Friends Who Smoke

Updated on November 21, 2010
L.B. asks from Berwick, ME
50 answers

I would like to have a couple over for dinner, but they smoke. We do not smoke, I don't even own an ashtray. How do you accommodate friends who smoke? We really enjoy these people and really want to have them at our house for dinner and other social parties etc... that we may have in the future. Do we send them outside or give them an ashtray near a door?

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So What Happened?

They will smoke outside on the deck and to the responder that is wondering if my question was a joke? No it is not a joke, I don't have any other friends that smoke and want all my friends to feel comfortable smokers and non smokers. Hearing from the smokers that they would not be offended if I send them outside has been very helpful. Thank you

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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

I have never known a smoker that doesn't happily go outside to smoke. All you need is a tin can, beer bottle, soda can, whatever... placed outside that can just get tossed in the garbage later.

10 moms found this helpful
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A.F.

answers from Columbus on

I would pick up an ashtray at the store. When they get there let them know the ashtray is outside on the table (or where ever you sit it) incase they need to step outside to smoke. I think most smokers understand.

7 moms found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

if they are polite smokers they will go outside without being asked. this is an unwritten smokers rule. I never smoke in a house of non smokers. it is rude and impolite if they dont. ask them to go outside they should have no problem with this. and give an empty can for butts.

7 moms found this helpful

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A.S.

answers from Detroit on

As a smoker... (insert gasp here), I can tell you that a smoker wouldn't expect you to accomidate their nasty habit.

They should (in respect to you) go outside, well away from doors and windows... We're used to this. And rid of their garbage on their own.

An empty can or bottle works great as Riley stated.

9 moms found this helpful

J.L.

answers from Los Angeles on

Im a smoker, and I usually ask if the home owner if they mind if I step outside, and what they would like me to do with the butts. If they don't know I just say I can ash my cigarettes out in a soda can, or something of the like.
If your really worried about you can buy a cheap plastic ashtray at walmart and have it outside for them. Just tell them that its there for them when they need to go puff. Honestly I am just happy if the home owner doesn't mind me stepping outside, and if they got me an ashtray I would really be thankful. =)

7 moms found this helpful
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C.H.

answers from Dallas on

Seriously? I am a smoker and I would never, ever assume that I could smoke in somebodies house. I don't even smoke in my own house! I think you are worrying for no reason. I they ask you where they can smoke, and you are OK with them smoking outdoors at your house, let them know. I always assume that I will smoke, if I choose to even bother when socializing with non-smokers, outside, or later, once I am on my own again.

7 moms found this helpful
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R.K.

answers from Boston on

Don't worry about it if they need to smoke they will step outside to do it. My hubby is a light smoker and he does not smoke in our home or vehicles. When we do have friends over they ask if we have a preference if they smoke in front of the house or in back.

7 moms found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

I wouldnt stress about it. If they need to go and smoke they will step outside. My husband is a smoker (outside and never in a vehicle or around our boys) and no one ever accomidates him and he does ever expect anyone too. I would just not worry about it, have them over and have a great time.

6 moms found this helpful
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M..

answers from Youngstown on

I used to be a smoker, and I would never have dreamed of smoking in someone else's home (I didn't even smoke in my own home). It goes with out saying that they will step outside if they want to light up.

Don't let the fact that they smoke make you reluctant to have them over.

6 moms found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

My house is a non-smoking house. Period. Those family and friends that want to smoke know to go out to the porch.

6 moms found this helpful
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D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I smoke, but I don't smoke in my house. Go to the dollar store and buy an ashtray and put it out on your deck, porch whatever. When they ask, just say "there's an ashtray outside."

6 moms found this helpful
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G.T.

answers from Rochester on

I am a smoker but would never even think about smoking in the house if the hosts don't smoke. If I can't go for a few hours without a cig I politely ask the hosts if they mind if I go outside and have one. I have never had anyone tell me they would rather I didn't. Most times the host goes outside with me if the weather is good. If the weather is bad, I just wait till I leave to light up.

Not all smokers are as rude and inconsiderate as most non-smokers think they are! And BTW We know what smoking is doing to us, so no lectures please. Just remember, everyone has vices....no one is perfect....and some other vices are just as bad as smoking.

