Our budget is extremely tight. There is NO room for wiggle. I make great money but my husband is going to school full time and only working part time, and we are paying all of his tuition out of our pockets. We have cut out all of the non-essentials and downsized and consolidated until there is nothing left. We don't have ANY credit card debt. So our budget is literally stretched as thin as a drum.
We are also currently having to save for our daughter's impending braces, which will inevitably be put on within the next year. With no orthodontia coverage on our insurance policy, this is going to prove to be an astronomical expense to say the least- so we are readying ourselves! On top of that, our other daughter will have to have surgery within the next couple of months, and our deductible is high.
Anyway- my husband and I do a strict budget every month- we allocate every dollar to something so that there is no room to impulse-buy or overspend. We allocate a little to 'blow money', but mostly all of our money goes to bills, expenses, or savings for some upcoming events.
This past week we were especially tight-even tighter than usual- because my husband had car trouble and it ended up costing us almost $600 in unexpected car repairs. I re-worked the budget, and he was WELL aware of how tight our money is.
I look at the bank statement this morning and literally EVERY day, he has been stopping at fast food places, twice a day- for breakfast AND for lunch, and stopping at gas stations for fountain drinks or coffees at least twice a day.
I'm so pissed off right now because this is such a blatant disregard and utter disrespect for our family's financial success. We are trying so hard right now to get our savings/spending in order, and have so many impending large expenses heading our way that this is so totally unacceptable, especially this week when we are especially tight.
He just keeps making excuses- "I was tired, I didn't want to cook" or "There was no food in the house". ????
Ugh!!! I thought we were on the same page- we attended Financial Peace University together and loved it. But lately he just seems like he doesn't care about anything but himself.
I guess my question (other than how the hell do I stop being mad at him! Ugh!!) is how in the HECK do you get your spouse on the same page as you, financially? How can I get him to understand that this is not negotiable?
Oh, Jo, if only they did offer those! But sadly they don't. I've had those before and loved it!
Gamma- he didn't spend *his* money, he spent OUR money, which came off of the debit card. The amounts he spent were NOT budgeted for, which means they cut into other bills, expenses, etc, and may have even caused us an overdraft fee.
And as far as suggestions about loans, credit, etc., we have discussed and agreed that we will not, under any circumstances, use credit again, no exceptions. Student loans may come later when college gets to be too much of a financial burden but for now its do-able, IF he sticks to the budget!
If he's not willing/able to be responsible and make a sandwich... take the debit card away and he lives on cash only!
Just a thought... you may want to consider having him take-out a student loan for his school. While I completely understand that desire to avoid debt, if you are living this tightly with this much stress, it may be worth consideration.
No exact solutions, but maybe you can eliminate the excuses for the "quickie" trips...
- Ask him what he would like to have in the house to eat. Then buy it and make leftovers that are readily available to reheat.
- Also, if he is craving soda, cans are a cheaper way to go than fountain drinks. Same with coffee - even if it means investing in a Kuerig or something that is a one serving type of machine.
- Prep breakfasts "to-go" and lunches the night before so they are grab n' go like a fast food place.
I know that at least once a week I host a "clean-out-the-fridge" dinner and we all eat leftovers!
Finances seem to be something we all struggle with in one fashion or another. Good luck.
~C.
Since he can't be trusted and ur the one working right now give him an allowance. If he blows it then he is stuck trying to figure out how to put gas in car,etc. It worked for my friend after her husband put them in bankruptcy and forclosure! Good luck. P.s. I am a sahm with 3 kids under 4 and I always stick to my budget out of respect for my hubby and our family.
I think there is always one more concerned that the other one... and from what I can tell, the female is the one... it's like in grade school, there are more guys who didn't care about turning their homework in on time, even though they had it done, but most girls sure didn't want to get a mark...
My mom had this problem really bad with my dad, so she ended up getting him his own account at the bank and she would put money in it... well, it works really well in theory, but there are sometimes when he just wants or needs to buy something and he has to wait until mom transfers it... For the most part it does work...
