I like FB and I like my privacy. I have opinions - don't we all? I posted a pic last night, expressing my opinion on a subject, and within 2 seconds, a "friend" chimed in on "Chat" and I responded with a "hello" and her and I shared a subsequent 15 minute chat session that followed. She expressed her intense dislike and vehement opposition to the 'photo' I had posted, and, I felt attacked. In the end, the argument wasn't worth it, so I said, in a friendly tone, "I will go ahead and delete the photo." She didn't respond back.
Instead - she went back to her FB page and posted her 'vehement dislike' over the image. Everyone has an opinion - I have no problem with hers. She attacked me, and, really I have not a big problem with that either because it showed me that she really wasn't all that friendly, for a friend. No one likes to be attacked verbally.
Here is what she did that did IRK me to no end: She posted 'excerpts' of "our" private chat session on her FB wall - with my name. It made me feel really violated that someone would take a supposed private conversation and post it for all her FB friends to see. Basically, it would be like having a phone conversation, and, it is not only being recorded, someone intends to post it on youtube or something similar.
I know it's FB and the internet and what you put out there is out there. I get that part. But is my 'feeling' of being violated, since the convo took place on private chat, warranted?
Would you feel violated if a 'friend' of yours posted a 'private chat' of yours' on their wall?
Is my expectation of privacy, while on a private chat, a healthy and normal one? Thanks.
Thanks! I met her through an animal rescue group I am involved in. She wanted to be my friend on FB, and, because she is a supporter of the rescue group I fostered through, I accepted. Our only contact had been in the 'foster group' on FB, usually through simply liking each others' posts. She didn't just attack me, she called me a racist. I am absolutely not a racist.
My first reaction to her posting 'our' personal chat was to report it because I felt so violated. I do regret it now because there was nothing wrong with my chat, but there was something wrong with her part. Her next 'post', following that, was that she couldn't believe how she lost friends over what she posted.
So the next day, I went to her FB page, and I didn't see either post there. I don't know if FB removed that post I reported or if she did. Again, I wished I didn't report it because there was nothing wrong with what I wrote to her in that chat, but she is clearly attacking me. I don't know how many of her friends 'unfriended' her as a result, but I'm guessing 10 or so - in that short amount of time, and it was very late at night.
Anyway, I did learn a few things. I learned that if I don't know the person personally, trust at my own risk. I learned that some folks, even if they help innocent animals, aren't always the nicest people on the block. I learned that if I put it out there, make sure I'm okay with it being out there.
I also now have confirmation that my boundaries were violated. But it also taught me something else. Recently, the dogs I fostered, were adopted. I loved them so much and keep in touch with their new parent. He emails me all the time, but he's not on FB. I will always ask him if I can share any 'email' updates on the dogs on FB, to respect his privacy too.
Now, some of you asked what was it. There is a campaign, an very old campaign, called "Millions Die, No One Cries" - and "One Dies, Millions Cry, Millions Die, No One Cries." The pic I posted was the pic of Houston on the left and the starving children on the right. That 'friend' called me a racist, even after I told her race had nothing to do with it. It was the fact, in my view, that it is sad that one person, (insert celebrity here) dies and we get 24x7 coverage and millions die and there is zero coverage. The 'friend said that because it was a black person, that pic made it racist'. I told her that I posted one of Steve Jobs too, (I admire him and Whitney--I love them, right) but I wish we would hear something about the tens of thousands that die every day from hunger.
http://www.global-changemakers.net/hunger-relief/one-dies...
I tell you, that girl was SO angered over it - to the point where she called me a racist so many times! I didn't get it at all.
I did delete her from my friends. I haven't blocked her because I post in the 'foster group' and I want to see if she starts something with me there.
Again, this wasn't about disagreeing or agreeing. I even said I would take down the pic that bothered her. No one likes to feel attacked but it was the posting our private conversation.
That's why you have to be REALLY REALLY choosy about who you "friend" on FB.
Honestly, she doesn't sound like much of a friend! I'd delete her.
Freaks are everywhere!
A really rotten reminder that some people have NO boundaries and that the internet is not private. I think that the expectation of a private chat being private between friends is appropriate, but I would block her and unfriend her after that stunt. If someone did that to me, I would be upset - be it that she posted it or that she called everyone or whatever. She's angry and out of line, no matter the mode used.
That was pretty lousy of her to post a private conversation but whats done is done, and you cant count on her to keep anything private anylonger. Id probably block her from my fb but then she will probably bad mouth you about that too. The only thing I might do would be to post a statement about how unfair and dissrespectful it is for "anyone" to take personal conversations and make them public without permission. Not only will others see this and probably agree with you, possibly knowing who you are talking about, but she will see it and know you mean her and maybe she will think about what she did and make amends.... or not.
Yes, she crossed a line, and most likely broke some FB rules in the process. Yes, you have every right to be upset. Did you report her?
