Family Drama Pls Help

Wow, that's very nice of you to step in and help your nephew out like that. Your nephew is almost an adult so, when he turns 18, he will be able to make the decision of where he wants to live without any interferance from his parents (hopefully). And he is old enough now to go out and get a part-time job to make a little extra money to help offset expenses as long as it does not interfere with him completing high school. I really wouldn't hold out any hope that his parents will help you and their son financially because it sounds like they are pretty messed up but there are charitable organizations out there that can probably help your son get the school supplies he needs. I don't know if you have a Catholic Charities out where you live but maybe you can contact them to see what kind of assistance they can help you out with. And maybe one of the counselors at your son's new school can help you access some services to help him out until he is ready to graduate.

Wish I could be of more help. God Bless.

I would definitely talk with the counselors at his school. I'm a teacher and I know that when I have students who are facing shortages of essential supplies and clothing for school, the school counselors (and the nurse, too) always come through for the kid. They have access to resources from the community and school district that maybe parents and others don't always know about.

You're doing a great thing with taking care of your nephew, but you don't have to do it alone. It doesn't sound as if his parents are ever going to be any help. Rather than waste your precious time and energy fighting with them and your husband, focus your efforts on his school where you'll probably get a quicker and more effective response.

Good luck!

I also really appreciate what you and your husband are doing for your nephew, and especially that you have used your influence to convince him to go back to school. There have been a lot of good suggestions here. I agree that going to children's services and getting a case started is the first step. His parents are neglecting him and profiting from the system in an illegal way. His father's threats to remove him from your home accent that his son's needs are not what he is interested in. The suggestion for him to get a job are also good, since it will help him to learn responsibility and to understand how much things cost. As a last resort, emancipation is possible. This would mean the courts would recognize him as an adult and his parents would have no control over him. However, it would also keep him from getting aid unless he could find a program for emancipated young adults that teach life skills and management (like balancing a checkbook and keeping the bills caught up) so kids can make it. I hope this helps.

F.,
Sorry your situation is really difficult. Your nephew is 17 and he can very well choose to live with you. Life is difficult as he needs all these things that are to much for you to handle, so I would go to the DPS with your nephew and tell them the situation, that way the benefits that are being destined for him will arrive to him (through you)!. Once you have an open case with DPS the dad wont be able to take him away from you that easily, I doubt he'll even try, that way, your nephew will receive the help youll be able to get him the mattress he needs and school stuff.
Unfortunately this is no easy one, and I'm only thinking what I would do thats best for him, asuming that's what you'll wanna do. But the parents wont like it at all!!! So there'll be more drama for sure.
But think about all the good things hell get from you, education, love and attention that he unfortunately wont get with his parents. Tricky one, Good Luck!

Where does your husband stand in all of this? I have been in a similar situation and found my own sanity was safer if I stayed out of everything. I know the financial difficulty and that this 17 year old is really in the midddle. He cannot control his parents nor can he control you, so his situation is more difficult than any of the adults in my opinion. There are places where you can find beds at give away prices. As for school clothes, can this young man finda job part time? With my own children they paid for half of thie "wanted" school clothes and I paid half. I suggest talking to this young man and getting his help and suggestions for how to move forward. Work as a "team" with him and let him know that you care.

Dear F.,
I think it's so wonderful that your nephew has you to help him out in this tough situation. You're only 4 years older than him and you've taken a big responsibility and I'm sure that he will love you forever for being there for him.
I agree with other moms that you should be able to find resources in your community to help out with things that your nephew needs. And, a part time job is a good idea, but I would really stress that the important thing once school starts is his grades. With his previous home life, his grades might have suffered, so if he will be a senior this year, he really needs to buckle down and show improvement so that he can graduate and perhaps get grants for community college or something to help him be able to have a successful income for himself. He really needs to get his diploma.
His parents shouldn't be receiving benefits for a child that doesn't live with them. It's fraud. I don't know if you want to open that whole can of worms because those benefits will be cut off when he turns 18. You can petition the court for guardianship, but that takes time and might not be resolved much before his 18th birthday anyway. Not to mention doing all of that on top of juggling your own 3 kids. At 17, your nephew is certainly capable of explaining that things are bad at home and he would be listened to, but your brother in law sounds like he has nothing better to do than be scary.

