Friends for 7 Year Old Son

With two sons ages 19 and 16, looking back - I would NOT ask the other mom unless you know her extremely well and you have the kind of relationship where you can be very open and honest with each other (and be prepared for an honest answer without getting defensive).

IMHO the best remedy for this situation is to find other friends.

It's a good time for your son to learn that friendship is a two-way street. Sometimes friendships fade off for reasons that have nothing to do with whether your son did something right or wrong. Yes it's sad but we cannot and should not want to be in the company of those who do not want to be in our company.

It's also good for boys to learn how to not "tip their hands" too much with other boys. Have a great time with new kids, don't seem needy at all - and this neighbor kid will probably start flocking back.

Don't let him or you wear your heart on your sleeve (but of course it's good for him to share his feelings with you and dad). This is good practice for many years to come.

JMO.

PS: Even kids with siblings have these issues.

eta: I think it's good to know your kids friends' parents.

The fact that your child is an only child means nothing.
It's a holiday break, many people were our of town and now home winding down and gearing up for the few school days before Christmas.

Children at 7 are very wishy washy on play dates. They are just learning how to negotiate friendships, make friends and figure out what they like.

Keep your door open and welcome for your child's friends. There is no need to call any parent to see what's going in and cause drama when there is no drama. You're going through normal friendships and playtime.

Don't rely on your neighbors to only be friends with your child. He needs different social groups in order to get more well rounded... Some type of organized sports play, church group, martial arts group, etc.

You get the gist.?.. Live your life fully and not simply within your " circle" of comfortable friends. Expand your groups of friends. It will work wonders for you as well as your child.

Do not call the mom. You could be putting her in a very awkward position if she has to tell you her son simply does not want to play with your son any more. Teach your son to take a hint and do not encourage him to keep trying. Otherwise you are setting him up to feel rejected.
Encourage your son to make other friends and invite them over. He will forget his "best friend" very quickly if he is having fun with other friends.
My kids have never played with or hung out with the neighbors. They have always invited friends over.

We went through that with one neighbor kid, in particular. He didn't like the cold weather and preferred to be inside playing wii or watching tv. Come spring/ summer he was at our door 3 times a day. Just encourage your son to play with the other neighbor kids and definitely have school friends over.

Let the kids work it out and encourage your son to play with other kids and/or look for a program or club where he can have friends outside the neighborhood. I would tell him that it doesn't seem like the boy is very available to play and he should call someone else. If the other kid can play and wants to play, then let them play. But don't let that kid be the only game in town.

At seven, he's in school. Is he also in any activities such as Cub Scouts, or a church or synagogue kids' group, or a sport or martial art, or anything else?

I ask because all those places are where he meets other kids and it's time for you to start having play dates with kids from school and his other activities. At his age you need to be the one to initiate things and set them up and drive him places if that's part of the equation.

It is so easy to just send him down to knock on a neighbor's door, but take it from a parent of an older kid: The whole "hang out with neighborhood kids" thing is fine but really trails off as children get older and get more involved in their school and other activities. First, there isn't as much hangout time. And second -- we all, kids and adults, tend to form our real friendships based on shared interests and shared activities, not merely on how many feet our house is from someone else's house. Yes, he'll have neighborhood friends, but he also needs friends with whom he has some shared interests and experiences etc.

If you are not already involved as a volunteer at his school and/or with his other activities (every activity needs volunteer parents!), get involved now. It lets you get to know other parents and see your kid relating to other kids, and makes it easier to say: "Hey, Johnny, I notice you and Jimmy were really sparring well together at tae kwon do! Do you want to have him come over and play this weekend?" Or, "You hang out at church youth group with Billy sometimes, right? Billy's mom said he's really into Legos, just like you are. I talked to her and we'd like to get you guys together at the Lego store at the mall for a 'build' they're having this Saturday. What do you think?" and so on.

You won't have to manage his social life forever but yes, for a time to come you will. It's too bad if his best buddy on the street hasn't been available to play but make other play dates. (Please never, ever tell your son, "We're going to do more play dates with other kids because Neighbor Friend isn't paying much attention these days." Never....Just make play dates, always asking your son about them, and don't bring the neighbor kid into the discussion.)

And do give the neighbor friend and his family the benefit of the doubt! There may be things going on about which you have NO idea -- illness in the family; trouble between the parents; maybe the boy's having issues at school; there can be a lot of things that make a kid or a family have to lie low for a while, and that may have absolutely nothing to do with your own son or how much the neighbor friend likes him. And truly, neighbor boy may indeed simply be busy. Approach it as "Maybe they're having a tough time I can't see" and give them some breathing space. If you know the mom well enough, rather than saying "Why won't YourSon play with MySon?!" just ask, "Hey, how are things with all of you?" and leave it at that.

