Five Year Old Won't Eat!

I had friends whose mom gave them a second choice of apple sauce and cottage cheese mixed together. Nutritious and easy to keep in the house. Whatever you decide stick with it and hang in there, Nat

Hi,
I was the worse eater! I was so picky, my mom called the doctor, as a matter of fact, we went to a 'specialist'. This was in the fifties, so a 'specialist' was rare! They all said pretty much the same thing, let her what she wants, limit the junk food (there wasn't much junk food back then, but we had candy, pastries, doughnuts, candied apples, etc)
and 'when she wants to eat something else, she will.'
I did.
My 16 year old is also a very picky eater. For years, she had pasta, usually w/o sauce, with yogurt or hot sauce for breakfast. She outgrew that.
I would let her eat what she wanted....while limiting the junk food. We also did ( and do) vitamin & herbal supplements
This may be a phase your daughter is going through! I also know this....when my mom forced me to eat something, I never took to it. It was years before I ate spinach as an adult! So....keep that in mind. Good luck!

Hi there,

Be firm and consistent! Every child goes through this phase. Stick with your rules through it. Your child will eat when he/she is hungry enough. What we always did was save their dinner, so that an hour after dinner, if they were crying that they are hungry, I would put their dinner back on the table. This might sound awful, but it got to the point here, that they would hold out until breakfast time for food, just to avoid the dinner (It was a power struggle), so what we did was save the dinner at night, and tell them that was for breakfast in the morning. My kids are all very healthy eaters now. They love their vegetables, and they will try everything!

I so feel your pain...My 5 yo is about the same as yours and unfortunately my 9yo is not much better. I have recently started putting my foot down about meals. Eat what's on your pate or don't eat. If you continue to whine, you go to bed. It has not been fun or easy, but I think it's the only way they are going to change. That said if I cook something I know they have tried and do not like, I try to make sure there is something in the meal they like Ex: If we have burgers, I allow cheese sticks and apple sauce because she really doesn't like beef and I'm OK with that. The other day she tried to tell me she didn't like cheese sticks any more- one of the only proteins she'll eat and I said " I'm sorry, but you are not allowed to add anything more to your dislike list!" to my surprise, it worked she said "OH can I have a cheese stick?" Maybe it's just a power trip to see how much control they really have!

I see I am late with this, but thought I would still chime in.

I used to joke that my daughter only ate "white" food. She would eat pasta (plain), rice, bread, milk, applesauce, macaroni and cheese.... Okay, so that's almost yellow, but still. She is my youngest and I had decided long before she came along to fight about food as little as possible. The rule in my house is that you eat what is served and don't get anything else to eat if you don't eat dinner. Also, they were served a small serving of each item, if they didn't eat everything they weren't allowed to fill up on bread or whatever was their preference. That's as much as I was willing to fight about food. It's a policy that worked well with my older two, in terms of getting them to eat dinner and try different foods. But she never really got less picky and rarely ate much at dinner. I continued to provide a variety of healthy choices for dinner, but often worried about her nutrition so I gave her a multivitamin daily. She did eat really well at breakfast and lunch (those meals tend to include a lot of white food) and she always drank and inordinate amount of milk (still does). At one point I decided to remove all snacks from her in an effort to get her to eat dinner. She still didn't eat dinner and it made me worry more about her more. So I reintroduced healthy snacks. She's 21 now and is still a rather picky eater, but she's perfectly healthy. And she still tends to "graze" vs eat three large meals. I've read that it's actually healthier to do that and she is perfectly fine.

As she was growing up, I concede, it was embarrassing when we were at other people's homes. But I warned them in advance that she was the pickiest eater on earth and informed them of our policy. The reactions ranged from "oh please let me make her something else/please can she have dessert" to "Seriously? You're not going to make her eat??" I did not allow her to eat dinner at friend's houses without me for this reason. But her friends were always welcome at my house.

That's how I handled this situation. I don't know that I can tell you this was the right way to handle it, but I can tell you that there was VERY LITTLE fighting about food in my house. I was consistent with the rules and they all knew that no amount of whining, begging, tantrums, etc would change it. I have been to people's homes where every day and every meal is a battle of the wills between parent and child. That is NOT an environment I wanted to live in nor is it an environment I wanted my children to live in.

Good luck!

My children ate well when they were younger & switched to less variety at 3 or so too. I would say keep at offering nutritious options & continue to get her to try foods.

Find foods she is willing to tolerate like broccoli is one kids are more open to then others. My kids like it saute with a sauce much better then steamed.

Don't ask what she wants. That never works. She does not think of the variety that is available the way we do. She just thinks I like yogurt I want that, again & again.

If she eats apples, try a variety of apples and move from there. Maybe mix apple chunks into her applesauce. My kids flip over apples with a little cinnamon or cinnamon sugar on them.

If she eats better at breakfast & lunch increase the variety and nutrition at breakfast & lunch time. I feel kids often eat less later in the day.

