Feeling Overwhelmed/ Mom Looking for Words of Encouragement

This summer, after working with some older children for awhile I worked with preschoolers. They are all having trouble concentrating and they are PRESCHOOLERS. My first problem is with the preschool teacher who wants a tutor for your preschooler. What the heck? i am not liking preschool teachers these days. I seriously wonder what is wrong with THEM. The teachers. Play with the child for crying out loud (her-you have your own life). Next, there is something wrong that they are not able to control your child before he kicks.And they are obviously not watching him if he is able to accomplish this. Sounds like he is angry, but sounds also likes he needs a hug. I hate to say this, but is this the only place your children can go? There are a lot of places on earth that can actually take care of your children, not whine about some of the normal things that are going on. LIke inattentiveness. And call me old fashioned but a little extra time with the older one just might do the trick. Do some homework and see what else is out there. This is not sounding like the right 'mix' so to speak. Good luck. And about feeling angry towards hubby. He's a man...have I made myself clear. We all dream about the guy who is totally aware of our needs, our children's needs, makes a wonderful income and looks hot all the time. Not sure if that guy exists at all. Forgive him. He's human.

Your oldest sounds tired......that sounds to me like normal behavior for an over-tired kid. He's 6 and is learning impulse control.....sometimes they learn that in preschool, sometimes they need more time - my son was in trouble lots in K and 1st grades because he would get his work done before others in the class, get bored and disrupt - he grew out of it.
About your preschooler - some kids need one-on-one time....I'm not saying a tutor is necessary at this stage, but it certainly couldn't hurt to have one-on-one instruction at times. It sounds like the teacher is trying to avert potential learning issues down the line. I worked with my son lots when we were in the store, in the car and wherever to engage him in conversation at an early stage - we talked about food prices, colors, letters, why the sky is blue, anything that gets those little minds working.
Venting is good.....many of us work full-time jobs and feel the need to vent when we are overwhelmed. I don't know any mom who hasn't felt out of control at some point. Just keep up the good work and this too shall pass!

HI B.,

My heart goes out to you. There's nothing like having to work to support your kids but then feeling guilty that we aren't doing enough.

First of all... a tutor for a preschooler??? That sounds nuts. What in the world is he needing to "pay attention to and recall" as a preschooler? It's just my opinion, but I think at preschool age kids should be learning mostly through play. The academic stuff comes early enough and right now it's important for him to learn how to share, how to play appropriately with friends, how to sit and pay attention for about 20 minutes in a circle, maybe how to trace letters. It's mostly social learning. I would consider that the expectation might be a little high, and is putting pressure on you and on him.

As for your 6 year old... He sounds tired, B.. My son does the same thing by the end of a busy day, especially if he doesn't sleep well the night before or if it's the end of the week. He gets overwhelmed and overstimulated, starts "spinning", has no impulse control, has trouble hearing me. I would take a look at what time your son is getting to bed and try to move it up if it is 8pm or later. This isn't easy when you work full-time and have homework and dinner and bath, but I would really try to get both of them in bed by 7:30. Surely your son isn't the only kid that has these kinds of problems in the afternoon. Maybe the staff is not of an adequate ratio or properly trained...?

I don't know what the cost is for the school program, but maybe you could consider a daycare after school or hiring a college student instead of sending him to the school program. I have a home daycare and charge the same hourly rate as the neighborhood school does.

Don't beat yourself up. Look for solutions and do the best you can. You sounds like a Mom who wants the absolute best for her kiddos, and that in itself in a great thing.

Good luck!

I was in a situation similar to yours when I decided to just stay home with my kids for awhile. Ended up being 7 years! I loved it tho we were very broke and sometimes I was without a car. I see my grown kids & their kids today, and I know this was a good investment for all of us. If this isn't possible, can you go to part-time? This is probably not what you want to hear. If it's not possible or reasonable, do everything you can to help your kids thru this. Dad doesn't see what they need, like most guys! Men compartmentalize and don't worry. Women are only as happy as their most unhappy child. We're built that way. Try making a date to sit down with your hubby and seriously discuss options, like at a restaurant or a long drive, not in the midst of a normal evening. He's just hoping it will go away.

You poor thing. You sound overworked and overtired.
You can always look into the tutor. Just make a call and ask the price/avail.
Call a friend (not relative) for venting and backup.
Hang in there. You're doing a hard job raising kids AND working full time.
Talk to your child about why he is hitting other kids. Try to get to the root of the problem.
Carve out some time for yourself. Even if it only 15 mins a day to unwind (bath, lock yourself in the bathroom and make a call to a friend, ask hubby to watch babies for 15-20 mins while you read in the back room).
Ask your husband nicely for some help or back up.
Don't let yourself think negatively about him taking the kids in the morning.
It's a partnership.
Can you take your lunch hour at work to relax a little? Or maybe a 15 mins break for some quiet time (no check book balancing).
Also, can you plan a lunch out w/the girls on a Saturday when hubby is home to watch the kids?

Kids need a break after school. When you get off work, do you rush into doing more work or relax for a bit. Kids need to play. I would let him play untill you pick him up from daycare and then have hime do homework. I know it is hard to work full time and raise kids, but you are doing a great job. The school should be able to watch your child and avoid and problems.

Take a step back and breathe. Are your kids fed? Healthy? Do they have a roof over their head nightly? Generally well adjusted (despite an occasional issue at school)? Sounds like they'll grow up to be just fine. You're doing a good job and need to give yourself credit where you can. Acting out in school, needing extra help with school work, these are all normal parts of parenting (no one has perfect children!). Recognize what you're doing right and be thankful. Be appreciative to your husband, they need praise too and will reciprocate. As for your kids, tackle one issue at a time. Rule out physical causes for both of their behaviors then work on investigating other people who have helped their kids through similar tough times. Cut yourself some slack, parenting isn't a science, it's an art made up by people who have been winging for centuries. Good luck!!

