Fear of Swimming? and How to Approach It?

As a former swimming teacher and lifeguard, I can tell you DO NOT EVER dunk a child who is showing fear of the water. If you don't want him to be afraid of water for the rest of his life, you won't do this. If the teacher knows what she's doing, she won't do it either. Let him continue the lessons and go at his own pace. If he gets comfortable in the water, he'll eventually learn to swim. (It may take months or even years, but at least he won't have a fear of water.)

Kira always loved the water and then suddenly had this great fear of going underwater after some private lessons!? We let it go, forced nothing and when she was ready (i guess like everything else)my daughter taught herself to swim underwater at 3- Whenever i try to force an issue i.e. using the toilet It backfires. If I let it go- it happens. I'm just realizing this is true of almost everything in my life!!LOL Best, H.

Have you tried floaties? My 4 year old loves the water, but his confidence and willingness to try different things in the water has skyrocketed since we got him floaties a year ago on vacation. We take them off and let him play where he can reach, and put them on when he wants to go in a little deeper. Now we can't get him out of the water. Good luck!

Certainly dunking him wouldn't help the situation because that's just mean bordering on abusive. I too have a difficult 4 year old that one day puts on his own seatbelt and the next day he isn't capable of doing it...so I know what you are going through. Honestly, the swimming thing is hard for some kids and lessons make it easier. At 3 our son had only been in a large pool once and didn't like the experience very much but our daycare lady took him for swim lessons and by the end of the lessons he did quite well but he was scared the rest of the time and his goal was a slide that looked like a castle and went into the pool and he accomplished it by the end of the lesson. I think it would be a good idea to continue lessons every year and just let him get comfortable within his own comfort zone...after all he isn't trying out for the swim team or the Olympics at this point. The only thing you should be concerned with is getting him to learn how to tread water to stay alive...that's all that matters really. If you scare him, he won't want anything to do with water and if he was in a bad situation with water he would freak out. So just keep the lessons going and let him adjust to the change so he will be comfortable with it. Sure he is going to play you because some kids do that but don't think that means he isn't capable because deep down those lessons are making a difference. Best wishes.

I like Natalie's suggestion~ that's what got me to figure out a 2 wheel bike.

I was also thinking you could buy a few water toys. Thinks like the sinking rings and such. Start in the tub and encourage him to look under the water for them. Then do it on the pool steps, and get them just a little deeper each time.

I will say from a personal note, I almost drowned in my grandparents pool. (Evil sister that thought it would be funny to stand on my back while I tried to swim under water. She didn't think it was nearly as funny when I passed out under water.) Anyway, I became TERRIFEID of ANYONE being within arms reach of me, including Mom and Dad. My Grandpa had my Mom bring me over daily to "sit on the steps as he swam laps". Every day I would go and sit on the steps and cry when he got to close. He would calmly tell me "I'm just swimming my laps. I promise I won't touch you." Over time he would swim a bit closer and always remain calm in what he'd say. Eventually, he worked up to asking me to count his laps as he'd tag my knee. Then he started asking me to go for "Turtle rides" where I would hold him "piggy back" style while he swam. It took AT LEAST 3 months of me going 3-4 times a week to get to this point. To this day (I was about 6 or 7 at the time, now 31) he is HANDS DOWN my favorite Grandpa! I believe I'd still be afraid of the pool if not for him.

All of that is to say, if something happened (even if minnor to us, like chocked on pool water), he could be genuinely afraid. I DON'T think dunking him will help at all! Though, "Under water Turtle rides" might.

Your stated love of Jesus will surely not allow you to dunk, punish, discipline or otherwise traumatize your son over a matter such as this. That must just be frustration talking. Switch swim instructors. Get him in a class with other kids his age. If that doesn't do the trick, wait a year. This is not an act of disobedience! Give him time and options. You don't need to be paranoid around water with him because, of course, your eyes will be on him every second around water whether he can swim or not. He is four. Because he is your oldest, you just don't realize that he is still just a little guy.

Hi R.,

If you dunk him, he may grow up to fear water and swimming completely. He's only 4, he does not need to learn how to swim at this age. You'll just need to be more vigilant until he does learn to swim. Let him do what he feels comfortable doing and eventually he'll try more, especially if his friends are having fun in the water. The fact that he has a lot of fears -- do you push him to do things he's not ready to do? Try to let your child lead in things that are optional so he develops a sense of power over himself. This is the foundation for development of self-esteem.

