Get Out of Bed!!

I have 2 children that are NOT morning people and had a terrible time getting up. They are now adults and deal with it in their own way. Once successfully and one not so successfully.

I have 2 tricks I relied on to help me. One is a bowl of marbles in the freezer. After a few reminders, pull back the covers and dump the marbles directly on the bed. No matter where the child goes, the freezing marbles follow them. The second is a spray bottle of water kept in the fridge. a spritz of cold water in the face wakes them up pretty well. After a few times of this, all my kids needed was to hear the fridge/freezer door open and they would be hollaring "I'm up!"

While they both sound mean, neither is harmful, and it helps them tap into that determination they need to learn to use. Using these helped me to find a solution before I actually got angry and started yelling.

Get her an alarm clock that has two alarms on it and set one for 6 am and the other for 630 and make them LOUD and on the other side of the room. Not the nice radio alarm but the annoying beep beep beep.
Also try giving her melatonin at bed time start at 3mg and go up from there.

Crunch the demand in the morning.
All she has to do is eat, brush her teeth, get clothes on , and comb hair.

She can lay out her clothes the night before.
(You can already have the oputfists put together and hanging in the closet)

She can have her hair as sim[ple as [possible (braided the night before and wear a night cap to reduce frizz)

Decide on breakfast the night before, so no looking or thinking in the morning, just doing.

This will work for just about anyone.

Hi T., I have three teenagers almost 18 (away at college), 16 year old boy and 13 year old girl.

One of those areas where I go against the expert. I still get them up every morning. (The one away at college is successfully getting himself up in his dorm room and off to class on time, so based on this, I did not stifle his development by waking him up for school his entire lower education).

We leave the house every morning at 6:55. I get the remaining two up at 5:55. Boy takes a shower, girl still prefers to shower at night.

They do not give me a hard time, I open their doors, turn on the lights, and tickle their feet. Then go back downstairs. Once in awhile I have to go back up, but usually they pop right out of bed.

They have time to come around, eat breakfast, remember all those little things they forgot to do last night. We actually all watch the morning news together.

It is my opinion kids learn as well or better from modeling (yes even teenagers) then from forcing responsibility before they're ready for it.

I get up every morning at 5:30, to sit and have a cup of coffee, have time to talk myself into being a nice mom, tehehe.

We have relaxed pleasant mornings every day.

Except waking them up gently, I do not do anything else for them, they are all very independent and responsible.

I found out recently that all 3 of them had been setting their alarms on their phones, 5 minutes before I wake them up.

As a mom of 6 kids, 2 girls grown now, 1 13 yr old girl and 3 boys ages 13, 11, and 9, I feel your pain :) I see alot of the responses below have to do with HOW to get her out of bed. I really never made that my primary focus, but rather what would happen if they DIDN'T get out of bed. I made sure they had all the tools to be successful to get up in the morning (alarm clock, 1 verbal reminder, reasonable bedtime, etc), but ultimately the responsibility is up to them to actually go to bed on time and get up on time.

Each of my older girls got one "free pass" each year. If they missed the bus (it happens to the best of us), I would drive them into school one time. If they missed the bus after that, I would make them call a cab to take them to school and they had to pay for it (we, too, lived too far away from the school for walking to be a natural consequence). In all the years of Jr. High and High School, my oldest had to pay for 3 cab rides and my next oldest 1. The ride cost $30 - $35 dollars and teenagers HATE to spend their own money on that kind of stuff :) So far, with my now 13 year old, there have been no problems - yet - but now we live less than a mile from both the Jr. High and High School so she will be walking if she is "late." There is no "bus" for us other than I drive the little kids to school and if she isn't ready when we leave, well then she gets to hoof it!

Good luck!

I briefly ran through some of the responses and I agree. No sports if she can't get to bed at a decent hour and get up when she should be for school.

The homework should be done as soon as she gets home from school. Before dinner.

