Feeling Guilty for Trying to Stop Nursing My 16 Month Old

I remember feeling guilty about that myself. But we do have to do it sooner or later.It was difficult to say good by to the closeness. So, if you want to do it, feel guilty for a little bit and then say hello to the next chapter in life.

I think you should not sweat the small stuff. BF until age 16 months is great! Not all moms get that opportunity! Be thankful you are so lucky!

It always breaks my heart when I hear about a mom feeling guilty about choices that she makes for her own family. Forget the so called experts, the right answer is always changing anyways. You are ready to stop. Your husband is ready for you to stop. (I don't know why he's being judged for having feelings on the matter.) Your son will cope through the process no matter what age it happens.

Are you kidding? :) Possibly bc of a lot of blood loss at delivery and the fact I'm super skinny, I had so much trouble nursing I didn't get much done at all. And knock wood, my kids are as healthy as most, healthier than others, very bright, active etc. My mother said how they discouraged breast feeding her generation. And the first few days are even the most important. I'm not sure i have any friends who BF more than a year. You can so be done and not feel guilty!! Feel proud!! Oh - two friends didn't even try. And their kids are smart and healthy too! I actually know plenty of people who did BF a long time and their kids seem sick more often... Probably a coincidence but you've done plenty to never have to wonder if more would have made a positive difference.

You have to do what is right for you and your family and not worry about what others say or any judgments. People love to be all judgy when it has nothing to do with them personally.

You have BF for 16 months which is longer than a lot of people do it.

Personally, I was not a BF'r because it was not for me and I had no intentions from day 1 for BF with my Dr., and Pedi's support. However, I was met with all the BF Nazi's as I call them at the hospital who would not allow formula to come to my room and baby because I did not plan to BF. It was only after my hubby went to buy formula outside the hospital, my Dr and Pedi had security put a stop to the nonsense going on with BF'rs that I got a private room and was able to bond with my baby the way I chose to.

Yes, I was judged but you know what??? All those judgers don't pay your bills, don't live your life and should not bother you in the least. You owe no explanation to anyone for your choices.

My daughter is 20 now, has always been very healthy, rarely sick from day 1 and smart as a whip. So, what you choose to do is 100% YOUR business and don't allow anyone to guilt you into anything else.

Whether you wean or not isn't the problem in your question. Make the decision on your own, regardless of any internal pro/con pressure. It sounds like you're doing a great job with a gradual wean and are almost finished.

The part that bothers me is this - "However I feel like my husband is a bit jealous and it is bringing our personal relationships down."

Are you projecting what you imagine your husband might be thinking/feeling? Or has he actually said or done something that demonstrates this?

In a marriage, communication is important. I think you need to work on that with your husband, because the attitude you're concerned about isn't a healthy one for a father/husband to have. If it is all in your head, it needs to be put to rest by having actual knowledge. If h really feels that way, then he has some personal issue to work through before they negatively impact your marriage. It would be a larger problem than a simple question of weaning timing.

Don't feel guilty! Feel proud that you made it to 16 months! I made it 1 week with my daughter and 2 days with my son! 16 months is a long time! Your son can get 100% of his nutrition from table food now, don't feel bad at all for weaning.

There is no reason to feel guilty unless you are trying to cause harm or do something to maliciously hurt someone. I know that may sound dramatic, but it's true.

If you are doing what is best for you, you are doing what is best for your child. I give you MAJOR props for getting to 16 months! That's amazing. Instead of looking at this with guilt, celebrate that you nursed him for this long!

I nursed 14 months and 18 months with my two, so I know where you are coming from. Let's put it this way - you are a hard habit to break. Nothing more. You know you aren't providing nutrition. Kids suck for comfort - he could have been getting comfort from a rubber pacifier or from his own thumb, but you and he are using your body. It's not even your nearness that drives it as much as an object to suck on. He won't be scarred by giving up this habit - in fact, he needs to learn healthier sleep habits at some point, and it's not too early. If you were saying you didn't want it to end, I'd say, keep going. But this is not mutually beneficial and you are simply a habit. By the way, I got to the point with my daughter that I was exhausted and gave her the shirt I'd been wearing to sleep with because it smelled like me - it worked and a white tee shirt became her lovey for the next ten years.

It's right that there is no reason you have to stop (except that you want to), but there is also no reason you have to continue either. Power through one week of healthy sleep training and you'll be fine. And he'll be happier and a better sleeper.

Who is this "they" that you're talking about? It's not necessary to nurse children until they are two. SO WHAT if La Leche League or other breastfeeding proponents try to push extended feeding? Why do you have to take it into consideration?

Your husband might be sick and tired of watching your child run up to you and demand a boob. He might be tired of the only thing that gets your son to sleep is your boob. Your husband might really want your child to learn to self-soothe. That's what each and every child NEEDS to learn, regardless of whether they are nursing or not. They need to lay down awake and go to sleep, and learn to fall asleep on their own if they wake in the middle of the night. Your child is old enough to do BOTH.

