Getting Panicky About Upcoming Party!

I can't get past the 50 people! He is six! Get a band for whoever responded. Hate to sound mean but if they did not respond, their loss. Hopefully they will learn a lesson: always respond.

I would call the zoo and ask about this. They've seen many parties and at the least could tell you how this has been handled with others.

Ditto Marda. And ask your son about whether or not he has been talking about the party and inviting kids that weren't officially invited. Does he understand how the invitation situation works?

And, sad as it may be, those who don't RSVP, won't have a wristband. It will be a learning lesson for them AND their rude parents. Sorry, but I have zero tolerance for not RSVPing to begin with, but to fail to RSVP and then to show up?? Too bad so sad. Can you tell I'm crying?

I think you have discovered one of the problems with having such a huge party for a 6 year old! It's already out of control and you can't stop this runaway train.

For now, call the venue and tell them your problem. Then either call the 6 families who have not responded yea or nay, or just figure a way to deal with it if they show up. If you've sent multiple emails, they really probably aren't interested in attending or they are kind of annoyed by everything and just clammed up. It would have been nice if they had the manners to respond the first time, but they didn't. If they show up, you have to be polite but surprised and a little befuddled: "Oh, my. I had no idea you were coming. Hmm. Let me think about what to do since tickets were pre-purchased." It's awkward but what else can you do that won't encourage them to continue doing this?

You've also got someone trying to reply (this father) whose child was not invited. So someone's talking about this! But when we plan things that are so huge, there's an assumption that it's a semi-public event and anyone can just come if they feel like it.

Finally, try not to have parties where the parents come. That doubles or triples your guest list, and they will often bring other siblings which quadruples it.

Have smaller parties with just a few close friends of your son, have parents drop off and pick up kids (no staying and being fed/entertained with other kids in tow), and teach the kids manners about "no talking about parties." I agree that people shouldn't show up if they aren't invited, but when a huge party is done via Evites, people don't think there's a limit or they think there was an "e-glitch" and that's why they weren't invited or why you didn't get the RSVP.

I think first on the list is to have a talk with your son. We have a no-talking about parties at school rule. Because it's rude to talk about a party in front of someone who is not invited. (It's an easy concept for kids to get - just ask them how they would feel if kids were talking about a party and they weren't invited). So, figure out if he has been inviting people, and tell him that from now on, no party talk at school.

For this year, call the families who have not responded. It's only 6.

Yes, call the zoo just in case.

And no, I wouldn't show up at a party on my kid's word. If I didn't see an invitation, I would not take him. There have been times when my son has sworn up and down that he was invited to a friend's house for a playdate. He was sure the friend asked his mom. And when I called the mom to double check, she had NO IDEA.

well, my answer is going to sound crabby....sorry!

with this type of format & setup, there will be mishaps & hurt feelings. 1st roadblock: not inviting the whole class. Of course, your son & the invitees are going to be spreading the word about the party....& of course, the other kids will want to go. It truly sounds as if more kids have been invited! When planning a "class" party, it's simply easier to choose a venue where all of the class can be accommodated.

That said, the event itself is the next issue. In today's world, you cannot count on parents to be responsible....not only with the rsvp, but also with actually showing up at the party. You're going to find that the actual attendance will be far different from what you're anticipating. & it sucks.

3rd roadblock: using Evites! For me, that's the killer on this deal. You simply cannot rely on this method with school friends. & to send out multiple reminders....that would totally aggravate me! I'm a busy Mom... quit hounding me! & all of this concern & angst.....goes back to your original choice of venue. Next time, pick a simpler format for the party!

I know this all sounds crabby.....but, life could have been easier with other choices! I truly wish you & your family a Happy Day!

You tried to be clear, but were you crystal clear as in: "Tickets for this event must be purchased by us in advance. If we do not have your firm RSVP by [date] we will not be able to purchase a ticket for you. Please understand that the zoo will not admit guests without a ticket on the day of the party and we will be unable to get your child a ticket any later than [date].Thank you for your help by RSVPing promptly."

I know, I know --hindsight is always 20/20, right? But for next time (if there is one) you might have to risk that level of "no RSPV, don't turn up" language.

For right now --yes, as others say, have a firm talk with your son about not talking about the party at all, though it seems a bit late for that now. With the one kid who was not invited, I'd go ahead and get her a ticket but if any other non-invitees get in touch, I would tell the parent, "I'm sorry, but we could not invite the entire class, and Child was not on the list for this time." Not fun to have to do, but it's not your job to salve the hurt feelings of a child whose parent made assumptions about an invitation, frankly.

Someone said you should have invited the whole class - I totally disagree. No one is obligated ever to invite the whole class.

