Feeling All Alone and Seeking Way to Meet up with Others

Oh yes.. so much to do yet they never let you do it. And to pay someone to look after the kids wile i clean just can't happen. I too had to toss out the walking and yoga. Anyone thought of doing kids trades, that way we an get stuff done.

W.

I felt exactly the same way a year ago. Found out I had post partum depression. Since then I have been taking medicine and have felt 100% better. Also, I have not moved up to that area yet (just waiting on my house to sell in TX) but you should look into MomsClub. It is a really great group that costs $20 year to join. They have a really great support group and fun free things to do atleast 2-3 times per week.
Hope this helps.
A.

AMEN! You took the words right out of my mouth! I posted something the other day about playdates and such or something to make some new friends and get out of the house. I live in the country about 5 mins to the east of Lincoln and sit in a empty house all day now that both kids are in school. My only link to breathing people is online much of the time. If you happen to have messenger I have it on most of the time. You can reach me at ____@____.com. I would love to chat with you sometime. Once again this site has shown me that I'm not the only one out there in a sinking boat. Anyone else that happens to see this feel free to drop me a note sometime. Run to the bathroom and sit in front of the door, count to 10. I find myself having to do that now and then just to catch my breath.

MOPS is a good christian way to meet other moms and they set up play dates and most have childcare. You can just go to there web sit and see what they have in your area. If cost is a big deal ask if they can help.
Myspace isn't so bad. You can even look for others in your area (browse/advanced) that are married and have kids and so forth. Plus it's free. You can write back in forth then exchange #'s then maybe even set up a time to meet one on one then with the kids and such. But the nice things is you can go and find friend that have the same passions as you.
Also just take your kids out to the park. Then everyone gets some fresh air. I havent meet any long time friends from the park but it's a good place to go when you are feeling alone. IF you have a childrens museums they usually have one day a month that is free and the kids would love something like that. Where there are kids there are parents. the libary is the best place in the world well maybe not the world but sometime a close second. They have reading time and other things too. for kids and you.
As for the house work it didn't mess up in one night and it wont get clean in one night. If I read right you have 6 kids??? WOW you have your hands full. But if you just do a litte at a time you will start to feel better about yourself. I remember when I got all the dirty clothes in the laundyroom and that was a big thing.They were there waiting to get washed. that was only with 2 kdis. and one was in school. Baby steps.
Maybe finding someone other than your parent to help would be good too. If you find someone where you could swap nights that saves on cost. Now don't get me wrong these people are not going to just fall onto your door step and ask if they can watch your kids and if they do I would really think it through. Or maybe your parents can take a few kids for a few hours. just keep trying. I hope some of these helpfull.

Strict nap routines where everyone goes down at the same time (even if they cry for awhile before falling asleep, try letting the toddler pick out a board book to take in with them to look at until they get bored), organizing meals on the weekends (cook and freeze) for the upcoming week (and using paper plates, of course), having the kids pick up and vacuum before they move on to another task are all are all little things that will save your sanity. What you're doing is the most difficult job in the world! If you're husband is home in the morning or evening, I would recommend you take an hour to leave the house and go work out, tan, walk around someone else's block, or whatever you enjoy and helps you to unwind. Good luck, keep on keepin' on...you are doing a good job already.

Wow, it sounds like you feel pretty overwhelmed. I would too with six kids. I have only two and I feel that way. I can't imagine having six. Where do you live? It sure sounds like you need a break. Can your oldest children help out at all? Try not to worry about housework that never seems to get done. Loving your children and taking good care of them is more important. I know what you mean when you say you want to talk to someone other than your kids. Adult conversation is a great stress reliever. You can talk to me through this site. Try to relax.

sounds like u have a handful there. i have 3 kids all in school but when they wherent it too was a hand ful mine are all stair stepers from one another and it is hard and i too felt like no one understood me . my husband works as well to support our family and i am on disability so its hard and he exspects me to tend to the kids all the time and i get no break bith my fols still work and im 35yrs old been married 13 1/2 yrs and my husband thinks that i should rear all of them and he dont have to do nothing but sit infront of the tv then so i hear you! i feel the same that i was someones daughter and so on not a wife and mother but a maid and house keeper. ____@____.com if u ever want to chat! hugs

