My husband and I are expecting our second child in February, and we have a son who will be 26 months at the time. We need to find childcare for our son in our home for the time that I will be in the hospital. My husband is in the service, so we live 2500 miles from any family and friends that would be willing to normally help out. The few friends that we do have close by would not be able to care for our son for multiple days, especially without much notice. Do you have any suggestions on the best way to go about finding care that we would be comfortable with? I would really like recommendations that you have actually had success with. I know that there are websites to find childcare, but I am only comfortable with using something like that after hearing personal recommendations! Thank you for reading!
Added- the short notice is due to the fact that this birth will not be scheduled, since it is a very healthy low risk pregnancy. So baby could come anytime from 37-42 weeks along (or any other time . . . i'm not in total control of my body although I would like to be :) )This would make it very difficult, if not impossible for a family member to make it in time for me to get to the hospital without dragging along a 2 year old. Also, with friends, Our friends all work, so if I go into labor on a weekday, I would be out of luck.
I will be going into the office for childcare on post to see what is available for me later on today. I did see that there is a home care program for emergencies available, so I am sure they can work with us for something. This might be what we end up going with, but I would still prefer to have someone in our own home, so my sin can sleep in his own bed and I can make sure he is not exposed to any food that he is allergic to.
Gamma G-That could possibly work for us, but I cannot count on being told that I am close. I went into the dr. office a couple of days before I delivered and I had NOTHING going on. No dilation or effacement, and as a matter of fact, my OB thought that the baby might not come until after my due date because I was having no bodily changes! I had no signs of labor until about 24 hours before I delivered, and even then, it wasn't definite because for the most part, it was only Braxton hicks contractions. My family has a history of quick laboring, so I need to be prepared!
While my husband is not currently deployed, I know there is NO WAY he will pull himself away from experiencing firsthand our baby's first few days unless ABSOLUTELY no other appropriate options can be found. Because of my husband's job, he was not able to be at our son's birth and was only able to make a phone call during the delivery. He felt like he missed out on a huge part of being there for our son and does not want to miss a single breath is it can be avoided. We are just looking for additional options.
I agree with the below poster who said to go to the child development center on post. The CDC will know who can help. It might be that the CDC already has a program in place of you.
Best!
♥
C. Lee
This isn't short notice at all. Would it be at all possible for a family member to fly in for a week to help you? I'd be nervous to leave my kid with anybody I don't know. Have you asked friends?
How long do you anticipate being in the hospital? If it is a normal delivery, you may only need 1 or 2 nights. Do you have any friends? Seriously, they don't even have to have children the same age as your son... sometimes it is helpful if their kids are actually older. :)
That is what we did. We didn't have ANY family here. Husband slept in the recliner in my room at the hospital. Our almost 3 yr old was picked up at the hospital by some good friends of ours that stuck his carseat in their car (at 9:00 pm at night) and took him home with them. They had watched him during the day a time or two for a few hours (so he knew them and had been to their house before), and brought him up to the hospital to meet his new baby sister the next day, mid-morning.
They transferred his carseat to my husband's car and put his bag in the car, too. Since my MIL had just arrived, when she went to our house, so did my son. And they hung out for awhile, husband went back and forth. (hospital was only 10 minutes from our house). BUT, they would have kept him another day and overnight if we needed them to. Son was fine. And they enjoyed having a little boy around (their two boys were growing up and not little anymore).
So, what I would suggest, is to get busy lining up a trusted friend. And then prepare your son by letting your friend visit with you (or have them watch him for you for a few hours while you run errands in prep for the baby). Do this a few times so that he is comfortable with your friend. And consider letting him stay WITH them, not at your house. It will be easier on everyone if you aren't having to set up for guests in your house.
Kids are very adaptive and resilient, and if you approach it with excitement and a positive attitude, so will your little boy.
Congratulations on you coming addition.
We are military as well, and my husband was deployed for both of my births. With my second child, I had about 4 different options lined up, because as you say - birth is unpredictable. I had 2 good friends who were willing to take my oldest (21 months at the time) and 2 regular sitters (whom I used for coving work-shifts, date nights, and so forth) who were willing. When the time came, I knew I was in labor, having active contractions and it was a few minutes before dinner. So I prepped dinner, and started calling people while she ate. I called the midwife and mybirth partner (who lived an hour away), so they could both head over. Then I called my first choice sitter (she was first choice over my friends because she has an extra bedroom at her house, and at this point I knew I would need over-night care. Then I double checked the bag I had packed in the closet several weeks before and the sitter came and got her. She was on her way with the sitter within 45 minutes of my labor starting, non the wiser of what was going on, and my birth partner showed up about 15 minutes after that. My baby was born just after midnight, and I picked up my daughter from the sitter's house just before dinner time that day. So we needed care for just under 24 hours. Because we are not rushing to the hospital, it was a laid back process.
