First Night Away from My Daughter :(

Updated on February 20, 2008
K.C. asks from Austin, TX
11 answers

My husband and I have planned a trip out of town in April for 4 nights and 5 days. I have never been apart from her (my one year old) for more than an 8 hour work day. We've had date nights before. My husband's mom came over and did her nighttime routine then put her to sleep. She loves her Mamaw! My sister who has a one year old and a two 1/2 year old will be coming to stay with my daughter, along with her husband and the kids. My daughter knows my sister and her family well (we've spent long weekends together both here and at my sister's house 300 miles away). I figured it would be less traumatic on my daughter to be at home verses anywhere else for the first nights without Mommy. My question is: Should I be doing anything differently? My trip is flexible enough to were I can not go for so long BUT I really want to go to this annual trip with my husband! (I skipped last year because I she was only a couple months old and he went). I am, obviously, having a hard time preparing for this trip. I'm sure it will be harder on me than her, but not knowing how she's going to react is difficult. PS my sister is coming down this week and we will let her do the nighttime routine while she's here. We will also be seeing them again two weeks prior to the trip.

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L.G.

answers from Houston on

If you don't start now, it is going to be ten times harder in the future. I was working outside the home when I had my 7 year old, she has stayed at her grandma's numerous time while her father or I traveled. She is SOOOO flexible now. I see so many other children just FREAK out about being separated from their parents. I have a two 8 year old nieces who cannot handles sleepovers with us or friends b/c they have never been away from Mommy. If you wait until she is older, it will be more difficult and maybe even impossible.
I now am a SAHM and have a 2 year old who has never left me or Daddy's side. About 5 months ago, we enrolled her in a Mother's Day Out program and she had the worst separation anxiety of any child in the class.
And ENJOY your vacation without obsessing about your daughter. When you return, she will never remember you ever being gone!! I went on a cruise and another couple who dined with us nightly just did not enjoy themselves b/c the mother couldn't get over missing her two boys which brought her husband down too (don't get me wrong, I miss my kids when away). She ruined her vacation b/c she couldn't get over it so ya gotta try and focus on you and hubby and be grateful that you have relatives to care for your girl.

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L.D.

answers from Houston on

I have 3 almost grown sons and it was so much easier to travel when they were very young. Once they get involved with activities, it takes forever to figure out carpooling and how to get them everywhere. Your daughter won't even know you are gone. Any loving person is mommy at her age. Be grateful you have family to watch her. Remember your daughter will grow up and leave you not to mention the teenage years. It is so important to have vacation time with your husband. You know, I always stressed for a week or so before going out of town. Then the minute I was on the plane, I was like
WHAT children. Time flies when you are having fun. You will be back before you know it.

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T.P.

answers from Austin on

Distance makes the heart grow fonder! Your baby will bee fine. If we constantly worried about our children missing us, well I know I would never make it out of the house.
I have left the country when my child was 4. She cried about it but according to my mother she got over it real quick. Children do have a way of adjusting to there surrounding easily.
Now she is the one taking vacations away from me in the summer!And I'm the one who stays at home crying over it.
I say, relax and enjoy your trip....
T.

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

My husband and I went to Ireland this summer when my daughter was 19 months old. My mother came to stay with her. We were gone for 9 days and she did just fine. I was a mess on the way to the airport, but honestly, once we got there, I was fine too. We tried to talk on the phone every night (as much as a 19 month old can) so I at least got to hear her voice and my mom could reassure me that she was doing fine.

That trip was awesome and I am so glad we went. We even came back with a little souvenir....our second baby is due in May! :-)

Go and have a great time. It's so much easier when they're this age. She doesn't have a concept of time and she will have tons of fun while you're gone and be happy to see you when you get back. Just make sure you leave good notes about her routine and what she eats (or more importantly, doesn't eat) and she will do great!

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G.M.

answers from San Antonio on

Go and have fun. Make sure you leave your sister the doctor's name and phone number, the pharmacy's address and number and the name and number of a trusted neighbor or family friend she can call. Maybe have her do some regular activities with your baby like play groups or something. Good luck and have fun!

