First Grader to Mature?

Email her back and ask for specific examples, ask her "what exactly do you mean by growing up too fast?"
If he's being inappropriate or using foul language she needs to tell you that, not dance around it.

What an odd teacher. Making vague comments and not being able to be specific isn't helpful. Since school is over, I'd just let it go and not worry.

My older son prefers the company of adults and kids that are 2-4 years older than he is. He only has 1 friend that is his same age, and none that are younger.

I think she should be able to give an example such as "He acts older than his age" or "he is talking about dating and girls" or "he seems to be preoccupied with teen or adult things rather than just playing like other 1st graders"

Not crazy at all. I have seen this many times over, including with one of my cousins. When a young child is described as "too mature" for his/her age it typically means that their behavior is isolating and that your child is having a hard time connecting with his peers. He may be talking about things/topics that are not "of interest" to other children or he may not know how to play. It's a sad situation, but many children simply do not know how to just play.

I would take her suggestion to heart and hit the park this summer. Enroll him in a day camp for a week or two. Plan some "spontaneous" play dates. Let him run around and just "be".

My cousin is 9 and an only child. She spends most of her non-school time with adults. She did not go to daycare or preschool, but was with my grandparents while my aunt and uncle worked. She's annoying. That's really the only way to put it. She thinks she's an adult and addresses adults on topics that shouldn't be addressed by a child. She inserts herself into conversations with adults and prefers to spend time with adults because that's what she knows. At my grandmother's funeral, I had the chance to talk with her teacher and asked if my cousin is more age-appropriate in school. She said "no" and let me know that it's kind of a problem because she doesn't really know how to hang out with kids her age.

If it wasn't an issue, the teacher would not have brought it up. It's not crazy. In fact, she's giving you a heads up that your son is struggling socially and that you may want to get him involved with other kids before he finds himself isolated and very sad.

Let me tell you a little story...

When my son was in preschool (K4), it was the first time he had ever spent any regular time away from home in a "school" type setting. I have been a SAHM since he was born, and he was our first. We had no family nearby, and were new in town... so his circle of friends was fairly limited to our church friends and the few kids his age there.

He made a new best friend in K4. One afternoon, he came home with us from preschool to play. The boys were in the guest room dancing/jumping on the bed, or who knows what.. being boys. The friend tells my son, hey, let's be Eminem! My son (not having a sibling 7 years older than himself like his friend did) said, yeah... and promptly pulled out a Halloween costume we had in the closet of a red M & M. His friend was confused. My son had no clue. He'd never heard of Eminem, and if we had told him he was a singer, he wouldn't have had a clue what he sang or looked like or anything else about him.

His friend was exposed to much more "mature" things than our son was. At 4 years old... singing rap Eminem songs strikes me as a little too mature.

This could be the type of thing the teacher was trying to relay (albeit, poorly). What older kids (or older content) is your son exposed to? Does he have a teen sitter who puts stuff on TV that he shouldn't see? Do you guys watch stuff with him that most kids his age are not likely watching?

Stop for a minute, and consider whom he spends time with, and what level of maturity the things he is exposed to are designed for. Kids pick up more than we realize sometimes. He may even be hearing content from when you watch TV with husband after son is gone to bed, if he doesn't fall asleep right away and the TV is too loud.

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ETA: @ kiddlesprink: My daughter has a friend like that. She came over for a sleep over once and drove me batty. She is an only child and her mom's world revolves around her completely. She talks to her as an adult and gives her (in my opinion) too much say in how/what she does. I find it extremely off-putting when my daughter's friend is trying to discuss "adult" matters with me when I am in the kitchen and she is sitting at the breakfast table with my daughter. I am not your equal. I am your friend's parent. Your parent shouldn't be your equal, either. (The girls were 9 at the time).

She is not being direct with you. There is nothing wrong with being 'mature' yet if he is into activities that are not age appropriate then she needs to say what. This is too vague and she needs to give examples. If you son has a brother in middle school and he is acting out as a middle school boy does then she needs to say your son is talking about girls in a way that a 12 year old would (only thing i could think of) then she needs to tell you. Now if he is talking about things that are more advanced (physics or chemistry) I would let her know you do not plan to dumb down your son so he can fit into the public school First grade level.

Several kindergarteners talk about things my son knows nothing about because the other kids have older siblings.

I'm not sure if it's crazy, but I don't understand why she wouldn't give you clarification when you asked. I would be concerned .

