I'm almost embarrassed to admit this since I am celebrating my 20th anniversary, this month. My husband and I are going from Texas to Annapolis, Maryland for a week due to a class he is attending there on business. He wanted to take me with him since it wouldn't cost too much and it coincides with our anniversary. I reluctantly agreed but didn't bring it up, again, thinking we couldn't really afford for me to go. Last week, he sent the flight itinerary to me in an email. He bought my ticket that day. Now I'm going, ready or not.
My boys are 15 and 12. I am a stay at home mom who has always been there for them -- perhaps, too much. Regardless, that's all they have known and they have not experienced my going on a trip without them. I haven't told them yet -- expect to by Thursday, which will be 4 days ahead of our departure. I know it's crazy but I'm worried about how they will do and also about how I will do. I want to be there for my husband and enjoy the trip but not sure if my head can convince my heart.
I think I need to add -- although this could be a whole question by itself. My 83 year old mother still lives on her own and drives. She has always insisted on being my kids only sitter and has gotten her way, with maybe two exceptions! She doesn't trust anyone else to take care of them. I know she isn't really up to this much stress and responsibility (even though they are great kids) but, of course, she won't consider having anyone else help, at all. A part of my anxiety is that I have to leave them here with her. If they were staying at friends I wouldn't worry quite so much but as it is I have to worry about them and her.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Oh no, twenty years and no trips alone together??? Tell the boys, there is no reason to wait until Thursday. They should be happy for you to go on this trip. You and your husband deserve time alone. Your children are not babies. Have a great time, don't worry!!!
Enjoy every minute of it.You deserve it.
Enjoy the relaxation,sleep in,do some beauty routines,bring a good book.
They are old enough. They won't cry themselves to sleep missing their Mommy.
Maybe this time next year you will be planning another holiday.
Safe journey
B.
You deserve some time with your hubby. The first time I left mine they were 3 and 2, and I was so nervous, but they did great and when I got back my husband and I were better connected and relaxed, which made us better parents.
They will be fine. You need to relax.
Just make sure someone you trust is staying with them and everything will be a ok.
Mine are 8 and almost 6 and we are leaving ours with our MIL to go on vacation for our 10th in December.Mine will be fine as well.
They can prob use the break from you as well.
I am sure your mom can handle it. You can call them every day to make sure they are ok. I know this is hard on you. I am pregnant with our first human child (we have 3 fuzzy children) and we will be going on a cruise that does not allow fuzzy children. I know my 2 cats will be fine but always worry about my 4 yr old doggie. We have alway taken her on all our vacations. She has sepration anxiety and goes to daycare everyday. She loves he daycare and they are wonderful with her. we are going on a cruise and she will be staying with the girl at daycare. She loves her and has a great time with her. The girl will take her home with her every night and even take her to McDonalds (a real treat for her). I know she will be ok but I still worry. I know that every time we eat I will say to my husband that PUP would have loved this. I will worry but I also know deep down she will be ok. You will worry too, but you also know they will be ok. Enjoy your vacation. I am sure grandma will spoil them and they will have a great time.
One of the things I was told was that 1st you are a couple, 2nd you are parents. Take care of yourself 1st and you will come back so revitalized!! Nothing can happen to your children that could not happen while you are at home and if something really really bad happens, you can be home quickly on a plane!!!
In 5 years, you will be empty nesters and you don't want the relationship to be empty!!!!!!!!
Why don't you think your Mom can handle it? Does she cook for herself? Does she wake to an alarm clock? Will the boys' schedule pull her in different directions? I think if she's healthy and active and wants to - GREAT!!! She raised you, she'll loves the boys and will they will be fine. If the boys' schedule is hectic, and you know who else is on teams/clubs, etc., ask if someone in close proximity could carpool for the week. You can return the favor when you return. This is NOT a big deal - you need time alone and obviously your hubby wants you there!!! ENJOY
You should have been leaving them to take trips with your husband since they were weaned. They are about to leave home for college and they have never been away from you? That is just wrong for both you and them. It doesn't really matter who you leave them with as long as you go. They could actually be OK on their own at that age. (or next year when the one is 16.) The point of parenthood is for your children to ultimately be independent. That is what you are aiming for. They should already know how to do just about everything on their own.
go on the trip and focus on your husband and yourself. It is time to start re-developing that relationship. Sounds like it has been sorely neglected.