If it makes you feel better I go through the same thing. My husband doesn't sit with me though to do the budget. I made him do that for a short period of time and he got so stressed out he was miserable. But his ATM habits were terrible. I give him cash for the week and when things were tight I used to short him $20. He would think that I owed him that the next week. Like I was going to make it up. No deal dude. If you made it to work everyday then you're all set. Luckily my income has gone up significantly so things aren't as bad but I did purchase a financial software that is helping me cut out all the debt including my mortgage so I still don't want to spend. So now I just give him the same allowance to get to work in cash and when his ATM card expired, I didn't give him a new one. :)
I'm not sure how to get them on the same page as us. That's why I started a business. The only thing I could do was get more money coming in.
Good luck.
:)
I have no idea what to do about your husband, as I would also be furious, but I did want to share something about braces. We had a nice surprise a few months ago when my son got braces. We have dental insurance, but no orthodantia coverage, so expected the worst possible scenario. We went to several places before deciding who to go to for braces, and when we got down to talking money with the orthodontist we chose, we found out we were going to get a huge discount because of the dental insurance we have, even though our insurance doesn't cover braces. It saved us about $1300. So, be sure to give them your insurance information even though you don't have coverage for braces. Sorry I didn't answer your question, but hope this may save you some money in the future.
frustrating. typical advice would be...make his lunch for him and send him off with a thermos of coffee everyday. wish that worked! I used to get so irritated with mine because I was going to all the trouble of fixing him a lunch - which is not free - and he would still go to a drive through. Lunch meat, cheese, good bread, it costs money to make lunch. The leftovers never got eaten, so, no point in sending those. Finally, I stopped. At least if he was going to blow money at a drive through anyway, I could cut out spending on making his lunches. He was a little hurt, but I was hurt that he was double spending.
His point was... I work hard, if I want a go to a drive through, I dont need permission. He has a point, but theres only so much $ to go around. Can you try coming to an agreemant to budget in $30 of "commuter money" for his cokes/coffee/convenience foods, but have to give up $30 somewhere else? That might put an end to the argument because its been budgeted for.
Have you thought about having your husband take out a student loan for school? I understand not wanting debt, but student loans have low interest rates, and you don't pay on them until after a grace period (6-9 months) after graduation. Not all loans are created equally, I suppose, if it weren't for my student loans, there's no way I would have been able to go to college.
As far as your hubby's spending..sometimes it's ok, but in this case it sounds a little excessive. Although, I do think it should be negotiable. Maybe he could have $20 a week to spend--cash only? And definitely ask him what he wants in the house to deter him from going out so much.
Why don't you ask him why he feels he needs fast food and coffees? If he says it relieves his stress from school then perhaps is just something he NEEDS. So, see if you can work it into your budget by eliminating something else that he spends money on. If it's $20 a week then let him have it.
And I agree about the loans. Even some small loans would help tremendously and won't take forever to pay back.
I have no idea about your husband but I was wondering does your employer offer medflex accounts? Ours does and it would be a win win for your daughter's braces. Money goes in tax free, goes out tax free, and you pay it out of your paycheck through payroll deductions. No interest charges either.
Hi N.,
Sorry, when I answered your other post, I didn't realize that you were already following DR.
I totally get why you are pissed- I would be too. Sounds like something is up with your husband. Could he be going through something really stressful, and be having a hard time coping? Maybe all the fast food is some kind of comfort/ escape for him?
Could he be rebelling? Do you work on the budget together? Does he feel like he has an equal say in how much goes where?
Maybe you could find a time when you're both in a good mood to sit down together and talk about it. Tell him how close you felt to him when you were both on the same page and working together, and that you don't understand what has changed for him.
