Felling Iced Out of the Family

Why don't you ask her what color to wear? Some people aren't bothered by wearing the same color as the wedding party. In fact, I've never heard of that myself.

i agree with black. All of the pics you'll be in there will be other non bridal party members in it too. I wouldn't feel iced unless there were 10 sil's and you were the only one not in it. It makes sense that shes having her brother and nieces in it.

My husband's cousin got married last year and he was in the wedding party and I wasn't. They wore black with crimson red accents. I wanted to find a red dress but couldn't find anything that I liked so I bought a very nice fun black dress and accented it with red/black jewelry and red high heel sandals.

My husband is one of my brother's grooms men and my girls are going to be the flower girls... so I'm the "guest" too! But I don't know... I don't feel iced out of the family. It just sort of made sense in our family - they needed a grooms man and flower girls, and my new sister-in-law didn't need another bridesmaid. Besides, I'm sure I'll be fully busy taking care of my little kids and making sure they get to the right places at the right time.

I'm planning to wear a cute little black dress and I'll be getting my hair done with the bridal party. If there's an obvious color that everyone you know will be wearing, I'd pick something that at least coordinates (ie - don't wear a black dress if the wedding color is brown). Maybe wear the wedding color in a lighter or darker shade?

I guess overall for me, it's all about communication. How about calling your SIL and asking her what colors she doesn't want you to wear? She might not care... I know my future SIL doesn't (which is nice).

Why Don't you ask the bride.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing the same color as the wedding party--just don't try to wear the same shade. If they are wearing spring green, wear dark green. If they are wearing navy, choose powder blue. That way, you won't look weird when you get picks of yourself with hubby & the kids. :)

I wouldn't worry about the color too much. Just nothing that really clashes. Figure for the family pictures you'll be in, likely there will be other non wedding party people too. ie: parents, maybe some other siblings, cousins etc. I doubt there will be a formal wedding party picture with you as the only nonwedding party person... There might be a pic of you, your husband and kids but then just don't clash with your kids. My sister was my maid of honor and her girls were flower girls. I don't think my now BIL felt iced out of the family at all... This sounds very normal.

I went thru this when my husbands brother got married. Everyone in the entire family was in the wedding, except me. So, I brought my mom as my date :) Their wedding colors were brown and orange. I wore a black classy dress with a few sparkles on it. The dress wasn't obnoxious tho - very nice.

It was weird tho when I had to leave my husband and kids for them to do pictures. It truly sucked! My husband struggled b/c he was responsable for the kids while also trying to be in pictures himself and she was adament that I go along with the others to the hall for the reception. Once I got to the reception I just decided to relax and enjoy it. Once I let that go and relaxed I really enjoyed myself - I didn't have to stress over any of the wedding stuff since she made it a point to let me know I was a guest!

I think a simple dress would be appropriate for the wedding. Enjoy!

that's a great question. let us know what you end up doing!
If it were me, I'd wear something complimentary but not matching or I'd go in a black dress with the same color accessories as the bridal party.

Nothing wrong with being the girl in green in a sea of blues. It sounds lovely to me.

I was in a similar situation when my SIL got married last summer. But only 2 of my (then) 3 kids were in the wedding party. But it didn't offend or bother me at all. She only had her 3 sisters as bridesmaids, and me not being in it also saved us money. Plus it was an outdoor wedding in June in Atlanta and I was 32 weeks pregnant, not really an ideal setting for me. The bridal party wore light blue, and spring green was an accent color. My dress was an aqua color, and I don't feel like I stood out too much in the pictures at all. I think if you can find a color that "goes" but doesn't match you will be fine. Or black will always blend in with the tuxes!

I've never heard that it's rude to wear the same colors as the wedding party. Now how would any potential guests know in advance what the colors are? See, doesn't make sense. I'd coordinate the color w/ the rest of my family, especially since you will be in some of the pics.

I have to say, I would wear whatever you want to! I never worried about that myself, no matter whose family wedding (or friend) I went to.

I have never worn black to a wedding, except for a black AND white dress (top was white, bottom was black). I think it's okay to wear nowadays, but I have tried to always wear something other than pure black, just in case someone who isn't up on "fashion" might think I'm trying to make a "statement" (like mourning LOL!)

Enjoy the wedding - you won't have to do a bunch of work!

Dawn

Something that complements the colors but isn't matching would be fine. If nothing else, ask your sister in law to go shopping with you for the dress if she has time.

