Getting 11Mo to Take Naps in Crib? (Without Crying)

Hi A. -
As with a lot of moms on here, we too struggle with naps! My situation is a little different as I don't co-sleep (mainly because I was never able to sleep if my kids were in bed with me!) but my daughter got hooked on the swing. She was born with really bad GERD and was on meds early on but we couldn't lay her flat. She would spit up continually until she was up-right again, thus we ended up putting her in the swing to sleep and that's where she learned her bed was. When she was 6 months old (about 3 months ago) I decided it was time for her to learn where her new bed is - in her crib. Since I don't do CIO either, this has taken a lot of time. I started a routine that I use for nap and bedtime, a book, a bottle, some snuggles, wrap in a blanket and lay in the crib. Then I would leave and the crying would start. At first I let her cry for 3 min, then I would go in and resettle her. Then I worked up to waiting 5 min. Then 10 min. The good news - I never had to wait 10 min! She would always fall asleep before the 10 min was up =) This was a great transition method for us for sleeping at night. For naps, she is still 50/50 - half in her crib and half in her swing. We are still wroking on it but I'm confident we will get there.

It sounds like you enjoy co-sleeping and that is great!! It took me a while to understand that children learn sleep so if you teach them that sleep is with you, that is the way they will only sleep. I believe that you can teach different methods of sleep, but that it takes a lot of time. Good Luck!

A.,
I have tried to write this several times but it always comes out the same. I am not in any way communicating that I think you are doing anything wrong by not not letting him cry himself to sleep. If you don't want to try it, and he continues to expect you to hold him every time he sleeps, that is all he will ever know and you cannot expect his behavior to change.
I pray that someone else will have some suggestion for you because I can feel that you love your sweet son with all of yourself and only want to do what is best for him.
As for advise, my experience has taught me that one of us is the parent and one of us is the child and it is a hard job to be the parent. Whoever leads now, will continue to lead. Trust your heart and gut but also remember that these little angels are smart and know how to get us to do what they want. They are also tough cookies and can adapt to, and thrive in, any environment a loving mother prepares.
God Bless you and good luck!

Hi A. - I agree with Michelle. If your son is only ever taught to nap by you getting him to nap, he will never be able to learn anything else. I understand if you feel uncomfortable with the crying method and I did too with my first daughter. That is until I was so sleep-deprived that it started to become a safety issue for both of us. You do have to consider that sleep is a NECESSITY for us to function as human beings - both for adults and children.
I finally tried the cry method with my daughter and it KILLED me the first night. But if you decide to try it, you'll be amazed who quickly those little bundles learn to do things on their own!
I am a firm believer that our role as parents is to teach our children how to function and thrive on their own, rather than being dependent upon someone else to always "fix" their problems for them. Isn't that the basic goal of biological survival? Just consider that in teaching your son to be 100% completely dependent upon you for sleep, he is not learning anything about how to make his own way in the world - whether it be sleep now, or something more vital to his happiness later.
I think you should definately go with what your gut tells you is right for your child, but just take a moment to consider other options and maybe see what the reason is why you find one thing more appropriate than another...sometimes (and I'm not saying this is the case with you), but sometimes, our reasons for doing things are not rational, but based on some hidden emotional need of our own.
If you do decided to continue on the path you are on now, then just realize that "me" time is not in the cards for you. You have to decide for yourself which path is healthier for BOTH of you (yes, you DO have to consider yourself in this equation too), and which sacrifices you are willing to make for your choices.
I hope a solution finds it's way to you that works for you!