Good luck!! :o)
another braces suggestion...have you checked into Care Credit? it's a credit card for medical/dental/veterinary care that gives you a certain amount of time (based on the cost) to pay off the debt WITHOUT paying interest. for example: my son needed braces. we do have dental that would cover 1500 of the price, but our part is 3500. we dont have that kind of money so we put it on the care credit card. care credit gave us two years to pay off the 3500 with no interest accrued. BUT if you dont pay it off before the pay off date, you do have to pay the interest. we have used this card SOOO many times.. when our dog got pneumonia and it cost 2000 plus to save her (our sons first dog)...when I had to have three crowns put in cause i cracked my teeth on something....it's worth checking into. they will approve you for a certain amount based on your income. as for the husband spending money , i had to take away my husbands atm card and force him to sit with me when i did bills. after a few times of, sorry you cant go fishing this weekend cause you drank and ate all your fishing money, he got with the program.
~ give him a cooler with some sodas & snacks in it
~'help' him make his lunch, meaning tell him let's make it together but you put away dishes while he makes his lunch
~take his debit card
~for your medical needs, wait for obamacare to take effect, then we all get free health insurance :)
it sucks being an adult
I didn't read through all the posts but hubby and I started this a few months ago and it works great. We each get 'slush' money (what I call it) every week. We can use it on whatever we want - eating out, drinks at a gas station, movies, etc. Or we can save it. I usually use mine for lunch with friends once a week and lunch with mom once a week. Hubby usually saves his and once a month or every other month he'll use it to buy a new computer game or part for his computer. He wants his in CASH and I just debit mine and keep track. Why not suggesting to try this? I am okay with $30 a week and hubby wanted a little more so he gets $40. I don't think I need that much (LOL). We started out at $20 and moved it up from there.
Tell him he'll have to apply for grants, scholarships and loans to finish school - since he obviously doesn't care about the family's budget. He should have been applying for every grant and scholarship available ANYWAYS - but if he opens a loan and has to pay for it thru his part time job... maybe he'll be a better man for it!
How do you stop being mad? You don't. You shouldn't. What he did was wrong on so many levels.
What is he or you doing with a debit card? Cut it up in a million pieces. If there's no room for "blow money" then stop spending what you don't have. Pay by cash or live without.
Have you always had financial problems or is this something new? Something new, there may be other things going on with him. If it's continuing, then you just need to take control.
My hubby was horrible with money when we met/got married. I told him once we bought the house, no more eating lunch out every day, only once a week. We worked through it together, no fighting , no arguing, just coming up with a plan and sticking with it.
Good luck.
The problem is that it is hard sometimes to realize that every day you are forced to live paycheck to paycheck or within a box- so it is not so much he doesn't understand the finances, its a matter of learning self control, having the time, and just wishing he had a different taste every now and then other than the same old "sandwich" type thing
Try not to be so hard on him as mad as you are, and I know how you feel, but do things that will minimize his urge to do those things that rob the funds.
Budget quick easy breakfasts,
Make him homemade drinks/lemonade, etc and put in a bottle so he can take with him or keep at work/in the car.
Cook/Prepare meals from the grocery budget that he can grab and go with.
Buy a thermos and keep homemade coffee in it so he can have when he needs it.
I think he just wanted a bit of convenience and didn't have the time or energy to prepare something. He got breakfast once, it tasted good, and he did it again for lunch. I believe you are both on the same page, he just got carried away for once. Just remind him and let it go.
oh I am in your shoes!
I have done what others have suggested. My husband has a seperate checking account, he gives me x amount of dollars for bills and keeps the remainder for himself.
We have different ways of spending and even today it still erks me. All you can do is find a way to meet halfway. Try not to accuse him of not being irresponisble because he might not realize this is irresponsible or he might think its a justified expense.
Just say, "Hey, I noticed you're spending ( ) on food and coffee. I know its easier to stop and grab things like this when you're on the go, but we can make this cheaper by making it at home or having a certain a dollar amount you spend a week or month. what works best?"
Good luck, I know it can be infuriating.
If he is spending his own spending money what is the issue? Keep the debit cards/credit cards in your purse and let him spend his money on what he wants.
