Getting My 15 Month Old in His Own Bed

Updated on June 07, 2008
G.B. asks from Arlington, TX
23 answers

i have a 15 month old son who has slept with me and my husband since birth and we are now ready to get him in his own bed. we have tried puting him in there after he falls asleep but he just wakes up in terror, and tried the old trick of puting him in there and letting him crie himself to sleep, but it dont work he will just cry hystericly and never go to sleep. please help i want him in his own bed, but dont want him to be so upset.

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S.K.

answers from Tyler on

You could try going to sleep with him in his room and wait for him to fall fast alseep before you leave him.? Hope that helps.
S.K

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J.H.

answers from Amarillo on

Best way I had was to pleasantly say bed time, and lets read stories, sit or lay beside them a bit and read or tell stories, or sing bed time lullaby. Leave a night light on. After awhile you can sit beside, and not have to lay beside, but for a bit you may have to lay down with him.

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E.P.

answers from Dallas on

Toddlers begin to have dreams. When a dream wakes them up, it can turn into a "night terror." Below is the response that I gave to another mom asking for advice on getting her child to sleep in his own room.

4-29-08
When I was pregnant with my first child (23 years ago), I watched the Phil Donahue Show one day. They were discussing a new book called "THE FAMILY BED." The author said that human parents used to sleep alongside their young children and that our "civilized" society had changed that. He said, "Separate bedrooms are an artificial invention that came along only after World War II. Separate bedrooms were a sign of affluence. If you were the new middle-class, you would show your wealth by having a house with many bedrooms."

He also said, "Our skin is the largest organ in the body. It is meant to be touched. If you deprive an infant from touch, it will fail to thrive."

A woman in the audience stood up and disagreed with the author's advice. She told him, "When MY son has a nightmare, we just go into his room with a glass of water, and tell him, "Drink the water and it will wash away all the bad dreams."

The author politely listened to this woman, then he gently said to her, "Think about this . . . How would you feel if you went to your husband and said, "Honey, I just need a hug right now" and your husband said, "Here . . . have a glass of water."?

That was my "AH-HAH" moment.

I decided right then and there that when my first baby was born, I would follow the author's simple rule: NEVER INVITE AND NEVER REFUSE.

All four of my children knew they could come in and sleep in our room if they felt they needed to. If one of them came in and climbed up in-between us, their daddy wouldn't even wake up. I would ALWAYS wake up!!! . . . but only for a few seconds and without saying anything to them, I would fling an arm over them, pull the covers back over us, and go right back to sleep. Sometimes, I'd wake in the morning, with one tiny leg draped across my face and another little body stretched across the foot of the bed. In their own time, each child smoothly transitioned to spending ALL night alone in their "big kid bed". When they reached the ages of 4 or 5, they could handle waking up after a dream or night terror, go to the bathroom if they needed to, and go back to sleep all on their own.

I also discovered that if a child woke up screaming with a night terror, it was usually around the time they were developing potty-training skills. I could sometimes sleep-walk them to the bathroom & get them to go pee-pee, then they'd sleep soundly the rest of the night.

My daughter, was the earliest to QUIT coming in our room. She hated covers and would kick them off. She would get HOT sleeping with us. She stopped coming in and crawling into our bed by age 2 1/2 or so, but would sometimes still crawl into her 4-yr.-old brother's bed. Even tho' we had enough bedrooms, I let them share a room until they were old enough to BEG for their own rooms - around ages 7 & 5. I asked for a good reason, and our oldest complained that her singing kept him awake. : ) OK, good reason! So, oldest got his own room, and little sister started to share her room with younger brother. After another year or two, sister was complaining that little brother's kicking the wall at night woke her up, so she got her own room.

Waking up to a child snuggled-in under the covers with us are some of my happiest memories from that time of my life. Now, my kids are 23, 21, 18, and 11, and I have to chase them down to get a hug & kiss on the cheek - - so I guess they turned out pretty normal.

The rule "NEVER INVITE AND NEVER REFUSE" worked for our family.

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K.J.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter was the same way. I found the trick was to make the crib somewhere that she wanted to be. I gave her a really soft, cuddly stuffed lamb that was half her size so she could really hang on to it and, since she still uses a binky (ANOTHER bad habit that we need to break soon) I started only letting her have it only in the crib. Then I started putting her down to play in the crib with a toy and the binky and lamb during th eday for a few minutes. She was usually so happy to pop the binky in he mouth and cuddle the lamb that she didn't even notice if I left the room. Then we started a very regular bedtime routine with a bath, a bottle, lots of cuddles then into the crib with binky and lamb. Now she finished her bottle, pushes me away and points to her crib! She can't wait to get in there and hug on her lamb. I never take the lamb out of the crib (unless she is sick and needs the extra cuddles) so she knows that the crib is a special place that has something she wants. She now sleeps from 8-5 alone in her crib, wakes for a bottle, and then back to sleep until 8! Good luck! Be patient...your son spent 9 months inside of you adn 15 months right next to you. It might take awhile to get him happy on his own.