My daughter had a friend in her class that I considered too mature for her age and growing up too fast. She's 9, has a 13 year old brother and a 16 year old sister and there is a lot of unsupervised time. She knows about things that she shouldn't know about and wants to be like her sister.

So, I don't know anything about you or your son, but I would get more information form the teacher if you can. And then I would respond appropriately. Teachers see a whole other side of our kids and they are a good resource to spot potential problems. Don't rule it out as crazy unless there is absolutely no truth in her observations.

I'd need to know exactly what things were inappropriate for a first grader.
It's one thing to be mature and well behaved.
It's another thing to be mature and well on your way to becoming a wise cracking foul mouthed teen.
'Mature' can mean just about anything and it would bother me that she's not willing to go into detail about her comment.

It sounds like her comment came from a place of concern. If your son's behavior is causing him to not have friends in his class you may want to look into it. That is pretty much all she is saying.

Does your son tend to hang out with older kids, adults?
Does he watch PG-13 movies?
Does he play Mature video games?

All of those things can twist how a kid responds to things. I think that is what she was getting at. This is a conversation that should have been done before the last day of school and in person. The teacher must not like confirtaion.

I guess I would ask you who you Know he is playing with, and then go from there. I would then want to know who he is playing with at school that you might not be aware of or might be discounting their influence.

It does seem like an odd comment for a report card.

I dont mean to offend because i don't know you and i see this is your first question, but could you have been a bit defensive when you called.. opps just saw it was an email. hmmmm she might have Thought you were angry and that might be why she was back pedaling, but even her second comment makes me think that compared to the other kids in his class he must be somewhere hanging out with older kids.

I guess you could choose to be offended and angry at her, or you could choose to see her as someone else that cares for your kid and wants the best for them and is showing you that relative to his peers he is being exposed to mature-er content. Personally i think i would have some idea of what a comment like that meant. like oh cousin joe was surfing the net with ds and ds mentioned seeing some things he shouldn't have, I wonder if he talked about it at school.
If you just moved, it's possible that the different environment might be to blame too.

What she said was honest but not professional. Please do not tattle. I am sick of the mama on here who TATTLES everything to principals and counselors. We are parents not 3rd graders! I am sure that she must have tattled a lot to her children's principals and they ran when they saw her coming.

As a mature teacher and former counselor, we have to be PC. That PCness often leaves what needs to be said, unsaid.

Go to the teacher and ask her for specifics but be calm and LISTEN. Yes, I would be shocked, hurt and wounded in hearing that--but I would want to know exactly how I can help curb his rapid maturation.

I urge you to call and talk with her on the phone. So much is lost in the written word. There is no way that anyone can know what she's talking about with just these words.

After your SWH, I suggest that she may be overly sensitive to your son's personality and is reading something into the way he is that's just not there. I wonder if he comes across to her as a bit of a "smarty pants" because he is more mature. Perhaps he's confident and hasn't yet learned how to blend in more. Not a big deal.

My daughter sometimes thinks her 12 yo is being smart with her when to me she's just expressing an opinion or is trying to answer a question when my daughter just wants to tell her something. lol She's taught her daughter to think for herself. There's a disconnect within my daughter, to put it simply. Part of her wants to have a child who thinks and responds while another part of her is still stuck in the space created by earlier experiences that believes children should always agree and not be outspoken. (note: I adopted my daughter and her birth family is very traditional and then some about what they expected from a child while I was more open and tolerant of many behaviors.) Perhaps something like this is going on with this teacher.

Be glad school is over and he can start over with a new and hopefully more mature teacher. I wouldn't spend any more time trying to understand this teacher. You tried and learned that this teacher is a poor communicator.

I think it's crazy that she couldn't give you examples so that you knew what the heck she was talking about.

I would guess your child has older siblings or older cousins.. or older neighbors that teach him things that most kids don't know..

no worries..that is a teachers opinion.. .. next year new teacher new opinion..

edited-
are you thinking it's crazy that she's bringing up your son's maturity, or the fact that she hasn't provided examples?
it sounds as if your son is discussing sex in ways that indicate he's been listening to older kids.
i'd investigate further.
khairete
S.

I don't think it is crazy. I actually have that problem with my 5 yr old. When she was in the last year of preschool (this past year), once I told the teacher that she is like 5 going on 14 like her older brother and sis 6she got this ah-ha look on her face and said that explained it. Turns out they were having a few issues. My daughter was born when my first were 9 yrs old. We did not really have any other little kids around and as she grew, she always wanted to be just like them. That became a problem. One of the reasons I got her enrolled in a preschool program was so she could be with kids her own age. Now we have a few families with kids around her age, within a 3 yr span. I personally don't think she truly knows how to play like a 5 yr old. Something we are working on. She does tend to isolate herself or alienate herself from other kids her age due to the way she acted.