When I was a teen, I didn't get the opportunity to play after school sports or whatnot... My parents got laid off from the Detroit News and I was putting a paycheck into the household. I chose heat and electricity over sports.

I was diagnosed as Idiopathic Hypersomniac. Look it up. It makes for an interesting read. If I can get up and out of bed... She can.

Put her alarm on the other side of the room so she has to get out of bed to turn it off.

If she doesn't get up, turn on all the lights in her room and take the covers off of her saying loudly, "Time to get up!"

And if that doesn't work, get an airhorn. Hee

Good luck.

I like Theresa's solution. Reminds me of my dad who would wake us whistling reveille:-)

I also think that if she gives you a hard time when you wake her, tell her she will have to go to bed a half hour earlier each night until she can get up without any fuss.

take away the sports because the bottom line is the grades in school and how she is able to organize her self if she is operating this way now she will operate that way in her adult life. Maybe you should take away the cell phone and ipod completely until she is able to manage her time, I myself am seeing as a grown women how not managing my time backfires on me. We do not want her to miss oppurtunities because of this behavior.

let us know how our teenager does.

If it were me I would put conditions on sports related activities, as these are privilages not requirements for school. If she values her sports she will get up! My son is 12 & he was having a tough time getting up at 6:00 to get ready as I drop him off at the bus stop ( 1Mile away from our house) at 6:30 on my way to work. Pick up time is 6:45 and his sisters day care is near bus
pick up. He got up late one day and he had to walk a mile in the drizzling rain. another day he missed school (i was off work that day) and he was marked at school as an unexcused absence & has a natural consequence at school. He sure did not like that & has not missed school since that day on an unexcused absence. Good luck!

I have a 7 yo who is AWFUL in the mornings. There are a few things that have helped.
The first is "pre-waking." Go into her room 15 mins before wake time and open the blinds, curtains quietly so the light wakes her. Sometimes I even turn off the nightlight and turn ON a small lamp.
The second is flat-out bribery. I had him get up on time & ready & dresses/breakfast for 2 weeks to earn a new Wii game that he wanted. Now if he gets up & ready early enough (completely dressed/eats/teeth/hair) he can play Wii before the bus stop. This may not be your daughter's "thing" but if her phone/iPod mean that much to her--you can have her earn them every day based on her morning performance maybe?

My oldest brother had a harsher approach with my nephew (karma working for sure b/c my brother was a DEMON in the morning as a teenager!). He picked the fave toy of the day--placed it on a "chopping block" (dresser) gave my nephew two chances to get up when called and if he wasn't up--WHAM!--that toy was toast! He just picked a new favorite toy for the next day to demolish. It worked. LOL

I had that problem when I was a teen, but I don't remember any consequences from my mom, just her frustration.

Last year my kids started having problems being ready on time. Here's what I did, and it seemed to work. We just did it short term to help us get on track. And my kids are 7 and 9, so it would need to be adjusted for a teen...

I set two alarms on my cell phone. If they were ready to go when the first alarm rang (early enough that they would get some relaxing time before leaving), I gave them a quarter--a bonus. If they were NOT ready--shoes and backpack included--when the second alarm rang (time to get out the door), they had to pay me a quarter. And then I stopped nagging them and dragging them out of bed. I just reminded them of our deal. They were able to get a few quarters, but it only took a few times of having to pay me for them to get a move on.

I think her having to pay you to be her "taxi" (gas money and time, at least!) is certainly fair.

We used to all get up and eat breakfast together. I really believe people need a good breakfast (not sugar donuts) but fruit, perhaps yogurt, maybe an egg or cereal or toast as well, to get started. In France, you would have a steaming bowl of half hot milk and hot coffee, perhaps with some honey or even a little sugar. For teenagers, that would be OK, along with fruit and toast or cereal.

I know that school starts way too early for most teenagers. They do need more sleep. I used to teach, and half are nearly falling asleep at their desks first period.

