Finding Out I'm an Aunt on Facebook

I have to say for convenience and to take a little stress off the family, I see no issue with receiving a family email or FB notification. It may be a rude to you, but you really aren't the focus of the day and we all need to remember that. The parents are trying their best to keep everyone informed, but having to call everyone takes away from their day and time with their new little one.

I guess I am of the new age... or I'm just a computer geek... I don't take offense to this. It's not about you... it's about them.

Nope you aren't horribly old fashion at all. One of my friends found out that her married son was taken to the emergency room via a face book posting from his wife as she was leaving the house following the ambulance. Ok so she had the iphone in her hand updating facebook but she couldn't use the iphone to call his mom to let her know what was going on.

Hi B.,

A friend of mine just lost her Dad last week and ALL the condolences were posted through facebook. I was appalled! I'm afraid that the absence of teaching manners in our society over the last few years has created a "hurry up" and a "facebook" society. I have taught my teenage girls to do things right no matter what everyone around them is doing. Someone out there will appreciate it! I know I do!

M.

Had my son at 8:03am after a sleepless night of labour. I had to force myself to stay awake after he was born so i could hold him for the first time. I didn't want to call anyone. People started calling me asking if i had the baby and were offended i hadn't called them even though i told them i would. I had my boyfriend answer my phone and tell people not to visit until at least noon so i could nap. You may promise 20 people you are going to call them and mean it. After just giving birth you may not want to call anyone

I'm in agreement with just about everyone else. I would be horribly offended if my sister had a baby and didn't call to let us know.

When we had both kids, I gave my husband my cell phone and a list of names to call to let them know. Parents first, then siblings, then a few closer friends.

In our world of accessibility to information, we've lost a lot of common courtesies. Generally, I'd say let them know, but lately, my family has really let me down, and letting them know has done nothing. My own mom didn't know what kind of cancer I was treated for less than 18 months earlier. That's when I realized that although we are family, we are not close.

I can honestly say that I have picked up my phone and posted to facebook before calling anyone just so I can let lots of people know at once and then call the lists.

But I would think your sibling would have called you very quickly anyway. I can also say I was at the hospital when my neices were born. But I was 10 when the first one was born and had a child of my own when the others were born and we all lived in OKC on the same side of town. It was just expected of us to be there.

I would be hurt but you can not control what others do. Yes society has gotten lost in the manner of just get the information out there as fast as you can, who cares who sees it first.

When/if you see the new little one soon, you could say something to them that is not hurtful to them (even if you are hurting) but to express that you wish you had gotten a call instead of finding out hours later on facebook. They may not even take note of it now because of the hectic newness of the baby... so then move on and focus on the baby.

Have you told them that you are hurt by this, if not then you are doing the same thing they did by expressing something on the web before telling the person/people who should hear it first.

Hi there,

Congrats on becoming an auntie! I remember the day my son was born we were just so excited, it was hard to remember to call everyone. Also, he came much quicker than we expected. I'm sure they just got caught up in the moment but wanted everyone to know quickly and sometimes websites like that are the best way.
I would try to not take offense and just be excited about the new arrival!

S.

Honestly, I am totally guilty of doing stuff like that... even when my son was recently born. We are busy enough as it is, and if I know a majority of everyone important in my life is on Facebook, I just throw the information on there. While it's a convenience thing, I too have hurt family members feelings in the process... but that is NOT the intention! When you're in the hospital after just having had a baby, you're exhausted. I know I personally refused every single phone call that came in, because I was simply too tired and overwhelmed to chit chat and repeat the story a million times. My boyfriend posted the announcement of the birth from his cell onto Facebook to give everyone the good word. My oldest, most dearest best friend in the entire world is not on Facebook, and I didn't get around to calling her and telling her about the baby until almost 2 weeks after the birth... but instead of being upset, she understood. And from the stand point of being the receiver of important information, Facebook was how I found out about my brother and his girlfriend getting engaged. I wasn't hurt a bit, I was completely beside myself excited... I mean, how could I put feelings of hurt i front of such outstanding news?! I think I would have felt selfish if I had done so. No matter how many people found out about this baby the same time you did, NO ONE can take your place as this child's aunt... that's something that you and only you can claim, so be proud of your new status! Post about it on Facebook, and smile proudly at all the happy messages that come your way when people are telling you 'congrats!'... because now, no matter how you found out, this is your big news too! CONGRATS AUNT BRIDGETTE!! sooo excited for you :)

Hi B. - part of this depends on how old your sibling is who had the baby. If they are next gens, then electronic posting is like second nature. Truthfully, my feelings would be hurt too and it would be unimaginable not to contact my sisters when I went into labor and then again when the baby is born. Congratulate them and be happy for them now and when they are finally well rested and the time is right, express your feelings.

