Five Year Old Hit Another Student in school................what Do I Do?????

Sounds like a great school. They sent a 5 year old home for hitting and want her to spend another day at home?

5 year olds are still learning. They hit sometimes. I'm with you, this makes me sad.

OK, I'm going into recess monitor mode here (yes, I'm the "lunch lady"/recess monitor at one of the elementary schools in my city) and frankly an at home suspension at this age sounds like a bit much...a phone call home, yes....loosing time off recess, definitely ....a trip to the office, yeah,
Now, regarding the hitting at home: yeah, should have been dealt ith earlier.
Are you a bad mom? Nope

What kind of school sends a kindergarten aged kid home early for hitting? Sorry, but unless she knocked the kid out cold, that's a bit much. There's a learning curve in kindergarten for kids to learn boundaries. Sending a kid home is not how the kid can learn from her mistake. She should've been counseled by the teacher, a guidance counselor and the principal, made to apologize again to the boy and then dropped. Why does she have to miss school for a first time offense?

Yes, you probably should have been teaching her that hitting is not a way to solve problems, but you have to let that go, and move forward. It sounds like you have explained this to her already. Tell her to use her voice to tell people to STOP when being unkind. Just keep reinforcing the no hitting every chance you can.

For the teacher to ask for you to keep her home again tomorrow is also ridiculous. How long will she continue to be punished once she gets back? I'm sorry, I just think this school's administration/teachers sound a bit wacky with their discipline policy.

Good luck!

I have a few reactions. One is - the school suspended a kindergartener for a day and a half for a spat at recess? Wow is that overkill. Yes, both children needed to be spoken to by the principal. At our school, they both would have lost recess privledges the next day for fighting. But sending her home for 2 days???

The other is yes, children should be taught early on that hitting others is wrong. Otherwise they don't know. My kids are definitely not allowed to hit each other (or kick, etc). Even my 2-year old know that. That is grounds for time-out. So, I would encourage you think your 'anything goes' policy. Kids can learn to work out their problems in other ways.

Well, I know this isn't what you asked about but I just have to say.... I think sending a kindergartner home for that amount of time b/c of hitting is PATHETIC!!!! Seriously people. Can't the school handle this?? Maybe a call home would be nice, so that you know what is going on. I think it's crazy that she had to go home at all, but now she has to stay home on Friday too??? Geez. And the boy is staying home for teasing? Are you serious? The folks at your school need to figure out how to discipline. If not, they'll be sending kids home all year for stupid offenses like this. (and yes, I agree she shouldn't have hit the kid, but the punishment seems way too harsh) OK, I'll stop now. :)

I think keeping her home tomorrow is over the top on punishment, and I think keeping the other boy home for the day for teasing is also over the top. Actually, I think sending her home early is a bit over the top too. Seriously, kids this age do sometimes hit each other and tease each other. The children would be better served being taught appropriate conflict resolution skills in that environment than to be sent home. Have these people never been around 5 year olds? And, this is a public school....don't they want the funding they'd get for having the kids' present? Ridiculous.

Your daughter should know at this age not to hit other kids, but like I said, it does still happen. You probably should become more vigilant about the kids hitting each other. At the same time, I wouldn't punish her beyond having been sent home today, as it has clearly been a natural consequence for her today. Personally, if it were me, I'd send her to school tomorrow and tell the teacher that no 5 year old spend 24+ hours feeling guilty about hitting a kid. If I received a hassle about it, I'd likely take that as far as the superintendent....it's not your fault that the teacher is not in control of her classroom. And, if this is how they are handling conflict among 5 year olds, then the teacher clearly is NOT controlling her classroom and using appropriate discipline techniques.

Ha! If my oldest would have been sent home and asked to stay home the next day for hitting or even teasing a child she would have been doing it all the time as she is NOT a fan of school. (She is in 2nd grade now and has never hit but I bet the opportunity to stay home would have made her want to do it)

I do think its just the age when some kids are still learning how to handle their frustrations and/or pick it up from others.

While I don't think you're a bad mom for not punishing her at home. I do think you should start disciplining her for it.

And I personally wouldn't be a fan of keeping my daughter home the following day. I also don't necessarily agree sending her home early. I think this teacher needs to figure out how to discipline within the class. But I'm guessing your daughter is going to learn her lesson being that she likes school and doesn't want to miss it.