However, your school schedule is what it is, so it's going to have to be lights off earlier, and getting up earlier to be able to have some breakfast and leave calmly for the bus.

Check on line for the type of alarm that wakes you up with light. Even in winter, that helps people get up and started on the day, and to start better sleep habits. There are special lights that simulate daylight.

I liked the comments from the Mom who tickles their feet each morning, and watches the morning news with her children. When our grandson lived here, we all read the paper together over breakfast. It's a good habit to get into to raise well-informed citizens. She sounds like she is doing a great job. and would be a great model.

S. Toji

I have tried everything... moving the alarm clock, turning on the light, making her go to bed earlier, etc...

Some days she is up and moving before I get downstairs (she is 14), and some days I still have to yell at her to get up...

Since she got a puppy she gets right up in the morning, since she knows if she doesn't she will have a mess to clean up.

Not saying you should go out and get her a puppy.... but making her shower at night, and go to bed on time... Our rules is if she doesnt get up on time she must go to bed 15 minutes earlier that night.. and the next day the same thing... she made it to where she was going to bed at 7:30pm before she learned the lesson, but now I rarely have a problem getting her up.

Good luck... it is a hard age, they are hormonal and crabby and act just like us!!! We are doomed!

I have a younger child and thus these problems are still in my future, but I have a co-worker who has what I think is a brilliant solution to getting his kids on the bus under their own steam.

He tells them that they must be responsible for making the school bus, but if they don't they may take the "taxi" (i.e. ride from mom or dad) but they have to pay the taxi accordingly - with cash and before the ride starts. They are also responsible for any consequences they incur at school for being late. If this involves staying after and missing the bus home, they must also pay the "taxi" for the ride home. He says that after a rough start they now only need the "taxi" a couple times a year. I believe the key is setting the rates high enough that after a few paid rides there is a lot of motivation to get their behinds on the bus on time. With enough motivation she will eventually figure out a way to get her own self up in the morning.

aspx

URGH!!! My 7 year old is like this. NOT a morning person.

1. Alarm clock is on a dresser that he actually has to get out of bed to turn off.
2. NO ELECTRONICS (TV, computer, ipod, DS, PSP, etc.) 30 minutes prior to bed time. I usually have him read quietly prior to bed - to help relax him.
3. If he is NOT up and getting dressed after his alarm - I go in and open the blinds and turn on the lights.

I also "rub him down" - I rub his back, head, arms and legs TO GET THE BLOOD FLOWING - that's what I tell him - and tell him WAKEY WAKEY TIME!!!!

I try not to get mad - his dad is just like this. Not a morning person - but I am forceful in my talking to him after the "rub down" and tell him UP NOW.

If you find something that works better! PLEASE let me know!!! :)

It makes no difference how old she is (you said she's old enough to be responsible for herself) if she can't do it, you or her father still need to make sure she gets the bus. 20 mins isnt enough time to get ready and get to the bus stop! She needs more time to wake up so set the alarm for earlier, at 6 and make sure she is out of bed by 6:30. Do whatever you have to do.

My almost 13 year old is the same way. I wake him up once, then warn him, then I get the ice water. It's rare that the icewater actually gets poured on his head, but it does happen. If he refuses to get up, that's his consequence. It works, he gets up.
First wake up call is at 6:30, reminder is at 6:32, ice water is at 6:35.

I agree with the poster who recommended the book, "Sleepless in America," even though it is generally geared towards younger kids. It has a lot of good pointers about sleep in general, even for adults. When my 14-year-old was about 7, I revamped his sleep based on a class taught by the author of that book. I have something else for you to think about that I don't think was mentioned yet by anyone else. What are her weekends like? Does she have sleepovers on a regular basis or does she catch up on sleep? Most sleep experts recommend you try to stick to a regular schedule on weekends, but I do let my teen son catch up on his sleep. I am a stickler about sleepovers, and he doesn't have nearly as many as most of his friends. It really irritates him, but he also plays sports (and has asthma) so I tell him it's a tradeoff, and he really needs his sleep to stay healthy, etc. If she is a big sleepover kid, I would curtail those until she's getting out of bed better in the morning. I also wouldn't let her stay up late on Fridays and Saturdays "because it's the weekend." I don't know if those things are happening since you didn't say, but having a 14-year-old, I know those are typical teen issues. Good luck.