You need clarification or examples. She may have a point, or may not, but her comment was too vague. I don't know if you can still get in touch with her, but try emailing again and ask for examples of "growing up too fast" and "too mature".

When I was working as a preschool teacher, anything I brought up to the parents as a concern would have specific examples (quotes, documentation of occurrences) to present to the parent for precisely this reason.

Perhaps she's not wanting him to get into trouble for what he's done/said at school? I don't know, but I do understand why you are confused about it.

I am still not sure what she meant. Is he hanging out with older kids and repeating jokes or comments of a sexual nature perhaps? I think you need to get more info if you honestly do not know what she meant by her observations/comments.
Also it is just her opinion so take it for what it is worth. I let my 4th grader read the twilight series this year and I know people that would not let a 12 year old read it. I also let my daughter wear lipstick whenever she wants. I know some moms won't allow it until HS. To each his own😀

ETA: I just want to add that you will not be looked at badly for asking the counselor for advice. I was as honest as the day was long about not only what the teachers said to me but also what my kids' shortcomings were. The teachers, the principals AND the guidance counselors were happy to have me involved with them in my childrens' lives. Asking the counselor for advice is not "fussing" about the teacher or "tattling". You are your child's advocate and you should not worry about being viewed as a "tattler".

Not only did my schools appreciate my interaction, they also asked me to substitute teach for them. That certainly isn't "running away" from a parent who is actively working WITH the school to help them have success with my child. Only teachers with a chip on their shoulders would have a problem with what I have suggested, S....

Original:
Is this a relatively new teacher? If she is, she needs to learn what to and what not to say to parents...

If she's not a new teacher, I suggest you call the guidance counselor and ask to come in a speak to her. Print out the teacher's emails and take them to her and ask her for advice.

If your child is too mature for a first grader, you need to actually understand that. There seems to be a disconnect between what you think of your child and what your teacher thinks of your child. You DO need examples. Her second email was no more helpful than the first.

The guidance counselor should know your child enough to talk to you about this.

Oh, and NO, you aren't crazy...

When I first read your post before your SWH, I assume he was saying inappropriate things bc he watched inappropriate movies or something. Since it doesn't sound like that's the case at all, I'd figure it's the end of the year and just move on. For the teacher to never really provide good examples even after a few attempts, I'm thinking she's not a great teacher... We do have 2 different aftercares at our school and one is more expensive and more "controlled". The other is town run and very inexpensive and there is way less supervision. I've noticed kids who go to that one do seem to grow up a lot faster. There are 1st graders mixed with 5th graders... And not all 1st graders go hang out with the older kids but some must based on what they're talking about and how they want to dress. That'd be the only area it would seem maybe your son has inappropriate exposure. So if that's a possibility, maybe consider it. Otherwise, sounds like it's good summer is here and he'll have a new teacher next year.

What kind of behaviors is she saying your son has that you don't agree with? In your So What Happened section you mention her including behaviors on the assessment that he "doesn't have". Is it possible he's acting differently at school than he does at home?

Is he exposed to older kids at camp and before/after care? If yes, he may be learning about sexual or graphic topics that are beyond most first graders.

Both of my boys have been called "too mature" at one time or another. My older son was called too mature because he is very serious, and from a young age would be telling his peers things like "you are behaving inappropriately." or "sit down and listen to your mom." My younger son has been called too mature because having an older brother he tends to do everything his brother does, often before his friends do it. Anyway, I would ask the teacher for a more specific account of what she feels is inappropriate. I honestly would think of "too mature" as a good thing.

Perhaps you could go over and talk to his teacher and get a better picture. Explain to her that you aren't offended or complaining, but that you're just trying to understand better. Let her give examples of what your son might have said or did that she thought was inappropriate.
If he were discussing R-rater topics or such, then you probably need to do something about it. The teacher's concern is valid.
If he's just too grown up for his age, prefers learning and games and activities of kids much older than him, then he's just growing up fast! :) In those cases, I'd just feed his hunger. No point in deliberately stopping a child's progress. If the teacher and his school cannot afford to do that, its OK. You could do it at home. But just explain to him that he has to respect and learn to accept what his school, teacher and friends have to offer, in kind.

