Force Schooling

I asked at my son's Virginia public school if I HAD to send him when he was 5. He is a summer birthday (well within the cut off) and I felt he just wasn't ready for a heavily academic year of school. They said no. It was my choice if I wanted to hold him back a year. He started Kindergarden this year at age 6.

I personally wouldn't recommend it. My son didn't attend any kind of school, daycare program, or Pre-K, and once he started school at 5 years old in kindergarten he was just fine. Now, I still did things to enrich him, like going to story time at the library, and visiting the Science Center, and the Aquarium, and things like that, but no schooling. He is in first grade this year, and is in one of the high classes, and doing great. Children have such a limited childhood time anymore anyway, and once they start school, that's it, they're in it until at least 18, so let him enjoy his adolescence while he can.

can you find a part time(very part time) preK program so he can ease into being in a school typ environment which may help for next year? maybe one where you are welcome to spend some time in the classroom.

Absolutely Not! You never 'have to' send your children to school. You can even teach him at home at his own pace. Especially if you are a SAHM, don't rush sending him off to school. This is another age that needs lots of loving while they are learning. And be sure to make learning fun for him so that he will want to learn more. And truth be told, he has more than enough years of schooling ahead. You do what you know to be best for your son NOT what everyone else is doing with theirs. I wish you the best! Feel free to email me directly anytime.

Take Care,
N. :) SAHM homeschooling 3 boys 12, 7 & 2 yo married to Mr. Wonderful for almost 15 yrs. Helping moms who want to be SAHMs reach their goals. Ask me how you can do it today!

C.,
Hello, as a mom of 5 and a preschool teacher I highly recomment putting your son in preschool. It will help him with his social skill and this will help him a great deal when he starts kindergarten. Also, attending preschool helps the child adjust to routines and expectations that are going to be apart of kindergarten. You may also find that it helps you when he is ready for kindergarten next year, it will ease you into the idea of him being in school! Good luck on making your decision.

I'd wait until he is 5 the next year and turns 6 that October. Boys mature later than girls. As a former 4th grade teacher, these boys who go to school too early, by 4 thgrade tend to be not only to be more immature than all the other kids, but easy criers in school -- and therefore get picked on by some. Give your son the best start possible. You'll be the smarter parent. WAIT.

I don't think attending preschool at 4 is forcing. My 3 year old just started preschool because she does have frineds there, but she needs the extra activites/etc. It has been a long week so far even though she only goes 3 days a week, but I htink she is really going to thrive in school. I would not send my kids to school just becasue their frineds are ther. I just know that my 3 year old needs to get used to a school environment and she is very smart so I know she will do well

I am not sure, but I believe it is law in the state of Virginia that if your child will be 5 by October 31st, they must be enrolled in kindergarten of some sort. Now that could be home-school, private school, or public school. I am not sure, but I would check with your local school system to find out.

I think your title alone gives you the answer. You are the mother and know best. If you think it is forcing - don't! I wish I had kept my son back as boys tend to take a bit longer to adjust to school.

Is your son socially ready for school? Does he want to go? If the answers are yes then send him, just know you may have to work a little harder on behavior and comprhension.

I teach preshool- and I see alot of kids , especially boys who are not ready for preschool,- does he have friends in the class? How often does he go? How long is the class? 3 days a week, for a few hours a time is MORE than enough for a four/five year old. He may put up a fuss at first, but eventually will be fine. If he is in a class now, unless the teacher tells you he is absolutely miserable, let him stay. If he is in kindergarten now, maybe he should wait a year, but try and get into some Mommy and Me classes, if you can, whatever, be sure he is around other kids besides siblings, if he is not in school now.

If you are talking about preschool - go ahead and send him.
If you are talking about kindergarten - definitely wait! My son turned 5 in early September so he was eligible to go to kindergarten. Although he was intellectually ready I felt that behavior-wise he was not. I put him in preschool at age 5 (your son's age) - so he was actually 6 when he entered kindergarten. I had talked to many people, read a lot of articles and attended a class to learn how to tell if he was ready. I wanted to make the very best decision for him (not me). I learned that boys especially will learn to adjust well in elementary school but will have more trouble keeping up with their peers in the higher grades. When I held my son back a year I wrote a letter to the principal stating my intentions (because he was eligible to attend kindergarten - must be 5 years old by Sept. 30) she responded with extreme approval and thanked me for doing it. He is now in 2nd grade, happy and doing well. I also felt that I would rather have him be one of the older kids in his class than one of the youger ones. It has so many advantages as they get into the higher grades - Also consider that boys generally mature a bit slower than girls. It just might make his teen years go a bit better by waiting one year now. I believe it was one of the best decisions I have made for him.

ummmmm no. I mean you really wanna start the "you have to because everyone else is" stuff? Yeah let's teach them that peer pressure is a good thing..... ummmm NO!