My dinner policy is you eat what I make or you can have fruit.

I serve cold veggies and hot veggies at dinner. My kids will often eat carrot sticks with dip more easily then cooked carrots.

Find a good supplement she will take.

I give my kids a fruit shake with greens in it for snack. Your daughter may like smoothies. I keep frozen fruit in the freezer & blend it with soy milk and greens. Sometimes I add fiber or flax seeds.

You could try mixing stuff into her yogurt. My kids like nuts, granola or cut up fruit in their yogurt.

Keep at it. It has been a continual process for me to get my kids to eat healthy and it does seem junk food is at every corner. It is worth the effort in my eyes because the long term pay off is a healthy child. I have also found as I eat better they do too. So keep an eye on your own habits.

Hi,

fortunately I am not there yet (and I hope my daughter doesn't turn into a picky eater) but my nephew is and he and his mom had huge struggles over every meal. He loves breakfast food and his doctor said that he could eat a good for you cereal with milk every meal of the day and be ok. So he has the choice of whatever everyone else is eating or cereal. She never makes a separate meal for him and all of the other kids are good eaters. I will tell you that this has been going on for years and I don't think his eating has gotten much better, but there are a lot fewer tantrums at the table and mealtimes are a lot more enjoyable. I think at this point he is almost proud of his picky eater status and is stubborn enough to hold on to that.

If she starts to expand her diet you could look into the book deceptively delicious so you could get some more fruits and veggies in her diet. And ideally you could make sure she was getting whole grain bread, etc.

good luck

Hi D.
I take a food supplement that is designed for kids (helps with focus and recall)
and it tastes great. There are chocolate or vanilla flavors and many other moms have awesome recipes that I can get for you. They are having great results with health and behavior. And it's just food.
LEt me know.
J. H

Hi,

I understand that you wish your daughter to eat well. But for now, I would like you to think about the attention that is being paid to her eating or not eating.

Meals are supposed to be a bonding time and food should never become a battle-ground. May I suggest that you serve her small portions of family food at meals. Never comment on how much or how little she eats. In between meals yoghurt and applesauce are fine snacks. If she continues to be hungry, high protein bread is in the supermarkets. As others have said, no junk food should be in the house.

Please consider reducing the conversation around food. Many a parent has won the battle over foods with their youngsters, only to have bulemic or obese teenagers. This is because their sense of eating became disordered, and their understanding of food was a reaction to approval and disapproval. Good luck.

OK, this is my advice, but I must admit, I never had this problem with my kids. But from a behavioral point of view, you must stick to your rules. Do not give in. Stop buying the junk food, and then it won't be an option. When she's hungry, she'll eat. If only "healthy" options are available to her, then that's what she'll have to choose from. Especially don't give in when at other's houses. She may be using this opportunity to get away with eating those things that you don't want her to because she's betting that you'll be too embarrassed of the scene she'll make to force her to eat the good stuff.
When you're not in the heat of a food argument, talk to her calmly about how it's your job as a mom to make sure she gets all the things her body needs to grow big and strong, etc. If there's one thing she's particularly interested in, such as long hair, pretty nails, being tall, etc., use one of those things to reinforce your rules: "you won't grow as tall as Aunt Sue if you eat only bread and butter. Your body needs a variety of foods to build your bones and make you strong".
I wish you luck.

Hi D.,
Try not to worry, this is a phase. Most kids go through it and grow out of it. My son ate wonderfully before age four; after age six he started again (now he eats almost everything, including curries, Thai food, Mediterranean food, seafood). We also argued for a while. Don't bother arguing, you won't win. Part of it is that your daughter wants to control something in her life and this is the one thing she feels she can control (I can't remember who explained this, but it made sense to us).

What we did during this phase was continue our meals as usual and let him eat the foods he wanted (usually chicken, rice or pasta, yogurt; the things your daughter wants). NOT junkfood though (you're probably doing the same thing). We offered him the food we were eating, if he didn't want it, that was his choice. We also gave him a mulitvitamin. After a certain age (I think it was 7) we only offered him what we were eating and we said if you choose to be hungry, that's your choice but you're too old now to be catered to like a baby. Eventually he got the point. We still go through it now and then but we try (TRY!) to stay neutral about it and not get angry. He's 9 now and he still says to us now and then that he doesn't like certain meats or vegetables. I just tell him that he doesn't have to like everything he eats, but it's good for him so now and then, he eats it.

For now, though, try not to worry or get mad. I know it's hard!

I have to agree with Daisy. Along with that, my sister had a problem with her son. She tried having him help make dinner adn now he likes to "try" what he makes and is coming to love more and more things he makes. It started with putting a dash of salt or mixing a bit of sugar that my sister would pretend to put on strawberrries. Just having him mix some flour and my sister would pretend in is in whatever was for dinner. She also has him help dish out the food. Now that he has "control" of the food, he eats. Because he saw what was going on adn such He doesn't look at food now as being scarry or bad. Now it is something he is proud of.

