"Familiarity Breeds Contempt"

I find it very, very, very difficult to dislike people with whom I am familiar. Usually, even against my own will, I find something soft and sweet about another human.

Still, I may not choose to be around a person, or trust them with my children, or tolerate their behavior, but I still have love for them and hope they find the peace and happiness they deserve.

Sociopaths, on the other hand, I have no love for. Sometimes it takes a while to realize a person fundamentally lacks the ability to have empathy.

I think that we can take for granted those closest to us.

Take family for instance, they are close, sometimes too close, feelings get hurt all of a sudden & you feel so comfortable just laying it all on the line.

It crosses a line that sometimes cannot be crossed back.

A key line in your post "what is it that makes us dislike people we were once close to", strikes a cord. You feel so comfortable that you take ppl for granted. You do not treat them as well as you used to. You think they will be around forever. You don't treat them as well as a friend or a new aquaintance. You forget the common niceties. OR people harbor ill feelings, don't air out greivances, let things build up until they pop.

Then it's too late . The damage has been done.

I think it's that we have higher expectations of those people that we get close to, and therefore the fall is harder if they let us down or hurt us in some way.

I think it is because people are constantly changing and evolving into new people. Some people you grow in the same direction as them. Others stop growing. Then others go the opposite way and you really clash. The other reason, we are human and make mistakes constantly.

People tend to assume the best about strangers and believe everyone is basically a nice good person.
It takes awhile to learn about someone else s warts / bad habits / peccadilloes.
Once you know about them, you might lose respect for them.
Or maybe you decide if you've got to have a vice, that particular one isn't that bad.
If you knew someone who was well educated, had a good job, a loving family, and all round supporter of the community - you'd think 'Wow, what a great guy!".
And THEN you find out - he regularly kicks his dog.
Now you think he's scum.

Rhonda, good question, as usual. I don't have a good answer -- maybe high expectations combined with frequent interaction and overly relaxed manners.

Once a person has become privvy to our secrets and habits--we get irritated that we let them in and so we try to push them out.

Once a person knows a person's secrets and insecurities some of them are very judgemental about that knowledge and sneer at the person.

i think it's because, like bob marley says, everyone will disappoint you eventually. it's true. we find people we connect with, we have great rapport, we feel the same about things, we just think things are hunkey-dorey - and then they screw up. or we do. or maybe we find out they have a big core value that is VERY different from ours. and all that connectivity, and closeness, just seems futile and in vain. so then we feel foolish or maybe our feelings are hurt. we pour out our disappointment and bitterness onto them. it's hard not to go through this cycle, for me. i am learning as i get older to let things go. but i am verrrry stubborn. and i expect the same kind of courtesy and loyalty from people that i give, and that just doesn't usually happen.

on the other hand, the closest people to me are family. and that has never changed. it's only these people that come and go, that go through this cycle. so this statement isn't wholly true 100% of the time- like anything else.

I was just listening to something about treating family members BETTER than your best friend.
It's a tale as old as time, like the old sing says "you always hurt the ones you love...."

Same reason kids think they can get away with treating their family badly. They know they are loved UNconditionally and their behaviors will be excused, tolerated or forgiven.
Same could be said for spouses.

It's not right--just a perspective.

I love my MIL, and my friends. I spend MOST of my time with my husband, and I've certainly never disliked him, in 8 years.

Maybe I'm weird, but when someone is close to me....I don't dislike them. I CHOOSE who I allow to be very close to me. Even family.

For me, whenever I've had an issue with someone, it's then that I have to ask myself why I am in such conflict with this or that person. Usually, through introspection, I can figure out what is bugging me. For example, I NEVER had issues with my husband's aunt. UNTIL... I started OA and now since practicing the steps, I've noticed that she (who has major food issues) pushes them unto other people... Since I am working on my own food issues, you can imagine that having someone's elses food issues in the picture can become quite annoying and be challenging. However, since working on my angst towards this person, I actually feel better about her. In other words, when I stopped taking her inventory... I stopped allowing her issues to become mine..
I suppose you could say a little detachment from drama goes a long way in dealing with family and friends..

I don't think it's that. I think people like drama. Look at what is on TV. Disgusting....soooo many reality shows and they keep growing. People aren't satisfied with good relationships. People aren't satisfied with their lives.

I got rid of my TV over a year ago and it has afforded me to have more time WITH my extended family....and I don't like drama. If I want to watch something funny, I will find it online. No drama!

My SIL is a pain in the arse and always wants to start stuff. She's super judgmental and laughs at perfect strangers walking by! She had my brother call me 5 years ago (out of the blue) and tell me, "Jen, people don't like you." Instead of getting all upset and buying into her drama, I simply responded with, "Oh." They got so flustered that I didn't react that they hung up. Haven't seen her in 5 years, because she chooses to stay away. Fine with me...and fine with the rest of the entire family that walks on eggshells when she's around. I don't have a problem with her. It's how she chooses to live her life.

Drama and Judgment - those 2 things will destroy your life and your relationships.