6 moms found this helpful
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A.J.

answers from Portland on

As a smoker (blasted I know it's horrible!), I am never ever ever offended to smoke outside or down the street or not at all! Outside is the standard for me and my friends, and recycling a can is fine too. Personally, as a smoker, I get uncomfortable with anyone smoking inside and actually won't do it even if it's offered. It's my yucky habit/addiction that no one else needs to be around...I even wash my hands and febreeze my hair and clothes. If I'm at home, I change clothes and wash my face to spare my family...Gosh, you'd think I'd just quit with all of this huh?! ....one day....

6 moms found this helpful
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M.F.

answers from Phoenix on

If you don't smoke (or even if you do, but only outside), you shouldn't ever feel the need to allow anyone smoke in your house EVER. You shouldn't feel you have to allow someone to break rules for your home simply because they are a guest. Any good guest wouldn't expect that. Your smoker friends will probably assume that they're going outside to smoke, but if something does come up, just tell them that you'd like them to go outside to smoke since you're not smokers. If you want to provide a place for butts, a disposable plastic cup 1/3 full of water will do perfectly. Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful

T.N.

answers from Albany on

Don't know any smokers who would actually smoke in someone else's house. In fact, few smokers smoke in their own houses! Set them up outside on the porch or patio or something. Enjoy your party!

5 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

Well, they shouldn't expect to smoke inside your home. I'm a "social smoker" -someone who likes to smoke a few whenever I have drinks. Whenever I go somewhere where the owners are non-smokers, if I feel I must smoke, I go outside with a disposable cup or soda can filled with some water and put my butts in there. I frequently also flick the "cherry" off the end of the cigarette when finished (this is all of the remaining tobacco), stomp it out and throw the butt in the garbage. I never expect people to have smoking implements or accessories, and I wouldn't dream of smoking inside a person's house unless they were sitting there puffing away themselves! If you know a number of smokers and you're having a party, you could get an ashtray to put out on your deck or patio, but it's not necessary. If they're full-time, hard-core smokers, they'll make do!

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

Yes... you have them go outside.
Anything can be used for an ashtray... even an empty can.

4 moms found this helpful

K.E.

answers from Spokane on

Show them to the nearest exit. They can smoke outside! I used to smoke about 8 years ago, and I NEVER would have expected to stink up someone else's house with my bad habit. If they don't like that, don't have them over. Simple.

K.

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K.M.

answers from Missoula on

If they are really friends then they will understand that you don't want smoke in your house. They will probably go outside on their own and you can either have tin, soup can with a little sand or cat litter in it for them. If you want to be a little more understanding and social go outside with them. Don't forget stand down wind though! If they get really offended then they probably aren't that good of friends anyway.

4 moms found this helpful
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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes, send them outside with an ashtray. That's perfectly acceptable.

4 moms found this helpful
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D.T.

answers from Muncie on

Depending on how close you are with this couple, it might be best to ask them.

"Hey, we're thinking of inviting you guys over but wanted to know how you'll feel about your guy taking your smoking out to the garage/porch?"

A lot of smokers will respect your request if you're polite and respectful too. I've even known a few to abstain while with in my home, simply to avoid freezing during winter months.

4 moms found this helpful
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N.H.

answers from Peoria on

Unfortunately, most of my friends smoke & when they go to 'light up' in my car I'm quick to say "oh, no smoking in the car plz" & they're okay w/it. For the house, when my smoker friends come over for the first time (by that time they all know I'm allergic & quite frankly HATE the ciggarette smoke smell) I just state we have a designated smoking area outside, we don't allow smoking inside the home & they're perfectly fine w/it. I just hafta mention for myself to ask them to plz air out quite a bit before going bk inside. And so after that, they automatically know to smoke outside from that point on...hope this helps & good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

A.G.

answers from Houston on

I quit smoking 3 years ago after 14 years of the habit, i NEVER smoked inside. I always took it outside unless i was at a bar, and i never sat in smoking sections at a restaraunt. IMO food and smoke just dont mix, no matter how addicted i was. I doubt your friends will care if you ask them to take it outside, give them an empty can. to snuff the butts in.

try not to appear too judgemental though, smoking is like a mask, people who are in the habit really dont know how repulsive it is, and they really are hooked.

