Four Year Old Getting Ready in the Morning

Updated on April 05, 2011
A.S. asks from Houston, TX
11 answers

Hi Ladies,
I have a four year old DS that I have started pushing towards getting ready in the morning by himself. This includes brushing teeth, going to the potty washing hands, pulling out clothes for the day and putting on your clothes. I try not to interfere other than to keep pushing him toget ready. Some days it goes smoothly, other days I have to do a lot of prodding. When I hav to prod I wind up calmly telling him that little boys that don't get ready in the morning go back to bed. I guess I am trying to instill confidence and independence in him, but it can be a real struggle sometimes...

This can take 15 minutes on good days and 30- 40 minutes on bad days. Am I being unreasonable in my expectations? Do your 4 year olds get themselves ready? If so, how much do they do and how long does it take?

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A.K.

answers from Minneapolis on

My 4-year-old DS can get ready by himself, but it always takes prodding and reminding. He gets easily distracted by wanting to play with his little brother, play with his toys, eat some breakfast, etc. I end up reminding him about 5-10 times in the morning to get dressed. He goes potty and washes hands on his own, but the rest takes a little reminding. Give him some more time and practice, and attempt to remain patient. It's a tough struggle for me some mornings!

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K.R.

answers from Spokane on

Four year olds are VERY distractable, and have SO many other things on their list of what's important in the morning. Like, that matchbox car on the floor, or the stuffed bear on the bed, or the clouds rolling by the window... (you get the jist). I think four is very young to expect him to get ready by himself - my six year old still needs prodding in the morning, and probably will for several years still. You could break it down more to help him complete one task at a time. "Good morning! How did you sleep? I need you to go pick out some clothes. Wow, a red shirt today! Ok, now put your clothes on. Nice job, please walk to the bathroom and brush your teeth." You are going to need to stay close by and walk him through each step for a while, until you can pop in and out and walk him through some of the steps, and then you'll be able to step back and throw out some quick reminders. You could also make a picture chart of each step and put it in his room where he'll see it when he gets up, and go through it with him. Be patient, four is still very little, and he has spent the last four years mastering major life skills (like talking, walking, eating...) Getting ready in the morning is more of a social skill, and social skills take a life time of practice to get right!

3 moms found this helpful

M.M.

answers from Detroit on

I think it's great to get him to TRY and get himself 100% ready on his own, but he is ONLY 4. So, it is a LOT to expect. He is going to get distracted and take a really long time somedays. Keep at it, just don't set your expectations too high.

My soon to be 6 year old is finally getting good at this....takes TIME and PRACTICE.

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S.M.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes and no. You should be having him do all these things, but to expect that you won't need to prod him is unrealistic. Four is generally too young to expect him to be able to do it by himself. My first grader (6-7) really just reached the point where I can say "Go get ready for school." And she usuallly forgets something major like brushing her teeth or her hair. And she has been picking her clothes and dressing herself since age 2.

Keep doing wha tyou are doing, but relax about it. This is how it will be for a while, so just make it a nice shared experience and teaching moment. And don't assume it will lessen your workload because it won't, it will only increase it - but that is parenting.

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A.S.

answers from Dallas on

My DD is 4, about to turn 5, and has been getting up and dressed and together in the mornings for a little while now. No distractions are key to accomplishing this. I will sometimes set her clothes out for her in the morning, especially when it is cold (she always wants to wear dresses). In the beginning if she did it by herself with no prodding and she did it relatively quickly and right she received a small prize. Mainly a sticker for her sticker wall. Now she gets frustrated at me if I try to help.

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L.P.

answers from Pittsfield on

I think this is very normal. If it stresses you, start a half hour earlier, or you can help him with some of it. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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K.U.

answers from Detroit on

He may still need some help and it may take "baby steps" - letting him do what he can, helping with the rest, and then gradually expecting him to do more himself. It could help to just get the clothes laid out the night before. And kids this age don't do a good enough job brushing teeth on their own so you will still need to finish up. If he's just dawdling, set a timer for 15 or 20 minutes - whatever he hasn't gotten done by the time the timer goes off you will need to take over or he might have to finish getting dressed in the car if he can.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

I think he is doing great. He is still young to get through all of this on your schedule, without some reminders.

He knows what to do, but is still waking up and does not really have his internal clock yet.

Praise him when he does well and guide him with time in minutes. 5 more minutes and breakfast will be ready, do you have your clothes on yet?

He sounds like he is totally on the right track.

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M.C.

answers from Houston on

I know what has helped with my five year old is playing the "time game"... I set the timer for an adequate amount of time and ask him if he thinks he can beat the timer.... Though I help him get ready and he doesn't do it ALL on his own, this game makes it more fun and encourages him to stay on track. (Along with NO distractions like TV, video games, etc.) It has actually helped him WANT to do more on his own and I regularly hear "let me do it by myself"... It help to reward him for his efforts and I will usually force the timer to ding right as he is finished so he knows he just beat the clock. He is always excited and empowered and I think it gives him a sense of accomplishment. Just thought it might help to share! We also have to remember that in this world today of constant rushing, working, and going, going, going... it is important to relish in the childhood of it all and encourage him, after all we don't get this time back with our children once they are grown. So many schools and daycares are teaching our children to be "little adults" and I feel it can be easy to rush their childhood with all the chaos in the day to day... Be encouraged! You are doing great, there is no rule book so to speak that says how long it should take, as long as you are not stressed about it and your child is progressing :-)

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

My son is 4 1/2 and gets himself ready most mornings also. I do help him put the tooth paste on his tooth brush and help him brush his teeth as well.

Just give him 3 things at a time to do (get up, go to the bathroom, and brush your teeth), then give him 3 more. If it is starting to so south and he starts acting badly then that is your queue to help him a bit. Dont let it be a battle.

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M.M.

answers from Washington DC on

To get up, ready, out the door, without being distracted. No, mine couldn't do that at 4. My kindergartners didn't do it without prodding and reminding.

Start at 4ish and little by little they learn to do it.
Give them one thing. Get the clothes ready the night before and lay them on the chair, or over the dresser. THen he gets up and gets dressed, easy. Remind him to do the rest of the morning chores. IN a week or so don't remind him to do something, teeth or potty, shoes. THen say think....are you forgetting something. But if he does remember to do it give him lots of praise.

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