A.,

First, bravo to you for sticking to your beliefs about not letting your son "cry it out"....I am 100% with you on that one. I have 4 kids, and I admit, I tried it and it lasted about 1 minute! It just did not sit right with me.
So, back to your non-napper. Some kiddos sleep more than others. Some will only sleep with mom or dad around. Some are totally fine on their own. Some can't sleep with noise, some dont' care....there isn't only one way for a baby to sleep. I literally was talking to a mom -to -be last night and she said that when her younger brother was an infant/toddler, he would only sleep when his mom slept. The minute she would get up, he was up! Sounds like your little guy - so he's not abnormal:) He just needs more contact. My 4th child (youngest) is similar. She is a light sleeper and prefers to sleep when and where I sleep. We have spent many nights driving around at midnight to get her to fall asleep:) Car drives almost always get them into a deep slumber. Luckily she won't wake up from car to crib or our bed. I've also tried laying down with her until she falls asleep and ever so quietly sneak out of bed and put my pillow next to her (not close to her face), but so that she feels something next to her and it smells like me.
It sounds like he has a routine of sleeping and awake times. Have you started a ritual for naptime or bedtime? Like, bath time then read a story, sing lullabies, nurse,lay down together. I would make his naptime ritual different than bedtime ritual. But be consistent with both of them as long as it takes. And know that he doesn't always have to sleep in a crib or bed -obiviously you are ok with it because he's been napping in your lap:)
I also would carry my daughter around in a backpack. She would sleep so I could get things done.
I really get the "me time"...you really need that. Is he comfortable falling asleep in someone else arms? Grandma, grandpa, auntie....? Even if it's once a week, you can take off for an hour - or just go soak in a bubble bath!
The thing with attachment parenting...which sounds like you might follow?? .... it requires alot of our time and energy, but for a greater cause. Attachemnt parenting helps our wee ones become more secure and independent and emotionally healthy as they venture out. I wish I had some tried and true tips for you to try, but it is going to be trial and error, and going with your gut instinct. What I can say now though, all 4 of my children co-slept, and when they moved into their own beds, I lied down with them until they fell asleep, then I would lie down with them until they were drowsy, then I would sit with them, until eventually they just went to bed on their own...and they are all great sleepers! We are still learning and working with our 3 year olds sleeping patterns, but I feel that bedtime/naptime should be a safe feeling and good thing to do...not one filled with fear or stress.
Eventually you will find something that works, and as long as you get support or help and moslty keep your loving attitude about it, your son will become a good sleeper on his own. Good energy to you.

In peace,
A.

We went through what sounds like the exact same situation with our daughter who is now 19 months old - the minute I would move her she would be wide awake and I was not about to do the cry it out thing b/c she would go on and on forever and it just felt so wrong to me. She also hated her crib. So what we started to do is lay down with her in our bed to take a nap. She also cosleeps with us at night so she is used to sleeping in the bed with us, which sounds like is the same situation with you. We bought a railing that you can put on the side of the bed so she can't roll out. I have also heard of people just putting the mattress flat on the ground so it would not be much of a fall if they rolled out. The railing works great though. So we read a couple books, put on music and lay down with her like it is time to go to sleep. Sometimes it takes 10 mintues sometimes 30 to go to sleep, but once her breathing pattern changes and I know she is out and I can sneak out. Now we are transitioning her to her own bed - a mattress on the floor and we do the same go to sleep routine just in her bed and so far so good - although she sometimes crawls into bed with us in the middle of the night still. I wish you all the luck in the world!!!

What I did with my youngest son is lay down next to him on a clear spot on the floor until he fell to sleep and then walked away and he slept on his blanket on the floor. It worked miracles for me and when he got up there was no danger of him falling off something as he was already on the floor in his safe area. We had our whole family room gated off for him to play in.

D.