I am also a big fan of makin gfood fun, my kids favorite thing is a simple colorful toothpick. THey try to put as amny peas and such on it and try to get it to their mouth. Ihave girls and they think it is teh "fancy" way to eat.

Good luck!
M.

I say this with a mothers love...be the bad guy!!..this is your child. I have four children and have been where you are and with one im still there.your child will not starve. Your child know what to say and do to get you to give in evan the tears and the you dont care about me. Just talk to you childs dr. And stay strong no means no and yes is yes. And tell that to all who try to give just one ....if this goes on make sure you bring those just one cookie people to the dentist with your daughter so they to can watch her go through it.--good luck--

D.,

Now that you have created the behavior, you need to change it. She should eat what you make for dinner. If junk food is not in the house, she cant have it. Yogurt is for a snack between meals. It will take about a week for her to realize you mean business. Stop catering to her, she wont starve. If she is crying she is hungry, she will eat what is given to her. Your the parent not her. Good luck!

I agree with Cherie. If you're tired of it now, it's only going to get worse when she's a pre-teen! If she is hungry she will eat. She has to try new foods - if she tries it and then really doesn't like it, that's one thing. Most experts say that kids have to try something 5 times before they really like it. At her age, nothing awful will happen if she doesn't eat what you've offered until the morning.

Try switching to really healthy versions of what she WILL eat. Make sure that bread & butter is a whole grain bread and the butter is something like Smart Balance with healthy oils & Omega 3s. Or some peanut butter or some low-sugar fruit preserves.

The other thing I would do is get rid of the junk food so it's not even an option. She can't have it except as an occasional treat.

If she pulls this at someone else's house, pack her up and go home. It is hugely disruptive but highly effective. Other people should not have to cater to her, and you should not have to pack food for her when you are going somewhere else.

I did this with my son and now he is a more adventurous eater, but he was horrible when he was little. Once at Disney World, we had to bypass all the rides to walk across the park to find a restaurant that served grilled cheese, since he would not eat the pizza, burgers, fries or other items on the menu.

I see my stepdaughter's son doing the same thing your daughter is doing. One of the reason these kids are cranky is that they are malnourished. Even if what they are eating is "healthy" they are not getting enough balance and variety.

There is a great children's supplement that really helps get them the nutrients they need. Let me know if you want more info on that.

Good luck and stick it out! You have to be the boss when she's 5 if you have any hope of being the boss when she's a teen!

I would give her whatever you are eating and tell her that she has to eat half of her plate and she can have yogurt after that. Do not give in. She is 5 years old and I think that she is testing you. She needs to broaden her palate. It takes many many times for kids to start eating something. She should at least eat some of whatever you are eating. Give her three options on her plate. Chicken, rice, and a veggie perhaps. She has to eat half of everything or all of her rice and veggies. Don't give up!! Sometimes kids just aren't hungry for dinner either because they have snacked all day or drink too much juice or milk. Perhaps a later dinner or cut out a snack during the day or cut out drinks right before dinner. Does she at least eat a good breakfast and lunch?? Oh and get rid of the junk food. If it isn't there, she can't eat it. don't make a big issue about the food. Just say, this is all we have for dinner. Eat some of it or be hungry. Good luck!!

I suggest there not be talk about food period. I think that in itself will cause issues. I suggest you make whatever you want for dinner (perhaps one thing that you know she likes). For instance if you are making a meat, potato & vegetable meal and the meal is chicken, baked potato (and she doesn't like either one) but you know she likes green beans make the green beans for the vegetable. For snacks she could have the yogurt, crackers or applesauce. I would put a little of everything on her plate that you are serving. If she complains that she doesn't like it just simply say, eat what you like. You don't have to eat what you don't like. Hopefully eventually she'll start to experiment. Not to mention she's going to be hungry if she doesn't eat her dinner. Especially since for snack she'll only get one yogurt, or a certain amount of crackers or applesauce. I think children like to have control and this can be a way for that to happen. If you present it in the way I suggested she will feel like she has the control.I'm a toddler teacher and we serve the same thing to every child for lunch. We put everything on their plate and we say the same thing to them. You don't have to eat what you don't like. On occasion we will try to encourage them (not force) to try new things, if they don't want to no big deal. For snack they each get a certain amount of what we are having and that is it. I have seen soooo many picky eaters that now eat just about anything. Good luck!!!

Involve her in the decision making process. I agree with one of the other posters that she is attempting to control this aspect of her life. When you go grocery shopping, have her help you choose healthy food options. Ask her to help you in the kitchen with age appropriate tasks. She will feel proud that she helped, and more likely to eat something she either picked out or helped make. If you try to force her to eat, or other negative things like sending her to bed without dinner, at best it will become a power struggle in which she resents the way you are treating her, and at worst she could develop an eating disorder. We underestimate how big of an impact food control issues can have on a persons life for years to come.