Your story sounds familar. It sounds a little like mine. I have no husband to speak of, and I rely heavily on my parents. I have one child, but she's autistic/handicapped and it's hard to get time alone. I am also seeking a way to meet others, and by others I don't simply mean other mothers, I mean other friends. I just moved with my parents to a new state. My daughter just started school. Her pre-school has parent meetings every other week. I went to the last one and got to talk to some people, but I need more outlets. I totally get what you mean about not being 'you' anymore. I too forgot who I was. But hang in there, there is hope. I am starting to remember the person I was before I had my Baby. I remember how much I like music, how much I love drama, and how doing art work makes me feel good. I can do these things with my daughter and it helps. I do have suggestions for the cleaning. Have your children help you, even baby. Give baby a safe rag that he can follow you around with while you clean. Explain to the older kids what your doing. My daughter is five, can't talk, and loves to clean. She puts dirty clothes in the washer with close surervision. It's tough to keep an eye on the kids so they're safe while they're cleaning, but it can be done! I hope that things get better for you.

I understand how you feel and know the pain of never having time for you alone, or for husband and you time. I have 4 children and am a stay at home mom as well. I had a lot of the same problems as you as far as feeling worthless and not being able to keep up with house chores ect. Since this wasn't my usual way, I decided to see my physician about depression. He diagnosed me with depression and started me on meds for it. It helped out in ways I didn't know it would! I am finally able to get up in the moring, take care of everyone, and myself, and feel good about who I am, how good of a mother and wife I am, and gives me the energy to function. I feel less isolated, and before, I was afraid to meet new people and felt like they wouldn't want to know "someone like me". Perhaps a visit to your physician would help you too.

Best of luck and please keep a positive attitude. You have the most important job in the world being a mom with little ones, someday they will all be grown and you'll miss this season in your life.

hi A. , i understand what you are going thour . i only have four kids . i have three that are real close in age 16, 15, 14 and 4 . i remember what it was like when they were little . i had the same problem no one wanted to do things with me and my three kids because my second child had colic and all she did was cry all the time and no wanted to watch her or wanted to spend time with me because i had a child that cryed all the time . so i understand how you feel . i think it is awful when you don't get your time away . because you don't have time to get your sanity back . it's hard . sometimes i have that problem now having three teenagers is not easy either . well hope that i have helped you alittle if you gets want to talk you can email me at ____@____.com if you just want to talk or something .

Hi A.,
Boy I wish I would have had a site like this when my kids were little. Let me start with YOUR NOT ALONE. Kids can be very demanding. When mine were little and I would call someone and say we were wanting to come for a visit just to get out of the house their response was "Are you bringing the kids?". So I got to the point that I didn't go much unless it was to see my mom and dad because they seemed to be the only ones that didn't say that.

Now mine are older and moved out but I have a heart for children and would like to help you in anyway that I can. I thought this site was for Missoula mothers, but in reading some responses to various post I am wondering if people from all over are on this site also? So I am not sure if you are in Missoula but if you are, you can email me at ____@____.com and we can chat, meet and figure out where I can help you out at?

Sounds like you might need a new Church also. I found a lovely Church after searching for a year here in Missoula. I have never felt so at home in any Church in my life then I do with this one. We can talk about that on email also.

God Bless you
L.

I have three boys and feel pretty much the same. I have learned that the older two can take care of a lot themselves. Cleaning their rooms, helping at dinner, feeding the pets, etc. They even entertain the infant for awhile. My husband works two jobs and sometimes I feel guilty. There is no extra money to just hire someone for a few hours so I can shop alone! Luckily my two oldest go to school during the day but I fear the summer! Organization is important but where do you find the time to organize to start with? My parents work still and even asking them to babysit for one friday in three months seems like it is a huge favor! The more kids you have the harder it is to find someone you trust to watch ALL of them.

A.-
I have been in your position. After I had my baby i stayed at home for the first 3 months and then decided it was time to get back to my career. I love my family, my husband, and my kids but there are times I feel like there is no me, I am defined by my family but I have figured that atleast I am defined by the most percious people in the world, MY KIDS! If you ever feel like chatting or just want someone to talk to, my email is ____@____.com.... What kind of candles do you sell???? Good luck with everything...

Hi A.!

My name is P. Mackey and I live in West Des Moines. I also have 6 children. My 4 from a previous marriage and my husband has 2 from a previous relationship. We have been married for almost 1 year next Thursday the 25th. I would love to get to know you and chat and get together. How old are your children? My are 17,15,11,8,8,7. My phone number is ###-###-####. Please call me. The evenings are best since I work during the day. If you want give me your number and I will call you.

Have a great day,
P.

