My bestfriend father passed
I love my bestfriend and am very close to him n his mother n sister ans cousin. but his father was a very private person.
HIs favorite things was naps n not attending any events he was invited to.but when i would see him he was a very nice man.
once to many people were at his home he would rather keep to him self.
It breaks my heart with what happen b/c it came out of nowhere, but i never actully been to a wake of funeral. all my family thathave passed are in another country.
what am i suppose to say?.do i take anything?
Honesty n trully idk if am more sad that this family has to go thur this tragic moment or that the man actully passed.
n i feel because i didnt really know the man i feel bad for crying -i get emotional when other people get sad to me it heartbreaking
so what do i say ? idk this is partlly a question n a sad lil vent
I agree with the others. I am sorry for your loss and I am here is you need me! NEVER say "he's in a better place!"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That pissed me off when we lost my dad. We knew he was but that did not make the pain hurt any less.
Say "I'm very sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can be of help with, please let me know."
You know what I do when I'm not sure what to do, say, write, etc.?
I put myself in the other persons shoes.
What would I like to hear?
What might I enjoy receiving?
What might I appreciate?
It might look like this: "Sarah, I'm so sorry about your dad. I know you're all going to miss him so much. I remember the time he XYZ'd that day. He was such a nice guy! He was always so polite/warm/funny. What can I do for you? Hey, I have a treat/soup/bagels in my car for you guys for breakfast/dessert/lunch."
You're really going to support the remaining family so just tell them what you feel--"I'm so sorry about your dad. I don't know what to say. I feel so bad for you". Or whatever is in your heart and would be nice for them to hear. You can't take their grief away but it is helpful to have friends' support
Don't forget to continue to check in with your friend to let her know you're thinking of her. There's nothing worse than telling someone you're there for them and then not calling them and asking how they are. Don't be afraid to talk about her dad with her if she wants to or needs to. People like to reminisce and cry. It helps with the grieving process.
"I am so sorry and I am here for you"
"Call me any time day or night if you want to talk or need a shoulder to cry on"
Take your friend to lunch or dinner the week after the funeral.
Send a sympathy card to your friend and family.
Send a meal. Omaha Steaks has great meals that just need to be heated. Edible Delights makes beautiful "flower" arrangements out of fruit.
Buy a book on grieving the loss of a father and give it to your friend.
My suggestion would be, to be your self. It's ok to be emphatic or to have sympathy for the family's lost. Thereforek, if tears come to your eyes don't focus on that. Since you didn't have a relationship with the deceased that doesn't mean you have to avoid the feelings that may occur. Just as long as you are not crying over the coffin. You will be just fine. You can offer your condolences & give them a hug. If you like you can purchase a sympathy card or mail it to theh later. You don't have to but if you would like to purchase a lilly plant/ flowers that would be great too. I pray that everything goes well.
My bestest friend's mom died a couple of weeks ago. I looked at airfare to get there and there was no way I could afford the ticket. $1200!!! Crazy!!! While I couldn't be there in person I tried very hard to be there in spirit. I sent a beautiful plant to her home. I have called or texted everyday just to let her know I'm here. Some texts are silly others just tell her I love her and I'm here. We have talked a couple of times but she is hurting which means I'm hurting. I am hoping she will come down to visit this summer. I would like for us to go to the beach or someplace soothing and quiet. Her Mom's passing was not sudden it was very much expected but regardless it is still a loss. Take you que from your friend. I'm so sorry it not easy watching friends suffer.
You are describing my family and my situation almost exactly. I just lost my father suddenly. He was a private person, so although I have childhood friends that have known him all their lives, none of my friends really "knew" him. All you can do is tell them you are sorry for their loss. If you are close to the family, keep in touch AFTER the funeral with regular check-ins. Ask how they are doing, give them the opportunity to talk about him. the saddest thing of all is that people expect that you are "over it" after a couple of weeks and don't expect you to want to talk about him. If you have any memories of your friend's father, or any pictures, share them with the family. Grief is a strange thing. It's not ALL sadness. Sharing stories and pictures helps keep the memories alive, and that is sometimes the most helpful of all.