V.

Dear R.:

Why is it so important that he learn how to swim right now? Do you have a pool? Is is accessible to him? I ask because I can't see a benefit to forcing a child to learn something he's obviously not ready for.

Also, this may sound crazy coming from a homeschool mother/teacher but swimming is notoriously difficult to teach your own child for some reason! Most of us, despite being good swimmers, have had to take our children to swim classes! (Yes, it hurts our pride!)

I also wanted my children to swim when I wanted them to and they resisted me. I backed off. Finally, during the summer we moved here, both kids had scary incidents involving two different pools. In both cases, I was the one to dive in and save them. Suddenly, my opinion was worth GOLD! They could see that because I could swim, I was able to save them. At that point, THEY said they were ready to learn and let me tell you, my daughter whipped through all five levels and ended up on the dive team that same summer! She's considering being a junior life guard next year and my son is also an excellent swimmer.

I am really glad I didn't force them too early and rob them of the enjoyment of this terrific sport. Also, the fact that I remained their protector (saved them, not dunked them!) elevated their respect for my authority. They know I have their best interest at heart and they trust me and to me, that's even more important than the skill of swimming.

Best wishes,

M.
PS: I see you live in Henderson. We have the BEST teachers through the Parks and Recreation department! Check them out...next year!

My son was the same way, until he got goggles. I know it sounds silly but it changed his entire outlook on swimming. Now, just a month later, he's swimming all over the pool. He's diving down for dropped objects and jumping off the diving board. Also, kids really have to do it themselves. Encourage and reinforce how fun and not scary it is and he will come around. Make it fun and sooner or later he'll think it's fun too. Good luck!

R. ~ I took the old fashioned approach to teaching my girls to swim. I taught them myself. I taught my oldest daughter to swim around the same age as your little boy. What I did was put a life jacket on her and swam with her. I held her hands or she would wrap her arms around my neck and we swam. I was in the water with her at all times. That was the rule. When she became comfortable with the water, (and this took weeks of being in the pool every day for a 1/2 hour at a time at least 3 times a day) we would head towards the deep end. As long as she could see that I could still reach the bottom of the pool she was good. Eventualy she became comfortable in the water, watched me swim and mimicked me. She graduated from the life jacket to the floaties and by the end of the summer she was swimming on her own. She did have older cousins who would come over every day and swim (not with her in the water of course) and that may have helped her with her comfort level. However, I believe her trust in me (not someone else) was the best benefit. She knew I would never let anything happen to her and trusted me. Now with my second daughter, I had her in the water when she was in diapers. I wanted her comfortable with the water before she had a chance to learn what being afraid was. I mention this because I see you have an 18 month old daughter and this might also be the year for you to begin her introduction to the pool. Maybe that will help your son as well. Let him see his little sister in the water with you and see that you are caring for her and not letting anything bad happen to the baby and he will trust you even more.
This is my advice as a mother of 2 (22 and 19), obviously I'm not a professional but I do believe trust goes a long way. Best of luck to you and your family of swimmers!

Do you stay and watch his lesson, if so maybe you could wait where he can't see you , it might be he knows your going to react, he has to trust the person giving him the lesson if your not there watching him, he is more apt to listen if mom isn't going to rescue him. Also take him to a pool that other kids are playing , get in and play to, if he asks to swim with you allm tell him no because he is not taking his swimmming lessons, he might not want to miss another fun time because he doesn't know how to swim. I would not punish him, in fact you have to just plain ignore his fits allow the teacher to do her job.

Good Luck

I agree with the others in saying that you should not do anything to make this more of a negative experience for him. I would take him to the water often and play with him as he is comfortable. This will get him more used to the environment. I love Jesus, too. I suggest when he uses the word "fear" that you sit him down and pray with him to ask Jesus to help him to not be afraid and to keep him safe. I also suggest that you continue to pray for him each day in regards to this. It doesn't sound like he's trying to be uncooperative on purpose. Kids go through different stages. What didn't bother them before can end up bothering them later, especially at the ages of 2 and 4. It makes sense, because they are aware of more than before. He may have not thought of the potential dangers before, but does now. Prayer is pretty powerful. Prayer got my nephew through his separation anxiety while in preschool. There was an overnight change.