A.,

I recently asked about mom groups in the Papillion area and got some great responses. I was told to go to the web site called MOPS. I have yet to try it, but it looks like a good place to start in order to get out and meet people. I, too, am on a limited budget and am looking for things to do that don't cost. I'm sure things will get better once Summer comes and everyone isn't stuck inside. I'm not sure of the area you are in but you can ask on this web site if there are any mommy groups....I asked and got some responses of things that are close to me, you may find some places close to you.

I'm sure you are a wonderful person, it is just that people get so busy in their lives it is hard to get together. I have friends that live near to me and sometimes don't see them for months unless we actually make it a point to contact them.
People these days just get so involved with their own lives. Try the web site and see if you can find anything. Hope it all works out. take care

tammy

A.,
As you read each of these responses, I hope you are feeling more and more that you are not alone. I think that our lives get so busy that it is easy to be oblivious to those around us sometimes. One of the positives about e-mail and message boards like this, is it provides a way of reconnecting with people.

I think every mother out there has fealt the same as you in some aspect or another. I have fealt that way the past 2 weeks trying to kick a bad cold and not being able to take "time off" as a mom. I think it is great that you are reaching out for help and these moms have given you some great ideas.

Though I currently only have one child, well and I watch my niece every day too, I grew up in a large family. Once we were school age, I remember having to take on some home responsibilties. We learned how to wash our own clothes, we had chores and we had to help the younger kids out. I also remember my parents going out on "dates" once a month or so. Find some system that works for your family, but bottom line the kids should learn to help and you need time with your hubby and to yourself.

MOPS is great. It's my time where I can just be me with other moms. There are so many ways of connecting and a time of refreshment.

I welcome your e-mails too if you ever want to chat.

Blessings,
V.

Bless your heart!

I agree MOPS is a great support system.. also MOMS club is also a good source of support..set up play groups etc.
there are other moms boards too you could join to talk to others..
email me , garyntina at cox dot net..

T.

Hi A.. Boy, I commend you - 6 children. I was a single mother of one as her father passed away when she was 3, and when I remarried that wonderful man passed away also. So on and off I've had to go it alone. Although I did have a good job outside of the home, I was faced with having to put my daughter in daycare as her dad had been a stay-at-home dad because of health reasons. It is such a difference having only one child compared to 6 and I was blessed to have a neighbor who took us under their wing, but you will find if you can somehow have a little time for yourself that you'll feel better about yourself, and your life. I know I needed my night out to do ceramics. Not having the same issues as you, it sounds like the other mothers have good ideas with the different organizations you can use depending on where you live. Hang in there, and I'll say prayers for you and your family. Take care and let us know how you are doing. By the way, my daughter is now 22. I MADE IT, YOU CAN TOO!

Hello wow u don't have time to yourself sounds like me but I do get some time alone. Where are u located? I am in the same boat with friends I don't go out with anyone cuz I got my kids andI don't know how to comunicate much I get nervous. I have been looking for someone to chat with I have a my space account and chat with a few people. U said u were a Christian I am also I don't have very many people talk to me much either at church. Well get back with me so we can chat.

A.,

I have been there and still am. I am a SAHM and I love it but I also love my alone time. We moved from my parents and my husbands parents in 2005-2006 and well I have no one either. I talk to my mom and sis almost every day and that helps but not really. My husband drives truck for an oil company and is gone. When I say gone I mean gone his hours are from 7 in the morning to 12 at night and well he did a great thing and sold our other car. So we only got one vehicle and when he is done with work he calls me no matter what time it is. I have to pack up all the kids 3 of them and go and get him. My house is a mess and even though I clean it up after the kids go to bed it is still not the same cuz I am tired and want to sleep. My mom thinks that I am depressed and has convinced my husband that I am. I don't want to go on medication for it so I try to exersice and well I can't ever find time in the summer I can but in the winter is hard so alot of time I jog in place in my room to up beat music for 42 min. My husband just doesn't understand that if something happend to me what would he do. When I lived in Fargo, ND I did have my parents and in laws and I did have a part time job but after 4 months my mom who would watch my 2 kids said that she can't anymore and made me quit my job that I loved so much. I would like to get another one but I can't with my husbands hours. I want to try to get into Big Yellow Box but I think that with his hours that would not work either. I don't know what to do. I do have friends here but I don't know them well enough to tell them my problems or situations. So if you want to email me with any thing just to talk or vent or to cry go ahead ____@____.com

S.

A., First of all I applaud you for having six kids and staying home with them. They need you.

