Feeling Guilty for Thoughts About My 3Rd Pregnancy

We just recently found out we were getting a surprise bundle this summer as well. My children are a little older. And we definitely thought we were through. In the beginning we were stressed about the financial part of it and the space issues it was creating. I was bummed because my son goes to kindergarten in the fall and I was looking forward to the alone time with my baby girl...swim lessons and play dates. We were going to ride bikes to kindergarten, with my daughter in the trailer. Things were just going to be "perfect" in our eyes. And one little incident has forever changed that. I posted my panic on this website even. I spent about two weeks wallowing a bit and feeling guilty for not being overjoyed about this newest edition like I was with my other two. I cried at dinner one night because I suddenly realized that we didn't even have enough chairs for our new family. And then one day I woke up and realized how exciting it was going to be. Our plans changed and our path went off course, but this new path was just different. Not everything different is bad. So we walk to school as a family instead of bike. So we take swim classes in the evening to make that girl time. So our house will be a little more cramped and I'll be tired and have to go through the trials of having a newborn in the house again. In the end, it doesn't matter at all. My mother had four children and three were surprises....she said as soon as she held each one all doubt was erased away. My MIL was angry the majority of her pregnancy because it was derailing her plans...and now she can't imagine life without her third. These are smart women that I trust. I can be angry and disappointed this pregnancy or I can look for the joy in it all. I am choosing the joy. Give yourself a little time and don't be so hard on yourself.

OMG I was SO there 6 months ago!! My daughters were 2 and almost 4 and life was goooood. There was no diapers, no nursing, no naps, no packing a 20 pound diaper bag for a 10 minute outing. I was free and clear - except that I was 5 months pregnant with my third.

Even though it was a planned and wanted pregnancy, once I was about 4 months and the facts of having a newborn *really* sank in I started freaking out. I was having the EXACT same thoughts as you, really.

Then I had my beautiful baby girl and I honestly and truly can't imagine NOT having her. Even when I'm lugging around an infant carrier and diaper bag in the snow while herding my older 2 to preschool, I've never regretted or resented her. She smiles at me and I melt. Everyday I fall more in love with her.

Actually, it didn't melt away when I held my baby. Two weeks later, I was diagnosed with PPD. It DID melt away when I began treatment, and I was able to wean myself off the drugs when my son was about 6 months old. I don't have any advice right now, but if you DO continue to feel this way after the baby is born, please seek help. Your hormones can do really wacky things to your moods. Good luck.

Nope, its not awful, its normal. Now that you are going to have 3 you are seeing all of the things that are built for "4." You are realizing that your other two can be handed a snack in the car and they can eat it. You are realizing that your husband and you will be outnumbered by your kids. I've TOTALLY been there. I HATE to admit this but when I was first prego I even thought maybe I had miscarried because I didn't feel prego anymore and I was relieved. My 3rd was planned too and I still felt this way. Let me tell you, yes they first year will be a little hard just because, well, you have a newborn. But time flies SO SO fast. Before you know it your newborn will be the same age as your youngest. And you WILL instantly fall in love with your new little one and he or she will give you SUCH an awesome family dynamic. I am SO glad we had our third, our family would be totally missing someone without her. She makes us all laugh constantly and although he won't admit it I KNOW shes my husbands favorite. She completes us in a way I could have never imagined. Its going to be great mama, I promise!!!

Good afternoon! Seems to me that you are misplacing your guilty feelings about having another baby - it's not towards the baby at all. You know what is ahead of you in terms of "taking care of a new born ...at least you are going into this with open eyes. Be assured though....the time will come that they are independent....then it's on to another life stage. All the stages have their blessings and hard times. These feelings are normal. My kids are so independent now, that many times I am sooooo bored - you're time will come!

Dear Mama-

I was so there myself, about, well, 9 months ago, around July last summer. We had spoken a little bit about a third child, but I thought the timing was all wrong and really wasn't ready for another physically or emotionally. I felt aweful - about the pregnancy, about my feelings, about the impacts to my family - all of it. I wasn't so sure this was normal either.