God bless you!
M.

You need Swim2John. My daughter was hysterical around water. I spent 3+ years and hundreds of $ on private lessons and club lessons that barely got her to blow bubbles.
Swim2john is AMAZING and worth it. Your child will be safe around water. After 2 lessons with John my daughter came above water and declared..."I love swimming." She is now 7 and I can't get her out of the water. My 3 year old son just did Swim2John this summer and most of my neighbors children have learned from him as well. www.swim2john.com
L. Palmer

Hi R.,

You need to get your little guy into Infant Swimming Resource swimming lessons. These lessons not only teach your child how to swim, they also teach self rescue skills in case your child falls in the water, he will be able to save himself. I started my kids at 10 months old and although they usually cried and complained during the lessons, they LOVED to swim with mom and dad in the pool and had no fear of the water, a respect for the water, and they learned amazing skills. My kids are 4 and 2 now and they can both swim, roll onto their backs to float and breath, and swim again from one end of the pool to the other with a big smile on their faces. My only problem is getting them out of the water. ISR is absolutely the BEST and SAFEST swim program available. Check it out to see if it is something you would be interested in www.infantswim.com

I have taught lessons for 15 years. I would not force him to do anything. If you let him do it on his own he will eventually do it. Kids develop fears of things they have done in the past all of the time with swimming. My approach with a lesson is I do whatever they feel comfortable doing. I'm sure you've tried having him get the rings or sticks. Another thing you might want to try is goggles. Some kids do much better if they can open their eyes and see under water. Then it is not as scary for them.

Hi Rachel.
I'm a former swim instructor so I do have experience in this area. I would first determine if it is fear or if it is your son's need to control. If it is fear, I would take it slow. I would ask him to draw pictures of him swimming. Sounds silly but I have seen this work. My best advice though is to teach him in very shallow water, preferably a pool with a "beach." Let him learn to stretch his body out on the top of the water supporting himself with his hands and with his face in the water. I would them teach him to lift his hands first for just one second, then two seconds and build from there until he sees that he can float. You can do all of this with him feeling perfectly safe. I would maintain very close body contact and have taught the most fearful children to swim by keeping my body under them so they can feel my presence or grab on to me when they become frightened at any time. If your son is just being defiant and you don't believe he is frightened. I have an entirely different approach. I would take him out where he can't touch and give him a kickboard. Reward him when he follows directions but cut him no slack. Let him know in no uncertain terms that you will go back to the edge only when he completes the tasks that you ask him to do. Hope this helps.

Hi R.,
I used to do lessons with my kids, there was usually fighting and whining. Then the instructor left and my kids were actually left with me to play in the water (at 2 & 4). I was really afraid BUT then they started playing and now are amazing little fish at 5 and 7. People are continually asking me where my 5 year old takes lessons and I laugh. He learned the old fashioned way, by playing! Their strokes aren't the best but if they ever compete on a team, then that is the time to worry. Go play with your kids in the pool!!!

Hi R.. It sounds to me that you have a sensible attitude about all of this. I know it can be hard, because our time table might not be matching with our kids. I have 3 older kids who took to water well. My middle daughter however had a real scary experience around the water when she was about 4 years- so it took her several years to regain her confidence and put her face back in the water. Once she did at about 10 years I think, she took off and caught up to her peers. I have seen some parents that go overboard in "making" their kids swim. All that happens is the child gets more resistant, the parent gets more frustrated, the tension grows and it is not a pleasant experience. It reminds me of forcing kids to eat- it just doesn't work. Often times a swimming teacher can entice the child to have fun and gradually the fear dissapates. I wouldn't punish your boy. I just would stress how much fun it is in the water. He will watch the other kids and eventually want to move around more in the water.