3 moms found this helpful
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T.C.

answers from Chicago on

Send them outside!!!! Don't offer to let them smoke in your house. If they want to harm themselves by smoking, fine, but please don't let them pollute your house. They will understand!

3 moms found this helpful

M.O.

answers from Cleveland on

My husband and I have both smoked. He still smokes. We smoke outside. If I were at someone's house who didn't smoke and I needed a cigarette, I would go outside perhaps into the driveway (just a little bit away from the house) and smoke there. That way no one is affected by my decision other than me.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Chicago on

i smoke and no i wouldn't be offended infact my two best friends (married couple) don't smoke and me and my son will go spend a weekend with them once in a while and i happily go outside! if you're smoking friends respect you they'll go outside on their own without being asked and told but if you feel you want to let them know when they get there just say hey outside on the deck there is a can for cigarette butts you can use... they'll get the hint and wont be offended at all....

3 moms found this helpful

T.M.

answers from Modesto on

We smokers know that we go outside to smoke. Find a suitable area in your backyard or front ~~away from windows and doors and set up an ash tray. When I know I'm going to visit people that are non smokers I just put a patch on and leave my cigs in the car unless I know other smokers will be there too. Being the lone smoker isnt satisfying.

3 moms found this helpful

B.B.

answers from Dallas on

Send them outside most definatly, that is your house, you dont have to acconidate for people in your own house, and besides if they are your true friends they will repect your house. I havnt read any other comments yet, i just know from experience, i dont like smoke, and dont allow it in my house or car, and most of my family smoke, some people get mad when i tell them they cant smoke in my house, for my mother for instance, But that doesnt matter, you are either going to respect my house, or leave. And then the other people in my family know my husband adn I dont smoke, so they dont even ask, they just walk out.

3 moms found this helpful
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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

OUTSIDE. Unless you want your house smelling awful and your kids breathing in secondhand smoke, have them go outside.

2 moms found this helpful
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R.D.

answers from Kansas City on

I am another ex-smoker that did not smoke in my own home or in my vehicles - and would not allow others to do it either (still don't!). I would never consider smoking in a non-smokers home! If I felt the need, I would take it outside and when finished I'd 'field strip' the butt and take it with me. (Putting it in the trash would still stink up the house.) Send them outside. They shouldn't mind.

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K.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I used to smoke (about a thousand years ago before I had kids). But never, ever would I have even considered lighting up in someone else's home, ever. Unless the host pulled out a pack of their own and had one her/himself and offered me one. I can't imagine these people would try to smoke in your house - and if they do, they are truly socially graceless and can't possibly have very many friends! Send them out to your porch or patio...they should be used to this by now as almost no one likes their house to smell like smoke.

2 moms found this helpful

T.K.

answers from Dallas on

The only smokers I know that don't look for an exit when they want a smoke are the elderly. If my great aunt wants to smoke, well, I hand her an ashtray because she has earned the right. But other than the case of respecting my elders, everyone else goes outside. I don't think they even mind. Sometimes it's nice to sneak away from the chaos to go out on the patio for a quiet moment. I would make a lovely little getaway. Hang a few christmas lights out there. Give them a couple comfy chairs and a conversation table. You might find the nonsmokers wandering outside too!

2 moms found this helpful

L.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

Both of my parents unfortunately smoke. And they never even think of lighting up in someone's house. They always step outside to smoke. With all the info we now know about smoking, I think most people who smoke naturally decide to smoke outside, so no one else is affected by their choice to smoke. Many smokers don't even smoke in their own homes these days. My mom will only smoke in the basement, by the open window, and my dad only smokes in his family room, right next to the air purifier. Plus, I think some smokers prefer to not have everyone see them lighting up, since it's become so much less socially acceptable these days. I know that's the case for my mom, at least.

I'd provide some kind of little smoking area outside, a couple chairs, and a little table with an ashtray, even if it's a makeshift one, like a can. Or just get a cheap one from the dollar tree just to have on hand for when your smoking friends come over. And when your smoking friends arrive, I'd just casually tell them that there's an ashtray out on the back patio for them (or wherever you designate) so it gets it right out in the open. You're politely telling them not to smoke in the house without actually telling them not to smoke in the house, and you're also being accommodating by telling them up front that you've provided them with a smoking area, and didn't make them ask where they should smoke. Win, win.

