Family Bed Sleeping

Hi L.!
We are an episode of Brining Home Baby on TLC this season and one of the issues for us in Bringing Home our little man was our 2.5 yr. old little girl and her not wanting to sleep on her own. Like a lot of other breastfeeding moms, we are very bonded to our children and feel that nurturing their needs and not neglecting them when they are scared or sad is best. Although I am not saying i am against doing whatever is best for your family, but it sounds like you are a lot like us and really respect the limitations of a child and the security and nurturing that is so important in the development of them as individuals and as amazing, strong people in life.
I am trying to say that you will have to do what works best, and that may be different with this child than it will be with the next.
What has been working great for us is a suggestion from the sleep expert that the TV show had for us....and she had us write a book with out little girl. It's literally just printer paper and markers and it's stapled together, you can get as basic or as fancy as you like, but what is important is that you AND your child do it TOGETHER...and with ours it was about the baby coming home too, but a lot of it was about the routines in our family now and the bedtime routine...
so one page says something like: Sarah goes to bed in her big girl bed each night (and has a picture that she scribbled on that page)
First she brushes her teeth, says goodnight to everyone, and then she reads a story and sings a song and gets tucked in by mommy or daddy.....
it has worked great and reading the book has become part of the routine so it helps reiterate the night time routine and is really great!
:)
Good luck.
Hope that helps!
S.
www.MomsOnAMission.US

I started my daughter in her own bed when she was three. I thought it was going to be a long, difficult transition. We bought her a new, fun kids loft bed from IKEA. It has a space underneath you use. We filled it with pillows, stuffed animals, a bookshelf, and a reading light, then put sheer curtains around it. She also got to choose her own bedding. It only cost about $300 for everything, including bed, mattress, blankets, curtains, etc. She was so excited about her cool new bed that she WANTED to sleep in it every night. Its been about six months and still no problems. Hope this helps!

Same problem here. I let my daughter pick out new "blankets and pillows" to sleep with on HER bed. We started slowly by first just reading her bedtime stories in her bed and so fourth. I did end up sleeping a few nights next to her but she is doing well now. My daughter just turned 2 1/2 on the 1st. Good luck.

My son is 2 1/2 and had slept with us since day one. We recently aquired a twin bed (2 actually) and let him choose the bedding. He was SO excitted to sleep in his own bed, I didn't have to fight him at all! It's been about 2 months now and I have to lay down with him once in a while until he nods off, but for the most part I tell him "good-night", give him a kiss, and hand him his sippy of water. Perhaps this "Plan of attack" would work for you as well. (My son is only a month or so younger. his b-day is 12/29) ~J.

L., this probably isn't the "right" way to do this . . . but we have 2 sons ages 2 1/2 and 4. I breastfed both of them for the first 12 mos and found it much easier to just move them into our bed to feed. Of course they grew very accustomed to sleeping in mom and dad's bed. I started letting them fall asleep in our bed after bedtime stories (or whatever your nightly routine is), then moved them into their bed when they were asleep. For awhile if they woke up they would come back into our room, but now they both sleep in their own beds. They still fall asleep in our room, but once we put them in their room they sleep in their beds. It has avoided the crying and tears and both wake up fine in the morning. I did let them pick out their own sheets and comforters just to make it a little easier. I hope this helps . . .