Personally I don't think dunking works very well. There are a few kids that do OK (because they really are ready). I don't remember this myself- but I began lessons at 5 years old- which at the time was considered young (I'm 54 now). Well I could swim, but apparently I was afraid to go into the deep end. The swim instructor told my mother ahead of time that He was going to put me in the deep end, because I could swim. He did, and I guess I was scared and/or mad, but since I could swim, I swam fine. I don't remember this, so it didn't scar me for life.

one option is to go thru a round of formal swim lessons. my daughter goes to "floaties" (poway) and they have been wonderful. she has always loved the water, but i've seen them take on kids that refuse to go in or that scream like banshees on their first few visits--but they all seem to get with the program by about the 4th visit. it isn't cheap (but not overly expensive either), but it could be a good way to break him in & then you could continue with home lessons. he'd see lots of other kids of all ages (a few months old to teens) doing the same thing and may be more into it that way. (?!) good luck!

I used to teach swim lessons and was a WSI for many years. I have five children the oldest 14 this week,(9,8,6) the youngest 13 months. They are all fish! I am so blessed. I know this because I have dealt with kids that are fearful of the water, afraid to try something new, or plain old stubborn and don't want to do it.
Many different things work, depending on how social the child is, taking him to a pool where there are a lot of kids his age, possibly his friends, so he will want to be in the water.
Also, if you have access to one of the community pools that have really cool slides and things that may help.
I am using toys right now to keep the 13 month old interested in the water, she wants to get out and jump in constantly.
If you are using one of those bathing suits that have the flotation pads built right in, it would be good to show him that he will be safe in it. (have another child demonstrate that they will float without really swimming).I know that it is sometimes counter productive to have a child in a suit like that, but then the child has the opportunity to feel secure while trying to learn the skills.
Your son may also benefit from you being in the water with him, a lot. My kids loved to jump to me, then I would make them swim back to the wall. At first it was only a few feet, one stroke, but it built up confidence.
Your son may also benefit from semi-private or group lessons. It may take to spotlight off him and he may be encouraged by the other children his age, especially if you could get one of his friends into the same class.
Learning to swim is really important, even if you just go to the beach. If he likes the beach, maybe you can let him know that he needs to swim to boogie board or body surf. All my kids have used boogie boards since 3 or 4 years old.
I have a ton of more ideas if you need some. Please feel free to contact me if you want to.
Good Luck.

Hi, I love Jesus too. When my grandson was 4yrs old, he would not get his head wet..........period. It was such a fight to try to get him to swim, (with lessons and a great teacher, he would dog paddle, but not get his head wet. The next year, he was 5yrs old, he swam like a pro. The head wet thing was over and he is 8 yrs now and is fine.
All kids are different and unique and this son of yours just does not want to swim this year.

Pls don't ever 'just dunk him' that will put you in the untrustworthy box. Keep him in water a lot - even if it's not in structured lessons, but as 'play'. Something may have scared him and you don't want to make that thought worse in his mind. You just shouldn't chance it.

IF he is experimenting with words & reactions (to get out of lessons w this teacher) then he will experiment w water too.

You can teach him to blow air out his nose. That will counter the water going up his nose as he puts his face in... in case that is a feeling he is 'fearing'. I was Aquatic Dir for the YMCA for 11 years. Keep the faith! He will one day just 'get it' and swim if he is frequently in the water.

The YMCA has a Learn to Swim program that is every day for a week. This frequency really helps get over the fears and we find that skills are remembered better from day to day w/o re-learn time. Let the YMCA Instr. know his 'fear' - she/he may be able to better determine what it's from.

P.S. If he has floated on his back in the past he is old enough to remember how if the emergency situation ever came up.

J. 4healthgreenhome.com

Pleae, please please do not do anything negative regarding his fear of water. If you do, he will associate it for a much longer period and will HATE the water...not what you want. I would HIGHLY recommend GROUP swimming lessons, peer pressure in a fun way goes really far. The swim instructors are so used to it, and have tricks of the trade so to speak to get past the fear factor. It needs to be FUN an goofy...not scary. Your little guy will see his peers not being afraid and trying things out...watching them "survive it" and will eventually join in. My son really pulled it all together at age 4 and is now a great swimmer at 9, was on a summer team last year. Remember....FUN, FUN, FUN!!! As far as the other "fears", just lightly acknowledge it in a matter-of -fact way, and move on. Lighten the pressure and he will move on too. I recommend the Cameron Family YMCA in Santee if you are in East County, group lessons. Good luck!!

oh also, get goggles, let him choose, just make sure they seal well . press on w/out strap on head, if hold for a moment, good fit.

