For Moms with Jobs in "Service", What Are Your Expectations for Holiday Gifts?

I am a 1st grade teacher and I always get so upset (?right feeling?) when I hear that parents are asked to contribute to a fund for a teacher's gift. (for me or anyone else) I definitely am grateful and appreciative of any gift but I would never want anyone to feel obligated to have to donate. I feel that gift giving is not necessary and it should not make anyone feel weird. I also feel (if) gift giving- it should be personal and heartfelt and private between the giver and receiver. I love my job and I work hard but so do many other people in other professions where xmas gifts are not customary. On the giving side, i think it gets kinda out of hand how we have to gift everyone, doorman, super, garbage, mail, teacher etc etc etc. Most days I am thankful just to have a job (I chose to do) and just hope the parents are appreciative of my hard work. The best gifts are notes and cards from parents saying just that.

It seems that gift giving to service people has become expected by everyone else giving the gifts- like all the other parents in the classroom expect everyone to chip in for a gift for the teacher- it's not the teacher pressuring for gifts. but it puts a lot of stress on people who don't really have the means to donate $5-$10 for each of their children's teachers.
I make cookies for my kid's teachers- well, this year we did texas trash(a spicy chex mix that's really tasty!) and I do cookies for my husband's employees and for the mail man- but I really can't afford to give everyone a gift- even making cookies gets to be expensive when you are making a couple dozen cookie plates.
My husband doesn't receive gifts from his employees and we don't expect them to get him anything. Although we did get some nice pecans from one of his employee's last year- it was very much appreciated and very unexpected. But it does seem more of the expectation of others who are not receiving the gift rather than those who would be receiving the gift(if that makes any sense- kind of a keeping up with the Jones)
~C.

I am a teacher and have worked in varying socio-economic areas. And yes it is true that the higher the income level, the more gifts I would get. But I never expect the gifts and it is always a beautiful surprise when they come. I am just as appreciative of a card or a child's drawing as anything else. Some years I have even asked parents to contribute something to the classroom in lieu of personal gifts. As others have said it's a nice gesture and while appreciated it is certainly not expected. It would never even occur to me to get angry at a parent or child who did not give a gift. I understand your feelings though as I do tip one of my doormen more and hope that the others don't take it out on us. He does a better job though and deserves more!

I have worked in Nursing homes, a school, and now a grocery store...I have always looked at gifts as nice surprises :) I don't expect them but they are nice to get. Gift giving is a hard game with not too many rules-I do what I can for others, there have been years everyone down to the bus driver got a gift, and there have been years where I could only afford to buy for my kids.

I don't enjoy receiving when I know the giver can't really afford to be so giving, but refusing the gift would be insulting. That's the only part of gift giving I don't like. IMO, the gift of someone's time is the best gift of all, which is why I like to say 'Your presence is present enough' on invites and whatnot.

I am in medical device sales and I would never receive a gift. I would never expect it in a million years. Unfortunately do some regulation changes I am not permitted to give my researchers or customers gifts any more because it can be considered bribery in my industry.

With regard to teachers, I have always given gifts and have often been the one to coordinate group gifts. Christmas comes at the same time every year so it doesn't surprise me...I prepare for it. Really, it could be only a couple of dollars saved every week and would be a lot less stressful come December.

I look at gifts for the professions you mentioned as a tip. Not expected but a way to reward and ; ensure continued GOOD service.

Your friend can do what she wants. Personally, i know how much work teachers do and how much kids love to give gifts. So as long as i am able I will find a way to let my kids participate in giving A token of appreciation to their teachers.

While i don't expect a gift from people, i sure do remember those who thought of me.

I might not have an "in service job" (or any other then mom and housewife at the moment for that matter), but what I did this year was I made a batch of cookies and split it between our mailman (wonderful man, remembers that there are 2 boxes for 1st and 2nd floors, and who we are when he sees us out and about, and always remembers if the kids got mail and tells them, and rings the bell if we get a package) the crossing guard, who is so sweet and ALWAYS knows if you arent there, and is so watchful of ALL the kids, and some to my oldest's teacher (younger will be in school next year) I also gave the teacher some of the bath soak the kids and I made and an oatmeal mix they helped with too. Her b-day was earlier in the month, and she let it slip that she shared one with one of the little girls in class, I happened to finish making the scarf I intened to give my mom for Christmas (only took a few hours mind you and there was tons of yarn left, still is lol) and I wrapped it up for her as a birthday gift. Some people might think I spoiled her as I also fixed her computer (what I used to do and miss doing) but my thought is, the only thing it cost me was a little time I had not planned on but found anyway. Keep in mind that she gave out cookies to the class moms that helped at the parties they have had, and she gave me a small gift card for working on the computer. I feel that I had the ways and means to do this for them, and I give because I want to, not because I feel I should. There are quite a few friends I have that wont get gifts from us this year as we just dont have the means. I feel that the homemade things were fine. Noone should feel that they MUST give, or guilty that they can not give. I would rather the gift of time from a friend that shouldnt afford something then have them be tighter on cash then they need. One of my friends came to our open house and made zepolis in my kitchen for everyone to share, that meant alot to me.. (sorry this is so long!)

I was a teacher and worked in a very low income setting so I almost never got gifts! Some kids would bring in things or parents would buy things or make things, but for the most part it was a surprise to get something and I always really liked it. I was never offended when something wasn't given. As far as what's expected...well I do think it depends on the person. My husband gives a gift to the 8 people that directly report to him. Plus I make a boat load of cookies to give out to the more than 100 people he supervises but he is certainly the minority on that front. His bosses both gave him very nice gifts this year and although he wasn't the only person to give gifts to his people, there were people that didn't. I can't say whether or not the others felt slighted, I would hope not, but our gift varies year to year depending upon our budget, etc. Before we had kids we spent more money, now we don't...pretty simple and I think people get that. For the most part I believe that people are more greatful than not, perhaps I'm just wearing rose colored glasses, but I'm trying to be optimistic!

such an interesting question. I look at gift giving as something I want to do, if we can afford to do so. I truly don't think many people expect gifts, and if they do, then they've got kind of a distorted way of viewing the holidays. I think that in this day and age, most people understand that with the bad economy and job loss on the rise, gifts should never be expected and they should be treasured and truly appreciated if received! I never realized how many of my friends also think it's their duty to tip everyone from their hairdresser to the postman/woman around the holidays, when in actuality, it's not necessary...it's just a nice gesture. I can't stand being made to feel obligated to give though, takes all the fun out of it.

Happy Holidays!
Lynsey