I actually sought professional help. I was suffering from PPD which I had not (nor could I have) realized I was experiencing. I was also overwhelmed with other personal issues. Talking with a professional worked wonders and now, 9 months later, I am at 36 weeks and really anxious about getting a healthy baby here safely!! (And sooner than later, LOL!!)

I now realize that everything will workout just fine! The 3.5YO will be an even bigger help to her newest sibling and the 17month old will have someone to play with when Big Sister goes to school in the fall. We will love this baby as much as the two we have and I am feeling that our family will be complete now. I have finally accepted that the timing was just not up to us, but rather God and we have also accepted that we would not have been given more than we can handle.

I am not sure this helps you completely, but I think these feeling are normal, especially in an unplanned pregnancy. I was so looking forward to the more independent aspect of parenting, but it will come sooner than I know! As for that melt and fall and love moment... maybe I'll be able to let you know in a few weeks.

Good luck and think about some extra help if you need it.
~C.

You are totally normal! Do not feel guilty for feeling unhappy about this pregnancy! You won't resent the baby, and even if you feel like drowning and that you can't take it, and it was the worst thing in the world, you will still love your baby more than anything! Just keep in mind next summer. The older kids will be that much older, and that much more able to do things on their own. And even this summer, newborns are easier to lug around than a screaming 2 year old. Get a stroller that you can set a carseat in, or a baby sling, and the little pupa can hang out on your chest. There's always a way, you just have to put the effort in. Or think up some fun things to do at home so the baby can sleep, and older kids still play, etc. Just don't forget that YOU ARE NORMAL! And it's totally gonna be fine in the end.

From what i have seen and heard the third baby is easy...it just goes with the flow. I think its great that your kids will be so close in age also. It is going to make it so much more fun for ALL of you.
And one more thing-while this summer would have been easy-ER it still wouldn't have been easy :-) IMO easy doesn't come until 5 or 6!

Right now you are pregnant and feeling oerwhelmed by two yourng kids.
I had four in three years (our choice). When you look into her eyes, your
feelings will change. You will not be able to imagine life without her.
Will you hae crazy days, when you think, was I nuts. That will pass.
Try to stay organized and just enjoy your little ones. The years go fast. Now
my grandchildren are close together and I babysit a few days a week and
want to keep them little. Go figure. Now I know how fast it goes and
want to presere eery moment. Congratulations and don't worry, you will
be fine.

Well no. You're normal. The added responsibility looks to be what you are responding to but after you have baby and feel stronger instead of prego and emotional you'll be fine. Take care of you so you can take care of them. No balance for you, no balance for the whole house. Following the birth of my 1st I was chemically imbalanced. I wanted to throw my 3 month old through the glass of a window because he was crying. My second I was depressed for years after her birth (didn't realize I was depressed) and was neglectful long story short she coulda been hurt. It is not an easy job to have children be it one or three, close together or far apart. I finally realized what I needed to make it all work for me. Before my 3rd was born I told my husband I was going to need a lot of support from him for fear of the worst. I cried and cried and cried. I just knew how hard things were fixin to get. To my delight after baby was born things getting better wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be. I got on meds and took care of myself when stressed. Now I am so in love with my baby. Having her added to me and my family something that was missing before. My family and I very much enjoy our new baby. No one lamented more than I did and no one is more in love with baby than I. You will make it work. It won't be as hard as you think. Go with the flow, allow the older ones to help where they can and most importantly take care of you. You will love like you've never loved before.

Hi There,
I am pregnant with my third also. I have a 5 year old and and almost 3 year old, so it will definately change our routine. However, I do not have negative feelings toward this pregnancy... we really wanted it and tried for a while. At the same time though, I have been a beast to my kids this pregnancy at times. I just have very little patience and I yell and scream at little things. I just seem to lose it with no warning. Sometimes I have to just walk away and cry because I feel like I need to throw something, or do something I regret. I have never been like this before... and I know it is hormonal, but it can be upsetting. I bet the way your feeling is due to hormones that you just can't control... your mind knows how you feel, but the hormones take over!! Also, I have heard from so many moms who have three, including my sister in law, who just had her third, that going from 2 to 3 kids is no sweat! Going from 1 to 2 is much harder, but now you know how to multi-task and manage more than one, and the third just learns to go with the flow, ie. take naps in the carseat wherever they go etc. Also, your 3 will be so close in age that they will go through stages together and will probably be the best of friends!! So, try to keep positive and take time to yourself. I am sure that these feelings will pass once your little one arrives. (I sure hope my mood swings pass!).