I am only responding to the safety concern...the adult bed...I do not do cry-it out either...
My husband and I have to trouble with sleeping on the floor on a Japanese futon...no risk of falling if your child gets up without you there! There are also bed rails you can block him with...on a regular bed.
Do you think a warm bath or baby massage might help him clam down?? I feel for ya...but the bond between you is so precious...his sleep patterns might change too...for the benefit of you both....you never know...

oh yes i remember those days and i won't let my son cry sorry moms that do but for me i can't handle it either it breaks my heart. Anyways i still have a hard time with naps and not with night time. But i just lay him in our bed since he was born and once he falls asleep i either went and cleaned watched some tv or took a nap myself. And little by little the shorter time it took him to fall asleep since he sleeps with you at night the crib is not bed for him and he won't ever sleep in it with out a fight and so I'd just not use it.. Just have your son prctice getting in and out of your bed and hell be fine I had to do the same thing and now at 2 and a half my son still sleeps with us but once he is out I move him to his big boy bed if I want too buut usually he stays with me.. But just get the routine that at a certain time is nap and that is when you lay down in bed together maybe turn on a movie and have a sippy and go to sleep and then you can get some alone time it will get easier..

I just wanted to say good for your for not being willing to let him cry. Now let's see what everyone says. My 3 month old will not nap anywhere except with me cuddled next to him! Good Luck!

My son stopped napping at about 2 months. Sigh, I was so sad to see the naps go. I tried about everything I could think of and just gave up. He's 7 yo now and tells me that he hates to go to sleep because life is so fun and he wants to be with us more. He doesn't want to waste time sleeping. I think this is how he felt at 2 months, he just didn't know how to say it. I wouldn't worry and let the naps disappear. He's getting enough sleep. Me time? What is that?

Oh A., I so feel your pain. My 9 month old is following a similar pattern. I found that some crying and comforting works for us. She cries and after about 5-10 minutes I go in and pat her back. Eventually she learned to just accept my patting her back to sleep. That way she was not left alone to cry totally, but it took some initial crying in the beginning. Sometimes up to an hour of my going in every 10 min or so and saying," it's time to go nigh-night"laying her back down and repeat. It takes longer than just leaving them to cry it out all at once, but eventually she did get it. Now, she will generally wake up after i nurse her and put her down in her crib and maybe whimper, but she allows me to pat her to sleep. Night time until 3 or 4am she can go back down with a simple pat most of the time too now (she sleeps in her crib). She still only takes 30-60 min naps, but the fight is not there like it was. I wish you the best! I am there with you:) S.

You could try putting him in the bed but you don't have to leave the room, grab some headphones and a book and sit near the crib with a small light for reading. Other than that you might just have to let him stay awake with out a nap, he might not need one and this is why he pops up every time you move. Not all babies are nappers. Try letting him get really sleepy for a couple days and see how well he sleeps, or just do one nap instead of two. My oldest rarely napped and stopped altogether by one. Both my girls slept with me until about 3 or 4. I'm a single mom and it's just the way it happened. Good Luck!

I have had the same issues with my boy not wanting to separate from me, and waking at the flutter of butterfly wings. He never naps much and never did even as a newborn. He is one year now. I have had to work terribly hard at my natural instict to not put him through the "crying". I think it's every mother's instinct to want to not do it that way, but i am not one to tell a mom what is best for her. I do know, that if one is not willing to teach a child that crying is okay, a crib is a safe place where they CAN soothe themselves, AND that sleeping with mom and dad is the only place of comfort--it will continue to be more and more difficult for you. I still rock my baby to sleep quite a bit, but if he wakes and wants to get up prematurely, he goes to his bed. I stay there and give him a chance to be comfoted before i leave the room. If he gets mad, i just have to let him work out his tiredness through crying--it's a natural emotion for a baby when they are tired. I always tell myself "what if someone always tried to stop me from crying?" Sometime crying is how we work out our frustrations and learn to soothe ourselves--it's a way of coping that is a gift--to learn and use! Good luck. I remember passing out and pulling my baby crib over on top of myself with my baby in my arms when i finally realized i needed some sleep too! That's when my eyes were open to the fact that i was being ridiculous about not wanting him to every cry just becuase it made me feel bad--I told myself finally--"I'm the grown up... i should know better that that."

I am currently going through the exact same thing! I started a system I read about in the book "Goodnight, Sleeptight." Laying my son down when he is "drowsy, but not asleep" is a joke. He just gets up and smiles at me. My son is 14 months old and I started trying to get him to sleep in his crib at night at we almost have that mastered (we too were co-sleeping and are just starting to get him out of the bed).

