My son is ten years old and has a fear of spending the night away from home. He has one friend he is comfortable spending the night with but that has just been within the last several months. This week he is supposed to go to "Camp School" with his 5th grade class. He is terrified and doesn't want to go. How do I encourage him to face his fears and feel comfortable going to the camp? He is a sleep walker and says he is afraid he will walk in his sleep into the lake!
I will clarify the sleep walking issue. He sometimes gets up and wanders around the house. He is asleep but will talk to me and I will take him back to his room and put him back in his bed where he usually stays for the rest of the night. This usually happens when he is worried about something. Example. we once went to the beach and the condo backed up to the channel. I told the kids they were not allowed to go outside without an adult. In the middle of the night, I hear the front door chain being unlatched and the door being unlocked. It was my son. He was sleep walking. He told me he was dreaming that his little sister had gone outside by herself and he was going outside to get her by the channel! This scared both of us and is where this fear is coming from. He is worried that no one will stop him.
He did not go on the trip. He tried to go the second day but couldn't bring himself to do it. He told me the reason he couldn't do it was because we would be in separate cities and he just wasn't ready for that. We are going to have him try spending the night with a cousin who lives about 30 miles away and take baby steps to get there. There is more to this than I indicated in my original post. His father and I are divorced and he spends half of his time with me and the other with his dad. His dad has never been able to hold a job and doesn't follow through with anything. He also suffers from anxiety but refuses to get help from anyone. I realize this is what holds him back. My fear is that my son is like his dad in that respect and I guess that is why I want him to be able to face his fears and push through things. My son has been in therapy in the past (for coping with my new marriage) and has indicated to me that he does not want to go any more. His father tells him that it is a waste of time. But I think he needs to go to work on his anxiety issues. I certainly don't want to traumatize him though which is why we decided to let him miss the camp school.
If he does not want to go, let him stay home. He is taking baby steps and
will eventually conquer his fears. He is only 10.
Hi M., to ME, if he is finally feeling comfy enough to sleep at a friends house, than he already IS confronting his fears.
I wouldn't make him go on the trip. But that's just me.
:)
Does he have to go? I remember backing out of a girl scouts camping trip in I think 4th grade. I don't regret it... It's just something I didn't want to do and wasn't ready for. I did get over it eventually though! If he kind of does need to go, I'd really try to arrange that he can be with that good friend or his closest friends. That'll help a lot. Could he make it a shorter trip than the other kids? Make up some excuse in front of the other kids so he's not teased?
well, he does need to work on this issue and overcome these fears. but going from one friend that he's only been overnighting with recently to a week at camp is an awfully big step. i guess if you want to cold turkey-and-immerse him it could be effective, but i think i would be taking much smaller steps with a fear this overwhelming.
khairete
S.
At the age of 10 he should be able to express his fears to you.....
As a sleep walker - talk to the camp director and ask them what measures they take for this issue - then talk to your son about the avenues they take to prevent accidents, etc. there are plenty of sleep walkers who attend camp.
Hi M.. I used to take care of a young man who also had the same problem. I was furious with the way his father handled it and he would force him to take part in school trips only to get a call in the middle of the night to come and pick him up. I did not keep my mouth shut the morning that frightened 9 year old showed up at my door exhausted and embarassed the next morning. He was so tired that he could not go to school when the rest of the children went. I put him back to bed for a few hours and called his father to tell him what I did and then told him what I thought of the whole situation. When the little guy woke up refreshed I took him to school and he got on with the rest of his day. After school I took him aside and told him that I understood completely how he felt as I too am uncomfortable having to spend time away from home but I do it out of necessity. I told him that as he gets older that he would come to terms with his feelings and things would be much easier. He is now a lovely young man of 14 and things have turned around for him. It takes time. DO NOT force the issue. I would not send him on this trip. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
L.
When my son went to 5th grade camp, he knew in advance which friends he would be rooming with. Will your son know in advance? If so, he could make a deal with a buddy to watch out for each other. There will be a chaperone there too. Hopefully it will be someone your son knows, a father of a friend perhaps. Bunking with friends and having a familiar chaperone may help him feel better. I hope he conquers his fears and has a wonderful time!
By sleepwalker, do you mean that he sometimes gets up and goes to the bathroom and doesn't remember it, or do you mean he could actually walk and function and leave the house while asleep? If it's the latter, that is not a fear, it could be a sleep disorder or signs of a medical condition. I would encourage you to speak to a psychiatrist or physician if he truly sleepwalks and if it's frequent. Knowing more about sleepwalking and getting treatment for it would help him deal with his fears.
It sounds like he has a legitimate fear and not an irrational one. I would suggest talking to his teacher/chaperone and explaining the sleepwalking issue. If that is the only reason he is afraid, having a teacher assure you both that he will be protected form walking out of the area or any where near the water may help.
Bribe him.....as a last resort. Right now I would concentrate on telling him what a great experience it will be. I would also give him an out meaning....Tell him he needs to go and if after the first night or two he is having problems then he can come home. I would talk to the teacher/Chaperone's and tell them he is sensitive kid and see if they can help bolster his confidence a bit so he is encouraged to go. I would tell him that at camp...the doors are locked and he won't be able to walk into the lake :)
My only question is: Why does he have to go? If his anxiety is that high it would not be worth it! Let him get a bit older.
DH
On the packet that you will have to fill out there will be a place to say he sleep walks, my oldest son was a sleep walker, but he went to 6th grade camp, and he went to pre teen, and teen camp with the church and didn't sleep walk, probably different place, but i would not push him let it be his decission, he will learn when the kids all come back telling him all the cool things they did and how much fun they had, he's going to wish he would have went, and maybe the next time he is faced with something like this he will push through his fears. J.
I would not send him on the trip. There is no guarantee that he will be stopped before he walks into the lake. At about the same age as your son, our daughter walked right out the front door and didn't wake up until she locked herself outside. We lived on a busy street and she could have crossed it, heading to her friend's home!
It is not the end of the world if he doesn't go to Camp School. It is better that he knows that his parents will protect him from danger. He will not be able to relax and enjoy himself.
While the rest of the class is gone, I'd look into a therapist that specializes in hypnotherapy. That might help him stop sleepwalking.
Being able to actually leave the house while sleep walking is scary!
You said he sleep walks mostly when he's worried about something. If he has such strong feelings about not going on this trip, I would think that forcing him to go would make him even more worried and more likely to sleep walk.
I think I would let him stay home from this trip and look into different treatment options for sleep walking. Really do your research and read everything you can about different types/causes of sleep walking and treatments for them. (If you haven't already!) Look at everything from letting them outgrow it, to hypnosis, to medicines, to alternative therapies and make an informed decision on how to handle it.
Of course, all of this is just my two cents! Best of luck, momma. I know you'll figure this out and make the best decision for your guy!