Get in the pool with him and play play play, have tea parties at the bottom, jump up and down in the water and go under. The more his face is in the water the better. Even if he is crying and screaming, remind him that he can't hold his breath very well if he is crying and screaming, and let him choke on the water a few times till he stops because he needs to hold his breath for the next dip you take. Then let him know how good he did. praise praise praise for every little effort he makes and tell him I bet tomorrow you will even do better. Play games of holding your breath under the water and make sure you come up first so that he thinks he's better then you, compitition is great they always want to beat us. Play for the bigger ice cream cone or an extra cookie and make sure you tell everyone how well of a swimmer he's getting to be.(make sure he can hear you). You want him to thrive on your confidence in him. This will make him try harder and he'll want to show dad how great he is. Good Luck! The first day sucks. But be tough. J.

I know how you feel. i am the mother of a 3 yr. old She was swimming last year and then this year claimed to be scared. I bought her a pair of goggles and some pool fish toys and had her start jumping from the side into my arms. That way she would go under water in a fun way and she had fun things to look at. I wear goggles as well and we play games under the water. She now can swim almost the whole length of the pool under water. I also have found that a little healthy competition from friends of similar ages who can swim is a good motivation. Especially if your kid hears you praising and paying a lot of attention to the other kid.
good luck

First off dunking is probably a bad idea like you said. My son is near the same age as yours and I am thinking it's a phase. He is doing the same thing and it's driving me bonkers! He is scared of his bed, his pillow, the fan, skunks, the dark, veggies, ect. It's a long list! I think it is fear, of the unknown.

So here's my advice, let go. Drop it, (breathe a second here this will make sense I promise!) don't ask him to do it, don't try bribing him, NOTHING.

What's happened is called a power struggle. We all wished they ended with those terrific two years but they didn't. Swimming means a lot to you, but to him it's something he can't control much of and so that is where this power struggle is coming from. If you drop out of it, who does he have to fight with? It becomes no big deal and he might do it.

Also try finding a friend who has a pool and a kiddo near the same age. Peer pressure works WONDERS! My son hated getting his head wet, and wouldn't put his face in the water at all. Then my niece came over last summer and he saw her doing cannonballs into my parent's pool. The kid has been mimicing her ever since.

I definately would not "dunk" him. You're supposed to be the one he can trust. One thing that worked for us when our boy was 4-5 and didn't want to get his face or head wet was having him retrieve quarters from the bottom of the shallow end. We patiently did it for a couple of days in a row, and after a slow start, he was great. Of course, he could keep the ones he brought up. Good luck!

Hi R.~I just wanted to tell you about my grandson's reaction to swimming lessons when he was 4...I think you'll feel a bit better then!

Stanley wanted to learn to swim, however the first day he actually set foot in the water he was terrified and said "NO!" that he didn't want to go in. The instructor was very kind and took him individually into the water in her arms....he clung to her and cried and cried. Finally she gave up and brought him out of the pool.

The second day, the same routine, but this time he not onlyclung to her and cried he SCREAMED, and screamed (and this kid could really WAIL!) till she again took him out of the water.

The third day was a repeat, he clung to her and cried and cried, and screamedand screamed until he made himself throw up! Right on the instructor! That was it, she gave up! (Can you blame her?!!) So we said he could stay out with me while his brother finished his lessons and he was happy as a lark.

The next Season we tried again-dreading the same thing might happen once more...and he started swimming like a fish! Before long he was even going to the deep end and jumping in! He just needed that extra year to mature and feel comfortable in that environment.

Kids develop at different rates in different areas, including emotionally, and it sounds like your son is just not emotionally ready to tackle this swimming stuff, the same as Stan was not. When he's ready, he'll do it, but pushing, especially with swimming can be really traumatic. My 86 year old mother is STILL deathly afraid of drowning because of something that happened to her as a child...so much that she won't even wash her hair in the shower for fear of drowning!I realize that's pretty drastic, but we never really know how deeply a traumatic event will really affect a kid.

I am absolutely in favor of ALL kids learning to swim, but it must be when THEY are comfortable in the water and ready to learn, and that is not neccessarily when WE are ready for them to learn!