Parenting and working kudous to you! Parenting is an all consuming task and there are better days then others. When it seems that the kids are getting into trouble (all do even those who are at home with their parents) it seems worse. I would let them help the younger one as much as they want and find out what they are looking for. As for the older getting into trouble we have bad days and no one can be good/perfect all the time.remind him in of your family values/ rules like we use our words when we are upset at aftercare and here are some other ways to get your anger,frustration out. Like throwing a ball outside as far and as hard as he can, hitting a pillow, stomping his feet as he walks away. As for you go take a hot bath let the house work go for a week and rejuvenate yourself. You have to take care of yourself too otherwise no one else will get what they need. I know easier said then done. You can do it!

Don't worry about school and daycare. Have fun with your kids

Could you ask your employer for a slight change in your schedule? You could suggest leaving one hour earlier (and not taking a lunch hour) first, and if they don't go for that you could suggest leaving one hour earlier and not getting paid for that hour, and if they don't go for that you could 'settle' and suggest coming in an hour early and leaving an hour early. It never hurts to ask, you may be surprised. I get off at 4 to pick my daughter up from daycare and you would not believe how much easier it makes LIFE in general.

B.,

Quick question, and I'm not trying to be judgemental here, why are you having your 6 year old sit down and do his homework after a long day at school? Could some of the problems be coming from the fact he doesn't have the energy or focus to follow through? Or, are you trying this to control his bad behavior?

I agree with Kari, six year olds just don't have the impulse control and he is probably very tired and frustrated. School is hard and many times he won't get what he wants and now that he is in a safer place he may be acting out his anger and frustration. If you are concerned about how the day care is handling his outbursts, then you should talk with the director. Maybe he or she would have ideas on how to work with your son to help him learn how to control his impulses and different ways he can learn how to handle his anger.

Last question, why are you handling all of these concerns on your shoulders alone? Your husband may be at work, but can't some of these concerns be delayed until the weekend where you both can sit down and talk over your options as a couple? You need his support, but you also need to give yourself permission to delay a bit of action. Just because the preschool teacher is asking about a tutor does not mean you need to hire a tutor the next day. Instead, talk with your partner and figure out where and when your son is having trouble in class. Maybe you both can come up with other ideas to help him focus in class.

You should not be alone in these decisions. Ask for help from your partner and instead of focusing on the problems, try to spend a bit of time with your sons in a positive environment doing something fun each day. Playing a board game, having a squirt gun fight in the back yard, watching a tv show together.

Just my two cents.

C..

Since when has resentment helped with anything? Why don't you try talking to your husband, instead of resenting him for something that was agreed upon, by the both of you.

Updated

Since when has resentment helped with anything? Why don't you try talking to your husband, instead of resenting him for something that was agreed upon, by the both of you.

i feel the same way lots of times, i think we all do, its not easy. this too shall pass. one thing that came to mind.... when my son acts like a maniac after school, its a good bet that he had a decent amount of sugar during the day. i usually only give them milk or water to drink, and nothing with much sugar if any. but today, for example, i was rushing and gave him a juicebox, and sure enough, when i picked him up he was like a nut. just something to keep in mind. good luck. deep breaths. i found it helps a lot to let them run on the playground after school as much as possible. they have to try to contain themselves all day, you know? let them get it out, run run run...

First of all - and you know this already - the easiest thing in the world to do is to say, "I have it too hard and it's not fair." But you're the grownup so you don't really get to do that. (Neither do I.)

This sort of stress happens all the time in families. So you're not alone by any means.

Try to get some rest tonight - and a soak in the tub if you can - and try to get some fun time with your husband this week. You two are actually on the same side, even though you may seem like ships passing in the night at the moment!

Talk to the preschool teacher to find out what she's really saying. Be curious, not angry. "Preschool" actually seems like a misnomer to me, because it's certainly more like a grade level these days than a play group, but - tutoring for a preschooler? That's hard to wrap my brain around.

You or your husband (or both of you) take an afternoon to spend just with your older son. Go have some fun with him at the park or wherever you can have a good time together. Let him know how much you love him, and see if he can talk about what makes him angry.

Talk to your husband to see if you both can change your work schedules so you can do the dropping-off and he can do the picking-up for a while. Or... is that so important? Do you really want to do that?

(By the way, venting is hard for anybody to respond to over the phone. If you call me up, what can I possibly say? "I'm sorry you've had such a rotten day"... and then what?) :^)

I would like to say take some deep breaths, but that sounds a little stupid. When I worked outside the home I had the same feeling many times and I had to take and pick up. Then I always felt rushed to get to work and to pick them up. I was always ready to get home and then had to cook. I do believe it gets easier with time. You will be fine.

I am a single parent of a difficult child whose mind wanders in class such that he cannot recall the lesson and who has a tendency to get himself in to trouble at school or after school program. It's exhausting.

The biggest source of refreshment I've found is to get out of the house with no kid on a regular basis. Either just you or you and your husband together (because you want to make sure you are building that relationship and not putting a wedge in by having all your breaks alone).

The time off allows you to recharge and to alleviate some of that pent up emotion from dealing with everything at once.

It's also helpful to send the boys out somewhere and you stay home and relax. I've sent my kid to the movies with a babysitter or to someone's house overnight so that I can have the break and refocus.

Hang in there. If you weren't a good mom, you wouldn't be worrying about these things. It's hard work to work a job all day and then come home to more stress.