Family as Daycare??

Any day care will do whatever routine they think is best. Talk to them and see if they can all be consistent even if it is different then what you established.

Hey D., I have found that when others watch my son they set up their own schedule wether I have given them one to follow or not. I was irritated by this at first b/c I liked having him under control and knowing what to expect next. But as time went by I noticed that he became accustumed to the different routines with different people. He was about 4 months when I started leaving him with family. He's now almost 18 months and doing just fine.

I'd write out a daily schedule for your baby and go over the schedule with each relative. To try to insure that they follow the schedule, I'd tell them that it's best for the baby to have constant consistency with his days since he'll be having a few different people watch him.

As a thank you gift, my SIL gets her mother small things throughout the year. For example, she'll help her out financially a few times a year with big purchases or events. If she wants to take a road trip to see her brother, she'll get her a gas card to pay for the gas to pay for the trip. She spaces out these purchases every couple of months.

D.,
I can see you are concerned. I run a daycare out of my home and I can just say that in my setting I do usually thr to combine the mom's schedule to mine. I usually find a happy medium and I work with the parents and they work with me. Most parents understand that with me having their child 5 days a week it is sometimes easier for them to fall into my schedule on the weekend. This has been working form me and I have had no complaints or problems however, your situation is much different. You will have three people taking care of him on different days, so adding your schedule your baby will be dealing with 4 different schedules. If I were you I would try to encourage everyone to stick to your schedule as much as possible. Let them know that you are not doing it for you, but you are doing it for your son. He will be confused in the beginning becasue he is with someone other than you, so keeping him on a familiar schedule will make his transition to "daycare" and your transition to work muuch easier!!

Having been in a similar situation for awhile I will say that it is tough. Others have given you great advise on the schedule, I was never strict with a schedule so I'm no help there. My best advise (for when he's older) is to make a list of things that are MOST important to you and give this to the caretakers. Now, at 12 months this list will be very different than at 4 months, but I'll give you an example of an older baby list:
1. Sunscreen always when outdoors
2. No nuts, or peanut butter at all
3. No raw honey
... or whatever your rules are. And don't give them a time-frame like "no peanuts before age 2" because you will want to be there when he has his first peanuts to make sure he doesn't have a reaction. You don't want them giving him peanuts at 22 months because he's close enough. For example.

And then let the little things go. If someone gives him a little more junk food than you'd like, let it go. If someone lets him watch more TV than you'd like, let it go. If they sit him in front of the TV all day with a bowl of chocolates and a rated R movie marathon then you should say something, but aside from that remember these people are doing you a favor and aren't going to do everything your way exactly. And diversity is good for kids, he will learn new different things, and have fun experiences. As long as they stick to your most important things just trust that he is in good hands and you are lucky to have them in your life. Feel free to update that list every few months as needed. They do appreciate it being simple, especially with what food is off limits.

I know that is not the advice you asked for at all, but I went through a year plus of what you are about to go through and that is what I learned from it.

even if you pay someone or put your son in daycare, there is no guarantee they will follow your schedule either. i would write out the schedule and routines you want to follow for each of your family members. if its posted somewhere they may be more likely to try to stick to it. i'm sure you will come across some variations or one of them doing their own thing. if you see that your child is upset due to this, then you can comment on it, but if your son does ok, then maybe a slight variation won't be so bad. at least you know he'll be safe and loved with your family. i use a daycare where the people are really nice and seem to really like and enjoy my foster child, but they did not stick to my routine because he couldn't nap at daycare at his normal times because all the other kids were up and playing. so he adapted to their schedule and i had to change mine a little....earlier bed time, 1 longer nap a day instead of 2 at an earleir age, etc. it all worked out in the end.

You can try to tell them that keeping the baby on schedule allows him to function best--eat and sleep well. You may also want to note that his sleep schedule translates to your sleep schedule and since you are going back to work you will need your sleep too. Unfortunately, one of the concessions you make when having family care for your children rather than professional care is that they do not "work" for you so it is hard to give them instructions and expect them to follow them without question. I think it is a very nice idea to get them a gift--what about a special piece of jewelry--perhaps, pearl earrings? Best of luck!

When my sis in law watched my daughter I would give her a gift card to a local grocery store once a month. I would also sit down and have a talk about your rules. Good luck

M.

Hi D.,
I too am lucky enough to have family childcare for my almost 3 month old son, as I have just returned to work full time. Most of the time it is actually my husband who works four nights a week. However, I have found that when other folks in our family, our moms or aunts, have taken care of our baby and we have left detailed lists about when things should happen and our "do's" and "don'ts" they have responded well. That way our schedule has been kept, and they haven't had to deal with a long verbal litany of what should happen and should not happen while we are away from our boy. A simple, "there is a list of important information about his schedule, etc. in the kitchen" has done the trick. And they don't feel like they are being bashed over the head with instructions. And that way it can become their routine as well.
I hope this helps a bit.
Good luck and blessings!