I have to agree with the school on this A..

The rules are clear: to keep your hands to yourself. And hitting is not allowed. Period.

You need to stop your kids from hitting each other at home - instantly.

Start tonight with their sister being sent home as an example. Their sister was sent home for something she does at home and something that you have not insisted stops.

BTW, my children do not hit each other. You know why? Because I grew up with 7 siblings who hit each other, and I even knew then as a young child it was not right. And of course we learned it from our parents who did not invest any time in teaching us to get along and how to resolve our conflicts.

Perhaps you could hire a family coach to help you as you do have your hands full.

She's five for God's sake. If the school can't handle a conflict like this without a suspension they've got a problem. What did she do cold cock him, give him a black eye?

I've got a 5th grader who would LIKE to do that to a particular boy in her class but of course she uses the articulate, insult to shut him up when he gives her trouble.

Start implementing "no hitting" policy in your home right now and start practicing snappy verbal comebacks with your girl. Your not a bad Mom at all it's just that she was faced with an "attack" from the boy and she resorted to what comes naturally at home.

No need for tears, she was defending herself. Just help her do it with words next time!

It amazes me that you have not even tried to teach your child not to hit. Yes, she does think it's okay because she hits her sisters and that's apparently okay with you. And you said the principal said she "had hit another child at school" which means this has happened before. Apparently she was not punished for that either?

I'm sorry A. (btw, my daughter's name is A. and she have five children!) but you have fallen down on the job on this one.

You must teach your child not to hit. One of these days she's going to hit the wrong person and they are going to clean her clock!

Well... I didn't allow hitting at home.

Why is that being allowed? Do you really want your kid hitting their siblings? And...as you can see, if they hit at home, it is much easier for them to react at school by hitting......

No, you're not a bad M..... but maybe you need to rethink your discipline strategies.....

A., I know it might seems harsh to you, and I don't know if it's too late for you to start now, but I do think you should have punished your children for hitting each other and yes that is why she thinks it's ok to do at school. To me acting out in a harmful manner like hitting always has to be handled right away, you could take away a privledge as well as having the talk with her, she has to know how serious it is. Children have to learn that there are consequences for their actions, it's how they learn and it's our jobs as their parents to prepare them. I hope things work out for you, hopefully this will teacher what happens if she does this at school and if she doesn't want to be sent home again, this will be a good lesson for her. Good Luck

I don't get sending her home early and keeping her home again tomorrow. However, at this age and since she loves Kindergarten, it might have the desired affect (provided you don't make tomorrow a "fun" day).

Start immediately not allowing the hitting and encourage them to "use their words". If that doesn't work then they can come to you. Kids today are whizzes at technology but lousy at interpersonal skills and I believe that is where a lot of the violence comes in...they don't know how to work it out and they get frustrated.

You're not a bad mother but yes you should have taught her (and your others) about not hitting sooner.

Hey busy lady,

I have to agree with the moms who tell you that you have to change your discipline and stop the hitting. It's really important.

I also want to say that sending a child this age back home for in-home suspension does absolutely NO good. They can't see it as a punishment. Home is fun. Home is comfortable. Even if you give a punishment, it can't be enough to make a difference.

I'm glad that the school thought better of it. I'm also glad that the boy got in trouble for teasing and instigating all of this. That is really the right thing to do.

Dawn

Ok, you are NOT a bad mom. But you should have taught her and her siblings a long time ago not to hit. Since you don't punish her for hitting brothers and sisters, Yes, she thinks its ok to hit. You are going to need to deal with this situation promptly and every time she hits, she gets a time out and is talked to about why she is hitting what she can do instead of hitting-. Ex. I don't like it when you take my toy Tommy! That makes me feel really angry. She should express her emotions instead of hitting.

As far as any other punishment from the school---she doesn't need to have anything else more. At five years old she is expected not to hit and I am a little suprised that you don't agree?

Why are you asking if 'all this fighting' should really be going on in kindergarten when it seems you allow it in your own home?

Kids don't magically go to kindergarten and learn the rules. Yes, the teachers talk to them daily about expectations for safety, but unless the parent is following through with those same rules at home, the teacher is simply not getting adequate support from you because you are not being consistent with the same expectations of nonviolent problem solving at home.