I wouldn't have deleted the picture, I wouldn't deleted the person who had a problem with it & felt the need to take it to "that" level. You've already spent too much energy on this person. She obviously has issues & huge FB balls, when in reality, she probably would never have the guts to say that to you in person.
Report, delete, and move on. It's just FB, it's so not worth another second of your time. People like that shoot themselves in the foot, and end up looking small & childish when they resort to that sort of thing. I wouldn't care what she or anyone else who validates her, thinks.
I'd put the picture back up and delete said "friend" from my facebook. What she did was wrong and I don't think I would consider her a friend anymore.
Delete! Everyone has their own opinion, but to continue and attack you on your page... WOW!! I would be done with her, for good. Not only did she violate your trust,and privacy, but to be so vindictive to kinda set up up! You don't need people like that in your life
Yeah, I had a 'friend' blog negative things about me, even include my picture in her post.. for pretty much no reason. People are idiots and not worth even being on your social networking sites.
I would feel violated and the friendship would clearly be over.
You are right. It was a TERRIBLE violation. Like you say, not the part that she thought she could tell you her ideas and apparently felt that you would get her. But what she did after was beyond comprehension. I assume you have deleted her from your page? BLOCK her too and make sure your privacy settings are where you want them to be.
Just remember karma is gonna suck for her. Im sure it made her look stupid to all her other "friends" too.
I would probably delete and block her from your page. That is a huge violation of privacy. I wouldnt trust her anymore.
First of all, yes, I would be very pissed off BUT is this "friend" an actual friend? Do you know her in person or just someone that "friended" you on Facebook? I use Facebook to stay in contact with family members that don't live closeby and have only "friended" a few friends that I know in person. My account is strictly limited to "friends only" as to who can see anything I post. My "friends friends" cannot even see my stuff!!!
I would contact her in a private message but be very brief in telling her you're upset with her postings. But be prepared she just might post those too! If all else fails, "DE-friend" her and she'll get the message. Maybe you also need to go into your account and adjust your settings.
Depending on what the picture was, I wouldn't have deleted it - if she doesn't like it then too bad. Unless it was a photo of her or someone that you didn't have their permission to post. If I'm posting any photos I always get permission first from the person that's in the photo and then I'll tag them; if they want it removed, I take it off.
Good luck!!!!
Hmm. Am I bad for wondering what in the world the picture was now? (haha!)
That's unacceptable. Yes, there's a normal expectation of privacy on a "private message". But it is the internet and you have to keep in mind that not everyone can be trusted.
If you delete the photo, I think that it will delete her copy too if she took it FROM you. (I'm not 100% sure about this, but I had something I thought was hillarious that I took from them, but when the person THEY took it from deleted it, mine was gone too....Not sure why, but I think it's worth a try). I would delete her (obviously) from friends, and change your settings so she can't get on your page or see your page anymore. If you choose to address what she's done beforehand, go for it. If you don't want the drama, just be happy with "delete". (I would let sleeping dogs lie....anything you do or say could just cause more mess with someone like that).
::shocked face at the gall of your "friend"::
E., please tell me that you unfriended her AND blocked her completely in your privacy settings. This is no friend. If I said any more of what I really feel, I would probably have my comment removed and my account banned. :-)
I would be very po'd if a friend posted a private chat. That is crossing the line and the person would be blocked from my FB account plus I would report it to FB.
Not sure what could be done by FB other than reporting it to them but blocking is easy.
I would be upset, too. It is not a 'friend' that would do something like that.
Oh wow, bye bye "friend!" And good riddance!! That is absolutely appalling that she would do that!
Because of my conservative views on most issues, I tend to get in quite a few heated discussions with my friends on FB (all of them are people I know in real life.) Ours are always on my wall, so I don't have the expectation of privacy, but if I ever PM'd someone, you'd better believe I'd expect that to stay private. Your friend has no boundaries and exhibits very poor judgment. I'd block her.
Maybe I should do this to my "religious" friends and family...yeah...sounds ridiculous. I would never do that to them. I respect them for who they are and that includes their religious beliefs. Do I nit pick them, do I say or hurt them by demeaning them? No way. What is said between us stays between us.
What I usually do is ignore the things they post, say that I don't agree with. This friend would get deleted. Pure and simple.
Oh wow, un-friend that one immediately! That is rude and in VERY poor taste. How do you know this person in real life?
I actually never use the chat feature, I am always "offline" but that's just because I don't like to chat.