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S.B.

answers from Wichita on

we have an ashtray we leave on the back deck if my dad comes over, but he usually opts to smoke in his car.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Hi L.,
Smokers nowadays do not expect non-smokers to accommodate them. They are used to having to go outside for a smoke at people's homes. Remember, they cant' even smoke in a restaurant. When I was a kid in the 1970s, all homes had ashtrays and you expected smokers to smoke in your non smoking house but it hasn't been that way for a couple of decades now. Your friends will not expect to be allowed to smoke in your house.

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C.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

Well I make sure that I don't make friends with people that smoke. I have asthma and don't enjoy being around it.

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K.M.

answers from New York on

if they are worth having over, they will ask you what to do and you can ask them to smoke outside

1 mom found this helpful
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I.S.

answers from New York on

Hi Connecticut, pretty conservative state, just kidding. I bet the people you are inviting will very much respect your wishes. If by chance they do take out their cigarettes and try to light up, just put it nicely, I don't have ashtrays. Then go about that you don't like somoking in the house. I'm pretty sure they won't have a problem. Have a good dinner...

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J.D.

answers from New York on

Send them outside!!!!!!

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A.G.

answers from New York on

My friends who smoke don't even look for an ashtray they just go outside. I HATE smoking and it is NEVER allowed in my house. I have never had to tell a friend that because most smokers already assume that if the place they are visiting is a "smoke free" place that they will either skip the cig or go outside when needed. Don't worry about it and if by some strange reason they ask about smoking inside just kindly tell them that you don't smoke and prefer they step outside. You could provide a ashtray outside if you are so inclined.

1 mom found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

as a former smoker.....
Your friends should not smoke at your house. None of my friends smoke so whenever I went to their house, no smokes! I didn't even bring them with me. I did have one friend that told me I could smoke at her house as long as I smoked on the main street that passed in front of the house. she is my best friend and a goober.
Your friends should be fine. If they are not (which is really just a mind game that they need to conquer) then let them smoke outside and tell them to throw their butts away.
L.

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J.G.

answers from New York on

I am also a non smoker. I absolutely hate being around people who smoke, or for that matter people who have just smoked and still smell of it.
I would NOT ever allow anyone to smoke in my house or car. My husband smokes and he goes outside.
I don't understand why you would allow any one to smoke in your home.
I wouldn't give it a second thought, if they choose to smoke let them go outside. As common courtesy if they know you do not smoke they would know to go outside.

I wish the government would ban cigarettes from the USA!!!!

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M.B.

answers from New York on

Don't worry about it, smokers are used to going outside to smoke. You my want to put an ash tray out side so you don't have butts allover the place.

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

I smoke in only one room of my house. When I go to other people's houses, I smoke outside even if they say I can in the house.

Stick to your rules and have them respect you by smoking outside.

Nanc

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C.D.

answers from New York on

send them outside to smoke most know you have a smoke free home just tell them when they come

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T.W.

answers from New York on

Hi Sarah, it's been long time since I last heard from you, I was just thinking of you the other day. I have been out of work for 5 weeks now, I injured my back at work (check your in box).
As for the friends who smoke, like you we don't smoke and with myself and 3 of my kids with asthma we can't be around it. What we do is tell our friends who do smoke is that we can't have it in our house and that if they want to smoke we would appreciate it if they would go outside away from the door. With the winter months upon us it is a bit harder and I understand smoking outside is the pits but it is their choice to smoke not mine and second-hand smoke has been know to be as bad or worse than smoking yourself. If this couple are truly good friends then they will understand. The other thing you can do is get one of those cute hangers for your front door that says something about your home being a smoke free home and that you are glad your friends understand.

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M.M.

answers from Chicago on

You do not have to accomodate, they do! They are the one with a nasty dangerous habit. OUTSIDE!

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E.C.

answers from New York on

Decide on your values; I think people are pretty used to going outside.

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R.Y.

answers from New York on

Most smokers would probably ask where they can smoke or just go outside. If in doubt you can mention it casually when you invite them.

1 mom found this helpful

C.A.

answers from New York on

I am a smoker and if I go to someone's house that doesn't smoke, I will excuse myself and go outside. Far enough from the house so that they don't smell it. I would not be affended at all. Ppl need to respect others and how they live. I have NO problem with going outside.

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