Finding Time on Weekends

Divide and conquer. Hubby does some stuff---I do other stuff and hopefully we get done at the same time so we have time for the family. Plus we never ever ever do chores in the evening---that family bonding time :-)

Deciding what's important to you. I have found myself in the past ranting and raving about wanting to have family time or do fun things and then end up cleaning, writing out bills and wondering why I am not relaxed.

I think it's important to plan. I have one son, age 9 1/2 and I'm divorced. He sees his dad every other weekend more or less, so it is really important to plan ahead if we want to do something as a family ( his stepdad, he and I), especially if it is something special like a trip to a museum or the zoo or something like that.

I think a calendar is critical, especially once your kids are in school. We use a combination of the one the school sends home ( all days off, parent teacher conferences, etc are already marked on there!) my little day planner I use for work and an online Google calendar that his dad and I can email back and forth to set up holidays etc. I know that sounds like a lot- but it is GREAT to be able to just look at my computer at work on the fridge at home and know if we have something going on either for school or just ourselves!!

When I have to work or have an event to do on the weekend, it goes on the calendar. We try to arrange it so my son has those weekends with his dad, but even when that doesn't work out, his stepdad can take him where he needs to be, or they might just hang out and do some chores or play video games ( a big treat when mom is not home, lol). In a perfect world, no one would have to work on a weekend, but you just have to plan it out like you do weekdays and think of it as time your kids can spend with their dad, or grandma or on a playdate, etc. rather than time you are 'taking' from them. No point in beating yourself up over it, you have to work when you have to work.

When I say plan ahead, I don't just mean events or trips. It is VERY IMPORTANT to plan down time. Plan home stuff- like raking the back yard or cleaning out the garage- but also I just specifically say " This weekend/Sat/etc. we are not making any plans!" We sleep in, hang out, just do whatever comes up. It's just as important to 'plan' that in as it is to schedule soccer games and movies and other things!

I believe it is a constant struggle to remain intentional about your priorities. When possible, I include my kids in my work. If I have paperwork to do, then we set aside time as family reading time. If I have errands to run, I bring one of the kids with me "to help".
I also take advantage of weekday opportunites for family time (half-days of school, holidays, teacher institute days). In reality it is much more fun to take my kids on an outing to the zoo or museum or movies during hte week when everyone else is working.
Then there is the reality that sometimes I simply have to say "no" to work. The world goes on whether we are there or not. I'd rather miss a meeting and get notes from a colleague than miss my child's (insert significant event here).

So very hard to do!! What I started doing small chores after he was in bed and then all my larger chores and laundry in the morning on Saturdays while he enjoys his Playhouse Disney and cereal. Errands I run with him after his nap and try to include him in finding items we need and asking him to help me pick out our sunday dinner. Then on Sunday it is all about him and we have a routine of the park or a different activity of his choice and then make dinner together cleaning as we go and loading the dishwasher. After all that and before his bedtime routine, we get his outfits for the week together. Which helps for the rest of the week.

I try to fit in as many errands and household chores during the week (errands and workouts during lunch/cleaning up after the kids are in bed.) Then on Saturday and Sunday, we're left to do fun things with the kids.

Few rules - if I have to work full time, my husband has to split the household/kid duties with me 50/50. We don't answer the phone during dinner and the tv is off. We eat dinner together as a family every night (unless one of us has an early game - we both play organized sports) at the kitchen table (or institute "carpet picnics" if we're in the mood for something fun.) We don't clean up until the kids are in bed.

If I know I'm not going to be home at night (if I have an early game that keeps me from dinner and will get me home after the kids are in bed) I'll get up a little early to get ready so when the kids are up, I can spend some time with them instead of rushing.

It's not a prefect system, but it works for us. And I know I'm lucky and very fortunate that my husband is 100% equal partner.

It is really hard. I"m a single mom of a 19 month old, I work and I go to law school. One of the things that I have found clears up evening time with my son is that I never clean up the kitchen from dinner until after he's in bed - instead, I play with him until it's time for the bedtime routine. I leave all my reading and work for after he's in bed. Once he's down, I spend two or three hours doing whatever work I'll need to do for the entire week - which leaves me with less to do on the weekend.

On weekends, we take a walk first thing in the morning to the local coffee shop so he can get a bagel. He can take as much time along the way as he wants - that's his time to decide what we will do. Sometimes it's stopping to watch the construction crew t work, sometimes it's the garbage truck, sometimes it's just talking about what flowers are growing. When he goes down for his nap, I haul out the textbooks. then I put it aside until after he's in bed again for the night.

I mostly make sure that I have time with him by fitting as much work in throughout the week while he's asleep, which frees up a lot of my weekend time. It doesn't always work - but as long as we both know that Saturday and Sunday mornings are always time for the two of us, we can make it through the busy work times that obviously crop up from time to time.

I find that I often don't get all the chores done, but I'd rather have time with my son than a clean floor.

Good luck and I hope you find a way that works out for your family.
--C.

Hi J.,
I try to switch off with my husband and family. Sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. I try to make sure I make time for the kids first, and then do what I need.

All the Best,
D.

I always try to do all my running around on Saturdays so that Sunday is left just for us as a family to read, play, and do fun things. I also try doing that on Saturday after and in between the errands for the week and between the loads of laundry and cleaning. My oldest son “helps out” with the shopping (gets certain items like the bread, etc./placing items in the cart) and laundry (makes a mess more than helps but that is ok - he’s spending time with me and learning). He has his vacuum when I do mine. He even helped us paint a room - yes, we had to go over it but he was proud of his accomplishment and I was proud of him for helping out. It is those moments that mean the most and take advantage of them helping out even if it is not perfect.

I find it hard to be away from the kids all day Monday through Friday because of work and because time is so limited after work with getting home, supper, and then bath time, bedtime, etc. I have told my family that Sunday is just for us. It's hard to tell your family (parents/siblings/extended family) that Sundays are off limits and believe me I am still dealing with that issue with my mother-in-law but my family knows that it is our day to share with the little ones and they understand that. It does not mean that we do not attend things (birthday parties, etc.) that fall on a Sunday because we do, but otherwise I limit the phone calls, visits, etc. so that the kids at least have one day where our attention is solely theirs.

And yes, my home, at times (but not always), is a big mess, but I feel that spending time with the kids and creating memories is more important than living in a perfectly neat home.

Good luck!