Since you are able to stay at home, it would be a wonderful time for you to take BOTH your kiddos to the pool and play WITH them in the shallow water and let them both get familiar and happy with it, jump up and down and splash and play with toys and such as that. But let them get emotionally ready before pushing the swimming lessons again. With you right there doing stuff with them, it will feel so much safer and secure to them and make that transition easier for all of you.

Good luck!
"Granny" D.

Hi R.,
I have a few ideas I'll share with you. I do understand your fear around the water with him. I have my best friend's daughter in private lessons and she is horrified- absolutely petrified- of the water. The teacher is FANTASTIC with her! My friend doesn't like the water and doesn't know how to swim. Usually parents who are that way, have children who are that way. I do believe it is imperative that every child have the opportunity to learn to swim ~God forbid anything should ever happen to them in their lives.

As for your son, first I think you might want to change teachers. I know you mentioned the person teaching him now is a friend and this would be somewhat of an uncomfortable situation for you. However, he may be comfortable enough with this person to act in these ways you described. He already has his mental respect level for this person and as a child, it is always easier to act out around people you know than those you don't. I have a PHENOMENOL swim teacher!! She deals with children like this all the time so she is experienced. My son was not a happy one to be with last year. He pretty much cried the entire time, but now he's all smiles and he remembered EVERY SINGLE THING she taught him. He was only 1 at the time. I will give you her number if you are interested. You won't be sorry! :)

You also might want to consider not being visible to your son while he has his lesson. My friend left while her daughter was in the pool and she calmed down a lot because there was no one there for her to act out to. In her case though, there are other factors that are playing a role into why, I think, her daughter is doing this. It's coming from a subconscious level... but it's saying alot. Now, I hate to use the word manipulating because I don't mean it in that negative connotation, but maybe you can relate it to something in your lives that could be causing your son to do the same as my friend's daughter... She has a great fear of loss. They've lost a lot this past year alone, including 5 family members. Now, they may lose their house because their mortgage business... well that goes without saying, I guess. Besides loss, she has many other fears~ so with this and with her outbursts and tantrums, she may feel it puts some kind of power in her hands because she feels so helpless and vulnerable and she's hurting so much that people are protective of that and nurturing to that; they're patient and forgiving; they don't push. Now I know this is intense. Hey, your son might just be going through one of those silly stages, too. But doing something like dunking him... you don't want to CAUSE fear or give him any reason to mistrust you. Moments and memories like those are traumatic. Nothing like that is the right thing to do. I think we adults forget the capacity of the minds we are trying to deal with sometimes. One never really knows how a child will internalize something. Just make sure your purpose is clear to him. Try disappearing for the next lesson~ watch but don't let him see you. Get a new teacher. Email me if you want the number to the one I have. She's great!. Forget about these crazy ideas of frustration you have... just be patient. He will swim.

Best wishes and happy swimming :)
Jennifer

I taught swimming lessons in high school and college during summers. Some kids where so terrifed to go underwater. As the teacher, I sensed when they were able, just not mentally ready. I would take those kids in my arms, announce that we were going to dunk, give them very little time to contemplate it, and just go down with them. "okay britney we're going to dunk in three seconds, here we go, one, two, three....." Then I would instantly praise them for their accomplishemt. They would be stunned and horrified immediattly replaced with pride and accomplishment. This was a great break through 4 out of 5 times. and for that 1 if 5, it was traumatic and set them back for a short time. If it was tramatic, I never did it again without their permission. I recomend you ask the teacher to do this. They are more likely to dramatize it with mom and dad. Even though its not the "correct" way to teach swimming, I encouraged some to plug their noses for the first few dunks. For those with an irrational fear of going under, this is progress, eventully they will learn to ditch the nose plug.

R.:

Is your friend an actual swim trainer of just helping you out trying to teach him? All three of my kids went to swimming lessons and they did react to it differently. Generally, once your son has got comfortable with the instructor they will ask the parents to leave so that the child is responding to the instructor and not reacting to Mom being around. They usually have places you can still watch what's going on but you not being near may help. I absolutely would not force anything on him, dunk or discipline him since they need to feel comfortable or they will never learn. Yes, the instructor after a bit did assert herself and my son finally fussed but did what she said. I don't think he ever would have if I was there and he was playing to my emotions. A good qualified swim instructor is well versed on kids who are resistant so maybe change instructors after a bit if he continues to resist her. Oh, it did help my son that there were other kids his age in the pool and I think he started to see them do it with ease and it helped reduce his anxiety about each new task they learned. You may trying a place that has other kids and be patient! Best wishes!