If you do not allow your child to have a consequence for hitting her siblings, how does that teach her that hitting another person is wrong? Also, how does that affect their relationship with her? That isn't fair to her that she's not being taught not to put her hands on others, and it isn't fair to your older children that they should have to tolerate this.

Perhaps the hitting is so incidental and incremental that you choose to ignore it--but now you know there is a problem. The problem is that the message and expectations at home are inconsistent with the expectations for adequate self-control and self-regulation at school.

Time to play catch-up with teaching your children how to be respectful with each other. These are not unreasonable expectations for a five year old. No hitting, period, adults or siblings or other kids. There must be a consequence, or your message to her is that it's okay and that she's exempt from the rules.

You are not a bad mom don't even think that. When they are young sometimes it's harder to punish them when they hit their older siblings cause usually they do it cause it's been done to the. I am guilty of that with my youngest sometimes too. But yes she should start getting in trouble if she hits them. She needs to learn to go tell the teacher what's going on. Instead of reacting. And let her know if she gets in to trouble for tataling she needs to tell you when she gets home. I know my kids have had that happen I had to talk to the teacher. And ask them to you want them to come tell you someone is doing something or do you want them to hit.

Good luck and God Bless!

Well, for a first offense of a Kindergarten student, I think just having to go home early would be enough for school discipline, but I think it's best to suck it up and support the school's decision. Your DD sounds remorseful, and it will probably never happen again. And least it seems they are trying to be fair to both kids involved. Probably it's all very normal Kindergarten behavior, but schools see so many extremes in aggression, I'm sure they have to be consistant with consequences.

"A hitting zoo over here." lol.

She's five, it's a first offense, I think you've done all you need to do. If it becomes a pattern, then you can address it.

Depending on what the boy did, I don't think it's always a terrible thing to hit someone, regardless of school rules. Did he hit first?

But that aside, you're not a bad mother.

As far as what to do about the hitting at home, others can advise you. Sibling fighting is pretty common.

Before I even read your entire post, I was shocked by the school's decision to send her home!! WHAT???

That's not how schools should deal with discipline problems ("Oh, I don't know what to do so let's send the kid to her mom.") Ridiculous. I mean, it really "rewards" kids by letting them go home to watch TV or play with toys rather than learn to be a part of a class.

And now their punishment of her has been "undone" so she's not seeing any consistency.

I agree with others that you are in a huge bind because you allow hitting in your home. So your kids have learned that it is acceptable. When frustrated, when wronged, when unable to express your anger, just lash out.

So this spills over into school (and really, why not? If it's okay to hit the ones you love, it's got to be okay to hit those you don't, right?). But here's the problem - it teaches kids that violence in relationships is okay. What are you going to tell her when she is a teen and her boyfriend is hitting her? What are you going to tell your sons about hitting their girlfriends? Basically, that if someone can get away with it and there's no one bigger there to prevent it, it's okay?

You need to find some immediate consequences for laying hands on another person in anger. They need to be immediate - not "no TV tomorrow" - and consistent.

It will be difficult in the short run but will really pay off in the long run for peace in your own home as well as healthy relationships down the road. Get some family counseling for parenting techniques and a discipline structure - there's no shame in getting some objective help!

sounds like there is more to her J. hitting. if she doesnt start trouble ussually why would they want her home another day?

First of all, that seems like an awfully harsh punishment on the school's part, if she only hit this boy once and she hasn't had problems with hitting at school in the past. While hitting is never acceptable at school, it does happen in kindergarten. I have never heard of making a kindergartener miss 1.5 days of school for one hitting incident. I would consider calling the principal in the morning and seeing if she can go to school tomorrow.

All that said, no, of course you aren't a bad mother. You are obviously concerned about the well being and behavior of your children. But hitting is not ok - at home or at school - and she (and your other kids) need to learn this NOW.

honestly, a five year old SHOULD know that hitting isn't ok, especially at school. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen, because kids act impulsively, but she should know that it's wrong. You need to sit down with all of your kids and tell them that this incident at school has made you realize that things need to change at home. Figure out what you think is an appropriate punishment for hitting (time out, loss of TV, loss of another favorite privilege, etc) and start enforcing it every time right away.