Feel Overwhelmed, like I'm Going Crazy

show your husband this letter

consider confining the dogs to the kitchen with a gate. That is not mean. Lots of dogs live outside 24/7.

look at the house and decide what can be let go for another week. Then let it go.

Delegate chores. Your husband can pitch in but then don't criticize how he does his chores. In fact have the whole family pitch in for one hour and then let go what doesn't get done. However they do it........good enough!

Do one load of laundry each morning. Throw in a load either the night before or as soon as you get up in the morning. If you don't have time to dry them, then dry them for 5 minutes, shake then out, and hang them up to line dry.

for this week....... get yourself some paper plates so that you don't have so many dishes. Allow yourself this luxury until you feel back on track.

Dust, bathrooms and most vacuuming can wait until your housekeeper is available again. You can "spit and polish" in the meantime. LET IT GO!

Find romantic time (1/2 hour will do) with your husband. then tell him how you are feeling.

Is there not another school in your district that you could transfer your son to instead of homeschooling? It just seems like you have a lot going on to add that as well. I know that I would never have been strong enough or disciplined enough to homeschool. I can emphathize with the feeling overwhelmed. It seems like there is never enough time to do everything that needs to get done.

Make a list of everything that needs to be done, in order of importance, and enlist the help of your husband and kids. Many hands make light work, as the saying goes. Also a friend passed a tip she once read somewhere to me, and it has helped me a lot. When you start cleaning the kitchen, for example, start at one end of the counter, and clean it completely- and work your way along to the end. Seeing progress motivates you to keep going. Even if you don't get it all done, you can at least see some clean areas. I used to pick up things here and there and didn't feel like I was getting anywhere and would get discouraged.
Is having a cleaning woman come once a week a possibility?

Is there a subject or 2 your husband can help with in the home-schooling?
Can you maybe take one less class next semester so you don't have so much on your plate. Or, is there a Christian school in the area that you can send your son to instead? Don't assume you can't afford it. Talk with them. Many will work with you. My children go to Catholic school (you don't have to be Catholic to attend). 1 child at my children's school is $205/mo. Or, is there a charter school in your town, or one or 2 towns away? My oldest son (12) will be starting at a charter school in the fall, and this one is free (not sure if they all are).

You need to sit and communicate with your husband how you're feeling. A marriage will start having problems w/o good communication.

Get pull-ups for your son for at night if he wets the bed regularly. He probably just has an immature bladder, and will outgrow it, but why suffer w/ it in the meantime?

Not sure what to do about the dog, Have you talked to the vet? Maybe there's some medication that would help?

Since you couldn't make it to church, take at least 5 minutes to yourself, and pray for guidance and peace.

Hang in there Mom, you're doing a good job, you can't do it all though- no one can. You need to have your family help wherever they can.

Hope at least some of this was some help to you :)

Sounds like there is a rain cloud following you around - this is what my family calls it when the little stuff just accumulates over your head and none of it would matter that much on its own but it just seems to gather over your head and you can't catch a ray a sunshine! Try to tackle one thing at a time. It always helps me sort out the little things by making a list of everything I'm worried about getting done and then just picking a couple off the list every day to work on. Somehow listing them gives me control over them. Sometimes I even break them into the smallest pieces possible so for example instead of listing "clean den", list it as "make a workspace in den (just shove everything aside to make one spot to work with your son), go through stuff in den, box stuff in den, dust den, vaccuum den, etc. Put taking your son to the doctor on the list in case there is something physically wrong that causes the strong urine smell. Put taking the older dog to the vet because the vet might be able to give her something to help with bladder control. Is she a little dog? Can you put a pull up on her with a hole cut out for her tail? Can you crate her for at least part of the day or at night if this is when she has problems? Put making a poster board list of house rules for the kids on the list. And make a Daily Schedule for yourself that includes time for a walk with the dogs (walking dogs regularly really really helps with dog pottey issues), home schooling times, study times for you, and a few cleaning chores every day so it is spread out over the week and doesn't hit you all at one time. And put Date Night on the list so you have a scheduled time to let go of everything and enjoy your husband. Assign some chores to the kids and your husband. Then tell yourself that the world isn't going to end if it doesn't all get done at one time. Right now, with everything you have going on, it's more important to have a strategy to keep your head above water. Good luck and remember, this too, shall pass!

It sounds like all of the burden of the housework and childcare is on you...and when you're going back to school, you are working, too. Even if you aren't going back to school, a SAHM should not be expected to do everything ALL the time. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and explain to him that if you are going to finish your undergraduate degree, you need him to help you out (just like you probably helped him out when he was finishing his degree). Prioritize, make a list of what needs to get done, and delegate chores and childcare. You are a team, so you need to do it together.

Also, good for you for homeschooling! :-) We decided to homeschool our kids, and it has been awesome. However, don't stress out too much about curriculum and everything in the beginning. Have you heard the term "deschooling"? A lot of kids who transition from school to homeschool need some time to transition, especially if school was a negative experience for him. It is a little close to summer; maybe you could declare it an early summer break? Or you could give him a break while you finish your semester, and then start schooling in the summer...the nice thing about homeschooling is that it is flexible and you can make his schedule work best for the whole family. Last year we moved out-of-state in April, which disrupted our homeschool schedule; but we got here, moved ourselves in and gave the kids a break until summer. We homeschooled a little throughout the summer, and then started full-time in September.