Your husband isn't going to bring your personal relationship down with your son unless he's a total a*&hole. Only you know that. Instead of worrying about these "others" you're talking about, get over the guilt and look ahead to when your kid is in elementary school and when you won't even be thinking about when you quit nursing. It will be a distant memory and you will see that putting your son to bed, reading him a book, saying "goodnight" and closing the door without him screaming and demanding and being difficult on the whole family is a direct correlation to you having put your foot down when he was young and expected him to learn to self-soothe.

If you don't know anything about how to teach this, read about the Ferber method. (Updated version).

Good luck.

Don't feel guilty! Who are the "they" who are saying age 2? You will find precious few women who do this! Not that it's bad, but honestly, it's a complete rarity!

You nurse until you are done. YOU.

Your husband is jealous? That's a huge red flag! Using your breasts for their intended purpose is not something that should tick him off - at all. So that needs to get worked on.

However, your 16 month old should be able to go to bed with someone else putting him to bed - it cannot be based entirely on the breast. So he needs to be able to comfort himself and settle himself down, and not be dependent on the breast. If your husband is jealous of that part, that he is not permitted to put your son to sleep because this 16 month habit of nursing to sleep has been permitted, then he has a point. The thing to do is for you to be OUT at bedtime a few nights a week - completely out of the house so you can't be summoned if there is crying. And your husband needs to be the most nurturing father in the world to keep your son calm. A child this age, with teeth, should not be feeding at night at all. Nursing at other times is okay, but not to go to sleep with a mouth full of breast milk or cow's milk or anything else.

This is a habit. It's like the pacifier, the blanky, the bottle, etc. You get rid of it and make the bedtime routine include quiet time, story, lullaby, soft music, nightlight, whatever. But no food.

I suggest you get a good book or 2 from the library on how to establish a non-feeding bedtime routine, read it with your husband, and agree 100% on exactly what the two of you are going to do. The routine should be the same, whether it's Mom, Dad, Grandma, or babysitter.

You have 16.5 more years with this child in your home - it's time to get rid of guilt!

You deserve kudos for going 16 months. No guilt! I was pretty happy that I made it to 9 months with both of mine.

Good luck and don't beat yourself up!

Don't feel guilty. You did a wonderful job of nursing for 16 months. Most moms get to 6 months or so. I made it to 9. By that time she was into other things and so was I. We just mutually ended the nursing. It was a bittersweet moment but it was a wonderful thing that had been accomplished. We moved on to other things in life.

Don't go on a guilt trip about it. It is part of the processing of growing up from a complete newborn to a mobile toddler. These are milestones in life. Soon he will be able to walk straight without help and run and you will be running after him to keep him safe.

Work on your relationship with your husband. As for him being the one touching the breasts it make take a bit as the sensitivity is still there and you may not feel like someone else touching you there fore a bit. It is part of the process of becoming a woman again after nursing a child. You might want to go away for a few days just for you every now and then and you should without feeling any guilt.

Children need to learn that there are other people besides mom and dad that can and will take care of them If you are in a hospital someone else will care for your child maybe not like you but it will be okay and the child will survive.

As I always say, you were a woman first, a wife second and a mother third. Most women forget the first two and wonder why there is a problem in the house. Mom may not work but she does have dreams and desires that all her own and she should work on them as well as those for the family. If momma ain't happy nobody is happy and there is truth to this.

So stop feeling guilty and be a person with standards and strength.

Happy New Year to you.

the other S.

PS My daughter is now 37 and she is fine and not scarred because of how we weaned each other. I am her best friend at this time in her life and we enjoy a very close relationship and lives out of state.

No need to feel guilty. It's your breasts so you get to decide the timing that works best for you. I nursed both kids until age 2. The first child had only breastmilk for hte first year - I used a pump at work. Second child was a big boy and way to hungry for only breastmilk. I pumped with him but was a little more calm about formula so he was also having formula since infancy. But both kids still nursed at bed & naptime until age 2. For me I loved the closeness with them - particularly with my second child since I knew he was my last baby (I was 40 when I had hime). But - when it's time for you to stop you need to stop. Hold him the same way you would while nursing but with a bottle, it could be he just likes the closeness with you. Then work back from there.

Do not feel guilty - you gave him more than 12 months which is fabulous! What a good mama to make sure he got all that good stuff!

Now go take a nice nap and givve yourself permission to feel free.

Wow, 16 months, that's great!! I am a childcare provider. I have Mom's come to me with 8 or 9 month olds that are just worn down from the nursing, pumping, cleaning.... They are really ready to quit but feeling guilty. I always say the same thing "you gave them the absolute best start and they will be FINE with formula (or in your case cow's milk)"

There will come times in our lives when we have to make a choice based on what is best for the whole picture, not just the one little guy in your life. You certainly will not be putting him in jeopardy by quitting, but the benefits of quitting are definitely there. Your relationship with your hubby is very important and needs to be nurtured.

