Friendships and Parenting

Have you tried meetup.com? They post a lot of groups and if you search for sahm or parenting play groups you might find something. Good luck.

It takes time, I remember feeling like that when I first moved to the area 4 years ago. I met most people through activities we were involved in like sports, I also volunteer a lot in the community for activities that usually center around kids. I went to mom's groups and places like the park and beach where there were always a lot of kids and moms.

Something I stopped doing, was making it such a focus of my life. I tried to just do my own thing and let things happen naturally...if we met a friend at the park and it turned into another play date a few days later, great! If not, no big deal. Try not to take it personal or spend time wondering why another person might not be reciprocating...like the teacher/para concern which shouldn't be. I highly recommend doing something for yourself, like a yoga class where it's just you and other mom's...that's a great way to start making connections.

Honestly I didn't really start making genuine mom friends until my kids were in elementary school. I found working with other women, volunteering on various committees, in the classroom, etc. to be the best way to get to know each other. Years later I now have a nice group of good friends that I walk/exercise with, we go to lunch or dinner (sometimes with spouses) and we have formed a fantastic book club. But these friendships literally developed over several years.
In the mean time, just try to put yourself out there as much as possible. I found simply being around other moms better than nothing (like at the park, pool, library, etc.) Even if you just have some casual friendly conversation that doesn't go anywhere you won't feel quite so lonely. And for sure sign up for the mommy and me stuff. My SIL connected with a really great group of women that way and they are still friends many years later.
Hang in there, it will get better!!!

Get involved wtih sports, the PTO, and other activities at your child's school. I work full time and feel removed from my son's school and parents however once we have been involved with sports and other activities I feel alot more connected. Also joining a local church may help socially if you are religous. There are maybe other stay at home moms that you can get to know just over the summer. Go to the playground with your kids, etc.

It takes time. We moved to our town the summer before my oldest started Kindergarten. I figured that we'd be getting in on the ground floor socially with other parents whose kids were starting school and that it would be easy to make friends. Well...it wasn't quite as easy as I thought because many of the kids at school had lived in the same neighborhood, or went to the same preschool, or had older siblings so the parents were already grouped up and friendly with each other. At the time, I was working full time in an office 5 days a week so we couldn't do week day play dates and needed our weekends to spend time together as a family (and I had younger children too). I really felt like we had no social life for that first year or two.

What I didn't realize at the time was that other parents whose kids were the oldest (and in my case, were working) felt the same way too. It's so easy to see all of the parents at school or sports who are friends with each other and greet each other with boisterous smiles and immediately start chatting like they're at a never-ending cocktail party but harder to see the other ones who are kind of quiet and keeping to themselves because they don't have a ton of friends either. But they're there!

It probably wasn't until 2nd grade that I felt like I was really friends with any of my oldest son's friends' parents and when he was in 3rd grade, I went to a PTA meeting, joined a committee for something and from there, was invited into a small working mothers' networking group that gets together once a month. That has really become my core group of friends - it's been 8 years and those are the women who brought me dinner when I was on bed rest, who are my running or cycling or gym buddies, who I go away for a weekend with, etc.

I think you'll find that as your child starts school in the fall and becomes involved in more organized activities that friendships will grow organically over time. Join the PTA, offer to help out the coach or teachers for sports and other activities, be a Brownie leader, look for local MeetUp groups, go to story hour at the library, etc. As you get more involved in your community, you'll meet more and more people and you'll find that some overlap and those are the people who you'll become friends with. It will happen, it just takes time.

Go to kid events. Find out what libraries have programs, what splash parks are good for kids, what Meet Up groups are near you. Go do the the things your family would enjoy anyway and find likeminded people.

It does get easier when they start school, but it can still be tough. I've noticed that the moms at our school are very friendly, but many of them are not interested in friendships, as they are lifelong friends with other moms. They already have long established friendships and aren't looking to expand.

The moms I usually talk to are the ones that didn't grow up here. It seems like the other "transplants" are the ones more open to new friendships.

A.,

I'd try using a local Meetup, select a fun, low-key activity and see who shows up.

It's wise to think that maybe the friends who teach are not up for playdates. Honestly, when I was teaching preschool, playdates were more or less the last thing I wanted to do. Busman's holiday, as it were. (In other words, just feels like more work, different setting).

