My twins have struggled in Kindergarten with fighting and following the rules. Now it is the second week in school and already I have been contacted by the the Principal and each of their teachers. Last year it was mostly bus issues. This year I have separated them and they are fighting each other on the playground, on the bus, and in the hallways, and whenever they see each other. I thought separating them would help the behavior, but seems to have worsened their attitudes toward each other. I need help! Is this them adjusting? Or just a continuation of the same? How do I work with the school to fix it. Like I said, I have been in contact with the principal and the teachers, by phone and even have went in for a meeting. Any advise will help! Thanks everybody.
Thank you to everybody who responded. There was some helpful ideas in there. I have started a sticker chart at home for good behavior and consequences. So far so good. I think that at home, we have been so frustrated and focusing on punishment,that we have forgotten to take a step back and re evaluate. I am hoping that the sticker chart will help them and us look at it in a positive way and enforce good behavior. I included my daughter in the chart as well, so that the boys know that we are working together and everyone is included. Thank you again for all the help and good ideas.
Place them in different schools. Stop dressing them alike. Dont refer to them as the twins
If it is a private school you will only have to pay for one.
Does this behavior happen at home? You don't mention that. How do they relate to each other outside of school. If you don't see it, are they doing it in private.
If it's just at school, then work with the school for consequences. If they need to go to the same school, maybe only one can g0o on the playground at the same time.
I could keep going. There are just so many more questions that need to be asked in order to answer this. Ask yourself. Ask the kids. Ask the school.
Seperation can be both good and bad. I think they may need time apart, seperate classrooms was a good idea. However, I disagree with seperate schools, seperate playground time. The need to learn to get a long. How are they at home? Are they doing a lot of fighting and what are your consequences? I have two boys 8 yrs and 6 yrs. For the most part they get a long, but when they fight I put an immediate stop to it. The offender needs to spend time in his room until he can be sweet. Anywhere from 5 minutes or until he can be sweet. If he comes out nasty, he goes back for another 5 min. We have had days when it has lasted an hour and thats ok too, as long as you keep doing it until they are sweet, they have to know you mean business and sweetness is the only thing you will allow. If both are at fault they both go. Another option I have tried is have them write ten things they like about their brother or if they can't come up with any (cuz they are mad), then I have them write I will be nice to my brother. It gives them a chance to work on their penmanship and also a chance to reflect on the good things about their brother. It seems to change their mind set. If at the end they are not sweet, I ask them if they need to do more thinking. It usually changes their attitudes fast. Boys can be tough. Violence is all around us and they seem to think its ok. I let my kids play video games, but if they start acting them out, I put them away for a week. If they mimick cartoons, I ground the TV. They have to learn, just because they see it, doesn't mean it's ok. Stick to your guns. Sweetness is catchy. Once they learn how to be sweet they pick that choice more often. Also, make sure they don't have fun things in their timeout space. No toys, TV, Video Games etc.... I do let my kids have a book or two in their rooms, because its so good for them. The extra reading time has helped them both developed a love for books. Just a few ideas. Don't get frustrated. Take a deep breath. Work hard at home and it will spill over to sweetness at school too. I think if they misbehave at school, the head down at recess is a great choice. If you work with the school and stop unruley behavior at home too, it will work out for you. Once they learn that behavor will not be allowed anywhere, they will move on to something else.
Good Luck!!!
I highly recommend reading What the Bible Says About Child Training by Fugate. You will find help there.
Homeschool SAHM, retired teacher of K-1
Call the nanny! If my kids were acting that way, I'd bang their heads together and punish them furiously. Don't be afraid to go old school on them. It worked for us - right?
I would think consequences for fighting would be the best route. Especially if the teachers, the principal, and you are all on the same page. They need to know that they can't continue to fight/argue all the time in school. If they can't get along then they need to stay away from each other. There are plenty of other kids to play with and plenty of room on a playground for them to avoid each other if they can't get along.
If they fight then the consequences should be imidiate: they go back to the classroom and put their head down on their desk, stand at the wall at recess or stay inside at recess, a time-out, sent to the principal's office. Anything, just so they know that no one is going to accept their fighting and that there will be consequences. Good luck!!!!
