Freaking Out!! - Rutherford,NJ

You need to find a rock so you can be his rock ... look at rocks in a stream, they are all leaning on each other for support.

My FIL has had prostate cancer since I've known him. His doctors say something else will get him first. Get facts and then try not to freak out. Hugs.

I went through treatment for breast cancer when I was just 28, and my now-husband and I had just gotten engaged. We postponed the wedding a year and got down to business getting through it. The thing that helped us -- and him -- the most was support. You need support too, DON'T freak out about freaking out, of course it's scary! Take care of yourself, your fears and concerns, so that you can support him. Don't pretend you don't feel scared, don't stuff it down. It's OK to feel it.

We joined Gilda's Club (check your area) and each went to weekly support group meetings. His group was awesome and actually helped us more in our relationship. We learned so much about ourselves and each other, and going through something like that (especially so early in our relationship) was strengthening. Once you get through a cancer scare, not much else can shake you!

It'll be OK, it's early and he's getting help. You can be strong and scared at the same time. Courage is not the absence of fear, it's moving forward from within fear. You'll find your way, everything will be OK.

As a cancer survivor, I know how scary it is... BUT... pleeeease do your husband a favor and be his rock, his strength... don't act like he's already got one foot in the grave. That was the WORST part for me... everyone was acting like I was already 1/2 dead. Don't do that ;)

Do your research; you'll feel more comfortable being educated on this. Don't webmd this stuff... speak with your husband, speak with his doctor... this is a totally manageable thing, and he'll be okay! Good thing they caught it early! Yes, it's terrifying... but you need to be there for your husband right now. If you're scared, how do you think he feels?? Also, I highly recommend going to a cancer seminar, if you haven't been already... the support there is absolutely astounding, and regardless of the prognosis, you'll feel tons better.

Best wishes!

I can understand what you are going through.

I lost 3 grandparents to cancer plus an aunt and an uncle.

Both my parents have had cancer with successful operations. My mom had colon cancer and my dad had skin cancer. Both were detected early and successfully removed.

I know you're scared. It's okay to be scared. You can be strong together.

Doing something about it helped me out. I did a lot of cancer research. I would suggest looking into Essiac Tea for your husband. He can start drinking it now. There are several brands, you could use the Flor Essence brand that you can find at your local health food store. Rene Caisse discovered the blend and it's a natural way to fight cancer. While it can sometimes get rid of cancer by itself, I would have your husband continue forward with the operation but add it to his diet as a preventive measure.

Your husband should also change his diet to a more alkaline one. That has been proven to help fight cancer. Green, leafy veggies. Google alkaline diet.

For me, doing something about it really eased my fears. While there isn't a cancer cure yet, there are MANY things that you can do to fight it. And if you join your husband in fighting it, you will feel much better.

Blessings to you and your husband. I'll be praying for both of you.

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Hearing something like that would rock anyone's world a bit! I understand that it's scary. His prognosis sounds very good however, and someday when you look back at this--it will most likely be a small blip on life's radar.
Hug him a little tighter and TRY to be strong for him. Best of luck!

My dad was diagnosed with prostrate cancer when he was 58-59, almost 12 years ago. He had surgery and is a happy, healthy 70 year old. I don't know the extent of his side effects. TMI--it's my dad after all. (-:

Good luck.

Having Prostrate Surgery now is the best. Yes he is young but leaving it undetected and not doing anything about it can turn to cancer. Pls. dont' alarm yourself, this is something that is an everyday procedure. Reassure yourself now that hubby will be with you for years to come. He will go in one day and out the next feeling normal. Think of it as yourself having a D and C done. Over and done with. Please be reassured and feel lucky enough to have found this out now, rather than it being to late.
Think positive not negative. Your lucky to have a husband who is not saying I'm not going, or will I live. Hes' thinking positive, be on his side and just be there for him. All will turn out well and you will both lead a happy life together.

praying too, for healing & peace of mind. I've always heard how slow-growing it is. God bless!

My father had this sugery and the outcome was just fine. It's good to be aware of the treatment options and possible side effects of surgery. You want your doctor to be working with you for the best outcome.

The recent studies on prostate testing and treatment point to frequent over-aggressive treatment that too often that leaves men with unwanted side effects.