I would do nothing special to wake her up. Tell her she is responsible for setting her own alarm clock and getting up. If she shuts it off in her sleep or it doesn't wake up at all to it, suggest she move it across the room. I'm a big believer in natural consequences. What happens if she misses the bus? Since you live too far for her to walk, you have to drive her to school, right? Does that make her late, or do you get her there on time? If my middle schooler missed the bus, I would have her wait around home until I safely saw my elementary aged child on the bus, and then I'd drive her to school later. In other words, don't rush to get her there on time when it is her fault she missed the bus. Have her take a "tardy" at school. The school has consequences, let her receive them. Also, the bus is free. A ride from Mom or Dad will cost a deduction of allowance money for gas and inconvenience. Something will click in her subconscious to get her up and out of bed if she knows no one will give her a free ride or rescue her from oversleeping.

i certainly respect your position! I actually have a teen but she isnt the one with the "getting up in the morns" issue. Our 8yr old used to.After some research his father and I discovered that limiting tv and computer games is helpful.From what we read, engaging in these electronics keeps their minds active while they are sleeping or can even make it harder for them to fall asleep after they go to bed.We also dicovered that the ol "8 hrs" for sleep may be wrong.Kid,especially active ones as your daughter, need about 9-10hrs a night.We applied these simple changes in our home and they seem to be working.Good luck and hope that was helpful!

I say start the alarm OR wake up time earlier. It appears she likes to hit into "snooze" mode for at least 30 minutes so ......get her up at 6:00 instead of 6:30. Personally I don't think you should be the one to get her up-yes be there for a backup but she needs to learn to get up on her own. Put the alarm clock across the room to where she has to get up out of bed to switch it off. Gaurantee she will get sick of getting up to slap the snooze button and will finally get up. Also to me it sounds like the child just isn't getting enough sleep.....maybe giving up a few things for a better well rested child would be a better option? Just my opinion though.
My own husband is the worlds worst about this and can and will actually sleep through his alarm....it bugs me to death! I hit the snooze about 3x but then I get up and I set my clock a little faster than the actual time by maybe 10 minutes. My husband sets his clock ahead 1 1/2 hours ahead of time and set his alarm to go off an hour before and he STILL has a hard time. I have literally slapped him to get up and turn the sticking thing off and it always surprises me how many times that boy can get up and walk across the room to hit the snooze button and crawl back into bed. I would have been up after the first time of doing that!

I had a son the same way........I made him go to bed earlier.....and no tv, no nothing, even if he laid in bed and was wide awake...........in the morning.....we did all kinds of things to get him awake, poured water on him......made loud noises near his head..........but what worked, was grounding him..........when he didn't get up on time, he was grounded .........and it progressed to where he was grounded for every minute he was late getting up...........a day.........the 30 minutes was hard to keep too, but that is what I did.....and it worked....he was grounded for a month......I think it was harder on me than it was on him...........after that, he did start getting up closer on time.......but he would sleep in on weekends forever if I let him.........

So you have to be stern, lay down what the rules are, and that you are NOT going to start your days off like that anymore.....period! And when grounded, everything goes......we tried to do one or two things......that didn't work, so nothing, no TV, no going outside, no sports, no after school stuff, ect.......that hit home......you can start out taking a few things a way, but it it doesn't work, take the sports away..........if it's important to her, she will get up.......

Good Luck and take care...

