Foster Shower ?'S

As a former foster kid myself, I think it's important to say.. WE like to be treated just as others do... so.. if you'd throw a party for someone having a child , then YES.. throw one if you like for someone who is giving a home to foster kids. One thing I experienced over and over as did other foster kids I knew was the fact that there was always this differentiation between us foster kids and others' biological kids.. that WE didn't equate to as much as the biological ones.. I know the party is for the parents, but at the same time, it's also for the kids. in fact, perhaps call it a "welcome home party" or something with welcome.. foster kids like to belong and feel that they are truly welcomed..

you sound like a great friend... those kids will be lucky to have someone like those parents and you in their life..

I think that's a wonderful idea!!! What a nice friend you are.

I think calling it a Foster Shower is cute, and not at all inappropriate.

I think it would be lovely to have a gathering and gift giving to celebrate their certification, but would caution against doing a twist on a conventional shower.

Becoming a foster and/or kinship care provider is a very complex, long, often unstable process. It is important, valuable and rewarding, but we often don't see the results that hope for (ex. adoption, easy transition). While the children's parents may not take the initiative to enact the change they need to in order to regain custody, a person of kin may take the children. Children's grieving cycles are delayed, in comparison to adults, and often it takes a month before they begin grieving their transition/trauma. It is also the beginning of a long emotional and physical journey for your friends. As pointed out by Christine, the process that leads up to adoption can be very difficult and uncertain.

That you and your friends want to welcome these children into your community is *fantastic*. That warmth and love helps to stabilize children in transition/trauma. I encourage you all to finds ways of doing so that are real, but that doesn't presume their permanent placement with your friends.

I think it would be wonderful to help her set up her home and subsidize necessary supplies/clothes/toys. However, because it is likely that these children may not stay with her, decking out her home with individual gifts might not be helpful in the long run (emotionally or materially). I would also ask her what she needs and what is provided (or has the potential of being provided by the state) already.

Some gift ideas I suggest are:
-a few specific, special toys and clothes for her current foster children
-a feelings chart
-books for children that pertain to emotions/foster care: "Duck and Goose feelings", "A terrible thing happened", are a few of my favorites. Here is a link to more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/search/ref=sr_nr_scat_4_ln?rh=n:...
-Books for children: You know, all your favorites!
-Toys: Mostly gender neutral and for a wide variety of younger ages
-Art Supplies
-Play house, play kitchen, Doll house (great for unintentional and unguided play therapy) - craigslist often has cheap, gently used versions
-Blocks and large leggos

-Gifts to pamper mom and dad. Bath salts, journal, coupon for a massage etc.

You sound like a fantastic friend!

Ephie (kinship care provider for my 3 y/o niece)

*this has been edited*

I think it's an amazingly kind idea...why not just plan something for your immediate "pack" of gals?
I'm afraid it might be a bittersweet memory if she eventually does not get to keep these kids.

Also, spread the word among people you know that your friend has new foster kids boy-3 and girl-1) and they could really use some donations of gently loved "stuff"!

God bless her for being there in their real time of need. And you for being such a sweet friend. :)

Great idea Mama.
As you said she is always the one throwing showers for her friends so now it's her turn to be in the spotlight.
I would do it ASAP as you don't want the party too close to the time the children are being returned.
All the best
B. k

I think it is a great idea. I am sure that even if she doesn't adopt these children, there will be more to come and the items can be used with future Foster Children.

What a good friend you are to think of her! I bet she will be tickled pink ~

Sounds like a really nice idea to me.

I took in my biological niece when she was ten days old and it was very volitile with her birth mother for a while. Until we had gone through the courts I think a shower would have pointed out the uncertainty of our situation. She is completely, 100% my daughter but at that time it was difficult even though I loved being her parent and had absolutely nothing for a baby the night I brought her home.

I am generally not a fan of baby showers but I think in this case, it would be incredibly nice and appropriate! I think it's a great way to recognize her and what she and her husband are doing.

Previous posters are correct-- until your friends know for sure if the children will be staying long term, this might not be the right moment.

What you might consider, however, is asking your friend for a wish-list of necessities for the kids, and going out together to consignment shops to pick up stuff for the kids. The reason I suggest consignment is that it's far less expensive for the quality than brand new, and it would be a fun outing which could acquiant the expectant moms with these shops.

Also, bringing meals would be perfect too. Kids are a lot to keep up with, and getting two newbies at once will keep your friend's hands full! You are sweet to want to do something nice... hope someone has a suggetion that works for you.

Oh yes - do it!

As for when, why not just tell her you are going to do it and ask her when you should?

p.s. One of my children was adopted. It meant A LOT when friends threw a shower for him - even though we ALL READY had a child! Please....just let your friend know you want to do this and let her feelings be your guide.

It is a great gesture...so long as everyone involved understands this could be temporary.

When my cousin fostered her two children I purchased a gift for the kids and went to meet them.

I think that you are an amazing caring friend for thinking about this. I am not sure a "shower" whould be the right way to word the invite because it seems a little shtrange since its not a baby in waiting type thing...but I think maybe a Family warming party or celebration or something? Come up with a name all its own and celebrate the blessing they have been given for sure!

Ephie D. said it wonderfully. I completely agree with all that she said. Fostering is an amazing gift to our community and the children it affects (I was a foster kid). The book ideas Ephie suggested are wonderful.

Could you throw a little "New Foster Parents" get together for a time after the children are in bed? Make it a grownup time with the focus on your friend's new step in life, not to the children specifically. I would worry that the kids would see the gifts and assume (quite understandably) they were for them. I know they are young but three year olds can really be in that 'mine' phase and if they had to leave the home suddenly (I hope not, but this is the foster system) it would be just one more upset to the child.

I think it's wonderful that you want to include this very special woman in celebrating parenthood of any nature! Good luck!

Not so sure I would throw a shower until she can actually adopt them. Otherewise it would be sort of sad if the parents take the kids back. But I would get together with my other girlfriends and pitch in and get her a GC like a visa or amex so she can shop where she wants for what she needs. You all are so sweet to want to do this but IMHO I'd wait.

That's a great idea. Is she going to try to adopt them or is she going to have to battle with the parents? You said they want them back... but seems like there'd be a reason they don't have them.. just curious I guess.

It would be a perfect opportunity to give them some toys, books, and clothes as gifts from everyone.

I think it sounds like a great idea...but...I wonder how the other folks you would be inviting would feel?
I wonder if you could have a get together...without calling it a "shower" and suggest to your friends that they search through their childrens things and bring some gently worn clothing, and some gently used toys that could be used for these two little ones. Maybe you could go to a couple of thrift stores or look on Craigs list for some reasonably priced things that she could use.
If and when your friend gets to permanently adopt these two little ones THEN is the time to pull out all the stops and really throw a SHOWER!!!

While I think the thought is nice, I dont find it appropriate for a foster parent situation. These wont be the only children they get in and out of their home. Unless they adopt a child I wouldnt do that. Unwrapped gifts of items they need would be ok for the house, not neccesarily for the individual child. You have to think about this in the long run sense. While its exciting for them and you, whats going to happen when they get other children?

I think its a great idea !! I think that it would be a nice thing to do for your friend who is taking on these kids temporary or not. I think it would be nice for them to have things like home and feel home like whether they can adopt them or not and if not Im sure they will have more foster children in the future who can make good use of the things given.

Just throw a small welcoming party. The sooner the better since they don't have much for them.