friends because she doesn't see you all often, and just wanting to keep in touch better since it sounds like you avoid that house)... Also, what are you putting on there that they don't know about already?!? Facebook should be for keeping in touch with people, not for learning about everyone's life, detail to detail, or exposing secrets that you don't want someone to know...

Added: the ONLY requests I have denied are people I do not know at all and my ex-boyfriend that turned into a CREEPY stalker- literally. That's it.

I grown to the point of not giving a dayum about what others think. And you shouldn't. I wish I could be a SAHM. I agree with others that you can accept her request and block her and/or limit her visibility. Continue to enjoy FB and what it means to you (different for each person). Good luck.

Why do you have to justify your lifestyle or your adventures to your inlaws or any 'friend'. I would just friend her. If she's like mine she won't be on fb that much anyway.

Personally, I would "accept" the request b/c I'm pretty careful about what I put on FB. If it's not something I want my parents or in-laws to know about then I don't make it my status or post pictures. My MIL and other in-laws don't agree with our parenting style either and I know they talk about us, but then again we talk about them too! You will be the subject of the gossip and jealousy for declining or ignoring her request, so you're kind of stuck either way.

If you really have a major issue with her being your FB "friend", give her a call and let her know that you are using FB to stay in touch with distant friends and family and since you see her weekly and give her tons of pictures of her grandchildren (assuming you do), you would rather stick with your "distant" parameters!

Whatever you do- don't lie. That never ends well.

I think that you can make it so certain people don't see a lot of what you post. An old BF friended my once and then posted some weird stuff on my wall and so I went in and set all controls against him.

I would just leave it on there as a pending request. If she asks about it just say "Oh, I must've missed it - huh, I will try to remember to get on there and add you. I don't get on there all that often....."

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Well, you can't ignore her friend request unless you are ok she feels bad about you not adding her. She might make a big deal about it , you should be prepared to handle all that. What I would suggest is to add her and update your personal settings so that she can't view your wall, photos etc. So basically she can see only whatever you share with her and she can message you to keep in touch on FB. The only issue here would be if you have common friends on FB and they end up discussing about certain photos you posted , which obviously your MIL can't see on your profile, she might realize you have been blocking her and then you might have to explain to her why you did it.

If you don't want people to know what's going on then don't be on FB. I had this dilemma as well with an Aunt and a few other family memebers...I accepted their friend requests but have placed some privacy filters in place. I don't associate with them either but to not accept would cause a rift....I've had to get over what others think. If your MIL is critical and you have no relationship with the BIL, SIL so what. be yourself but becareful what you post....Accept her request and let it go. Why stir the pot and get people angry over this nonsense.

friend her so that you two can share photos, but restrict her access to the most basic info possible. Block her from all but family photos and personal messages that you send to her. Everybody says ignore it. I don't know what kind of mil they have, but that would be considered very rude in my family. My family doesnt want to get all up in my kool-aid. They just want to see pictures of my kids, so, I have them all in the family group and thats exactly what they see, pictures and thats it.

open up a separte facebook account and invite her to that one.

I was FB friends with my father in law. We had a bit of a big argument with the in laws and I vented on my status (without being specific about the situation at all) and he texted to tell me how immature I was. So, needless to say, that was the end of the FB connection. FB is my space to share things with people, sometimes that includes my feelings. He couldn't respect that so it had to end. Our fight is long over and our relationship is in the same shape it was when I accepted his friend request but I don't think it is a good idea for us to be FB friends again.

I think you have two options. You can decline her request or you can accept it and restrict her access to things. It all depends on how you think she will react and what you can live with. In my case, my FIL hasn't said another word about FB, nor has he tried to add me again. If you feel your MIL won't take the denial well, you should probably just restrict her access.