I just remembered jajajaja
I don't have teens yet, but this is what my dad used to do. We always joke that he raised us military style, jajajaja
1. Come in and wake us up just one "its time" and that was it (1st warning)
2. Remove our bed covers (2nd warning)
3. Half a glass of cold water (Last call) Not that you would need a last call after that one. jajajaja, but it worked pretty well. We were always up by the 1st warning!!
I know its hostile, and probably you wouldn't do it (I don't think I would) but It came to me, and thought to put it here.
Also, I only had the 3rd warning done twice in the 20+ years I lived with dad, but my sister has gotten it a lot jajajaja

Let her hit snooze once, that's it. Then turn the lights on and leave them on. Maybe also play some loud music in the house too! My son (8) just started to slow down in the morning. If he doesn't get up when I ask, then I've been known to stand by his bed and sing an annoying song - like the ABC's in an extra high pitched voice. Luckily, he also has a good sense of humor :)

10pm is maybe a little late for a 13 year old? - my bed time was 9pm til I was about 15 (which I obviously thought was very unfair so stayed up reading under the covers with a torch in defiance). My mum would always charge into my room yelling 'Get up you've got things to do!!' While ripping open the curtains and pulling the covers off me (that was the wake up call there was no primer) and I would instantly stick my head under the pillow and start the day on the wrong foot. If my dad woke me up he'd come in and stroke my head or jiggle my arm to wake me up and the day was always better. I do agree with other posters that it's something kids have to take responsibility for themselves and will affect them for life if not - I was *that* kid running for the bus every morning and was on report at school constantly for lateness. Then I grew up and had consequences like if I'm late I will be fired. Now I'm awake and ready to leave in 15 mins with 15 mins chill time. My boyfriend, on the other hand is a total lump in the morning. The only way I can get him to move is by tickling him and annoyingly him so much that he gets up to get away from me. He has ADD and spends a stupid amount of time online getting distracted by 'interesting things'. He is always baffled by why he's late by at least 40 mins for everything even when he has given himself extra time (has a v forgiving boss!!). He can easily lose 20 mins in the loo while pondering the meaning of life or something or sucked into his phone. Part of his lateness is his optimism of how long it takes him to do something vs reality of how long it actually takes. Perhaps if your daughter timed herself and saw how long each stage of getting ready takes her and how it adds up she'd realise she really needs more time to be on time and would be more inclined to get up earlier to avoid concequences? If people don't fully understand how they are late when in their heads they think they have plenty of time it will feel like they're constantly getting battered with concequences without really knowing how to avoid it effectively?

I just want to throw one more thought in the mix here. All people have natural biological inborn circadian rhythms, even once we're no longer infants and have figured out the day/night thing. Think about the three year old who is up at 5:30 am every single day, regardless of what time they went to bed - that kid is a morning person. I happen to have two boys who sleep until 7:30 or 8 am, and have since they were babies - they also both prefer to have a slow, quiet entrance into the day - as do I! I have struggled with morning my whole life. I have a close friend who is a morning person, and has struggled with evenings her whole life - she would be happy as a clam to be in bed lights out at 9:30 every night - which is actually a handicap when you become an adult and parties and movies don't even *start* until 9:30 pm. Both my friend and I have learned how to accommodate our bodies' needs *and* hold down jobs and have satisfying social lives - and some of that learning was painful and hard. Your daughter does need to learn that what her body says it needs is not *always* going to be accommodated. But have a little compassion for her - for a non-morning-person, 6:30 am is really, really hard. Have a conversation with her, ask her why she thinks she has so much trouble getting up (I guarantee she doesn't like the rushed aggravated morning any more than you do.) She might be more willing to give up an evening activity (of her own choosing) if she can see it as a way to be more ready to be awake at the hour she is required. (You can acknowledge that it sucks for her body, that her body doesn't want to be awake then, but that there are ways she can help her body be more ready for it.) I'm not advocating no consequences (I think the suggestion about making her wait until the rest of the morning routine is completed and it is slightly more convenient to take her to school - so that she is tardy and has to accept that consequence - is fantastic. Social pressure is very powerful at her age - more powerful than parental pressure.) Teenagers also need more sleep than adults - some studies show that some teens need as much sleep as a toddler - 10-12 hours! Check these articles (from reputable sources) and learn more about the real physiological changes that contribute to teen sleep issues.

http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/take_care/how_much_...

http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/teensandsleep/a/teenss...

http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/sleep-topics/teens...