Basically what I am doing is I make the room dark and put my son in his crib laying down. Then I sit next to the crib on the floor with my hand through the slot to comfort him and give him the contact he is used to. He usually stands up a few times. At first I had to lay him down a bunch of times but he is now starting to lay back down if I just pat the bed. I sit with my eyes closed and just wait. I can't let him "cry it out" as I don't think it works. He is responding really well! He is able to fall asleep most nights fairly quickly now. He does still wake up around 2 or 3 am (we put him to bed at 7) and can't always fall back asleep on his own. But we are making progress and we are trying to put him in his crib this same way for nap time and are getting about 80% of the time it working. We hit a snag this week with him being sick but am sure we will be back on track when he is better.

I hope this made a little sense. The book I mentioned is the best because it works without making them "cry it out." And it offers more then one option to try. Good Luck!!

I understand you not wanting him to cry, but sometimes you have to, plus it is actually good for him to cry as it exercises his lungs! It will take 3 days...change hime, feed him, love him and tell him it is sleepy time and put him in his crib and close the door, you can go in every 10 mins and comfort him WITHOUT picking him up, just reassure him, then walk out again. He should also be sleeping all night by now in his OWN bed! What you need to do is think about what is best for him, not what is easiest for you. He needs restful, uninterrupted sleep. You are doing more harm than good!

Let him wear himself out. Allow him to play and play and move around until he falls asleep and let hime sleep by himself wherever he knocks out at. Eventually he will create his own sleep pattern. Don't forget the older they get the less amount of time they want to sleep. Another thing.... I know you don't want to hear about letting him cry and you might think this is cruel, but believe it or not it's not! sometimes, you gotta do some hard stuff that will hurt you more than it will hurt him. Right now he has you wrapped around his little finger and if you don't change that soon, you will let him rule instead of you being the mommy. Good luck!!!

Hi A.-
I co-slept and rocked to sleep for every nap and bedtime for 10 months....with my triplets! :) The bigger they get the tougher it gets to do it since they are so mobile. I am a firm believer in sleep as an important part of development as many studies and books I have read show that good sleep is important for brain development. So any effort towards good sleep felt like good work to me.

I used to rock the kids to sleep them place them in a rocker chair (Boppy Papasan Chairs). This worked but the older they got it seemed slightest noise would wake them and so I was only getting 25-40 min naps out of them.

Finally I decided at 11 months old that we should try to allow them to self soothe at night (yep, cry it out). Since they were still waking at least once at night (still rocked them to sleep) and I would bring them to my bed for the rest of the night. So we started with the 3am wake ups, let them fuss. The first two nights were tough, esp since I was tired and it would be sooo much easier to just go get them and snuggle back to sleep. On the third night whenever one woke up, there would be 20-30 seconds of fussing and then back to sleep!!

After a few weeks of that we started with morning naps, bottle, put in cribs, read storys (even if they were fussing to get out), then left them to go to sleep. I put books and stuffed toys in their cribs. (and make it dark, music and humidifier on). They would cry when I left, then play for 10-15 min, then cry again and then go to sleep. The crying at naptime didnt last very long at all (I think b/c they were getting used to going back to sleep at night).

Then we added afternoon naps, then bedtime. It is such a relief when you get to the point where you can feed nightime bottle or sippy and them put them in their cribs and say night night! You end up with ....gasp...adult free time!! :)

Now we have bed at 7:30pm, wake at 6:30 or 7am, nap at 9 or 9:30 for 1-1 1/2 hours, nap at 2:30 for two hours. I would have NEVER thought this was possible back when they were taking 30 min catnaps!!

I understand if you do not want to try the CIO method. The MOST important part of that is NOT to go back in once you leave or else they just understand that they need to cry harder and longer to get out. So if you cant do that then it will not work and you both will end up frustrated.