Put her in her own bedroom. Explain the new set up to her ahead of time. "You need to sleep in your own bedroom. Mommy and daddy are not comfortable. We can't sleep well. Everyone needs to sleep. Otherwise mommy and daddy's back hurts. You are SUCH a big girl. You are so lucky you get your OWN bed." My first born responded well to stories about animals in nature, "Some little bunnies burrow in the ground. Some little bunnies love to snuggle and some little bunnies love to have a lot of space around them and sleep alone. They sleep with little snuggly toys..." and so on. This does not have to be traumatic. Once she is in her own bed you can start transitioning her away from sleeping with you through the night. This will take longer than a week. Since she is used to sleeping with you, lie with her until she falls asleep. Go back to your bed. I just lie with my 3 year old DD until she falls asleep and get up and walk away. When she wakes up and goes to your bedroom, (my DD comes for me at 5am) quietly walk her back to her own bedroom and lie down again. No arguments. Since she is used to sleeping with you, she'll expect you in her bed (fine and this will be temporary.) You need to do this slowly and STICK with it. Be gentle, self-confident and firm.
Why do I lie down with her? Because I want her to associate nighttime with good feelings. Not a scary, stressful experience, that when the lights are out, you are alone, screaming your head off with no one coming for you. The adrenaline (fight or flight response) WILL keep them wide awake. Why do I go back to her bed when she comes to my room at 5am? Because I want to induce relaxation in her. If she (or my son when he was younger) is asking for me at night, then I go. I have no problem cuddling at night. I remind myself it won't last forever. It beats me being upright in the middle of the night "fighting" this. I don't believe in the Cry-it-out method (don't have the stomach for it and I think it's cruel - but I'm not judging you or anybody, I know people feel desperate). And I don't think it really works. Might work for the first 2 years, but then they grow up and are more verbal/smarter and then you're stuck. If letting
If you read Tina Thenevin's THE FAMILY BED she does a good job of explaining nighttime from a child's POV. It's scary, they need someone nearby. Nighttime touch is reassuring to young children (Oh! You are here! Good I can sleep!) Some children sleep fine alone and have from day one. Some don't.
No sleep arrangement (co-sleeping part-time or child alone in a room - CIO or not - or co-sleeping full-time) is perfect. They all have their pros and cons. But my sleep arrangement works pretty well for our family. We can go on vacations/hotels and I don't have to worry about my children screaming at night (as a bedtime routine). We snuggle, they feel relaxed and safe and they conk out. I get up and walk away and go to my own bed.
I transitioned my son (now 7) to his own room/twin bed (we skipped the toddler bed) when he was 2. DH did not want him in our bed anymore. What I did was go to HIS bed when he needed me. That worked out perfectly for my family. My son * never * expected to come back to our bed because if he needed me (nighttime comfort/reassurance) I went to him. I transitioned my daughter (now 3) to the twin on the floor next to her brother when she was 1. Same deal. She sleeps through the night and at 5am, wakes up quietly and walks to our bedroom and waits at the door for me. I quietly walk her back, we lie down together and go back to sleep. (I know the Supernanny would disappove. LOL. That's fine. She's entitled to her POV and I'm entitled to mine.)
Everyone is happy and has their needs met - DH doesn't have children in the bed ruining his sleep, DS has nighttime comfort, I got right back to sleep without arguments. :D "Oh, all you want is company? Here I am." You CAN change your current situation with minimal tears/trauma.

I had a similar problem with my daughter, who is now almost 5. What we did was get her her own special bed (which she chose) and all the accessories (which she chose), all within reason of course and budget. We made it into a 'big girl' party, literally, and showed off her new digs to Grandma and her Aunty etc. And in her 'room' we had a little 'party' for her. It was HER special "big girl now" party. She LOVED it! And then she felt like this was her OWN special place, like how mommy & daddy have THEIR special bedroom. It worked, and now she is very proud about it, and sleeps in HER room. Sure, there are times to adjust, and sometimes she didn't want to sleep in her room, but we would ask her "why?" and treated her like a 'big girl' not a 'baby' and she would just tell us that sometimes she just gets lonely sleeping by herself or afraid of the dark etc. But, she could reason it out by herself, and would just go back to HER bed, having felt better talking about it with us. And we would tell her that even grown ups feel that way sometimes (to validate her and her right to feel that way),and then she would feel satisfied. There is also something fun, and 'soothing' that we got for her.... a constellation night-light. It's real neat. You can get it from Amazon. The link is: http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Twilight-Turtle-Constellation...
It's a transition for them like anything else. Each child adjusts to 'change' differently and at different paces. But consistency is the key, and letting them express their 'opinion/feelings' about it. Hope this helps. Good luck.
~Susan
www.cafepress.com/littlegoogoo

No matter what there will be crying. You just have to decide will you be the one crying over lack of sleep or will your child cry for a few nights because she isn't getting her way?

You have allowed your daughter to have control over bed time and what is expected of her at bed time. As you stated you had her sleeping on her own previously, but you have now allowed her to take charge and return to your bed.

I think you should watch nanny 911 and take back charge as parent instead of doormat. Sorry to be so harsh, but who is really making the rules?

My daughter is 2 1/2 years old and she has a set routine for bed. We wash up and use the potty, then she climbs in and gets one story and one song and then she gets a kiss & hug, and she tells me goodnight. Once you establish a pattern and keep it enforce children will be content to follow your lead. You just have to establish that you are the leader.

At first it can be trying and just easier to let her climb into your bed, but in doing so you have allowed her to have control over you. She has now learned to exploit your weakness. So put her to bed, do not linger in her room for the first week; just put her to bed say goodnight and walk out; if she cries ignore it completely, if you respond you have again allowed her some control over bedtime; if she gets out of bed return her to immediately say goodnight and walk out, again do NOT linger; if she does this 3 or more times, sit by her bed after you have placed her in it, do NOT talk to her just wait for her to quiet and then leave.
You may have to go through this until she falls to sleep from exhaustion, but you will have won and it will get easier the following night. Keep this up until she no longer gets out of bed. Also do not allow her back in your bed in the middle of the night, return her to her own bed with a kiss and goodnight, but DO NOT allow her to stay in your bed.
This process can take a week, but once you have established when bed time is and what is expected of her at bed time (i.e she sleeps in her bed & STAYS there) then you can have some fun with it and establish a set pattern like I have now (i.e. wash, potty, book, song, kiss, bed)and your child will love it when this occurs as it establishes that mommy may be firm but still a lot of fun!

If this doesn't work call Nanny 911 because you have a persistant child!