Hi R. - both my kids went through a phase where they refused to even go in the water (or barely stick their toes in). Like you, we encouraged them but didn't push it. Like everything else, the phase passed and they are both enjoying the water now. My 7 year old is doing the crawl and my nearly 4 year old is starting to learn how to swim. I totally understand your concern that they be able to swim, but as you know, kids tend to do things at their own pace, and pushing it can cause them to reject it even more. Good luck and have a great day!
C.

Take him to a pool with friends that can swim. He will feel completely left out while his friends are jumping and playing in the deep end and he is stuck by the steps. I didn't do this intentionally with my 5 year-old, but it happened, and it has really motivated her to swim.

OK, you're talking to an expert swim teacher now!

I've taught SO many children(and adults believe it or not)how to swim.

Everyone is different. However, basic psychological aspects remain similar.
For this boy, you need a circular floating raft, like an innertube. I had a blow up pink one for my three yr old, and that was a month ago and she's a swimmin' FOOL!!
I started out with the repetition of kick kick paddle paddle what seemed like forever, but that's your key. Do it EVERY DAY as many times a day as poss, for like 3 weeks. Soon they will enter the water out of habit just because you are in there so much. NEVER, NEVER stay in when they dont want to because of fear. NEVER, NEVER let go of them until they are not clinging to you. ALWAYS, ALWAYS lead them back to the steps or side when they say, and dont let go still. Always do what they request, for force will stop the learning instantly.
After you've accomplished this routine, get the circular raft and put them in the center of course, and put their arms up and over and around the front of it in front of their body(like anyone does). They will love it. They naturally figure out how to push the water around kicking and stirring their legs, and feel how water behaves. They will take off in this! Put them in it every day all the time, but STAY IN THE WATER WITH THEM THEY ARE NOT SAFE YET. Pretty soon you can get out of the water when they master it. This gives them confidence because of the independence. After a week of this, resume the swimming, or resume the swimming whenever appropriate. My baby did immediately, the simultaneous raft and alone.
He will swim in no time. Maybe he's getting too much attention one on one so let him adventure out in the tube. He will interact with other children. This is how swimming is taught. It is so psychological.

Have fun,

Wendy

i highly, HIGHLY recommend murray callan swim school:

http://murraycallanswimschools.com/

read about their program. i don't think punishment or discipline is the answer here, he needs to learn. i have a 2 and 3 year old at the school and they absolutely love it. the school focuses on relaxation first and foremost. i live in eastlake, so it's a far drive, but well worth it!

there is also a correlation to early water experience to advanced academic, social, and athletic development - check them out!

When kids are younger it is ok to blow in their face(they hold their breath) and dunk them. At 4 years old that doesn't work,LOL. Sounds like if your giving your child swimming lessons, your headed in the right direction. Make it fun, and not so rigorous. Not rewarding or bribing more praise, even when it seems small, it will make the world of difference to them. They will continue to try to get your praises. Make sure they watch you swim, personally I would forget the swim coach and teach your child yourself, they feel safer with you and watching you. They want to be like you. Either or your doing good keep it up, you will be amazed how much they improve over the next year!

The best swim lessons around, Infant Swim Resource.
http://www.infantswim.com/home.html
It will teach him a new relationship with the water, I highly recomend it just look at the website.

In my opinion, forcing him will only make it worse. Have you tried explaining to him why you are so adamant that he learns how to swim? Safety, etc.? If you explain it, it may make more sense to him and be less of a power play. Also, have you considered that perhaps he is frustrated and embarrassed that he's not learning quickly? Maybe try talking to him about how learning is a process where we make a lot of mistakes and we're not perfect at it the first time around. Finally, you could consider taking him to a school where he is around other kids and seeing their successes and failures - it might not be as intimidating as having someone he knows (but if he's truly scared, that might backfire.)
Good luck!