Your daughter is probably going to have challenges with sleep for the rest of her life - you would be doing her a huge service by helping her start to find her own solutions now.

Best of luck - to you and your daughter. As a fellow non-morning person, I feel for her.

I am not into the teen years, but I remember things my parents did, and you seem like the walking thing but live to far, can you drive her to a safe distance then let her walk. If the neighborhood is not safe or you are like me and to nervous no matter where you are then drive slowly to follow her to make sure she gets there safe. The embarasment of having to walk and the added embarassment of Mom & Dad driving slowly behind would hopefull shake that right out of her.

We lived 10 min drive from school and wow I could not tell you the 1 time I had to walk al the way to school. I NEVER did it again. My brother on the other hand he had more issues getting up. H ehas never been a morning person and now that he is 34 he still cannot get out of bed before 8 am. Him visiting my house is fun to watch my kids are all up at 630 am. Torture for him. He He He, (They are 7, 4 and 15 months and go to bed by 7pm this will change I am sure)

Good Luck!

Another thing, can you change the time on her alarm clock so it is off my 5-10 minutes. Even if she knows this it can really help.Having clocks throughout the house off by a few minutes here and there can really get you moving. Or maybe set the alarm for 6:20, so she can still lay in bed for 15-20 minutes and then get up. Some people really like the morning time to relax before getting up. Adjusting the time she gets up may help to, just in case she is close to REM sleep when the alarm goes off, much harder to wake up from. I'm a morning person, but growing up my mom wasn't and I was usually telling her she had to get ready so I would be on time since I had an early class.

Wake her up at 6:00 every morning. You can't make someone go to sleep, but if they're tired they will sleep. Keep an earlier morning routine and the night will take care of its self. If homework keeps her up some nights, still wake her up at 6:00. The extra sleep is not worth the stress of running late. You don't have time in the morning to make up lost sleep, so eventually she'll start falling asleep earlier at night. She'll get more sleep in the long run.

It sounds like more responsibility should be placed on her to get up and ready in the morning. She's counting on you or Dad to get her moving. Might I suggest charging her for your extra time and gas money it costs to drive her to school? This could be in the form of a money or chores. I wouldn't just reduce her allowance (if she has one) - she should have to physically hand the money over to you. If you decide to have her pay in chores, this needs to be in addition to ones she already has. She should also realize that if sports are getting in the way of her getting homework done and a good night's sleep, her participation in them should be in jeopardy. For more suggestions, please see http://www.loveandlogic.com/. There are wonderful books and CDs specifically geared towards teens, in addition to parenting in general, teaching children responsibility. Good luck.

Drop her off 6 blocks from school and make her walk them. Tell her that is the consequence for not getting up on time - if this makes her late, let her deal with that consequence too.

Another option is public transportation or making her take a taxi and use her allowance to pay for the ride (she can pay you back if she doesn't have enough money).

Personally I would take the love and logic approach: I wouldn't get stressed over something that is her responsibility. I would not help her get ready, but I would offer a sympathetic ear when she is upset about the consequences.

Uuugh, teaching responsibility is tough on the parents too.

hold her accountable for her behavior-teens rough time-but if she misses the bus an you have to take her to school-make her pay for gas an mileage-or do extra chores for the pay back.you have to set strong boundaries at this age an have zero tolerance-my son was the tough one-whew it was a battle every morning-finally we got truant officers involved-alls it took was one time for them to get him out of bed-in the shower-brush his teeth-and eat breakfast-they pretty much did it for him-mind you this was 4th grade-never had one problem since then-their both in their late 20,s now-i still hear about it.as a single parent-i pulled out all i could....