Hello S.,
Wow, this is hard when children act up. I am a mother of many (foster parent) but 7 birth children as well I love them all. Our last two children were identical twin boys that are soon to be 6. My question would be have they always been difficult? I have noticed if I get too busy our boys act out more to get my attention either by positive or negative attention. It is important to them that I snuggle with each of them,tell them how special they are too me, and then just so that they know I want to hear how their day has gone. So if it was me, I would start off there. Next, I would be very clear on what my expectations were. If my child were to start to argue I would say "I love you too much to argue with you" in a sincere voice, if they continued I would say, "when you are ready to talk to me, nicely I will talk but for now you need to go to your room and calm down." But you have to be very, very, consistent with this also with out showing your children that you are getting mad, frustrated, etc. As you stay consistent your children will adventually give up. Next, our twins like to earn stars. Because I also think that children need to be caught doing good things, I will give them star stickers for being kind, doing a chore on there own just to make me happy, saying something nice to there sister, and what ever they did at school that was good etc.. Then when the children get 25 stars I go and pick up a few inexpensive toys and they get to pick one. After a while of doing this then I incorpated the part that if they came home with a bad note from school etc. I would remove a star or if they had done something like hit another family member then they lost a star. If they argue with me I would give them one chance to stop arguing by saying calmly, "You know that I love you too much to argue, so I am giving you one chance to stop arguing or I will need to take a star off your chart." This will give a opportunity to gather themself and if they don't they will loose a star and have to earn it back some how. If they continue to argue after taking the star or if they have a melt down then I would say, "Wow, I think you need to take some time to calm down, and either walk away or tell them that they need to go some where quiet so that they can think." Don't get this confused with a punishment this is a teaching skill to show them that they can calm their selves down. Practice with them, before time when they are calm and see where they thing a quiet place would be (in room, listening to radio, riding bike, watching tv, etc.) if they refuse then they go to time out. This is where you teach them the skill to calm down more like a consquence. I would talk to the school counselor and explain to them what it is that you are doing at home now, and ask them for support and what kind of advise they would have for you. Not to be disrespectful to you but it sounds like they have been this way for a long time either because it was easier to just give them what they wanted to get them to quiet down or maybe they are just plain annory but either way it is time to be consistent and be the parent,take charge they need to know that they are worth your time and you care about them. It will be easier on you in the long run if you do the hard work now, rather then later. BELIEVE ME I know. Be a good parent that you are and show your children you care enough about them and do it. Have faith in your self and just do it. Let me know if I can help in any way. You sound like you do love your children or you would not be asking for help GOOD JOB !!!! One other point is if you need additionaly help, get some one to come in and work with you all as a family, remember that other parents are a good sounding board but be sure that you are asking help from parents that you think parent well. GOOD LUCK truly. One last thing I would ask is if you think that your boys are truly mature enough to be moving on to 1st grade. Did the kindergarten teacher have any option on this? Our boys are just starting kindergarten and will be turning 6 very soon, I think this was good for them to wait a year before going into kindergarten it is proven that boys mature slower then girls for the most part maybe you need to talk to the school about this as well. Where are they acedemically? Are they struggling, this could also be some of there frustrations?
I know first grade is a very very hard year. I've experianced this with my daughter and have had other parents say the same. It's a huge adjustment from kindergarten over to first. I think some kids like my daughter who are on the younger side her birthday is in August may lack some maturity but that's my guess.
I would consider putting them back into kindergarten, or putting them in seperate elementry schools all together, or seeking a child psychologist for help. Something obviously isn't right, better figure it out now then half way through the year or let the problem continue into second grade.
Hi S.,
I am surprised that they are acting this way in school, although you didn't say how they act at home, usually the ornery ones don't act as bad in school. The teachers definitely need to come up with a consequence for both of them, follow thru, and be consistent. If they act this way at home you and your husband need to do the same. It's going to take awhile to get them in line, but it can happen. Get everyone on the same page. Do they like school? How did their kindergarten teacher deal with this? Apparently, their kindergarten teacher didn't make a big impression on them or you wouldn't have needed to separate them for first grade. This problem should have been nipped in the bud last year, but since it hasn't, get a plan with their teachers, and let them know that you want no holds barred. I'm sure the boys know the rules by now, but just to make sure everyone is on the same page, go over the rules, give them consequences if they don't follow the rules, and follow through. As well as giving them consequences for not following the rules, give them rewards for following the rules. The rewards can be given at home...it would be hard for a teacher to do this for all the students everyday. At our school the younger children get a certain color dot for how they act for the day....a green dot means they were excellent, and another color means they had a problem during the day, and a red dot means they didn't have a good day at all. This is sent home in their backpack everyday, so their parents know exactly how their day went....it is a great system. Most children are inclined to get green dots because they know it is going to make their parents proud of them, and they know there will be rewards and not consequences to look forward to at the end of the day.
Children try to get by with things they know they shouldn't because they aren't getting the same consequence every time. That is why they keep trying their boundaries...to see what is going to happen the next time. If there are times they get by with it, they will keep trying again, and again. That is why you have to be consistent with the rules, and be consistent with the consequences.
Good Luck!
C.