I just wanted to send you a virtual ((((HUG)))). I too worry about hearing something like this about my husband as well. He is 52 as well and his father had prostrate cancer. But guess what?! His father beat it several years ago. So it is very possible to beat it. It's a scary thing but it's not a death sentence. He's young and it sounds like they caught at a very early stage so that's good. Keep your head up but don't be afraid to express your fears. Get a good support group for you as well as for him. Life is a fragile thing so anything that has the potential to threaten it, frightens us. Stay strong and allow yourself to receive the emotional support you will need from others. Keep us posted. Hang in there!

I think you need to start counseling to sort all of this out. A grief counselor might be able to help you sort out the feelings from being a caregiver and now the fear or your husband's illness.

I totally get it. I am currently the caregiver for my Mom on hospice. It's very stressful and exhausting.

Hi - I am 50 and my husband is 64 and had his first biopsy last month. One of the tests came back inconclusive so we are repeating the test with a 50/50 chance of it being cancer. After going through cancer myself last year, I think I find it a little easier to deal with. Try not to freak out too much and review legitimate info. My husband is not taking this well. We will not know anything for another month.

You're human and it's normal to be scared. But God did not give us the spirit of fear. He wants us to trust Him and put everything in His hands. We can't add one more minute to our lives by worrying.

Pray, believe He hears you, and let Him take over.

Nanc

My dad had the same diagnosis while i was pregnant and i literally lost my mind crying my heart out. He lives in a different country and comes to NY for his annuals in Long Island (best way to go). They caught his prostate cancer on time and he treated it ASAP via radiation so being pregnant i couldn't be near him for a while. (prior to that he had open heart surgery). That was 6 years ago and he remains cancer free. Your hubby will be fine if he stays on top of his appts and asks lots of questions & do your own research - you are absolutely stronger than you think and in years to come it will be something of the "past". I will pray for his quick "recovery" - because i know he will beat this.

Know that caught early (which is certainly sounds like in your situation) this kind of cancer is extremely treatable and curable.

But I would strongly advocate that (as another poster suggested) you do your research to find the absolutely best surgeon for this particular surgery. The results of this surgery (as far as post surgical urological function) are completely dependent on the skill of the surgeon. So you want to find someone who is truly top in the field of prostate cancer surgery. Fortunately you live in an area (close to Manhattan) where there will truly be top doctors, but you must find out who is the best, who has done a gazillion of these surgeries, and then proceed.

I know people who have recovered from this surgery beautifully. But it's all about the surgeon performing it. All the best to you.

You need to be his rock right now.
I'll pray that you can do that.
If the tables were turned you would want him to be strong for you.
Trust me, he's more scared than you are.

I grew up with a father with Leukemia, who died young. I have also lost several other family to various cancers. So even though my husband is in great health, I still have fears of losing him. So, what I do to prepare myself is to be as emotionally and financially independent as possible. I suppose it is a coping mechanism I developed as a youth.

So, all I can tell you is to trust your logical side and be there for him. Tamp down those fears for now. Remember, the family members in hospice were in advanced stages of cancer, your husband's prognosis is much different.

The more research you do, the best surgeon you find, and the healthier your husband eats, the greater his chance is also! There are lots of great prostate supplements and diets out there.

Also, my husband's grandpa had prostate cancer. He was in poor health and elderly and it was progressed more than your husbands'. He had the surgery and is fine now. So, your husband's outcome looks really, really good! Hang in there! He NEEDS your strength and support, even if he doesn't admit it. But you need support to, have a good friend to talk too or a cancer support group you can join.

Your distress touched my heart. Many [[[[[[hugs]]]]]] to you and your husband.

Things like this are such a shock, maybe after you have had a little time, you'll feel more able to deal with all that it entails? If not, consider counseling to help you deal with the past issues that are crippling your ability to be there for your husband.

Good luck!

My step-father, who I love like a dad, had it and had the surgery. After a few tough months, he is fine now and running his usual 20 miles at the weekend and living the active lifestyle he loves.

Have you considered going to a therapist for a few sessions to simply air your fears in a non-judgmental space?

You can do it be strong it will come from within think positive I lost my husband at 45 you find the strenght hang in there

Look into proton therapy, if it were my husband that is the only treatment we would consider. Especially if it is caught that early.