I think the teacher is trying to help, albeit she could have had a conversation with you, rather than in an e-mail. My initial reaction to your post is that maybe he's saying inappropriate (possibly sexual) remarks since she said he should play with kids his own age. Have you ever heard him say anything?
I would try (again) to have a phone conversation and say you're very concerned and please give examples of inappropriate actions. It would behoove you to try to stop this behavior now to help your son, whatever the behavior. I think teachers have so much insight since they see our children in a completely different setting. It's so important to try to build friendships, even at this age. I have a daughter who just finished first grade, as well. Good luck!

She needs to give you examples. If she's not stating, "your son was singing Kid Rock lyrics" or "your son was discussing sexual topics" then she's not telling you what she feels is too mature. Playing with children his own age means....? I am the oldest in my family. I always had older friends. It wasn't wrong to play with older kids, as long as they were a good influence. I don't think it's crazy. I think she needs to give you more information. Her response is just as confusing as her initial comment.

ETA: So she won't give specifics, she hasn't indicated per your pediatrician that there's anything substantially wrong, and he's a little older than his classmates? Unless he gets this teacher again (and I would request not) then I would let it go. One person thinks your child is more mature than average and provides nothing to substantiate her comments. You've done your due diligence.

My SD is not always the most easy student to teach, but she had run ins with two teachers in particular. One was a no-nonsense 4th grade teacher WE did not like, and SD made it clear she didn't like the woman, either. We had to work hard for SD to work with her for the last few months. Forward to HS and SD had a teacher who, frankly, was an idiot. The teacher didn't like that SD questioned her (all the kids took the same district-provided exams so if they didn't clarify the material, they would fail) and that SD was smarter than she was. She tried to make SD fail and even registered SD's final exam as an F when it was an A (we had it re-graded). SD only stuck it out so she wouldn't have to repeat the class later. I mention this because sometimes you get a teacher that doesn't mesh with your kid (or vice versa) and you have to take it all in context.

And in this case, the year is over and he passed, correct? Just be on the lookout for problems next year and hope his next teacher is more forthcoming.

BTW, I wouldn't force him to play with kids in a particular age bracket. He may find them annoying, immature and refuse to play with them anyway. I've never tried to micromanage the kids' friendships. Expose him to more kids, sure, but don't insist they be between the ages of 6 and 8.

i think she is the one who is not mature enough. hope she doesn't loop and have your son next year.

I think he was a good kid in class.And this is a teachers opion when your son starts 2nd grade there might be a different one

U still need examples of what he said. Has this come up before?

To me that is a strange comment, as long as your son isn't growing up too fast out of necessity I don't see a problem with him being a little mature for his age. My son is 6 he just finished first grade last week and every time I met with his teacher she would tell me that "he had a vocabulary more advanced than his peers and sometimes they wouldn't know what he meant when hes saying things" or " he has an old soul" but I never took that as a bad thing. My son is involved in a lot of sports so he gets plenty of time with peers his own age. He also spends a lot of time with me and my husband which I do think has matured him a little more than other kids I know that have a lot of siblings and hang out with them more than they do with the parents.

The same could be said for my daughter, she's 2 and she verbalizes more than the majority of the kids she plays with her age. This is probably because she plays with my son all the time and when hes at school shes with me 90% of the time.

In the end as long as your ok with where your son is at and you dont feel as tho you are making him grow up to fast or your putting him in a position where you expect him to act in a way more mature than his age there is no problem.

I agree with Marda and think its best you try to talk to you on the phone, she was way too vague and I would want more answers and exames?

~ I have a whole grip of boys & my first thought was she is going to say something about 'inappropriate' video games?? Does your son play X-box??

I don't think the notion of a child growing up too fast is crazy. I don't know your child, but I have known children who have grown up too quickly out of necessity.

If he does play alot with older children or spends a great deal of time with adults, he may be a bit more advanced than his peers and he may deal with them on a different level than they deal with each other.

The comment doesn't sound "crazy" to me.

It sounds like your son is very smart and not a "problem child," but one thing I thought of was this, is he the kind of kid who gloms onto an adult and follows him or her around trying to engage with them instead of playing with the other kids? I just wonder because I have known kids like that who act "old" for their age and try to be serious and grown up instead of just being a typical kid. These kinds of kids can be endearing, but they can also be annoying especially when the adult in charge just wants a minute to themselves at recess time! Another thought, maybe he likes to complain about everything being too easy and disrupts the lessons that way.