It has nothing to do with whether it's "about you" like another poster said. It's about common courtesy and manners. We're all busy, but that doesn't excuse rudeness. Immediate family have a right to a phone call. The exception would be if you aren't close with the family member at all, but since you are hurt I assume you do keep in touch with her

Wow, I felt like I was reading my own post! This morning I woke up, checked my email and facebook. There it was on FB, my sis-in-law announcing she was going to have a C-section at 9:30 (she was planned to have one on friday). I was a little offended that I didn't get a phone call txt or anything. (I am the only immediate family member out of town) My mother called me on her way to the hospital to ask if I had gotten a call and had to tell her I knew from FB. But the thing that pissed me off the most was that she went into labor yesterday and went into the hospital at 4pm. Plenty of time for a phone call! Now I'm waiting to see how long it is before I get another phone call or txt or photo. But I can definitely relate to this. I feel like I'm gonna see pictures for the first time as everyone else in the world. Yea, it hurts alot!

I have mixed feelings on this and believe that the style of notifications of important events vary drastically based on the relationship. I have close friends that are far more supportive and involved in my life than my immediate family members. These people are an integral part of my every day life and would naturally (through our normal contact, etc.) be advised of such important events in a personal way. However, I have immediate family members that I simply don't have a close relationship with that could very well find out about things on more general communication platforms like mass text/emails, Facebook, etc. Regardless of how you were told/made aware, this is a HUGE event for your sibling, and the focus should be the baby.

It would have been a good idea if your sibling had told you that they were having a baby before the birth - parents, siblings and close friends should be extended that courtesy. Finding out this way is not nice, I agree. As to second cousins, other extended relatives and other friends, Facebook seems to be the way to go nowadays, even with us.

B.,
I understand your point and I would not encourage people to ignore family relations and good manners in the name of Fb or other unpersonal ways of communication. We have to be able to control ourselves and not let those media control us, we ought to be human AGAIN... Everyone of us know how important relationships are, whether friends or families, we get to respect that. I will never announce to my good friends or to my family member, does not matter whether the relationship is perfect or not, family is family, we do not choose to be long to a particular family, we do not know why we are just part of a family and we get to respect that natural relation. Let's wake up and be civil to one another. I gave birth 4 times and every time, I take time, after birth, either myself or my spouse, to inform within a short time frame, my parents, siblings, close family members and close friends, they do understand that I maybe tired, but they also want to share the joy because, they are the one who feel my pain when I am not OK, IT IS NOT FACEBOOK.
B., call the new parents and congratulate them and send a gift to the new born. Do not bring the subject to their attention yet, later, 6 months or so after the incident, express your feelings and hope that they would understand why you are still old fashioned like most of us.
Congrats,
Vava

I would be very hurt.

I'm sorry, but I have got to say that I think there is nothing wrong with this. As a new mom, who can relate to your niece, I can say that those first few moments with your first child are amazingly overwhelming. After the experience giving birth and and all the emotions that are involved with that, it's more than understandable that her focus would and should not be on the rest of the family. That time will come in the hours and day or two after the baby is born for these calls and conversations, but your niece has a new huge responsibility and life changing experience to get used to. Give her some space, a huge congratulations and respect her manner of getting the word out...after all, its her child and her new growing family that's important in these new moments, not the manner in which the word is spread. Yes...relationships are important, but its mommy, daddy and baby in these new moments that are ultimately what needs to be honored.

I see both sides of this. on one hand i know what it is like to try and tell a ton of people what just happened. i told everyone ahead of time if they wanted to know to give me their cell #. the moment my son was born my husband took a pic with my cell phone and sent it out to everyone on my list with his birth information. it was fast way to get the info out there and i was able to enjoy my son without making a ton of calls. i have some close friends that said a head of time that FB was their plan. the husband posted pics and comments as everything was happening and it was nice to monitor everything going on. On the other hand i was recently informed via a facebook "relationship update" that my sister was getting married she didn't call to tell me until 3 months later and still hasn't told my other siblings. She had many family gathering that she could have told everyone including one just 2 days after getting engaged but she didn't tell anyone face to face or over the phone. much of family will not find out until the get the invitations in the mail next month. So i see both sides of this you may be hurt right now but really it is the mom and dads personal choice to do what they did. You found out the information you wanted to know. Honestly if i had it the way i wanted it to be i wouldn't tell anyone we had the baby until i was home from the hospital and settled in, but everyone demands so much from a new mom that you have to give in somewhere. In the end what did it change? do you love that baby less because you were the 12th person to find out then if you had been the first?(i am going through this right now as my hubbys family and my family are all upset about who finds out what information about our current pregnancy) You can be hurt, i understand that completely but don't make a happy moment be a sore spot. Congrats on the new baby in the family!

I am like you and find this whole internet form of communication very rude! That being said, I did have a girlfriend that had a baby and she texted everyone, even family. She loved it because she set it up before she even went to the hospital so all her husband had to do was enter in the specifics and send it off. I can see the convenience but would have preferred a call.

One thing I am trying to get a grip on, is this IS the new way of receiving information and they probably found it to be the easiest way to get the info out quick. I am not agreeing with the tactic but can see why they would do it that way.

If I were you, I would call them and congratulate them directly. Do not mention that you are offended, there would be nothing to gain with that. They obviously see it as just fine and did not mean to offend anyone. Just be the bigger person and do it the old fashioned way, call, go see them or send a gift. You can only control what you do, it is a lot easier to take the high road and let it be then to harbor anger about things. They will really appreciate such a nice gesture from you. Who knows, maybe next time they will think about it a bit more.

Enjoy!