Like Lauren L said, newborns are the easiest to lug around! Put her in the sling or stroller you can take her anywhere you can take the boys! She'll nap all day & love being outside & the movement of being carried in the sling or pushed in the stroller all day! Where there's a will there's always a way! Don't let that stop you this summer, do the same things you were going to do with them with the baby in tow. Obviously she can't go on roller coasters or on water slides, but that's when the adults take turns standing by the stroller then going on the same ride again with the kids or trade off the rides you'll take them on. Worste come to worst just hire a babysitter to come with you or leave her with a grandparent or someone when it's just too hard to take her with. Maby not this summer but the next all 3 will have a blast together, that summer will be here before you know it! Just think of all the fun you have with all 3 of them growing up!

Honestly, I think you sound very realistic about the demands on your time.

But really, this summer would have included a lot of packing and planning ahead to get up and go. You'd still be packing diapers and wipes and snacks and extra sets of clothes for all in tow.

I hope now your 2 older kids will entertain the baby while you get everyone packed up. And with the kids so close together, Baby #3 will hopefully be so much easier.

I just wanted to ad, that when my I took my oldest daughter to the airport to leave for college, I broke down in tears, sobbing, because I still had to go home to a toddler and KG'er. I stood there thinking, OMG, I would have been FREE right now if I had not had more children. It was a short lived moment, so be glad they are close together and not 11 years apart.

I hope I'm not out of line for asking this, but is your 3rd a surprise? Maybe you need some more time to adjust to your new family dynamic. It can be scary knowing what you have in your future!! The bliss of the first baby and not knowing how much work it can be..... haha

If you feel like you can't shake this feeling, don't feel awful! Talk to your husband, friends or family. or if you're more comfortable maybe a therapist? Even if its just once to get it all out. Sometimes it just feels good to vent.

I have one kiddo- and she's a handful! I can understand how you would be overwhelmed with three!! Best wishes to you and your family :)

B.,
Be very careful - a friend was in this place and she wound up with PPD to the point where she was nearly hospitalized. Try nursing in a hospital where your infant is NOT welcome! She managed to stay out (don't know the details yet).

One day at a time! The transition from one to two is harder than from 2 to 3.

good luck, and congratulations! You're where I would very much love to be right now - transitioning from two to three.

M.

This is exactly why I don't think I'll have a 3rd! :) I would love to have another baby, but am constantly battling the newborn thing....these 2 keep me so busy, I don't know how I'd be able to handle them at the sleep deprivation stage again. Good luck though, I'm sure once he/she arrives, you'll kick into action and be just fine!

I felt very scared during my pregnancy in the first trimester which came out as lots of complaints. I'm sure I sounded completely ungrateful. I've heard many people say that their youngest child turned out to be their greatest joy even when it was an unplanned pregnancy. I bet the minute you hold that precious baby in your arms all your fears and frustrations will melt away.

Awww Sweetie don't worry! You are normal! It is change and change in hard. I only have two kids but I remember thinking about how everything is going to change and how difficult it will be, but we all adjusted and learned a new routine and it worked out fine. Your daughter will be so loved by her two big brothers. Just remember how easy it was to take them places when they were newborns. She will also learn very early on that she will have to "wait her turn" for things.

I see you live in CT. I lived there too (I actually grew up in the northeast and didn't move from there until 5 years ago) and winter is hard. Your winter this year has been so snowy. This could be bringing these feelings on because, I am only assuming, you are stuck in the house. Once spring comes you may start to feel much better.

If you feel depressed after she is born you may want to speak with a therapist as it could be postpartum depression. However, don't thing about that right now, just know it is all going to be OK!

Big hugs to you and your family!!