Ummm I would definately say that you have every right to feel the way you do! I mean really?!! It was something that YOU posted on YOUR FB wall and not her's. I would just delete her, there is no point in haveing her as a "friend" on your account. I have seen soo many thing that some of my friends have posted on their wall's that I personally disagreed with but kept my opinion to myself. And if I felt it was really bad or that they went too far then I just delete and block them. The majority of people on my FB are family and close friend's, and some of the mom's from my kid's school's that I know. When I first opened my FB account I had alot of people adding me that I went to school with, of course I added them but then I was seeing that alot of them were "immature" with their opinion's or language they used and felt like I didn't have time for people like that. I have even come across seeing people uploading photo's ok K-Y jelly and pic's of them in bed with god knows who stating that they "enjoyed it", i am a 29 year old mother and have no time for such thing's. It's sad but what can we do? That's social media for ya! But I feel that your right and that was hurtful and immature of that person to do such a thing.
You can't do anything about it now. But I hope you've already blocked her. That will solve any future problems.
Am I the only one who looks at this and thinks she has done more damage to herself than to you. Who would look at that and consider her actions appropriate.
It is one of the reasons I never report posts I don't like here. Let their insanity be out there for the world to see.
Now on Facebook you start blocking, deleting and making a fuss it actually makes her actions seem appropriate. Like wow, she really flipped a nut, maybe whoever is on to something.
If I type and send I assume someone can copy and paste. I have had it done to me, doesn't bother me in the least. Even better when I send something out to someone I know will do it and they do. Ahahahahahha :) Good times
The only thing that is private these days are your own thoughts in your head - once they leave them they are now "fair game" to the world - it used to be a little bit different, but now no matter how it was expressed it is fair game to pass along to all - you are expecting too much from people any more it sucks but it is true.
I do not agree with or approve of her actions in any way, but I understand what part of her thought this would be okay, society told her so.
Is this "friend" a "Facebook friend" whom you have never met in person and of whom you had never heard until she "friended" you online?
If she's a real, living, breathing friend you actually know in person or have known in the past in the real world (not the virtual world) then you'd be right to feel more offended; you were betrayed by someone whom you know and with whom you have some personal history. But if she's an online-only "friend" you've never actually met...well, she could be anyone, anywhere, and not even who she claims to be when online with you. Her jerkiness may be who she really is. My point is, it seems there's a difference between an actual friend who does what you describe, and a "friend" about whom you really know nothing other than what she has told you over Facebook. So while you did expect privacy, I guess the lesson is that there is no such expectation when dealing with people who are effectively strangers, even if they are referred to as "friends."
Wow, that's pretty bad of her. I would call her up & tell her how unacceptable that was of her.
What in the world was this picture of that got her so heated?
Yes, I would feel violated and betrayed and I'd "unfriend" her in a split second.
Chances are, however, that her *other* friends are telling themselves right now to NEVER chat with her on FB. She outed herself as a supremely unlikable person, just put her b!tchy self out there for ALL HER FB friends to see.
Dump her and move on.
I'd delete her off my list if I had felt violated and disrespected...
Yes, you should feel you have the safety net that a private conversation - tho may be shared privately to others - would not show up on the public status board.
Just curious, what was the photo about?
Is she someone you know if "real life" and not just via the cyber world? If so - then obviously, she isn't a real friend. I would remove her from my friends and leave it at that.
Yes. I would feel betrayed. Yes, your expectation to have a "private" conversation to be kept private is TOTALLY normal.
wow! I am sooo sorry that this happened to you! Id flip out no one has the right to take your personal convo and post it on their wall without your permission not to mention its just a really shitty thing to do! I believe there is a way to report her for violating your rights, i wish i knew more to tell you but ugh that just really sucks!
You are a bigger person then I am to even offer to take the picture down, cause my response would have been if you dont like it dont look at MY page!
Its funny I was attacked when Houston died as well, (again a great loss, most likely at her hands) but I compared it to the thousands of men and women we have lost that are fighting for our rights to make these celebrities idols.......its a sad world we live in
absolutely wrong on her part.
nasty.
:P
khairete
S.
Oh wow...that is majorly crappy. I'd totally feel mad and violated as well, that is not right. The entire purpose of the chat is to keep it between those people and not post it on your/their wall. Sorry that happened, hope you get it worked out!
Your expectation is completely a normal one. Even on the Internet there is a difference between "public" and "private". More upsetting, she was trying to use your private conversation against you. I'm glad to hear that other people saw her unfair behavior for what it was and unfriended her. Hopefully she'll learn a valuable lesson and work to behave better in the future. You too learned valuable lessons and will adjust accordingly. Overall I am happy to see you had a measured and mature response to a negative situation. I wish that everyone would behave as you did. Just because we're online doesn't mean we shouldn't still be kind and respectful. Have a wonderful day and happy web surfing! :-D
I've seen that photo and several of my friends have posted it too. I'm vegan and totally get it. sounds like this person doesn't respect boundaries and you should tell them to buzz off. Why not un friend them? Did you confront him/her before reporting it?
Bummer
You were right to feel however you feel. I would feel the same way! I am so sorry she violated your trust and respect. She obviously was not a good friend. I am sorry you had to find out this way.
M
Yep remove her from your space in all areas!