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A.E.

answers from Dallas on

Maybe you could try slowly aclimating him to his own room and bed. Maybe start out by reading a bedtime story in his bed, then after a couple of weeks, maybe you sleep in there for a day or two. You know, just allow him to get used to the sounds and sites of his own room with you there for comfort.
I've also seen on the Nanny 911 show (I know, I'm hopelessly addicted to that kind of thing) where the parent sits close to the bed until, but makes no verbal or physical contact until the child goes to sleep. Then each night they slowly move further and further out of the room. It always seems like it's really hard on the parent at first...it's always hard to listen to your baby cry when you know you could hold him and fix it. But, it may be something you and your husband might want to try out.

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K.F.

answers from Dallas on

I had the same trouble with my son he was around the same age. We lived in a one bedroom for 5 years and I slowly eased him into sleeping in the bedroom by himself with a night light and I slept on the couch. I felt the only way he could ever get use to being alone was not me being in there. It took awhile but he finally got use to it. I hope that this is enough advice to go from. Some kids work out differently but take it slowly. I lived in that one bedroom for 5 years and finally was able to afford a 2 bedroom and the way I went about this situation was getting him real excited and letting him know he will have his own space. He loved knowing that he could play and lay in his bed and get bed night storys and lay with his teddy bear. My son is now 5 and has went through this extreme phase of being scared of the dark and thinking someones under his bed. So now I have to sleep in there everyonce in awhile but see how things can change all through there years as they grow up. :) GOD BLESS AND TAKE CARE

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

You can try putting a crib mattress on the floor in your room near your bed, or his entire toddler bed/crib, and transition him to that first. When he is scared, respond immediately and let him know you are still very close and near to him. Over time, you can try moving him into his own room.

Good luck.

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L.H.

answers from Dallas on

ask him if he wasnts to be a big boy and sleep in his own bed.my husband and i had these same problems with our little man. he eventually started sleeping in his own bed but it took some time but we were consistant and he still sleeps in his bed to this day

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N.C.

answers from Dallas on

Check out the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It has some great tips. But as others have said, if you have more children I recommend putting them in their own bed from the start. Good luck, and be patient.

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R.S.

answers from Dallas on

Hi,
Try changing your routine a little. Try putting him in his bed a little before his normal bed time.. Maybe read to him or do whatever it is that usually calms him and reassure him that you are nearby and he won't be alone.

R. S

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T.L.

answers from Dallas on

My daughter slept with us until her 2nd birthday in April. We made a big deal about her big girl room. We painted it, got new bedding and moved toys into her room, having her be a part of all of it! How I get her to sleep in her room is I lay down with her at night in her room until she falls asleep, then I leave. Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to our room, but instead of putting her in bed with us I'll take her back to her room and lay down with her again. Naps during the day are also in her room. Hope this helps!

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M.A.

answers from Dallas on

Hi Geena,
WHen I used to watch Oprah there was a lady that came on called the sleep dr. What she did was put the baby in the crib the first night and moved her rocker closer to the bed. Every time the baby cried she consoled him, picking him talking say mommy is right here and lay him back down. Do that the first few nights. 3rd or so night, move your chair a couple of feet away and this night do not talk to him. Just pick him up and console and put him down. Sit back in your rocker. By day 6 or so, you are tired for one, but do not pick him up or talk. Just pat him on his back. It works. You might want to look up her book it was a while back. Good luck, but you will get it done. I know it will be tiring and I hope you are able to sleep during his naps and I hope this helps.

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R.H.

answers from Dallas on

My little boy will be two in August, and we are in the process of making this transition as well. Last week I got very lucky. My husband was out of town all week, so it was just me and the little one. Even though he goes to sleep with boy arms wrapped around my neck, I learned that once he's asleep, he sleeps better with more space. When he had half of our king size bed to himself (or more) he didn't wake up as much at night, and slept later in the morning. I figured that was my opportunity to introduce a toddler bed. I found a Thomas the Tank Engine bed on craigslist, and he loves Thomas. He was so excited about the bed that he likes being in it. I lay down with him at night to read stories, then when he's asleep I get up. If he wakes up, I put him in our bed, but this morning he didn't wake up until 5, and the other night he slept in his own bed all night! Anyway, the point of my very long story is that a toddler bed worked for us because I could still lay down with him until he fell asleep. It eliminates having to move him after he's asleep.

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L.L.

answers from Abilene on

He is old enough to start teaching, you are the adult. You need to get strict with scedule and read to him before saying goodnight. To put him in a relax mood and will be ready to do to sleep.

And if you must promis a treat in the morning!

