I'm sorry you're in that position. It sounds like your hubby is just set in his ways and doesn't want to be told what to do.
So you've established that. What to do now except get a divorce??
I suggest looking into flylady.com. She has some great tips on how to cut down on your weekly cleaning. Like her daily swish n swipe of the bathroom. It takes a minute and it means the bathroom is always clean.
She's also big on decluttering. Less clutter makes a house easier to clean.
No, I don't agree with what your husband is doing and I don't think he's right! But you can't MAKE a person do something he doesn't want to do, and trying to force him into it is going to cause a fight!
When it comes to cooking, use your crockpot (or buy a crockpot). I know I don't feel like cooking when I get home from work so it's nice to walk into the house and smell that dinner is ready to go! Plus cleaning one crockpot is easier than a bunch of pans.
My advice--just do the best you can. And as much as it tastes bad, compliment your husband on everything he does to help. He's like a child, and children respond well to compliments too!
I often agree that a woman's work is never done. Your husband may have issues from his childhood. I know my dad REFUSES to put his clothes in the hamper even thought it's 3 feet away from where he drops his dirty clothes. It's because of his mother. My mom has just accepted that. *sigh* Men are weird, eh?
Don't try to be Superwoman. Also, you could try telling your husband small things to help you out with. For example, you could say "could you throw the wash in while I put Junior to bed, I'd really appreciate it." He may just need guidance.
If you want harmony in your home, then you have to be SMARTER than your husband and MANAGE him :) Like in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She says "the husband is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants!"
Good Luck!