Finally, get as much support as possible. Baby-sitters are awesome if you can afford it, and family members willing to baby-sit for free are even better! But definitely talk to your husband and tell him you need his help and support; you can't be expected to do it all yourself. Hang in there, and good luck! We got married young, too, and I had my daughter right before my senior year of college. It took a little longer, but I was able to finish and get my degree (by that time it was two years later and my son was born). But I couldn't have done it if my husband didn't help me out (and I supported him while he finished his degree first). So have that talk with your hubby, and good luck!!

No offense but you sound like a single mother!!!! Where the hell is your husband in this whole situation. Make a list of things to do, split it down the middle and give him half. It isn't fair that you have the brunt of everything. My husband helps me around the house a great deal, we are a team. I was a SAHM but I wasn't trying to go to school, so my focus was easier and I didn't need as much help as you do right now. As far as your dog with the urinating around the house. Have you had it checked for diabetes. The same thing happened with my golden retriever a few years back and like you I NEED a clean house in order to function. We tried insulin but he got worse. As much as it hurt me we did put him to sleep because he was suffering and staining every rug in my house. It was just to much for me to handle. You may want to lighten up your load a little by trying to find a different school in the district for your son. My daughter went through the bullying years and years ago when there were no laws in place to protect her. Now you can fight for your child and the school HAS to respond. Your son has a right to an education and he has a right to go to school and not be harassed. We have all had these days, take a deep breath, go get a mani and a pedi the mess and problems will be there when you get home. You need a break so you can think clearly. My suggestion is get a baby sitter go out with your husband when you are not angry and tell him how you are feelling, (after you split the list and give him half lol!!) Good luck!!

My suggestion is the opposite of what the person before me said.
Instead of taking a break, face your problems head on. I agree, show this letter to your husband, but not with a demanding attitude. Wait until you are both sharing a close moment, and ask him to honestly assess what's going on from his angle.
In the meantime, here are some things you can do.
First, don't give up on homeschooling, you're a mother. Give up on schooling yourself. At least for now. In this time in your life, your husband and child is your priority, and you will find that as you care for them better, you will find more satisfaction and purpose and meaning in your life. You don't need to go to college now... plenty of people go "back to school" later. However, your child only has one chance to develop a lifetime love of learning, and it starts now, before it's too late. Or get rid of the dog problem by getting rid of pets..... you have a lot on your hands without having pets to deal with.
Even if you do decide to hang on to all of those things, which you CAN do, realize it's going to require a lot of sacrifice, and face that head on. You can do it!
Pick a day next week when you are going to implement some changes, and then stick to it. mark it on the calendar. First things first: decide what you can do without. (too many outings/coffee dates? not going back to school? too much time on the comp? etc.)
Then make a plan. keeping an orderly house is a question of habit. you get into the habit of cleaning things the first time, so it doesn't build up and doesn't get worse. What is there to do, really? Get in the habit of doing dishes right away, of doing laundry as it comes instead of once in a while, and pick a day to do floors and a day to dust and clean the bathrooms. That's really all it takes to have a semblance of order in your house. I know it seems daunting, but if you just start with what's right in front of you and have an idea of what you want to do next... you can do it!

Next, get back into a loving relationship with your man. Sounds to me like your stress has caused you to look past some of his own needs and that you need to spend some time putting some care back into the marriage. So do something nice for him, and give him a "peek" at the fun, composed, and happy person he married, so he knows she's still in there. That may lead to the conversation about how you've been feeling....but don't lose it on him! Just calmly explain that you need some help figuring out how to make things work better, and ask for his input and... DO what he recommends. This will help him to feel fulfilled in his manhood and give him the emotional "boost" he needs to start looking at how he can help more. It will also rebuild your trust in him. He's a good man. That's why you married him, right?

Once you guys are on the Same Page again, so to speak, or at least talking again, focus on the kids. Your little lambs are directly reacting to what's happening around them. Feed their minds with lots of interesting things to think about. Be patient with them, but firm. Revisit your parenting goals and achieve them by being consistent, every time, to deal with each offense, every time. The first few days you will be exhausted and tired, but take heart, because in a week or so, you will have a new family. Your children will listen and obey. If nothing else, work on three things in your house: obedience, attentiveness, and truthfulness. Once those are ingrained in your kids, the rest is easy. it WILL get worse before it gets better, here, which is why you need a clear plan. Can I recommend a parenting book to you that will help?
http://raisinggodlytomatoes.com/

Next, tackle the homeschool issue, which can wait, since the school year is nearly over and you have all summer to figure it out. What curriculum have you selected? That's the hardest part. Once you have done that, sit back and relax, because homeschooling is amazing. Just take each day one day at a time, focusing on the things you MUST do and prioritizing. What are your priorities? You say you miss church because it helps you refocus. What you want from church you need to learn how to get at home-- commit to spending fifteen minutes a day in prayer before you start the day.

After God, your priority is your husband, so work on that. If you want to be loved, be loving and lovely. He will respond, and THEN you can work on the issues. Somebody always has to be the first to sacrifice. Two wrongs never make a right.

After him, your priority is your children. If training them carefully and watching them carefully for signs of misbehavior etc takes all your time, then simplify your housekeeping for a few weeks. Wear clothes twice if you need to and serve PB&J and apple slices instead of a "nice dinner" most of the week. Explain to your husband that this isn't permanent, but just until you get the children under control. again, set a date, and when that date is up, expect that you can go on to focusing on housework, and homeschool.

You can do this! Women everywhere struggle with the exact same problems, and none of us have ever been "perfect" at it. it takes patience, trial and error, and a commitment to selflessness.

A good routine or schedule may help you.
I'm praying for you! Feel free to PM if you need homeschooling help.