Don't feel bad about everyone else in the wedding party, I am sure she isn't slighting you unless you two don't get along at all. Many grooms and brides ask their soon to be spouse's brothers and sisters be in the wedding party and of course to be fair to all the nieces and nephews, finding them places in the wedding too. You will be able to sit with the family (your mother in law) in front so you won't be alone.

You can never go wrong with black. I know alot of people don't like wearing it to weddings but lets face it alot of etiquette is out of date and hell most people don't even know it anymore.

I say get your little black dress on!

Why don't you just call the bride and ask her?

You can wear a different shade of blue....B., how is your relationship with the family other then this up coming wedding?

Blessings...

In most weddings I've been a part of the only time those who are not part of the wedding party (but their wife/husband/child is), is during vows. You're still seated up front w/ the family, and you're seated with *your* family during the reception. Almost everyone has a +1 or +2, and they don't seat them all at the high table. People either sit at the singles table(s) or are seated with THEIR families. Ditto, you go to all the wedding party "schtuff" (rehersal dinner, photos -of course, not everyone is in every photo unless it's your wedding-, etc.).

There was an awkward moment at my brother's wedding. My son was the ringbearer, and when it came time for pictures, they JUST took my son. The flowergirl was not family, but they snagged both her and my son for pictures, but not her parents, and not moi. EVERYONE ELSE in the family (my brothers and sisters) were "part of the wedding party"... my childless sibs were attendents or ushers, etc and "in uniform"... but since I had a son my job was wrangling HIM!

So after the service, the entire family (except me) was taken for photos. I was miffed and trying not to be (hey, not my wedding!!!). Well about 15 minutes later the SAME photography assistant who'd turned me away "Wedding party only" / "But he's my brother!" / "Sorry, Party only!" came tearing through the reception to find me to fix his mistake. OF COURSE my brother and new SIL wanted me there for family photos. Things got held up for about 20 minutes while dude was sent to go fetch me. (Really big venue). Yep. They all knew I'd been sent away instead of disappearing on purpose.

Whoopsies. Well. Upside... I'd had a chance to snag a cocktail! Everyone else was dying for one by the time pics were over!!!

My dress was Black & White. The wedding party (girls) wore pink, (boys) black tuxes. The parents of the bride/groom weren't "in uniform".

I matched just FINE without overstepping lines / crowding into the party. (Black and white tuxes, black and white dress... no worries).

Ask your SIL what she has in mind-then there won't be any doubts

I would definitely get something to coordinate with what your husband & kids are wearing--what a great family photo op!

It will be a blessing to have O. parent (you) NOT being in the wedding party...trust me. :)

Why not wear blue? A different shade of blue or lavender or something if you don't want to be too matchy. Black with blue accents like earlier described would be stunning. It isn't rude to wear a common color at all. You can coordinate and get some cute family pics out of it.

When my son got married his wife to be had 4 SILS and they all wore the same dress. My daughter and her two sisters also wore the same dress. Her mother wore a dress with purple in it and I wore a purple dress. Somehow we all looked great and matched the bride and groom's colors. The men in the party all had on the same tie whether in the party or not.

So ask your SIL what color she has in mind. Otherwise wear what you want as long as it is tasteful.

The other S.

PS Don't feel slighted that you were not asked to be in the wedding. She is just thinking of her family members.

My husband was actually in the same situation 8 years ago when my brother got married. I was in the wedding party and our boys were ring bearers. It never even occurred to me that he might feel left out and he never said anything. It was his job to handle the boys, which was sometimes more than he could handle! Makes me wonder if I should ask him if he felt left out, but he's never said he did and it hasn't had any effect on his relationship with my brother and his wife. I think you will ultimately be glad there is someone in your immediate family that doesn't have wedding party obligations. I would just pick a color/dress that is flattering to you personally and go for it. If you are really concerned, I like the suggestion to just ask the bride.

I wore a super cute, fun (definitely not a mourning dress) dress that was black to a wedding and coincidentally, both sisters, mom and dad and I all matched...we looked superb in our family picture! None of us was in the wedding or anything. So, I say go w/ what you want and know will look good (and I think her asking your whole family and not somehow including you is not very nice...I realize it's her day, but brides need help in all sorts of ways. Maybe you can offer to help w/something? (getting flowers on attendants, helping set up, something??) Have fun!