What I found, A., was that I started meeting more families when my son was in first grade. (We did half-day kindergarten for him, so didn't get the interaction with other families or easy playdate arrangements at pickup time) Since then, we've also had the opportunity to meet more of our neighbors as well.

I also focus more on getting the kids together than the moms. Sometimes, being there for other moms means "hey, can I take your kid and give you a break?"

I found that my 'mom' relationships with other women just happened sort of naturally-- walking to and from school, seeing friendly faces around the neighborhood, making an effort to say hi and introduce myself. The moms group I was part of when my son was little-- I rarely see any of them at all, one is another mom at my school and we say hi; the other is, of course, a teacher and we see each other with or without kids as we can. Hang in there. As your five year old gets older and starts school, you'll get to meet more families; you'll meet lots of other moms, some you'll click with, some you might not. But the options become far more varied. :)

I joined a mom/baby exercise class at t Y and we ended up starting a huge book club, going on picnics, playdates, etc! See if your Y offers that.

What is your neighborhood like? We have many groups of 1-4 moms that walk with the children daily, go to the park located on our neighborhood property and the community pool. Some of the women to do the daily walking do not have children or their children are in school.

I met a several friends when my daughter was in MDO and still have those friends today (daughter is 19). A lot of stronger friendships occurred when daughter started elementary school and I was volunteering a lot. The PTA group is tightknit... so much so that I have continued to be a member of the elementary PTA group where my daughter went and I am currently a substitute. I have friends who have done the same. I am also still in the PTA at her Senior high school. I love volunteering at the schools and you can meet a lot of people naturally that way.

I know your babies are a little young just yet for that option but keep it open.

Mommy and Me gymnastics or music classes are potential.

In my old neighborhood when daughter was a toddler, we took turns hosting breakfast. Everyone brought a pot luck dish (about 6 of us from the neighborhood) and the children played and had breakfast before any early nappers had to take a nap. I am still close to this group as well. Most of our children graduated from high school last year and we were all a part of each other's graduation activities.

Lastly, don't get in your head that it is you. You know how people are nowadays.... busy busy and into themselves much moreso than years ago.

I've never tried meetup but a lot of moms on here promote it as a good way to get the ball rolling on meeting people.

Best wishes.

Call the local library, they should have a kids reading hour. Ours had it for different ages. They might also have free movie day. Ours also has a cultural thing every Friday during summer.

You are going to have to go outside your comfort zone here.

Go on FB and search the name of your town. Look for mom groups, free item groups, selling/buying groups. Post in each one that you are looking for a playdate group. Our community has an open playdate at McDonalds twice per week year round.

My suggestion is that you go into this NOT looking to make friends, that's a bit needy, but go in looking to make connections. If someone invites you guys over that's fine but take it slow when inviting others to your home. You DON'T really know them yet.

There are also many other ways to find places to fit in. You mentioned school, they didn't respond the way you wanted, what about joining the school board? or some other community organization? There are adults on those groups that have nothing to do with kids. You could make connections and make some long lasting friends this way.

Do you go to church? If not consider getting back in the habit of going? Sometimes kids will bond, ladies will bond, and friendships made.

First of all do not feel bad about yourself. I am most certain as you say it is a teacher para conflict. Sadly, few teachers step up the plate and cross the line into para world. The ones that do have my forever admiration. They don't care that they have a different job level at the time, they genuinely love people. So you may find one who would love to join in your world because you are you,not because they have a different level in the school system. I have no idea where this came from and here you are a former teacher! But I realized there was a difference when I transitioned to parapro from subbing.. It was a little unsettling.So never for one single moment think it is you.
There is one place that is usually always welcoming to parents of all ages and that is Libraries. Story hours are wonderful to sit with kids and listen. Your local park districts. Even if church doesn't have mommy and me, just going to church itself and being involved with those activities stem out. There might be a little paper you could start a group yourself with a little add I have a hunch there s a few out there like yourself. Keep trying You sound like you're a wonderful friend.

I would suggest that you don't tie SAHM into being your only persona. you are still a grown woman and not every event you have has to be centered around being a sahm. join a bookclub, join a bowling league, take a cooking class, go to the gym. volunteer at the local food pantry.

as far as your mom being your only sitter you can change that. Call the ywca or the local dcfs office and ask for a list of licensed sitters in the area. go on sitter city or car.com ask around your neighborhood for teenage girls who sit. call your local church and ask for the youth pastor he can suggest good kids for sitters.