Maybe try the boppy chair in the living room or in your bed room. Rock him to sleep then ...gently!..put in the boppy chair and snap him in. If he wakes up when you put him in you can bounce the chair so he can go back to sleep. I used to put a heavy blanket over my girls legs too so they would feel more snug.

GOOD LUCK!! :)

I'm sorry, but (There's always a but, huh?)- good luck with the whole not letting him cry himself out thing.
HOWEVER--- Since my snarky-ness will not help you in this situation- maybe you should just let him fall asleep where he falls. Within reason, of course!.
When my son was just a little guy like yours (He'll be 11 next month and he's only 1/2" shy of my height!) he was a regular ball of fire. When I couldn't get him to sleep where I wanted to (after letting him cry-which worked more often than not. Whatever-your kid is your your kid :)!)_I would lay him out on the floor to wiggle and play again-He would normally tire himself out in a little while. You have no idea how many times he would be playing with his hot wheels in the hallway and next thing you know he'd be out like a light with his favorite atomic orange Camaro clutched in his tiny little fist! I mean, I wouldn't let your little guy pass out in the dog's water dish or anything- but if he conks out on the family room floor and he's not in danger of suffocating on the cat's tail or in the shag carpeting, just let him be!. If he gets a refreshing and safe nap and you get an hour of peace, GO FOR IT!
I have a question for you----
Does he go to bed in his crib without a fuss or is he with you then too?
I know you don't want to hear this-but I'm going to be a nosy ninny anyway and tell you something. Their crying hurts us more than it hurts them. Your going to end up showing up to cuddle with him for nap time in kindergarten if you're not careful!
JUST SO YOU KNOW- I'm not a heartless mommy! I did my share of letting my little guy cry himself out( And YES, it sucked! He even broke a couple of blood vessels in his cheeks from crying so hard. My Pediatrician gave me the OK to keep it up! There were times I would have to go to my neighbor's and send her to my house because I couldn't stand to hear him so miserable! After a couple of weeks it tapered off though! ) - but I STILL cuddle with my almost 11 year old for 10 or 15 minutes every morning. I don't have much time left, ya' know:(!

Good luck, sweetie! A.

A.,

It sounds like your son knows how to push your buttons already and get what he wants.
If you don't want to let him cry and fall asleep on his own then I don't think there is much you can do.
You as a mom and a person need your own time and rest without your child attached to you 24/7.
So I hope you can figure out a way to have him sleep on his own or let him cry because it won't hurt him at all to cry. I did it "let my baby cry" and my daughter turned out just fine and I am speaking from experience.
Good Luck :)

My child was a lot like yours. She was never a good sleeper--still isn't-- and would only take naps while laying on me. I nursed her to sleep too so that did not help much either.

I tried the crying out method and it did not work well for me because of my childs temperment and because it just killed me to sit there and let her cry. When she turned fourteen months old, I was at my wits end. I wanted to wean her and wanted her to take regular naps in her bed. I finally found a book called "Good Night, Sleep Tight" which is a gentler method of crying it out.

Do not get me wrong, it was not easy and she still cried, but I did not leave her alone to cry. What ever method You choose is going to be hard if you are really serious about it. You have to stick with it and be firm and consistent or it will not work.

This book helped me wean her and start sleeping in her bed for naps. The first two days were nightmares, but after that she started doing a little better everyday and I am much happier. She still is not a good sleeper and she is 19 months old now, but I still have hope that one day she will sleep all night long. Good Luck. I have been where you are and it is not fun. I am sorry to say I have not found a way to completely keep them from crying unless you just keep giving in to what they want.

Hi, A. ~

I am 100% with Michelle on this one. You're obviously a loving, vigilant mother and I admire that. And if you're not willing to teach him to self-sooth at the moment, and you can handle the lack of "mommy time" in favor of what you feel is right for your son, that's an admirable sacrifice. But you should probably stock up on Depends, because chances are, you're not going anywhere! He's used to having mom at his beckon call and even the youngest of kiddos aren't open to giving that up without a struggle.