P.S. As far as a gift goes, for our moms we have been talking about getting one of the small digital frames so they can have revolving pictures of their grandkids at home. But even a nice smaller gift certificate to a favorite place of theirs might work.

I work three days a week and my M-I-L, my mother, and my husband each have a day with the baby. He's now 21 months and I'm very thankful that I didn't have to put him in daycare. However, you are going to realize that having family babysit it is hard to really tell them what to do so you will have to let go of a lot of things as long as it's not a really big issue. But just realize that they will love your baby more than any daycare provider could so if they don't do things exactly like you it's a small trade off in the big picture. My M-I-L sometimes gives him food that I'm not crazy about (like chocolate :), my mother definitely lets him watch too much TV, and my husband doesn't listen to anything I say :) but I had to realize that I'm lucky to have family to watch him and a little chocolate and TV once a week isn't going to totally undo the schedule I try to keep the other 4 days a week. :) And I know that he enjoys his days with his Grandmas and with Daddy and just because they don't do exactly what I do doesn't make it wrong.

D., we all should be so lucky! :) Wishing you the VERY best of luck as you return to work! My mom kept my first daughter when I went back to work,and I will say it was a MAJOR relief that I didn't worry about someone mistreating my baby. My mother said the same thing....no money....she wouldn't accept the money and at the time I was a single mom struggling to keep my head above water and finish college. ALL that said, time went on and she became resentful that I WAS NOT paying her. She would verbalize it in other disagreements. Whatever you do, give them something; if they REALLY won't take money and they like massages, give them a gift certificate to get a facial or a special day at the salon once a month. Find out where they get their hair done and get a special gift certificate from their stylist....Most times what women LOVE, they feel guilty about spending the money on themselves but are tickled when they get it as a gift!!! Best of luck!

Hi D.,
A dear friend of mine watched my daughter when I went back to work. I am SO grateful for it. It was the best thing I could have hoped for my daughter, and honestly, the worst thing for our friendship. I thought I had been very clear what my daughter's routine was, etc. But, my friend had a very different idea of things. It lead to some pretty heated discussions, and in the end, we severed the working relationship. We did manage to stay close friends, however. I think the best thing you can do is be VERY clear about those items that are most important to you and that you are not wiling to negotiate on, and the rest you'll probably just not have to worry about. Best of luck!!

D.,
I'd love to see what suggestions you get here, because I know if I were in that situation, the only one who MIGHT follow a routine is my Mom. Everyone else would tailor my son's schedule to theirs, not the other way around.

Short of a nanny cam, or a daily notebook, I can't see how to MAKE them stick to it. Maybe a daily check sheet for times and whatnot, that might do it.

0645 - wake up and bottle
0745 - play and sibling time
0845 - wind down for nap - quiet room, dark shades, music
0900 - 1100 nap
1130 - peel hungry kid off ceiling
1200 - lunch
1300 - Tired Mommy home from work

What I did today: Playmat, chased the cat, parked in pack and play with mirror and said hello in many languages my friends don't understand yet.

D.,
Please have fun and I wish you good luck. I am joking around a little bit here, but the daily report/list thing might just work. No one will adhere 100% to a schedule - even my husband doesn't.

Good luck,
M.

I understand what you mean that you want to the routines that you have with your son and some times family can mess that up but from the daycare end I worked in the infant room in a daycare and I loved it but in my opinion the ratios are wrong becasue infants depend on us to do everything for them since they cant and unless your son would stay with the routine they will not be able to inforce it. Family can be the best and the hardest but i would definately take family over a daycare. My mom is watching my kids and I am so glad for that.

Best of luck,
J.

As with all things in life, there are advantages and disadvantages.

Each person who watches your child, will have their own schedule and routines. As you son gets older, they will give him snacks that you would prefer he didn't have, they will let him watch tv shows you don't approve of, etc. It's all part of the deal. (Note: this would probably happen if you had someone other the family watch your child).

My suggestion would be to write down your son's schedule and politely explain to everyone that you realize each of them has their own schedule, but you would really appreciate it if they could do their best to stick to it.

Remeber that although they will not except or expect money for their services, they should not be asked to purchase any supplies. Make sure each household has a supply of diapers, wipes, blankets, formula, play pen/crib, etc.

A gift is a wonderful idea. How about a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant?