I can tell you when I was a stay at home mom I was not looking nonstop for a mommy and me group I was looking for some time away from being the mommy lol. you will feel better when you don't feel like you have no life except being mommy.

I met my first 'mom friend' at a preschool open house. I met a ton of people when I started volunteering in the school and community, but that wasn't until both kids were in school full time.

Becoming friends with teachers is a touchy thing and can create problems and rumors of favoritism. Don't take it personally if they turn you down.

I wouldn't base it on kids and play dates solely. Most of my best friends don't have kids (I'm the kooky single mom with an 8, 6 and 4 year old always with me) and they're more available than ones who do have kids. You will meet some moms once you're at regular activities with your kids eventually (sports etc), But in the mean time, find activities in the community that you are interested in, and bring your kids! You'll get to know people and can take it from there. If there are any activities you are interested in, that's the best way. I'm a painter, and I have tons of friends through art events and groups. I also volunteer in political stuff and have met some friends that way. Library events, community gardens, whatever. Many of the people I've bonded with didn't have kids my kids' ages, but then their friends of friends did at different parties and bbqs..Just get out there and be interested in people. It takes time but it will work if you are genuinely interested in them! Even other moms won't reach out to you in most cases, you'll have to do the reaching out. I did! I was that fish out of water too, I was new in a town, had just quit my job to have kids, no husband home...I HAD to do all the work in reaching out to people who all seemed to know each other already. You can do it though. Stay out there. Smile. Ask questions. Be genuine. Go to events when you are invited even if you're too tired. Bring something. Be fun. People who are meant to be your friends will be. Once you get enough friends through hard work, and you really don't care anymore because you have enough, then tons will come flocking :)

A., I struggled with the same situation once I became a SAHM. It was very difficult for me to go out and meet friends and I have lived in the same town all my life. I know a lot of the people around here. I found a great group of women by joining a moms club. It is a group of PT working or SAHM moms with kids and we have play dates almost every week that are organized. There is a monthly meeting that you and your children can attend as well as many other activities to join into. They are part of the International Moms Club. You can try their site and see if there is a club for you in your area. It is so worth it. I wish you a lot of luck.
http://momsclub.org/

I ran into the same thing when I went from being a working mom to a SAHM after being laid off. I agree that going places (parks, pools etc) and having idle conversations are better than nothing initially. I lucked out when I signed my daughter up for story time at the library. The kids went into the room without parents and the parents got to chat. At first I felt like a fish out of water. Most parents seemed to know each other already. Then a woman called me over and introduced me to her "group". I still talk to many of the people I met that day! Plus I joined a social organization in my town that had interest group meetings. I found some women to run with and some moms to have playdates with. This helped me feel not quite so lonely during the week. Definitely check out any free activities in your town - my town has a free concert series during the summer. Often families go and you can see other people with similar aged kids to yours. If you run into them enough, you might hit it off! You could check any local hospitals to see if they have any mom's groups. Try not to get too down and keep at it.

You could join a gym and see who else is in the babysitting room with kids your child's age. Go to story hour at the children's library (your town and adjacent towns). Go to the park, the playground, the town beach. I'm not into over scheduling children, but you could put your older child in an occasional program through the town recreation department or a short-term summer arts & crafts camp, whatever is available in town, to see what develops. See if there is a Newcomers' Club in town. Go to the firehouse for some informal fire safety info, let your daughter climb on the trucks, see if there are others around. Go berry picking or to any other farm that has pick-your-own stuff appropriate for kids. You'll find other families.

Put up flyers at the children's library offering to start a play group that rotates from home to home or that meets in a public place.

Start up something fun that benefits the community - a playground clean-up, a summer food drive for the food pantry (when supplies are low and kids don't have school lunch programs), a neighborhood block party for Labor Day, a toy & housewares drive for any local agency serving new immigrants or those going from homelessness to new housing, anything that takes action and shows you to be a giver. You'll meet people with similar interests, and the friendships will evolve more naturally. If you feel you've been rebuffed (at school for example), maybe you come off as being a little needy? If you all do something beneficial and you have shared interests, the friendships will come.