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M.F.

answers from Houston on

I hear you! I'm not going on a long trip, but my husband and I are leaving for the first time for just one night to celebrate our anniversary. I'm nervous about being away from him, but he will be with my mom, his Baba, so I know he'll be perfectly taken care of. I think I just realized that my husband and I deserve the uninterrupted time alone together too. I mean, that's how we got to where we our with our beautiful son. So, it's a cause for celebration and we need to keep up the habit of doing it as well. Have a wonderful time and remember, she will be waiting for you and so happy to see you when you get home!

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K.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Hi K.! I think that you sound like a great mom and you have planned this trip very well so that your daughter will be absolutely fine. The first time I was away from my oldest daughter she was only 5 months old and my hubby and I went out of town for two mights to celebrate our 5th anniversary. I was so nervous/sad, that I came very close to cancelling the trip. My MIL came and stayed with my daughter for that weekend. My real fears were that my MIL wouldn't do things just like I would and that my daughter would be desperately upset without me. I was so wrong! Everything went perfectly fine and I was so happy to get some time for myself and my husband. It was refreshing and I came home so happy and anxious to see my daughter. Please go ahead and enjoy yourself.

My sister-in-law didn't spend more than 2 hours away from my neice (NOT exaggerating) until she was nearly three! The first time she had to take a trip it was to a wedding and they left my neice with her nanna. Because she had waited so long to take her first trip and her daughter was older, she agonized over the trip, which was only 2 days and 1 night. Everything turned out just fine and she came back realizing that she'd be concerned for nothing. Her new son is only two weeks old and she says that this time around she'll try to relax more about leaving him with family from time to time.

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W.P.

answers from Houston on

Dear K.:
She'll be fine.

Regards,
W.

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S.C.

answers from Houston on

Hi K.,
It sounds to me that you couldn't be doing anything more right! Getting your sister totally aquatinted with the nighttime routine and having them come down twice before the trip are all GREAT ideas, you should share them with other mom's that may be in your same situation emotionally. Of course it's not always possible for others to have family so willing to do these types of things. The only little piece of advice I would offer is to hang up a calendar in your kitchen right in front of little one's high chair and explain to her the day when "Auntie" arrives by always marking off the day after dinner when the days are over and by putting a smiley face sticker (or whatever) on the day "Auntie" arrives. She will then get a feel for how days go by and events approach. This is what I do with my daughter and have done for a long time as her father travels almost 60 percent of her life and it has really helped her have an idea of how many times she needs to go to sleep before daddy comes home. And it works like a charm. So that's the only supplemental thing I can think of to help her when you are gone to have your sister put a heart sticker on the day you return and show her every night at dinner that the present day is now over and that mommy and daddy will be home on the day of the sticker!!! This routine makes kids feel safe, in control, and in the know of where, when, and that FOR SURE mommy and daddy are returning, because, come on, the sticker says so!! :)

Anyway, I think you are taking the utmost care to prepare her, I think you deserve to go with your husband out without worrying and during the days your daughter will be delighted to have her cousins and aunt and uncle to play with and whenever she asks or wonders or gets a bit edgy about where mommy is, have your sister pick her up and refer back to the calendar. It really does help, so I hope it helps you too.

Just and idea. Good luck, have fun, and know that you are much more worried than your little one will ever be!

Take care,

S.

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T.R.

answers from Sherman on

IT is so great to have a break from the kiddos, but I'm not going to lie to you...it's hard! Not for the child but for you. After about a day and a half you just want to hold them agian. But, you really need a break and your husband needs your full attention. So, try to relax and have fun.(we try not to talk too much about the baby when we're without him, so we can talk about us.) We went to Hawaii and left our 19 month old son with family and he had a blast! He was very happy to see us, but, I could tell, he loved being with his cousins and gramma.

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R.H.

answers from Houston on

She will be fine and don't worry so much cause your sister will take good care of her like she was her own.Go on the trip with your husband and relax your self,and some romantic time with your hubby without talking about I wonder what the baby is doing.I understand how you feel cause when I had my daughter I left her with my mom,and her dad,my sister,and my brother-in-law went to the casino.The whole time we was gone I was worried about what she was doing was she alright and was she crying alot cause we never left her like that with noone.When we came back my mom said all she really did was cried and my little sister said she couldn't come over there anymore.(lol)It was just a joke but I haven't went anywhere else without none of my kids right there by my side.Go for it and have a little fun better yet tell Calgon to take you away.Good luck

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