We are in the same situation will all 3 of our kids. Our philosophy was to look at the big picture - not necessarily if they are ready now, but look at how old they will be in high school compared to their classmates - the decision you make now will stick with them for the rest of their life.

I have friends who were in similar situations and to a person, everyone who decided to wait and send their child later was happy with their decision. Everyone who pushed it and sent their child early questioned their decision at least once in the early years. Also, from our experience - my husband has a Nov birthday when Dec was the cut-off and he wishes his parents has chosen to wait rather than rush him in.

My oldest has an October birthday, so she is one of the oldest in her class now (1st grade), but all of her friends she made before school are at least 1 year ahead of her in school because of when their birthdays are. It is working very well for us and she still plays with her "older" friends all the time.

My middle girl turned 5 on Tuesday, Sept 2 - the day after the cut-off for Kindergarten. We could have sent her to Kindergarten or Pre-K and we chose Pre-K - why push her, we thought. School is competitive enough and Kindergarten in the new 1st grade. So far, I'm glad we made that decision, I think 1/2 day of school is enough for her right now.

Good luck with your decision, go with your gut - you know what's best for your child - don't let society dictate otherwise!
~ B.

I am having the same issue with my son. I have decided to wait and send him to Kindergarten a little older. It can't hurt and it lets him grow up a little more. I have experienced this already with my daughter. She started school early and it didn't work out. I wish I had known better then. I didn't want her or my son graduating High school at 17...that's way too young. By sending him a little older, I feel I am giving him the opportunity to be at the top of his class.

No it is not advisable to force a child to start school early; however, if he's ready it isn't advisable to hold him back either.

The age cut off, for most area schools, used to be 5 by Dec. 31 to start Kindergarten. Delaware changed that back in 1990 or 1991 and the new cut off is August 30 (which they implemented one month at a time until hitting August). Caroline County in Maryland made that same change but not until 2002 (not sure if it was the whole state or just the county).

I know that in most cases, a child with an early September birthday can be tested and if they score high enough (higher than what the kids that make the cut off need to get) and the principal will ok it, can start when they will be TURNING 5 instead of already being 5. Likewise, a child who is just barely making the cut off and really isn't ready may be able to be held back and possibly qualify for the school's pre-k curriculm to prepare them.

You didn't say what the age cut off is in your school district or state but you should definately check with them. They can advise on the appropriate law (if you don't register with them and don't send you child to school as required, you can be in trouble if you haven't registered with them). A boy that started school with my son was a year older than the rest just because his mom wanted to hold him back but they HAD to notify the district ahead of time.

A child who really isn't ready can cause the other kids in the class to be held back in the course work that the teacher is covering (true at any age) so it isn't good for them or their classmates. This happened to my son, a child came in late in the year and was NOT ready for K class (barely pre-k) but they put her in the class anyway. The teacher backed the whole class up and re-taught what the other kids had already covered and in some cases MASTERED. The whole class ended up bored and zoned out (which caused a problem when new material was finally introduced). It also meant they were trying the cram a lot of new material right at the end of the year just so they could get through it. From that point forward my son, who previously loved school, has hated it.

Best of luck to you and your son.

If our son doesn't seem ready for school I would not send him. It will be a very difficult year for everyone. He will be much more mature and developmentally ready to learn next year. As a former teacher I would recommend keeping him home or in preschool another year. You don't want to ruin his school experience and struggle everyday to get him to school.
Good luck!

No, don't "Force" him to go to school, whether it's preschool or kindergarten! As others below said, it's not clear which you mean here. If it's kindergarten, even if he turns 5 in October, if he's not ready, he's not ready. And he would be a young kindergartener. If it's kindergarten and the school system is somehow requiring you to sign him up, see about getting permission to let him wait a year. Believe me, I've seen several kids whose parents should have deferred K for a year; the kids were so frustrated and really unhappy in kindergarten because they weren't ready for it socially--and that colors their whole year badly.

If it's preschool you mean, I'm totally in favor of high-quality preschools, BUT only if your son is ready--see the excellent posting below about what "ready" means (able to sit, follow directions, move from one activity to another without melting down, able to play happily and safely with others, able to leave you for long periods without being upset, etc.). Do not force him if you think he's not ready in these ways. Are the parents of his little friends his same age pressuring you to send him where his friends are going? It's nice to be with the buddies but his individudal readiness and development are more important!