My MIL doesn't own a computer, but I have SIL's and cousin-in-laws on FB and so she might as well be on FB. I'm just careful about what I share but I also have adjusted my privacy settings. And I always, always live by the rule of thumb that if it's not something I would want my grandmother (or MIL) to find out then I probably shouldn't put it on the internet. :-)

Hey Im not even "friends" with one of my kids on fb. I never invite anyone. I let those who want, come to me. I have ignored a few. I dont need to have a million fb friends. Maximum is somthing like 7000 so its kinda hard to believe youd have that many,, I was asked to friend some people from my grand daughters dads family. I did so to help promote friendlier and more positive things in her life. They almost never say anything to me. They mostly play the games. I post things about her now and then and rarely do they even comment. Im sure they enjoy seeing the photos I post, but other than that, Im not sure why they would even care to ask me. Id like to be more involved with them so things would be better for her, but no one else seems to be thinking that right now. It does stop me from posting as much as I might, just so I dont put too much "out there" about her. I also keep my privacy settings to friends only. But I know any of my friends can then copy and paste anything I say, and share it with strangers. Thats the risk you take now in the cyber world. So, you might just ignor MIL and if she asks,, just tell her you arent as involved with FB as you were, and hardly ever use it. Id check the privacy settings and block anyone you think might be an inside informant. And lay off for a while to not make it look like you spend all day on it.

I wouldn aprove her at all. If she tells you she requested you tell her.... really its weird I haven't gotten anything yet lol... hopefully shell get the point and won't even care
Gl

Just ignore it....if/when she asks you about it...say that you really don't go out there much and leave it at that.

I ignored a friend request from my MIL and didn't even blink an eye. We do not have a good relationship and we don't share our lives with her, so there is no way I would have accepted the request.

I agree with Bree -- I've gotten to the point where I just don't care what other people think. However, if your MIL ever mentions it, I would just say I keep it to "friends" only, no relatives or something like that. I mainly use it only to keep in touch with my girlfriends from high school and college whom I don't live near anyway, so that excuse would work for me.

I think it's fine not to accept the friend request. The older generation may have a different use for facebook than we do. My FIL sent me a friend request. I ignored it. If they asked about it, I'd tell them that FB is for me to hang out with my girlfriends and the things that I post are for that crowd. Good lord, if I was fb friends with them, where else would I post the countdown to how soon they were going home with they visited.

I say don't add her if she'll be critical like that then. Is it really worth all the trouble and stress?

Facebook is nothing but trouble..maybe not at the moment...but in the long run everyone will be in your business. It doesn't matter if you decline her request, if she knows anyone else that you have "friended" and they let her use their account and password, she can see anything you don't want her to see, "interesting" or not.

So my suggestion, go ahead and friend her or just close your account (not easy to do), but you will be better off in the long run.

Blessings....

Don't do it! My own mother is my FB friend, and it drives me crazy. There is a relationship I want to have with my friends, that is "unfiltered". (not that I say anything bad or inappropriate, but you talk to your friends differently than your parents) Now I have to watch everything I say or comment on. If I post a status update, my mom will comment on it for weeks! She has even looked up ex-boyfriends of mine and gets all kind of info (yes they are dumb that they don't have their privacy settings more secure) and then tells me all about them. I don't care! She now "communicates" with me through FB. I don't sit on it all day long, and if I don't respond quickly enough she sends private messages. It is a curse! I'm about at the point to telling her and all family on my FB that I'm using it for distant friends only. If you are related to me, pick up the phone. :) If my own mother is this bad, I can only imagine what the MIL would be. Good luck!

My dad and I have a good relationship in small doses. I do not however want him on my facebook page. Just too many things that while they're not distasteful, they aren't things he can leave alone. Since I don't want to listen to his mouth about them I denied his friends request. I denied my mom's but told her in person one day that since she very seldomly gets on facebook anyways, that's not the communication method I use with her. I told her that I didn't want to cause tension between her and dad by accepting her but not him. She completely understood and we're still just as close to this day.