Ask. You need to know if kiddo's done something wrong and offended them. If the boy is just not wanting to be friends anymore too you need to know that too so you can let your son down gently.

My son (age 9) has about one scheduled playdate a week. Wednesdays are a half day at school, so either he goes to a friend's house for a couple hours or one of his friends comes here. We rotate which kids we do it with. My son has about 6 good friends we rotate playdates with...but this is always changing. He has friends from school, a son of one of our friends who does not go to his school but lives close by, friends from activities, etc. The other days of the week (once homework is done) he can play w neighborhood friends. They can play here or sometimes I kick them out to go play at one of the other houses or outside. Keep in mind that friendships change. Talk to your son about that and how it is good to have lots of friends.

I would find more friends/outlets for your son. Yes, I need to schedule play dates and lots of them. My son has a best friend, yet I do like to have him play with other kids. I do not think less of his best friend when I do this.

Not sure why his friend is doing this. Your son may have upset him, he may have done something that caused the mom to tell son to avoid him, or the kid could just be fickle and will want to be best friends next week. I would not worry too much. I would be curious, but would hold off on asking the mom. If your son did do something, I would hope this woman would tell you.

Too be honest there are a few boys I am not crazy about (extremely rude and violent). I am not sure what I would say if the parent ask me why my son is too busy for her son, yet has time for so and so. I have a feeling I would not give the whole truth in order to spare feelings.

There are also some amazing kids who for whatever reason I have not been able to coordinate a playdate with the parent, then I just stopped trying.

I know being an only child has many benefits, but it is nice to have a built in buddy in the house (my kids play well together).

Try to be outside when the mom is outside. Make small talk. She how she treats you.

Totally different take on this:
Is your child calling or asking to come over, or does he just show up on their doorstep asking to play? If he's just showing up, getting an excuse, then showing up again later - maybe they don't welcome that kind of informality. And once he goes to their house, how long does he stay? Maybe he's overstaying his welcome, and you don't realize it because you're not there (and he doesn't have the social knowledge to realize it either).

Maybe, next time your child wants to play with the neighbor, you call the parent to set up the playtime with a start time AND an end time, and see how they respond.

In my neighborhood, my son (age 7) does play a lot with neighborhood kids, but the parents still set it up to make sure it's convenient for everyone, and that the kids aren't accidentally imposing.

I would not ask the mom.. I would not get involved in kiddy problems like this.. the kids need to work it out.

however I would try to schedule some playdates with classmates.. but when school is in session. there just isn't much time.. my kids have an activity on Saturday am.. and church on sunday am.. we sometimes get together with friends on sunday after church..

I suggest it's important to know the parents of our children's playmates. I would talk with her, not to ask why her son is less available, but to get to know her. Afterall she is a neighbor. If you'd already become casual friends you wouldn't have this dilemma.

Since we (basically) never had any kids in the neighborhood we were forced to have scheduled play dates.
It's really not a big deal. Sure it takes a little more effort to make a call or send an email but at least your kid gets to spend time playing with kids he goes to school with, and you aren't forced to deal with neighborhood drama!

I have to agree, don't call. They are either giving a hint or he really is busy. My thoughts are, they are giving a hint. In any event, I suggest you explain it to your son very gently and move on. If the friendship is meant to be, he will call or stop by.

It sounds like the family does not want your son playing with this kid any more for whatever reason. Either that or he is grounded and not allowed to play. It's also possible the family is going through something right now.

There's a boy who has been playing with my older son for years. He comes to the door several times a day after school and I must say it gets annoying. They always want to hang here and not at the kids' grandparents house. Well, my son's grades have been slipping, so we have had to refuse this kid many days because between homework and dinner, there's not enough time. My son has even been flat rude to his friend because he keeps coming to the door.

I would suggest calling the mom and asking if you could take the kids someplace fun like bowling, the movies, your house to make Christmas cookies. Maybe the whole your son coming to the door routine is getting old. I personally don't let my 7 yr old ring kids' doorbells. If she finds an excuse, then wait a week or so. Try going to the door when your son is not around and ask the mom if something happened between your son and their son.

I. Good luck.

Could just be that the friend is a little tired of your son right now. I would give it a week or so, and then see if the neighbor boy wants to come to YOUR house to play. I know my GD will tell her friends that she doesn't want company today if they ask to come over and she doesn't feel like having company. She's very open and honest and it works well for her. They just ask again another day.

I personally don't have a problem with kids coming to the door to see if GD can play. I don't go for this formality of play dates, especially for older children. However, if asking a school friend to come over after school is a playdate, then I guess I do do them, but just don't call it that. I simply call it kids playing.