I know not everyone feels this way, but do recommend a good preschool when he's ready, since in our own school experience so far, it seems kids who have had at least some preschool are often more socially ready for kindergarten. Kindergarten now is mostly full-day now, and they must be used to being away from parents for long stretches, and ready to cope with that as well as the academics. Good luck!

I have older children (15, 14, 11) and my 14 year old has a "late" birthday September 8th. I started her in school before she turned 5 and after the school year started, she turned 5, and I have wished ever since that time that I would have kept her home another year-- just my preference for her. I didn't take into consideration what her friends were doing, b/c in the long run, it's about what was best for her. My other daughter, however; turned 5 after the cut off of September 30th (her birthday is October 4th) so she has always been almost a year older than all her friends, but I have found that she has a much easier time. She doesn't struggle academically and seems to adjust much better each school year. Hope this helps!

I think it has to be your decision, based on the needs of your son. Lots of parents want to send their kids to school early so they can become acclimated to the environment. I think the things you should ponder for helping him get a solid start are:

1. Does he feel secure when you are not with him? A babysitter can help him get that confidence so that he feels he is able to separate from you. You don't want his first real separation to be at Kindergarten,especially if it's full day. If so, that may be a battle you have to fight for weeks and it may taint his feelings toward school.

2. Does he interract well with kids his age? Does he require your help to play or can he be independent? I'm not a big fan of dropping off my kids to play and I like to see what they are doing. So, I consider letting them play at a distance and try not to interfere all the time. Correcting rude or poor behavior, but letting them test things out on their own.

3. Is he receiving some basic education... shapes, colors, counting? Can he count to at least 50? Does he recognise his numbers and letters (upper and lower)? Does he know how to spell his name (first and last)?

4. Does he have fine motor skills? Writing his name, cutting paper, coloring, drawing, stringing beads?

5. Does he follow directions? Can you tell him to do 2-3 things and he is able to complete all of them?

These are some of the things that my daughter was taught in preschool. That may help you make a more informed decision. Although you don't really have to have all of it, I think the more you can accomplish before Kindergarten, the easier the transition will be.

The most important parts are the social and emotional parts. I know a couple of people whose kids cry the whole day or large parts of the day and sometimes it continues for weeks. The best I can tell, it seems to be a lot of issue with separating from mom. Finding ways to help them see that they can be independent and succeed is so important.

Good luck to you in your decision. I am sure you will do fine. If you're considering school, keep in mind there are choices. We chose a Christian based school focused on nurturing the children emotionally, spiritually and academically. We chose 1 day a week at 3 yrs old, 3 days a week at 4 yrs old and now she's in full day Kindergarten at 5 yrs old. I feel like she got a great start in a loving and nurturing environment which fostered a love of learning and of school.

Take care,
Liz

I'm not sure exaxtly what you are asking. Are you talking about preschool or Kindergarten? Do YOU want him to go? I assume he does not want to go. Do you want him to go eventually, or are you planning on homeschooling him? I do not think you should do things just because other people are doing it. You have to look at your own family and your goals and decide what is best for you. One thing to consider, if you want him to go to school next year, you may want to put him in a preschool a couple days per week this year so he can learn how to function in a school environment. It seems these days kids are expected to have these skills when they enter Kindergarten.

Is your son ready for school? Is he able to sit and follow directions for an extended period of time? I'm not sure where you live, but Maryland has a Sept. 1 cutoff date, so you'll have a big battle trying to get him into kindergarten, if that is what you are looking to do, especially with a boy. Since school has already started, I don't think you would be very successful. If he is ready academically, you can work with him at home.

I just wasn't sure from your post if you are meaning forcing the school system to take him early, or forcing him to go to school when he's not ready.

depends on where you live but i think virginia wont let you. you could look and see if you can find a private school that will let him in early but i doubt it even if you find one its kinda late to start. i'd just look for a preschool to put him in that was still available. the cut off for starting kindergarten is to be 5 by sept 31st.

Hey Crislda -
The only way to know what is right for your son is to take cuew from him. He'll let you konw when he's developmentally ready to start school...not dependant on what his peers are doing. If he's not developmentally ready and you "force" him to go, there are a countless number of problems you could encounter, including but not limited to, behavior issues. I'm new to the area and don't konw MD laws, but when I taught in Tennessee, there was a cut-off date for Kindergarten enrollment...I think it was Sept 30 - the kids had to be 5 on or before to start school that year. That being said, just because your child was 5 by the cut-off date didn't mean you had to start them that year.
Take your cues from him - not from society. Hope this helps.
~K.