Congrats on the anniversary. You are long overdue for some couple time away. Your boys are big enough to do things for themselves. Grandma wants to feel needed. Have parents of your son's onboard for help or to give Grandma a break and don't worry.
It is time to start thing about the two of you instead of the boys. Soon they will be off to college and you will have hubby and you two need to have common interests. Many families break up after children leave because mom and dad don't know each other as they have lived through the kids. So don't be one of those statistics and get yourselves reconnected and take a trip each year (doesn't have to be a week it could a weekend or something alone).
Congrats again on the 20th. The other S.
I would not feel comfortable leaving my kids (even the ages of yours) with someone in their 80s for a long period of time just because if something happened I wouldn't want my kids to be the ones there. I would suggest they sleep at a friends house but visit grandma often while you are away.
Go and have a great trip. I'm not exactly understanding why your mother has a say so in this. Let the boys stay with friends and let them have a big trip of their own, it'll be a blast for them too. The boys are not babies anymore and you and your husband need to make the calls.
good luck,
dh
Awwwww....your mom sounds like a sweetie. I'm sure she can handle it. They're old enough to do stuff by themselves with grandma basically keeping them on track. My mom is in her 70's and she plays baseball & football with my son. :-)
Have a BLAST!
Being a stay-at-home mom with my kids all through their growing up, I can understand your feelings. A friend of mine told me once that my kids needed a break from me just as much as I needed a break from them. It really helped with the guilt. She didn't mention how much my husband needed me to himself sometimes as well. So leave the guilt.
Is there any way that your kids can each stay with a friend of their choosing for part of the time? It will be really fun for them and their friends, taking away even more guilt. You can just tell your mom that you couldn't bear the thought of her having to take on your kids all by herself for that long. If she protests, just keep repeating yourself until she hears that you would not be able to enjoy the trip knowing that you gave her such a burden. Again, just keep repeating yourself that you can't expect her to do it the whole time. The sooner you tell your kids the sooner they can tell you which friend they want to stay with. (Maybe you can give them two choices that you approve of.)
Have fun! I always loved going on business trips with my husband.
Ummmmmm....you do realize you are your mom? Your mom won't let anyone else stay with your kids? And now you haven't left your kids since they were born? And your mom insists that she stay wth them if you don't? And why is it that she gets a say in who YOUR children stay with?
Do your boys ever spend the night away? If they have friends that they have sleepovers with-send them over to those kids' houses for the weekend. Truthfully if there are sports involved or other weekend events-it will be easier for the kids to be with a team mate than having your mother figure out where that soccer/football field is.
I have been going on "girl's weekends" with my high school friends since before my kids were born-leaving my husband in charge. Once my kids were school age I would frequently have them stay with friends over these weekends-or at least for part of the weekend- because it was overwhelming for my husband to handle three kids and all of their events alone. The kids absolutely LOVE being with their friends-especially if it is a school night! And it makes your vacation also a vacation for them.
And if you feel your mom is the only way to go-those kids are pretty old. They should be able to handle themselves pretty much and Grandma should just be there "holding down the fort". If there are sports, etc to go to I still recommend having someone else's parents on the team picking them up and doing the driving. Eighty three year old grandma may still drive-my 87 year old parents drive-but she may get flustered at not knowing exactly where she is going. And sports teams are VERY big on being on time so my kids stress if we are running late.
Think. In three years that 15 year old will graduate from high school. Are you going to college with him? Is Grandma? He has to learn some independence sometime. And with cell phones, you can touch base with them daily. I truly believe we over manage our kids. I see that I have done it with my own and am now trying to undo some of the "mothering". They can actually be very independent and proud of themselves-but not if we do everything for them and never let them put on their own.
Have a GREAT trip.
good luck!
I would leave my boys (10 and 7) with my 81 year old Grammie any day. IF there's an emergency, your 15 year old should be able to handle the 911 call. You must go. It is your 20th Anniversary. Why wait until Thursday to tell them? They are old enough to understand that 20 years together is cause for something special. Life is short...go away with your husband. cb
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