Talk to the guidance counselor at his school and see what they can do to help you. I would try to avoid fighting with your sister and her husband as much as possible because it's upsetting and a waste of your time. If someone else reports them for receiving money for a kid that's not living with them, so be it.
You will be able to find people who can help you.

Best wishes.

Call Juvenile Court or Children's Services Division of the Department of Human Resources and ask for advice. I think that you can obtain legal guardianship and financial assistance thru the courts. Take your nephew with you to appointments so that he can say what it's like at home and that he wants to live with you.

I've known of teens in our area petitioning the court in situations similar to this. Once the petition is filed, there is a custody hearing during which the judge would most likely give temporary custody to you and your husband tho it's not a sure thing. Ask the case worker if your age would negatively influence the judge. The teen is then assigned a case worker and both of you would receive assistance from the State Department of Human Resources or as otherwise known, CSD, Children's Services.

Your nephew is fortunate to have you as his advocate. You did not mention how co-operative he is with you. If he isn't able to abide by your rules and attend school, going to court may not work.

good luck. go talk to the someone about what you can get for him. if the mom is getting money for him... and he is not living there.. that isn't right.. yiou should be able to get money to help out.... talk to someone in the town.. or talk to a church.. they might help with food... this could help you too... hold it together.. and try to be their for him. don't even talk to his parents.. just do what you can for him.

Well I didn't read all the posts, I'm sure you got a lot of advice. Not that this is in any way ideal, but at 17 he could get a job, and help pay for his own things. Local churches, or organizations like the salvation army, may have food pantry assistance, as well as be able to help with school supplies, as well as the basics like a bed for him. Freecycle is also a great place, or Craigslist for free things that he may need. With this likely being his last year of school, and his age, I'd say it's likely easier to avoid the courts (and the cost) and just avoid asking his parents for anything.

Good luck, I had my third child when I was 21, and I can't imagine being in your shoes, my life was crazy and stressful and chaotic enough trying to be a wife and a mother and make ends meet at such a young age.

He can probably talk to someone at human services. Since his mom is claiming him on her benefits she violating a lot of laws. He could talk to a caseworker and see if there is anyway for him to receive his portion of the benefits seperately, or if he could file for child support from his father. He actually needs to talk to people at human services (with you there) so he understands what options he has.

As far as his dad goes- it sounds like he's got some issues. He has legal rights to take his son wherever he wants, unless the son puts a stop to it legally. You could petition the courts to become your nephews legal custodian and then turn around an fight for child support. It's all very hard to say, though.

My first stop would be talking to a caseworker. Good luck-

You are an amazing person to take all this on. Please know you will be rewarded someday by a higher power. Do the best you can will what you have, obviously these parents are not going to do anything for their son but thank goodness you & your husband are good people to open your home. As far as school supplies go to a church & tell them your situation, at my church we are donating school supplies for families in need so I know they will be able to help you and as far as clothes can he get a part time job? And for an air mattress go to a website called bookoo.com, its similar to craigslist but better. Best wishes

I think that you are doing a great thing for your nephew. His parents don't seem to care about his schooling much so it will be rewarding for him that you are being supportive. I think I would do two things. I would talk to the school counselors and see what kind of help you can get there. I know that I can fill out a little extra paperwork and get my highschooler's fees paid along with his lunch ticket waived. You can go and talk to the government about the food stamps and other support. This may backfire though because they may make the boy come home so they can keep getting the aid. Either way, you would catch a lot of heat.

Since the boy is 17 he should be able to go to school and then work for a few hours afterward. Whatever you decide to do just keep in focus that getting the boy out of school is the main goal. I know it is hard since you have three little kids. I feel for you but keep yourself strong and have a positive outlook.