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C.D.

answers from Dallas on

I think it's important for children to feel loved, comfortable, safe and secure in order to sleep well.

I think how you choose to handle bedtime is a very personal matter and it all comes down to finding something that works for you as a family. What works for one family or one child might not work for another. In other words, don't let people make you feel like you have done something wrong by letting your child sleep in bed with you. That's how most people across the world for millenia have raised happy healthy children.

I have two little boys who were extremely clingy when it comes to bed time and each of them needed (and needs) something different to go to sleep and stay asleep. Neither one of them would ever go to sleep if we tried to let them just cry it out (and honestly, it broke my heart to try it more than a couple of times.)

I highly suggest reading "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers" by Elizabeth Pantley. She discusses a lot of different ideas and strategies for loving, gentle ways to help your child adjust. It will let you know that you are in the majority, not the minority when it comes to bedtime troubles and will help you formulate a plan that will work for you and your child.

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S.W.

answers from Wichita Falls on

I am having the same problem. Try putting the bed in your room and eventually move the bed to the baby's room.

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J.L.

answers from Dallas on

I think this must be a very stressful situation for everyone involved! My husband and I always put our children to bed in their cribs for this very reason. Your son is too young to understand and is confused as to why things are changing! But, you have to power through it and force him to sleep in his room! You might have screaming fits from him for a week or so, but I'll bet he'll be sleeping in his bed before you know it - and you and your husband can have your bed back!
Be sure to remember this with baby #2 and put him/her to bed in the crib every night without exception!

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E.B.

answers from Dallas on

Are you moving him to his own room, *and* moving him to his own bed, *and* expecting him to sleep alone, all at the same time? If so, try breaking it up to do one at a time. Put his bed in your room and *sleep with him* for a while. Then sleep with him in his room. Then reduce the amount of time you sleep with him until he is sleeping by himself. It may take a couple months, but you will get there.

Also, you might try putting him down in his bed just for naps before putting him there at night. Another idea is to put him in his bed after he falls asleep like you have been doing, but bring him into your bed when he wakes up. Eventually he will be sleeping through the night in his own bed, as he realizes that this is his new place to sleep. Don't worry, he will make the transition, just give him a little time and take it slow!

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M.W.

answers from Dallas on

I really wish I had an answer for you but we are having the same problem with our 21 month old. I really need him to sleep in his own bed because we are expecting another baby early next year and that baby will be in the cradle in our room for a month or so and I just can't imagine getting any sleep with both of them in there. Plus, it's just not comfortable having him in the middle of my husband and I. If you find anything that works please let me know. Good luck!
M.

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J.M.

answers from Dallas on

Try sleeping in the bed with him in his room until he falls asleep.

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M.K.

answers from Dallas on

G.- I can completely relate. My husband and I had the same battle for 5 years! I wanted to put our son in his bed and let him cry, but my husband couldn't stand to let him cry. He was 5 years old before he started sleeping in his own bed. During that 5 years, one of us would have to lay down with him until he fell asleep. I honestly don't have any great suggestions for getting a 15 month old to sleep in their own bed, but I would definitely try everything you can. We finally convinced our son because I told him I would give him a quarter if he'd sleep in his bed all night --- then at the end of the week we'd go to the store (the dollar store) and he could buy whatever he wanted. He thought that was great! It only took $.75 before he started sleeping in there and loving it (along with lots of praise). We love snuggling with our son, but it's nice to have our bed back to ourselves! Since our 'quarter' method is more for older childen, I really don't have any suggestions other than to not wait too long to try to get your son in his own bed. Five years is a LONG time to share your bed. Best of luck to you!

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A.B.

answers from Wichita Falls on

give him a dose of tylenol about 30 minutes before he goes to bed and place him in his room with the monitor on and door shut. That way you can hear him. Not sure if he is in a crib still or an actual bed, bc once I converted my daughter's crib to a toddler bed it seemed that she loved to not be in her bed at night. Honestly you should have started letting him sleep in his own bed like 8 months ago!!! It gets harder as they are older. But that is just my personal opinion...The tylenol will help him go to sleep and sleep soundly. If he still wakes up just let him cry it out. It sounds awful but eventually he will stop crying. That is what I did with my daughter and after about 30 min she stopped and slept alone in her room. Good luck!

C.F.

answers from Dallas on

Our 3 year old girl was like that I made the mistake of allowing her to sleep with us off & on since birth, well we kicked her out, I bought this new bedding with a pic of kids sleeping on one side and they are awake on the other, we played a game before naps and at bedtime of turning the pillow over and this helped, she would get out of the bed but i would take her back without saying anything and put her back she would cry but I would walk out and let her cry, the more I did this she began to be alright, she no longer sleeps with us or wakes up, just be patient and try all kinds of ideas but the right one will work, don't despair you will get your bed back.

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