Definitely talk to the zoo staff. Don't bother with anyone below the supervisor level. Explaiin that you are not getting RSVPs and ask if they really can do some tickets the day of the event. But I'd also phone those six families and be firm about "I need a definite answer by 9:00 tomorrow morning (or whatever) or I cannot purchase tickets for your child. I would hate for you to bring her and find that there isn't a ticket waiting, but it is the zoo's policy and not mine, so please let me know now."

I think basically you have to be pretty tough if you plan these kinds of parties where an RSVP is not just nice but absolutely essential due to big bucks and potentially hurt feelings.

Whatever happened to cake, ice cream and games at the house of the birthday child with a few classmates, Grandma and Grandpa?? I'm sorry, but this sounds insane!!

You're going to get people that weren't even invited and that didn't RSVP because that's just how people are these days - they think they're the only one and "oh, it won't be a problem just adding another couple people" - RUDE!!! I'd be calling the ones that haven't responded and put them on the spot!! As for ones showing up that weren't invited - ask your son if he has any idea how many he's invited and maybe get some extra wristbands.

Good luck!!

You can always call or talk to each one in person to get a final headcount.

You could also pay for everyone flat out. If I was willing to pay for 50 people in the beginning, then I would go ahead and pay for 50 people and eat the cost of not everyone shows up.

Or, you can just pay for the RSVPs you already have, host the ones who had the manners to RSVP, and have a venue worker deny entrance to anyone without an RSVP, while you are inside enjoying the party. That way you yourself won't be turning anyone away and maybe those parents will learn to RSVP for the next party. So inadvertantly, you are doing the next birthday friend's mom a favor :)

I agree with calling the zoo. Here's the thing to consider - sure they say that everyone must have a pre-purchased wristband because that makes things easier for them and ensures that people not associated with your party aren't just showing up. However...are they really going to turn away someone who you are willing to vouch for and pay for and lose that admission money? Probably not. So find out how set in stone the policy is before you put yourself in a position to have to make a decision.

And yes, ask your son if he's been talking about the party so you don't have any other surprises. Good luck!

Not sure if I'm clear on this. You invited all the K classes? 60 people? Wow, that sounds like a circus. No wonder, your head is spinning. I would only invite the kids in his class from now on, but maybe I'm missing something here because I didn't read the original post.

I think I would start calling everybody you invited and find out if everyone knows what's going on. Do they have the wristbands? How many parents and children are coming? Those sort of questions. Treat it like you are an event planner for a major event because this is what you made it.

Good luck. Let us know how it went. Try to relax and enjoy it.

why did you invite 60 people?????

Well I can certainly see why you're getting panicky, I would be too!
I have NO idea why anyone would invite 50 kids to a birthday party for a 6 year old, that just sounds insane to me, but you have already done it and now you're going to have to deal with the fallout.
I guess there's nothing you can do but buy the wristbands for the people who actually confirmed, OR you can buy all 50 and just eat the cost for those who don't show. Either way it's going to be stressful and possibly awkward.
Obviously next time you will consider the old "rule of age" limit for birthday parties: turning 6, invite 6. All kids really want is to play and have fun and cake and ice cream with their closest friends. There's no reason to take every party to the level of a sweet 16, or a bar/bat mitzvah.

I recently posted a vent/question about RSVPs to an adult party at a restaurant. I learned that most people just don't RSVP these days and it's very frustrating. I find it kind of ironic that you've gotten some advice that the evite is the problem because I got advice here that part of the problem was I didn't use an evite! I agree with some of the other posters. 1) Call the zoo and tell them what's going on and see if they will work with you. That's what I did. The manager at the restaurant in my case was very familiar with these sorts of issues and worked with us on the numbers. 2) Try to contact those individuals who haven't RSVP'd. I did that also and got some additional responses. 3) Learn from this situation for future events. I'm going to do that too. I don't know that I will ever again host an event that requires firm RSVPs and numbers. If I do, I will word the invitation very clearly about the necessity for a response by a certain date. None of this general "Please RSVP..." Finally, I wouldn't hold such a big party for a child's birthday in the future. Oh, and no, I personally wouldn't bring my kid to a party just on a verbal invite from a kid. I've seen too many miscommunications that way. One more thing--with a party that size I think you're bound to get people who RSVP'd yes, but then don't show up. And don't expect them to call first either, unfortunately. Someone is likely to get sick or have a conflict arise at the last minute. Good luck!

Lesson learned. Your son probably did invite kids that you know nothing about, that's what kids do.
What's done is done at this point. If they didn't RSVP that's on them not you.
You're gonna give yourself a stroke.

no advice. just reinforces my long-standing opinion that kids' parties should be both small and simple.
good luck, hon! i hope it works out.
khairete
S.

I would ask your son about how Becky found out about the party ... then I would probably call the ticket person and ask them for advice.

For people freaking out about the 50 people, I have had kid parties at my house with just family and a handful daycare friends that were 40+ people....

This is ridiculous for a 6 yo. My kids were only allowed to invite 1-3 friends depending on what we were doing. I don't really have any advice. Good luck.