Good luck

Hi D.,
Having family to watch your child comes with some benefits, and some downfalls, especially if you are not paying them because they see it as doing you a favor, not as working for you. I would say that before agreeing to having anyone be your childcare provider, ask them honestly whether they can abide by your rules and routines, even if it's different than how they parented their children. Grandparents should be up to date on current infant health and safety information - they may say "My kids all slept on their stomach, ate solids at 2 months, etc and turned out fine" but need to be able to care for your baby as you instruct. Sometimes if the person is a recent parent, like a sister or sister in law, they may take it to mean that you think they are a bad parent if you tell them that your 9 month old can't have lollipops or cheese doodles when they allowed their child to have them at that age. So be sure to find out if the person will honestly respect your wishes without feeling judged. As for gifts, I woudl suggest purchasing the caregivers a giftcard every so often (perhaps monthly) to a favorite restaurant.
If you have 3 people watching your child, possibly him going to 3 different places (or maybe they are coming to your home), I would ask myself whether it's worth it to have free childcare. You mentioned being concerned about routines being followed, but it's hard for your baby to feel that he's in a routine when there is no consistency in his care, going to one sitter one day, someone else another day, and a 3rd person during the same week if that's how it is being split up. If he's going to their homes, it's 3 different surroundings to be used to napping in, possibly 3 different beds if they each have a separate crib and pack n play. You may find the family care to be more beneficial than consistent care from the same caregiver, but if I still had a baby, it's not the choice I would make personally - I would feel that one qualified, nonfamily caregiver would be preferable for my baby than to split his time between 3 sitters. But it may be my own personal bias, and I did use paid daycare when I had babies, never family sitters. I know if I had 3 different places I took my babies, somewhere along the line, I'd have gotten confused and ended up dropping off or trying to pick up at the wrong person's house if I was going 3 different places on different days of the week
Good luck!

You are very lucky to have your family who is very willing to be with your son when you return to work. It would in fact be helpful to them if you mark down your routine and give them each a copy and let it be. Let them work it out amoung themselves. They each have there own lives and responsibilities to still deal with so do expect some changes, relax and just go with the flow, it will all work out just fine.
Give them all a framed picture of your son with a note of thanks and when you get paid, take them out to lunch..

Try keeping a journal/log of how much your baby is eating, what time, and when naps are taken this way everyone is on the same page. Be clear in the beginning of your expectations and discuss what works well for your son. Share what you need to keep consistent in his life and what you may be a little flexible about. If he is spending tiem in several different places his life needs to be as consistent as possible and that may be what you should stress. I did this with my MIL and mom and it held everyone accountable! Hope it helps!

I'd be honest up front with your concerns instead of waiting until something happens and then getting upset. I use to watch my grandson while my daughter worked part time and to be honest with you I didn't follow "the schedule" at all.

Since he's going to be at several different location my may want to buy wipes, diapers, etc and leave a supply at each household instead of having to load a diaper bag every day. That way to can just worry about clothes instead of everything.

I suggest you write your routine into 3 note books, they each have one, tell them you wrote it all down so it makes it easier for the baby, and easier for them,

1. realize that they won't always follow the routine,
( thats OK)

2. remember that they , unlike a complete stranger will actually LOVE your child for the rest of their lives.

3. ITS free, and with everything that is free there are strings attached,

4. Offering the information from the start goes a long way to encoraging them to maintain the routine,
( However it may not always work for their family's routine so you need to be flexible aswell.)

Good luck

M

That is wonderful you have people you can trust to wtch your son, you have been blessed. As far as wanting them to follow the routines, what routines have you done that you wanted them to follow? If you are referring to eating schedule and napping time and so forth, you can write up a "schedule" and things that you do with your son, you write them down and when someone comes to watch your son, you can say nicely "I truly appreciate that you're helping me out to watch (your son's name) and to make things easier on you, here's the schedule I wrote up. Won't you look it over and if you have question, ask me and I'll put it down". That way, it doesn't sound like you're demanding, or pointing your finger at them saying they must do this and that. I wrote schedules and other things down when my mother-in-law had to watch my boys because I had to go with my husband to places and wouldn't be back til the following morning or late that night. Also, think how you want someone to approach you with that...sometimes that helps. As far as gifts, think or something that doesn't haveto cost alot of money. Like I am an atist and I have made name frames. Did artwork with their names and framed it and I got the frames at the dollar store and I didn't haveto spend alot to give beautiful gifts. If you're not into artwork, do some craft things putting things together and you can buy craft magazine ant keep it to do things with your son when he gets older and at an age where he doesn't put things in his mouth. You can make things and that is a good way to teach your son that he doesn't haveto buy thing but make things for you for Christmas, Mother's Day, etc.