Financially Providing for Your Child

I'm an only child. I would much rather be a sibling. Kids don't need a lot of money - they need love :)

I agree w/ Lenore. The guilt means you are not ready to make this decision. When you are guilt free - that will be when you are ready to make the decision.

Work -- but don't make work more important than family time. Parents need to take a financial class (like Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University) to learn how to properly budget and make their money work for their family. It's life changing for those that really want to make a difference in their own lives & the lives of their children!

By having one and working full time. I was one and done before number one was even born though. But it is great to know that he will be able to go to the college of his choice and I will be able to retire comfortably. I am not sure how some people think two kids are as cheap as one. They eat, they go to school, they require health care, they go to college. You are right about the expenses.

We are SOOOOO 'one and done.'

We never planned on having ANY kids and our son is awesome. We're quitting while we're ahead. LOL.

I never thought I'd love being a mom like I do but I have my "limits" and my age is also an issue.

I ditto Dana K.

We are very comfortable with our family of 3. Daughter is 17.

No regrets.

Yes it is expensive but she is worth every penny. She is highly motivated, understands delayed gratification and living in no debt. Its the way she's been raised. Yes we travel. She had a great prom. She goes to the college of her choice.

It has always been my belief that if you choose to bring a child into this world then you are totally responsible for that child, physically, emotionally and finanically. It's not my responsibility to pay for your child. (of course unfortunate situations do occur along the way, that's what gov't assistance is for)

I also beleive that a huge part of society wants instant gradification and has a sense of entitlement. As a parent we're constantly fighting "The Joneses" and listening to but "everybody else" has....

When we first decided to have children, I worked a 2nd job so we could start saving, 17 years later I still jump at the opportunity for any extra hours or overtime.

As a parent, I have gone without, so my child can have things and opportunities. I try to make good decissions and financial choices when it comes to the needs and wants of our family. We have a limited income and do not live above our means; I buy clothes on clearence and a few at Good Will and yard sales. We never to take out and rarely eat out. We don't have many eletronics, we only have basic cell phones. We decide what is most important for us as a family, we may live without something so that we can afford another.

Making the determination as to what you "need" vs. what you "want" is extremely important. You "need" a car seat for your baby, you "need" diapers - you "want" a changing table, you "want" a baby swing.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with things. Personally, my husband and I were married for 7 years before we had our first. I had already finished 2 college degrees. I spent my 20's establishing a career and "paying my dues". I was 31 when my first was born and 33 when my second was born. I felt ready to have my kids. We make a decent living...better than a lot of folks that only make minimum wage. We do not drive brand new cars or eat out all of the time. Once Upon a Child is my absolute favorite kid's clothing store. We have lived in the same house for almost 10 years that we bought when we were only making about 30K each. It is not a McMansion and I do long for more space, but I cannot see being house poor.

I think that in order to have a child, you should ideally be able to provide the basics...food, shelter, clothing. I have known people that will plan having a child and count on the WIC and foodstamps that go along with it. That is WRONG in my opinion. I understand that things happen in life and sometimes there are job losses, health crisis, etc... However, I do believe that these types of programs were designed to help people that were down on their luck in the short term...not become a standard of their life.

As for how people raise children on minimum wage without govt. assistance, that I just do not know...

Hi L. - I looked back on some of your posts and it seems you have been struggling with this a lot lately; the decision to only have one child, the thought of what it would mean financially and emotionally for you to have another, etc. My advice for dealing with the guilt is, don't have your husband get the vasectomy. If you TRULY were content with one child, I'm not 100% sure you would feel such deep emotion/guilt. Of course, I don't know you, but it strikes me that this decision is not coming easily to you, and that is usually a red flag, in my opinion.

Trust me... some decisions you could regret. You are only 34, you might change your mind for whatever reason in a couple of years and still have time to have another child if you both decided to do that. I was just a little younger than you when I had my tubes tied, "sure" that we were done, and a few years and many thousands of dollars on IVF later, we have tried for a third and not been successful. The guilt and regret for me has been much worse than the IVF process itself, which is no walk in the park. I tell you this just to make you think a little. Good luck with whatever you decide. Just make sure it is best for you and your family now and later.