No longer nursing doesn't mean no more cuddles :).

Good Luck,

M

Don't feel guilty! Nursing is great as long as it is working well for both mother and infant, but clearly that is no longer the case. If he is drinking regular milk fine then I would just go cold turkey and never look back.

Please don't feel guilty! Nursing is a RELATIONSHIP, something both of you should be enjoying and if that's no longer the case then it's time to stop. Your son will be just fine if you wean him now (though I can tell you there will be some tears for a few days,)

Don't be ridiculous! Stop feeling guilty for doing what is best for your FAMILY. Just stop already. Don't listen to the breastfeeding proponents who preach that it is that way or bust. It isn't. Do what is right for your family... and that includes your baby's father, and yourself!

If you really wAnt to wean, lay out a plan to make that happen. You can drop 1 feeding every 2 weeks. So if you are nursing 3 times a day (2 naps, 1 bedtime), then you can be done in about 6 weeks.

The hard part is sticking to the plan. Do you have someone else who can cuddle with him before bed so he gets used to falling asleep without eating?

if you're ready to stop, it's time to stop. 'they' are speaking in generalities. every individual situation has its own considerations.
i felt horribly guilty when i started supplementing my babies at around 5 weeks. the workplace wasn't as friendly to women back then, and i'm not sure how i'd have figured out pumping around bartending anyway. and i gave it up altogether long before you.
guilt is counter-productive and damaging. either nurse and enjoy it, or quit.
your baby will be fine.
khairete
S.

Breast milk is what mammals feed their young until the young can eat other food.
Most babies are eating solid food by about 1yr old - give or take a few months.
I know the recommendation for breast feeding use to be for 6 months at a minimum, and I can see going to a year or maybe 18 months.
Some people go in for extended breast feeding - but (and this is only my personal feeling) - if the kid is old enough to speak and ASK for milk - he/she is old enough to be drinking milk that's not from my breasts.
3 or 4 yrs old sounds like a really long time.

When to wean is totally up to you.
You say you want to wean - so do what you have to in order to dry up your supply and tell child "Sorry but there is no more!".
I'm all for snuggling but at some point your breasts are your private areas again and your kid(s) are no longer entitled to them anymore.

IMO, if you nudge a little and give it time, you won't be nursing when he's 4. My DD was 2.5 when our "just a little bit" at night became nothing at all. If he's not fully ready, then consider making it a shorter session til after a few weeks he's used to not nursing at all. DD learned what "just a little bit" meant and it was a compromise that worked well for us. After a while it was only 5 minutes and then she was done for real. At the same time, ramp up things that make your nightly routine comfortable, predictable and safe, so he can transfer to reading books, or song time or something else other than nursing to sleep.

If your DH is jealous, I'm sorry, but he needs to get over it. The kid is not even a year and a half old. Even when they don't nurse, they still need you - have nightmares, get sick, want a cuddle. He needs to figure it out and not be jealous of a baby.

Also, be aware that your hormones will shift after he weans. Just be ready for it.

It is a sad thing...it means your little one us growing up....but there are still lots of great things to look forward to...I hope daddy is helping and can take over that last part of bedtime for u....

If u look at it like this now your little one can have a new bedtime ritual and bond w dad...he will always love u but now u and dad can share bedtime..

New habits take ..what it it 90 days?....replace it with sometime just for u...read a book or go for a walk for 10 mins....you did great now focus on what is ahead.

You've done awesome! Don't feel a bit guilty.

There is absolutely no reason to stop nursing until your child is ready. Don't let anyone else tell you it's this age or that age. You know what feels right for you.

I've heard some people nurse until their child starts school, that's not something I'd be comfortable with but I think even up to age 2 is fine.

You choose when you're ready.

Just weaned my 18 mos old 2 weeks ago. Just do it!!! GL. You both will be great.

I've never understood this. Bottle fed babies are usually weened at around a year old. Why would breastfed be any different? At one year old they can have food and drink out of a cup. My children did not have a bottle past 1. I don't understand breastfed babies still being nursed at 2 and 3 years old. There is really no reason for it.
Also I wanted to add do not feel guilty at your childs age there is nothing for you to feel any guilt over. Don't let anyone try and make you feel guilty either. I bottle fed my kids from the beginning for 1 my oldest was born with kidney failure and had to have a special formula you can't buy in stores, I had to order it and ups brings it. 2 my milk just never came in. They thought quite possibly from the stress of my baby almost dying. People tried to give me a hard time and I shut them down fast. Remember while you may not want to be rude it's incredibly rude for others to give you unsolicited advice.