I stay at home with my two boys and somewhat feel the same as you do, although on a much smaller scale I'm sure. I wish I were able to help you out, such as come over and watch your kids for a couple hours. I have been wanting to swap kid time with another mom and I have found one mom willing to do so. That took over two year for me to finally meet her. I don't know where you live, but is there a MOPS group in your town? It would be worth checking out, a good place to meet other moms. If you're not sure go to www.mops.org I think you can search for a group near you.

I understand how you feel. This season of life seems like it will never end, especially when you don't get any YOU time. I just encourage you to keep meeting people. Even at your own church is there anyone you don't know very well? We've been at our church for 2 1/2 yrs now and there's still people I'd like to get to know better.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You are a great person!!! You are a great mom, keep praying for God to send a friend into your life or for someone who is willing to help you out some. Feel free to email me personally anytime: ____@____.com

God has great plans for you!

S.

I don't know your financial sit. but I think I know of a way to get a little of a break. I don't know about Iowa City, but here in Sioux City we have health clubs. One called Four Seasons provides 2 hours of child care so you can work out. The child care is free with your membership. I THOUGHT THAT MIGHT BE USEFULL SINCE YOU LIKE TO WALK AND IT WILL GIVE YOU A BREAK. I would look into something like that.

If your parents don't want to help out or reliable and a sitter can be costly, you could do what I do. Find someone that will trade off in babysitting. (They watch your kids for so long and in return you watch theirs later on when they want time off.)

I know the tied down feeling............I really do. Recently my husband walked out on myself and the kids early Dec. He does not help out at all with the kids. He last seen them on 12/31/06 and I had to pay him to do that. He keeps saying he will come to see them but by Friday he cancles or just plain and simple does not show up. I was to start 2 different jobs and he did not show up for the kids on my starting days for either job. I get to feeling down, lonely, VERY unhappy and to the point I want to just walk out, but then I think of how much I love my kids and how they feel already with out their dad around.

What you need is a vacation! Not a family vacation or a couples vacation. A "YOU" vacation!

*********I'd love to have one myself*************

Hi A., I read that and completely felt your pain. I too have gone through this very struggle. I gave up a lot of my free time to be with my children. I work 2 jobs from home, 1 with Mary Kay and the other is answering customer service calls (which most anybody can do and there is no money upfront required). I just got started in my Mary Kay business earlier this month, so I have not yet made much profit. My husband also works fulltime to support us financially. This past school year all 3 of my kids are attending school. My youngest is in Kindergarten and my oldest is in 4th grade. I have enjoyed being able to have flexibility during the weekdays when they are at school, but I am off to pick them up from school at 2:30 so I have to cram my housework and business in just a few short hours. Sometimes I feel as though I am alone or I am doing something wrong because I never seem to get much done. So I know your struggle and that is why I will gladly offer my number to you if you email me wanting it. If ever you want a break, I will do what I can to offer my help. Again, I am flexible during the day hours. Whatever it is you need, I am only but a phone call away. I too don't have much help with my 3 children and was unable to work during their younger years. Well if you ever want to email me please feel free to do so. I would love to hear from you. ____@____.com

Take care and best wishes,
C.

I can understand what you are going through.. I am also a SAHM to a 17 month old and a 7 year old (who is in school) but when I babysat 2 other kids a couple days it was as if I got up and went to bed with no "me" time at all!! I was on my feet almost the whole day and to top it all off I never even got paid!! I feel for you and I am not sure where you are... I am in Iowa. There are SAHM groups online you can join here is a site you can search for one in your area...www.meetup.com

C.

A.,
You are a blessing from god! Six kids my woman u are my hero. I have to kids and the youngest has many disorders, which makes it every hard to work I worked out of the home for a year and my husband was so over welmoned with dealing with everything scared to mess up meds, trying to get in contact with the 16 ppl my son works with. Just got to be to much. So my husband and I talked about it and even though we needed the money, I needed to stay home. We have just moved to Oelwein to bring him closer to work and me farther away from my friends and family.I do work for the Womens in the Outdoors pretty much from home. So I get to see other adults once a month when I have a meeting. But there is no time to sit around and shoot the bull.The only person I know from Oelwein is my Husbands ex- girlfriend which I have been talking to a lot realizing we have a lot in common. However my hubby is not comfrotable with it. So I am feeling alot like you at this point. So if you ever want to give me a call to shoot the breeze or even set a play date your more then welcome to my e-mail addy is ____@____.com would be like you saving me at this point. As far as parents My mother take the cake of worse Grandparents award. I think since both of my children have been bornin I think they might of had them the max of 10 times (only cause I begged)and my oldest is 7. She has missed b-days and etc cause something else is more important.(also she forgets my own B-day)