I taught each of my three angels to self-sooth very early and it is one of the best decisions I made for my family. I don't function well when sleep-deprived and I desperately need time to myself throughout the day - for their sake! - so some crying was definitely worth it to all of us. And my children don't see bedtime as "frightening" or "stressful". They are healthy, peaceful sleepers!

If another mom has a suggestion that works with your situation and style of parenting, more power to you! But don't be surprised if your sweet little guy runs the show for a while. Enjoy your Tivo! And remember, honey, this stage doesn't last forever. :)

~ R.

If you want "me time", you are going to have to let him cry. It will only get harder as he gets older. Every time I hear about someone with sleeping problems the next thing they say is "we co-sleep" or "I do all I can to get them to sleep." (sorry if I'm being harsh). I agree that you are now the crutch. Crying is not that bad. Let him cry for 15-20 mins then go in w/out picking him up, try patting his back and singing "twinkle, twinkle" try stepping back out of the room slowly. I don't know how people can get a good night sleep with children in their bed, but at least they fall asleep fast at night. Babies need sleep, so they will sleep eventually. You need to be tough. Go outside so you can't hear it (or put on your headphones). I hope you change your mind about the crying else you will always have this problem. Good luck.

I love and applaud your dedication to listen to baby's needs. Have you thought of making a bed on the floor with a mattress or whatever you can so you can lay down with him at naptime and get up while he sleeps? He will be safe and you can use that time for yourself, knowing he won't fall off. (My babies never even had a crib because they slept with us, so at naptime, I pushed my bed up against the wall and created borders around the two open sides, but I know not all bedrooms can accomodate this.) A futon mattress is easily laid and rolled up, or a mattress could be slipped under your bed and pulled out for naps. This works great for those nights, too, when you want him in another bed for a few hours. :) I hope you are able to find a solution that works for both of you!

you never wrote down if he acts like he is tired you just said what you do to get him to sleep. if he is not acting sleepy he may have better things to do than sleep

I had 4 kids the first one slept all the time heck I had to wake her up to feed her after about 6 hours sometimes. the second one never slept and forcing her to sleep caused problems. my other 2 slept normal.

first of all you are trying too hard to get him to sleep and unless he is cranking I would not force the subject. I know you said you can't let him just cry it out. I think you should try a few times. crying it out solves lots of problems for babies. as long as he is changed, fed and nothing else is wrong let him cry it out he will not actually cry that long and if you have to shut the door so you have to not hear him cry.

when I had 1 of my babies there was a baby in the hospital with respitory problems and the reason was mommy didn't want him to cry ever.

he may cry himself to sleep but this is not that mean of a thing to do to your child.

take this idea he really needs to learn to fall sleep on his own you really can't be there at his college dorm rocking him every night for 2 reasons I am sure he is not going to appreciate it and second of all his friends will laugh at him. the last part was intended for dramatization. he will not cry for long especially when it dawns on him that you are not picking him up to help him do something he needs to learn himself even as a newborn. giving him a bottle while you are rocking him is totally ok you do not need the problems of a crib fed baby (bad teeth, etc.)
you are not a bad mommy if you let your baby cry as long as you know he is fed changed and not having any other problems.

ok back to the sleeping -- he just may not need to sleep and if he is not cranky do not force the issue. with you so tense to the fact that he is not sleeping he feels that and he will not sleep. do not make such a big deal out of it and you both will be better for it

I have a 3 yr old son and a 6 yr old daughter who have both been great sleepers--naptime and bedtime, since they were about 5 months old. At 5 months for each of them, we did allow them to cry at bedtime for a few days. That doesn't mean we let them cry indefinitely while we had a great time. My husband and I worked together, which is important because we supported each other through the process. We went to the baby after 3 or 4 minutes and increased the intervals by 2 or 3 minutes each time. When we went to them, we laid them down, whispered "shh" and rubbed their backs until they calmed down somewhat. It is a difficult thing to do, but it only lasts for about three nights. But the end result is a baby who can fall asleep on their own, which to us was a priceless gift for our entire family. Naptime became very easy once they mastered bedtime.