This is an interesting post. I have enjoyed reading the spectrum of answers. I know in my case, at the time my son was born, my husband was laid off 4 weeks after he was born, and went from a $38/hour job to $10. I went back to work early from maternity leave just to get back to my full pay. We went without food several nights just so we made sure the baby had what he needed. We are not comfortable by any means now. We still live paycheck to paycheck but no one is going without. I gave up my car that I was making payments on and we both drive paid-for cars, and my husband's a mechanic so any repairs are much cheaper. We are vigilant about having a garage/yard sale every summer to clear out things and make a little extra money. We've never been on a vacation in the 5 years we've been together. We don't have any room for "extravagants" in our lives whatsoever and probably won't for several years to come. But we also realize this and accept it so we don't feel cheated or like we're missing out. Our son is given more love than we thought possible and he's happy and healthy, with the exception of his epilepsy.
What I'm getting at is, we were in a good position to have our son at the time but circumstances changed beyond our control and we do whatever it is we have to do to make sure our boy is happy and healthy.

it's kind of hard to answer this question, there isn't a lot of detail given. it sounds like you are talking family planning? this is a toughie.

we were a one-and-done family for quite awhile...and then we did Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and now, although my hormones (and my baby starting kindergarten!) may tempt me otherwise...i just don't see how we could ever "save" or "plan" to have another baby. it's not financially feasible without going into debt, which we are determined not to do. then there's childcare, a S. college to save for...hmm. it's mind boggling. i'm not one to have kids SOLELY for the "BABY!!" factor...i see so many of my friends and acquaintances have a baby because "i want a (or another) baby!" and give very little other reason....babies, children, are wonderful miracles, gifts from heaven, i agree...but that attitude isn't for me i guess...we don't make huge bucks and have a great five year plan in place...and it doesn't account for another baby. i don't think the size of your heart or the value of your life is reflected in how many great kids you have. so while i do have twinges (mostly as people around me continue to have children) of UUUUGH -REPRODUCE!! mostly i am content, and i know that more kids does not = more happiness. so i get over the DNA-ingrained instinct :) that is not to knock people who have multiple children...i just don't know how they do it. no clue lol. to each their own!

My husband and I both work FT and I work a 2nd job as well. We both make a lot more than what we pay out in child care so staying at home was never an option.

We live frugally, vacation only locally and only every other year, live in a small house, drive used cars, have old appliances, no new electronics (no flat screen TVs or iPhones here), sleep the kids two to a room, accept hand me downs, buy things used, fix what's broken, etc. We accept that for now, we have a lower standard of living than what we had planned on but that's the price we pay for having 4 kids.

None of our children was planned - I was a single mom, he was a single dad, I got pregnant with our third while on the pill a few months before our wedding and pregnant with our fourth while on the pill literally the day he was getting a vasectomy but the appointment was re-scheduled. That last little guy was meant to be! We've just made it work. The expenses with babies, beyond childcare, are incremental. I breastfed and used cloth diapers, wiping out the two biggest newborn consumable expenses, and already had furniture, clothes and gear. What we didn't still have from my older kids, we borrowed. I know that each child adds to our expenses, but after the first, it wasn't as big a jump with each additional child beyond daycare. Whenever we've had our backs up against a wall, something has come along to help - an unexpected check in the mail, some extra work at my 2nd job, etc. Day by day, week by week, year by year we're making it work.

This depends on several factors which are different for every family. You already know the basic answers. If you want suggestions on how to balance your own finances for your own family, let us know.

No O. has a child with the intention and goal of not being able to provide food, clothing, shelter, etc.
Often people find themselves in that situation through circumstances beyond their control: job loss, disease, etc.
So, while, yes, people need to be realistic when planning for children, your post could be taken to suggest the idea that children are a luxury, best indulged by the wealthy.
Additional jobs, government assistance, and the kindness of strangers and friends and families, come to mind as possible ways to provide if you're struggling.
As for medical care--whole different topic...
I believe in a country like the USA, ALL citizens should have access to basic, if not excellent, healthcare at an affordable rate.

Budgeting, praying, coupons, living within your means and sticking to basic meal preparation.

Maybe have him freeze some semen... just in case.

My husband and I barely eek out a living for our three children. They want for nothing but may not have the best of everything but they are happy and well adjusted. Take the assistance for the short term if its needed. There is no shame in that. If you are planning to have a child or wanting to know how to afford one (or more) that you already have, read Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. Great tips.
Some ways we make some extra money, coupons from the internet, selling things on craigslist or local classifieds, newspaper delivery. If you can sew (and are good) offer alterations, sewing on boy or girl scout patches, etc.
If you can cook, get a permit, food handlers permit and license and start a business. Prepare delivered meals for shut ins, those who are sick who can't get out, those who have no way of getting out, etc.
If you can drive, contact senior centers and ask if they know of someone who needs a ride to the doctors, store, etc.
Search your imagination. What are you good at? Find a way to make money at it. There are ways but sometimes we just have to get creative. My husband worked a second job for a while. I worked at home with a company called convergy's. They are an outsourcing company. I think right now they are hiring for Direct TV. Bonus, once you complete your training, you get free TV programing, their best most expensive program package, free HDDVR service, whole home service, etc for FREE.