In looking for someone, you need someone who your child is comfortable with and is willing. But really, you shouldn't need childcare for a long period of time. If I had gone into labor after bedtime, I would have just let my oldest sleep, and plan for someone to pick her up in the morning if still needed. I do recommend having a back up, and a back-up for your back-up. Do you have friends that could suggest a sitter? Do you have any sitters you already use? Do you have any local friends (you don't mention how long you have been at your current location, so I am not sure how connected you are there)? Do you attend any church or other religious group? That could be a source for recommendations. Local doulas could also be a great source of information on people willing to do this. Whomever you choose, make sure your child meets them and spends some time with them before the big day so that you are not stressing about your oldest during labor.
Good luck, and enjoy your birth!!
a lady at church asked the sunday school teacher and the child visited to play several times before the birth. They kept the 2 year old 3 days and it was fine.
Yep - I grew up military and everyone should understand the situation you're in. I bet you can find a family that would be willing to do it on short notice. It will be a day or two, not for weeks at a time.
Try Family Service Center or CDC and you'll find someone :).
I would contact your local nanny agency and tell them that you are looking for short-term care. Nannies from agencies have been fingerprinted, background checked, etc. and also come with referrals. Hopefully they will be able to provide you with a couple of individuals that you can interview personally and go from there. Good luck!
I'm a little confused, is your husband deployed somewhere right now? If not, why can't he stay with your son?
My husband never stayed overnight with me at the hospital. We had a friend who was "on call" to take care of our other kids during the actual delivery but my husband always went back home after the birth, and then came to visit with the other kids in tow.
With each delivery I was home within 24 hours, my husband never missed more than a few days of work and we had no family staying with us to help out. Sure, we were tired but we did just fine!
ETA: my friend worked full time too but her employer knew there was a chance she may need to leave to help us out (luckily my kids cooperated and were born in the evening and on a weekend, lol!)
We had the same situation and unfortunately for me I do not labor quickly so my sister was able to be here for the birth, but in case she didn't make it I had to have a back up plan.
What I did a couple of months before the birth was start interviewing babysitters who could do this while I was in the hospital. (Siblings were not allowed to visit in the hospital as it was during the H1N1 scare). I found a couple of people I liked and had them babysit and get to know my daughter before hand, and had them in place just in case.
That was the only option I had, but thankfully did not end up needing it as my sister was able to make it in time.
Your husband is in military service -- Use that fact!
The military services provide a lot of "social services" to military families. Are you living on or off base? Either way, get in touch now with the family services "agency" for your nearest base or branch of the military. I don't know if child care is on their agenda but they should be able to help you. Getting local help from them is going to be far better than asking us on an advice board that is nationwide. Don't ever forget that as a service family, you have help available to you for family things like this. They can help you locate local services and you can possibly get recommendations from other military families in your area.
If you are unsure where to start with your military service or base, try calling the nearest chaplain's office and ask them to direct you to whatever the family services office is called.
.we always had a friend available day and night. You should really only be in hospital one night maybe two. If your husband is not deployed why can't he stay with your son. They can come during the day and then go home at night. My husband was a NYC cop when my kids were born. First one came during bicentennial celebrations. No days off at all!! The following dear our son was born during the blackout of 77. My husband did not know for about 20 hours that he had a son. They let him off to bring us home. He had not slept in three days except for four hours here and there. It was also 104 degrees then. I drove home!! What I am saying is, it always works out.
Try not to sweat it.
I think you need to be able to call a family member when you first see the doc and he says it's almost time. That person can come and plan on staying for 2-3 weeks. That way if you are late they will still be there and if you're on time your son will get used to them and feel comfortable with them.
I think that your mom, his mom, a sister, cousin, someone....could make time to do this. If you have to pay them something for taking vacation time from work then that would be nice too. BUT I think this is a time where a friend or a family member should be the one you choose.
if you don't have any family then don't you have ANY friends in the neighborhood? At Church? Anyone at work that would watch him for the 24-48 hours you'd be in the hospital?
We are military, too, so I feel your pain! Go to the CDC and ask if any of the ladies at the day care babysit on the side. Also, some posts have providers that watch children in their home. Maybe you can get a list of providers from the CDC. They have all been cleared to work at the CDC, so they should be safe/reliable. Do you go to church? Maybe one of the ladies in the nursery would be willing to babysit overnight. We've had all three of our children while living across the country from family.
When our third was due, my mom was planning on being here. We decided that if she didn't make it in time, my husband would just have to stay the night with our younger two. It's not ideal, but you do what you have to do.
Best of luck!!
We live within 3 miles of LOTS of family members, and some are retired. But still, we can't just ask them to do multiple days when the baby is due. The ones that work, work. The ones that are retired are busy. We had far grandma come for a few births (but she has to GUESS when to come) and the baby is always after 40 weeks.
Neighbor brought 3 little kids to the hospital. She had no choice. She went into labor and rushed there with husband...and baby was born within half an hour!!!!
So with the next one I too don't really have any plans set in stone. Far grandma can "guess" again. I'm sure between the family people could be available in shifts. Crisis nursery? Some areas have that. Some childcare centers have overnight care available, too. All that is expensive, though (except the crisis nursery), so really I prefer family (not because I'm not comfortable with anyone else).