I think it's great that you are so in touch with your baby's needs and are going with your gut--that's an essential mommy trait. Plus, if you feel strongly against it, then crying it out may not work for you. So I agree with several other moms: you need to accept and be comfortable with the fact that your baby, at least as long as you continue what you're doing, needs you present to nap and sleep. You will not have "me" time and you have taught him that you are an integral part of his sleep routine. If you're good with all of that, then your system is what's best for you both. You can actually have some down-time or nap time with him while he sleeps on your lap.

Best of luck!

Get the No Cry Sleep SOlution by elizabeth pantly... it will help you out SOOOO wrong! Also, I am glad that you are following your gut. Never do anything you will regret. I think it's just got to be gentle, and it may take a while. My son still naps and sleeps in our bed at 16 months (for the same reasons that yours naps in your lap.... don't worry, those stubborn babies are also very smart!!!!), which is ok, because I put pillows around him and we got a side guard. I showed him how to get off the bed by himself, and he does great, but normally stays in bed until I come get him. When he was younger, though, he would ONLY nap on me. I bought a wrap so that I could pee, wash dishes, etc... while he napped. It was seriously a life savor! Gypsymomma is my favorite if you want to check it out. Maybe you can put his crib open-face by your bed at the same level, so that he feels close, but is safely in his own space for nap time. Just an idea :). I really think the book will help you soooo much. Also, www.askdrsears.com has some great information on sleep!

Wow, I thought you asked for non-crying it out ideas. That's not really what you got is it? I don't think it's true that crying is the only way for you to have me time. I don't have a good answer for you, sorry. But, I don't do the crying method. I rock my baby and put him down when he's asleep. He also wakes as soon as I put him down in the "drowsy" state. He used to co sleep a lot with me but now he sleeps from 9pm to 3:30am in a pack n play in our room. When he wakes I feed him and he goes back to sleep - I put him back in the pack n play (I used to keep him in our bed - until I got him to stop eating in the middle of the night). As for naps he gets rocked and then put in his crib if he only takes a 20 min nap - oh well. Sometimes he doesn't feel good (teething) so I do (and my mom) will hold him while he sleeps. This doesn't make him not be able to sleep in his crib. The only way I got him to sleep in his bed is by putting him in once asleep. At first he would wake up and I would rock him again eventually he got used to waking in his bed and now we'll find him awake just playing with his animals.
It can be done without crying it out, you just need a lot of patience. People tell me all the time how I need to let him cry it out. I found something that worked for me, you will too.
Good Luck!

Hate to tell you this, but you will have to let him cry if you want him to learn to fall asleep on his own. What you've done is created "sleep props" that he needs to fall asleep, whether it's rocking him, nursing him, letting him sleep with you, holidng him, etc. I would suggest creating a bedtime routine that is bathing him, snuggling, reading him a story and then laying him down in his crib and telling him it's time to go night night. If he cries, let him do so for about 20 minutes, then go back in, lay him back down and rub his belly and tell him it's time for night night. Keep doing this until he gives up and he will. This may take a few nights and will be torture, but it is what you'll have to do to break him of needing the sleep props to fall asleep. Keep in mind that the older he gets, the harder it will be to train him to fall asleep on his own and if you aren't willing to let him cry, be prepared to be his sleep prop another 3 or 4 years. If you're okay with it, then more power to you. If you're not, then you will need to let him cry it out. I would also suggest watching the show Super Nanny. She has good ideas for this problem too. She did one episode where they would lay the baby in the crib and the parent would sleep on the floor next to the crib until the baby went to sleep. Each night, the parent would move closer and closer to the door until the baby no longer needed them in the room to fall asleep. Might want to try that. Also, make sure you have no night lights in the room. If they can see, it's harder for them to fall asleep. A dark room is more effective.

Good luck.