Just ignore it. You don't owe her anything.Sounds like she would pick you apart and judge you on every little thing. That's annoying. Why let someone into your world that you know is going to do that. Heck I'd block her and tell you got rid of it so she can't even see that you have a page lol

If you feel you must add her then limit everything - Just allow her to see your stats page : )

My MIL and I were "friends" on facebook a few years back and I had to unfriend here, but she is pretty difficult (difficult is actually a huge understatment). My husband had to unfriend her as well. So i would say don't do it! It may be a difficult conversation you have to have with her about why you didn't accept. You may have to make sure she knows that you keep her informed of all the important stuff anyways, so who needs Facebook!

You should not leave the requst pending because when you do that the person requsting your friendship can see all of your posts until you either accept or decline.

I don't accept Friend requests from

Mother of friends, husband, and so on...

It's not a dilemma for me. I just ignore the requests.

Don't think about it too much, especially if you don't want to do it.

I totally believe some people who send requests are simply being nosey. So. I go with my instincts all the time and ignore requests.

No stress at all.

I have my future MIL on fb. Heck I even created her page for her. I have such a great relationship with her and the rest of my honeys family. They are all so wonderful!

I would ignore the request on facebook and talk my MIL in person and explain your concern.

I have a couple of accounts too. One for games and the other for communication with family and friends. My friend list is hidden on both so that my "other" list can't see the "other" list. If you keep the one hidden from being able to be in the search option then only people you are friends with can see anything you post.

I would not want to offend her for any reason but I can tell you when one friend of mine made some caustic comments on some weekend plans we had all my other friends reamed her and posted that I was doing a wonderful thing. We had made plans to go on a mini vacation and were having a hard time making end meet each month. I got reamed by a friend for being a terrible person for wasting money on going out of town instead of paying some sort of bill or something. My friends all told her that everyone needed a break and that the bill wasn't even due yet. They all posted their support and I felt so much better after the trip. It was only a weekend but we really needed the change of pace.

Maybe the same thing will happen to you. You could send private messages to your friends that you are making another account and to watch for a friend request. Then just post on both but more restricted on the one she has access to.

I get messages or conversations from my FIL occasionally. He is one of my fb friends and we play games together. I will post about a bad day or that something broke, etc...he'll tell me I divulge too much personal information and that everyone can see what I posted. I tell him I know that and he'll tell me if I have a problem to call him and he'll fix it, not to tell God and everyone else. I love him dreadfully, he is such an awesome addition to my life. He is in his 80's and still travels all over the USA several times per year. Right now he is somewhere on the highway between NY and VA driving along on his way home from a conference he attended. He is traveling next month to Kentucky then to Colorado in September.

Personally there's no way I would accept a friend request from my MIL, but I've already had issues with her online. She found my blog several years ago and printed out the entire thing, then called and read parts of it to my husband.

If you think she'll be even more offended if you ignore the request, you can always give her a "limited" view.

I would ignore it as well.
Having my SIL on FB has been nothing but stress for me...because of stuff she posts. Not my stuff. :(
GL!

THIS has blown up in my sister's face recently.

I straight out told my mother NO she on the other hand accepted the request. Now my mom vents about how terrible her kids are. My mom is very angry, verbally abusive and the definition of a bully.

My sister has called and texted me for the last two weeks with this drama and I told her it was a bad idea. I suggested dropping her. No idea if she has or not.

FB can be great IF used properly but most just use it to air their dirty laundry and evil thoughts.

Whatever you do, DON'T add her! My mom is on mine and uses every little comment I make against me. Life if I say I went shopping, the next time I talk to her she says "I see you went shopping on Tuesday, I thought you didn't have any money", etc. It's nothing "bad", just annoying stuff like she's spying on me even tho its true, know what I mean??? And she rarely actually replies or posts to my comments, she just saves them for a good time when she's talking to me. I wish I could just delete her or figure out something but I feel like now I'm stuck with it. Oh and someone else posted about theirs finding their blog, I'm afraid of that too! So I cant post anything about my blog on FB because then I know she'll start looking for that! I hate it. I hope you figure out something. Good luck!

My neice has two facebook accounts...one for friends and family and the other just for her friends. That way her mom doesn't find out the sort of things she doesn't want to share. Just a thought.