NO! But preschool at this point would be a good idea if you can swing it. They do need the socialization and he's certainly old enough for that. But a bit young for kindergarten. I have a friend whose son's bday is 6 Nov, and she was allowed to start him early. She said he was behind the whole way through school. (He's starting community college this year.) My daughter turns 5 on Nov 19th, and I was told she couldn't start school if she's not five by 1 Sep. Works for me. And I think a little more maturity will work well for her.

Especially now, when the curriculums have become age inappropriate and more pressure is put on younger kids, it's not a bad thing to be almost six when you start mandatory schooling. Plus, kindergarten used to be for introducing a kid to education. They'd learn letters, numbers, colors, shapes and all that in kindergarten. Now I hear they're expected to know all that before they even get to kindergarten. Wrong, but that's how it is for now.

By the way, there's a preschool called Playful Learning on 197 near Cherry Lane that still has four openings left! It's 170 per month for the Pre-K class, M-Th, 1230 to 3:00. It's inside a church, but not run by the church. An older couple that attends the church rents the space and runs the school. 14301 Laurel Bowie Rd,
Laurel, MD 20708
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-S

If he's really resisting going to school, try finding out why he's so upset. Once he's 5 years old, he MUST go to school and if you can start easing him in to the whole school thing now, you'll have an easier time sending him off to kindergarten.
I think preschool is a very valuable experience because it gets kids used to the routines and expectations they'll be met with in kindergarten. Maybe you could try a preschool program that's only a couple days a week for a few hours??

No,no.no! Enjoy him. He'll be in school soon enough and there are no positive results from sending boys early!

He does not legally need schooling at his age. I think preschool is over rated. None of my children have gone to preschool and they are all doing academic work above grade level and have appropriate social skills. Decide what is right for your child and your family and don't worry what your friends or his friends are doing.

Most public schools in our country would not enroll a child into kindergarden when his or her b-day isn't until October. The cut off date in the area I live is Sept. 30, which in my opinion, should be backed up a couple of months. Many of the children, (especially boys) struggle in school in later years, academically and socially, when they are late summer, early fall births. Four or five months can make a huge difference in a child's maturity at this early age. Pre school a few half days a week would be fine if that's what your family can afford and would like to do. A good friend of mine was not able to send any of her 3 children to preschool, yet they were more than ready when it came time for kindergarden due to her parenting them properly.
Best of luck.

No definitely not. My son has a late birthday (he will be 6 in December) and has only started Kindergarten this year because of it. (I started late also because of a December birthday.) I cannot tell you how many people, that I didn't know were teachers, who have told me that is the best thing ever, especially for boys. I would recommend putting him in a 4 year old program somewhere or pre-K, but don't force him to start school. My son has several friends who started last year that he's still friends with and he's had the great fortune to meet new friends that he otherwise wouldn't have by staying back a year. Sending him early could make going to school more traumatic than fun.

If he doesnt have to go then I wouldnt make him. However, you might suggest that he try it for a week or a few days and see if he likes it. But let him know that if he doesnt like it after x number of days then he doesnt have to go. Start off by saying: I want you to try school for 3 days and if you dont like it then you dont have to go again, BUT you need to try it for 3 days. End the statement saying he needs to try it, not w/ the option that he can quit because thats all he will remember.
I figure kids have to be in school for 13+ years, why make it any longer than it has to be. Yet at the same time you dont want him to fall behind his peers. So if you opt for him to stay home, make sure you work w/ him on letters, numbers, colors....all the basic stuff.

My daughter is an October girl, and we started her at 4-almost-5. I wish now we'd waited...while she could easily handle the learning part of school, she just wasn't as mature as most of her classmates. She's in fourth grade now and doing well, but I could definitely see the age difference from Kindergarten through at least second grade.

In California, the cutoff wasn't 'til December, but here in VA I think it's September, so that may make the decision for you. If not, then it's a very individual situation -- just look carefully not only at your son's abilities, but his overall maturity level. Good luck!

From the tone of your email it sounds as if he doesn't want to go, if you are in a position that he doesn't have to be there, I don't see why he should be forced to go. My daughter turns 5 next week within the cut of for VA, but last year her pediatrician suggested she might not be ready this year and when I had a conversation with my sons then Kindergarten teacher she agreed. She is very small for her age and would be probably the youngest in her class. As a single parent it would have been easier for me certainly but I was not willing to send her if she was not ready. If you are in Virginia Beach you son couldn't go to kindergarten this year anyway. You might try to find him something that he could go for a few mornings a week just to start getting used to it, but I certainly don't think I would "force" him. Check out the rec centers in Virginia Beach they have lots of activities that you guys could do together and great social contact for both!

R. A